Just One More Breath (20 page)

"Nicole, this is my older brother
, Mark," Shawn said. Mark stood up and walked over to me. "Mark, this is my girlfriend, Nicole." I stretched out an arm to shake Mark’s hand. Mark surprised me by pulling me into a big bear hug.

"Nice to meet you
, Nicole. I've heard so much about you from my mother. I feel like I already know you." 

I
smiled and glanced over at Mama Burns, who was beaming with pride, and we winked at each other at the same time. Then giggled. The Burns’ mannerisms were certainly rubbing off on me.

Shawn grabbed
my hand and pulled me out of Mark’s embrace. "Okay, you can let her go now, fool," he grumbled

Mark chuckled and stepped back with his hands up. "No problem
, Shawny," he said in a teasing voice. Shawn shot daggers at Mark, but I put a calming hand over his chest and continued guiding him away. 

"Ignore him, and introduce me to your clone
," I said, and then placed a gentle kiss on the tip his ear. A big grin spread across Shawn's lips and my tongue glided behind his ear and his growing annoyance subsided. Shawn turned into me and was just about to pull me in for a kiss when we were interrupted. 

"Hi
, Nicole, I'm Shawn's slightly younger, definitely smarter, and a whole lot hotter identical twin brother, Shane."

I
giggled and when I moved in to hug him, I made eye contact with the woman standing behind him. The look on her face spoke volumes and I quickly backed away and stretched an arm in Shane's direction. Shane shook my hand and then turned toward the woman behind him whose death glare morphed into a smile so quickly, I was beginning to think I imagined the whole thing.

Shane looked at the woman with loving eyes
. "Nicole, this is my fiancée, Mariana."

As soon as Shane looked away
, Mari's lovely smiled was replaced with a grimace.
Does she not realize that I am not the only one seeing this two-faced display?
Shawn, who as I expected had seen the whole thing, wrapped an arm around me, and led me out of the room. I noticed that he hadn’t even bothered to acknowledge the girl. 

Everyone gathered at the dinner table
. Mama Burns had cooked up a storm and my mouth was watering. Mama Burns was busy moving back as forth bringing in drinks and desserts, while the rest of the family spoke. Everyone had a turn as the center of attention at the table. Shawn spoke about his clients at the firm; Shane spoke about his plans to help out with the devastation in New York. Mark spoke of his upcoming soccer season and a few ideas he had, and I spoke about The A.R.T Center and what Shawn had reported back to me. And Mama and Papa Burns enjoyed it all. The only person who showed no interest in sharing or paying attention to what anyone else had to say, was Ms. Mariana. She seemed to be more interested in whatever was happening on her cell phone screen.

After a
wonderful dinner with the family, Shawn and I made our way back to his place. With all of the excitement of being introduced to his brothers, I forgot to tell Shawn about Jaxson’s proposition. I really wanted his input.

“So,
Jaxson gave me something to consider.”

“Oh, yeah. What’s that?” Shawn asked, sneaking a glance at
me while he drove.

“He said that if I decide that the damage of the house is too much for me to handle, that he would be willing to buy the house from me.”
I paused, giving Shawn a minute to process what I had just said. “He said that the house means a lot to him, and if I don’t want it, he does.”

Shawn was quiet for a minute
. “I think we should talk about this when we get home.”

Well, that wasn’t the response that
I was expecting, but I nodded and didn’t bring it up again for the rest of the drive.

When
we walked into the house, Shawn went straight into the shower, and I followed suit. When I was done, Shawn was sitting in bed under the comforter waiting for me. I got comfortable next to him, and he turned to me and started the conversation again.

“I didn’t think that was a conversation we needed to have while driving home
,” Shawn explained. “This is a decision that you need to make in a calm environment. It’s a big decision, Nic.”

“I know, I was just taken by surprise. I never considered not living in that house
,” I admitted. “The decision to buy it had been based solely on the fact that I could see myself growing old there,” I said. “But now, my life has gone in a totally different direction. I guess this would be just another change, right?” I asked rhetorically.

“I have so many things that I want to say, but right now the only thing that matters is how you feel and what you want
,” he said as he looked into my eyes. “So let’s start with this, where would you live if you sold the house?”

I
shrugged. “I have no clue. I don’t know if I would buy another place, or go back to renting.” I let out a weary sigh. “There is so much to consider.”

I’m assuming that Shawn
took that as his cue to say just a little bit of what he wanted to say. “Well, you could stay here with me,” he offered.

I
jumped back. “Really?” I asked, astounded.

“Yes baby, we’ve practically been living together for the last few months. Why not make it official?”
he asked.

“Are you sure you’re ready for that
, Shawn? Moving in with someone is a really big deal,” I pointed out.

“Yes
,” Shawn said without hesitation. “I want to make all of the big moves and go through all of the big deals with you,” he said, sliding closer to me in the bed. “I love waking up to this beautiful face every morning,” he added and then kissed me softly on the nose.

I
smiled. “Shawn Burns, are you asking me to move in with you?” I asked sweetly.

“No
,” he exclaimed.

I
began to frown.

Shawn grabbed
me by the hips and pulled me into his lap. “Nicole, will you move in with me?” he asked. “See, now I’ve asked,” he said with a wink.

I
thought about teasing him the way he had just teased me, but the look of pure vulnerability on his face made me change my mind. “I’d love to,” I replied, and before I could blink, I was under Shawn, and his tongue was all over my body. Finally my life was beginning to look up. I felt nervous, thrilled, content, overjoyed, and most of all, I felt ready.

Shawn

Nicole would be moving to Brooklyn by the end of the w
eek, so while she spoke to Jaxson on the phone to iron out minor details, I walked around trying to think of ways to incorporate her into my, I mean our, apartment.

“Ok
ay, that’s all done,” she said behind me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Good,” I said turning around and wrapping my arms around her waist. “I just got off the phone with the movers
,” I informed her as I nuzzled her neck. I was definitely addicted to this woman.

“Movers? Why?”
She answered in a tone that more than likely meant that she was frowning.

I didn’t stop nuzzling her while I spoke
. “Because, I don’t want you wasting too much time and energy with this move. I want you to focus on getting the center back on its feet.”

I felt her entire body relax
. “I love you, Shawn Burns,” she said and kissed my ear.

“I love you more
, Nicole Miller,” I replied, making a mental note to expedite her divorce papers. She needed to get her maiden name back ASAP.

Since most of
Nicole’s furniture was lost in the storm, she only really had to move her clothes and shoes. She spoke to the moving company the day before the move and gave them specific instructions about what should be taken and what should be thrown out, and I took the day off to direct them on what to do once they made it to my place.

I made sure no one bothered Nicole all day
. The insurance company had sent their surveyors in to assess the damage at the center and I didn’t want her worrying about any other problems.

Nicole called me after the surveyors left and she sounded completely defeated.

“The damage turned turning out to be a whole lot worse than they originally anticipated,” she said sadly.

I felt awful, I wished there was more I could do for her, but “I’m sorry
, honey,” were the only words that came to my head.

She let out a loud sigh
. “I feel like I’m watching all of my hard work going down the toilet.”

“Everything will be fine
, Nicole, and you know I’ll help however I can. If you need to find a new home for the center, I’ll help you look for a new place.”

“Thanks
, Shawn, I really appreciate it. Oh, and I know I have a ton of boxes to unpack, but I’m exhausted, so it will have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Okay
, sweetheart, no problem. See you soon.”

What seemed like a good idea was suddenly not feeling so great.
I took another look around my apartment and I felt nervous. When I heard Nicole’s key fumbling in the door I took a deep breath and waited for her reaction, hoping that it would be a positive one. She gasped, which I hope was a good thing, as she took in the all of the ways I had completely transformed our apartment. The apartment looked totally different. Instead of the bachelor pad that it once was, I had changed it into the perfect blend of both of our personalities.

As Nicole moved f
arther and farther into the apartment, I saw tears in the corners of her eyes. I had hung pictures of Jax and Nicole all over. I’d bought candles in scents that Nicole had loved and lit them, and on the bar, there was a beautiful bouquet of calla lilies in one of her vases decorating the counter top.

“Do you like it?”
I asked from a few paces behind her.

Nicole turned and launched herself into
my arms. “Baby, I love it.” She pressed kisses all over my face.

“As much as I would love to let you kiss me for the next hour, I have more to show you
,” I said as I placed her back onto her feet. Then I took her hand and led her to a room that I had used as a closet. Gone was all of my junk, and it was converted into Nicole’s very own walk-in closet.

“You did all of this for me?”
she asked.

Shawn shook his head
. “No, baby. I did all of this for us.”

Nicole

According to the insurance company, The A.R.T Center was completely destroyed. Not only were there cosmetic issues like the all the windows being blown out, but also the water ruined the electricity cables, and the entire place was flooded. We even needed a new roof. Zena and I were devastated, along with everyone else who attended or volunteered there. Although we did have flood insurance, it didn’t cover roof replacement and it wouldn’t offer enough money to nearly begin to fix all of the damage.

We
didn’t want the mothers to lose the resources that the center offered, so a few days after, we realized the old center couldn’t be salvaged. Zena and I, and sometimes Shawn, pounded the concrete looking for a new residence for The A.R.T Center. After seeing a few dumps, we found the perfect place. It was spacious, had great playrooms for the babies, an awesome study room for the mommies, one where Zena said that she could picture a few computers lined up. And unlike the old center, this one had a fully functioning kitchen. We were excited about it; the price was right, the location was perfect. There was just one problem. I almost passed out when I saw the huge swimming pool in the basement.

“Dammit
, Zena, now we can’t take this place,” I said disappointedly.

Zena looked stunned
. “Are you crazy? We can’t pass this place up, Nicole. It’s fucking perfect.”

“Are you crazy
, Zena? I can’t, in good conscience, have a center with a pool and a bunch of kids who don’t know how to swim wandering around,” I said. “I would be completely paranoid about one of them finding their way into the pool unsupervised and drowning.” When realization hit Zena she agreed with me. We sadly told the real estate agent that they would have to pass on the property and walked out of the door both feeling sick to our stomachs.

That night
, Shawn and I met at an awesome B.Y.O.B place in Brooklyn called Kaz ah Nou. Shawn brought two bottles of Pinot Grigio for us to drink with dinner and he figured I would be excited about that. He knew something was wrong when I made it through half of my meal without touching my wine.

“Is everything ok
ay?” Shawn asked.

I
slumped into my chair. “No. We found the perfect site for the new center and we had to turn it down,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

“What
? Why?” Shawn asked.

“Because it has a pool in the basement and I don’t feel comfortable having kids who can’t swim in a building with a pool.
”

“Oh,” Shawn replied.

“We saw so many crappy places today, and this place was everything we wanted, and so much more, and the price was a steal,” I continued.

Shawn sat silently for a minute, and then an idea hit him. “Nicole, I’ve been telling you for a really long time that I want to help out at the center. How about I teach the kids how to swim?”
he asked.

“Oh my
God. You would do that?” I yelled, nearly hopping out of my chair with excitement.

“Of course I would, and I bet if I ask my brothers
, they would help out as well. Shane could teach the mommies CPR, and Mark could maybe teach the kids soccer. And I’m sure they would both assist me with swim class.”

At this point
I was ready to throw myself across the table and squeeze the life out of Shawn in a giant bear hug. “Oh Shawn, that would be wonderful. I’m going to call Zena and let her know, and then call the real estate agent and let him know we changed our minds about taking the place.” I shot up out of my seat and ran to a quiet corner to make my phone calls. A few minutes later I returned, dropped money on the table, grabbed our bottle of wine and led Shawn out of the restaurant.

“Come on
, honey. Let’s go home and celebrate.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next few weeks of my life basically involved Zena and I trying to get the new center up and running. I arrived at sunrise every morning with Zena, and left well after dusk every night. Everyone pitched into help, even Michael, Sylvia and the brothers.

Everyone that is, except for Mariana.
I had seen her a few more times and it didn’t take me long to realize why everyone couldn’t stand her. The girl had a permanent stink face and she always seemed to have a hidden agenda. The girl rubbed me the exact same way she rubbed Shawn and the rest of his family—the wrong way.

While everyone else was busy helping
us paint, decorate, move furniture, and shop for the center, Mariana was out doing God knows what with God knows whom. From what I could see, Mari made no effort to build a relationship with Mama Burns, which baffled me because Mama B seemed to hit it off with just about everyone. After our first spa day, Mama Burns had developed her own relationship with Zena, constantly inquiring about why Mason had never come by to help. Offering unsolicited love life advice to her. At the end of the week, Zena, Mama Burns and I had another spa day planned. Which The Cuban Missile Crisis was invited to, but quickly declined with a blatant eye roll.

Even the teen mothers loved Mama Burns; many of the
m had absentee mothers and enjoyed having something fuss over them and their children. Giving them advice about skin care and makeup, I even heard one of the mothers talking to Mama Burns while they painted one day about an altercation she had with her boyfriend. Mama Burns pulled the young lady to the side, giving her heartfelt conversation about self-worth and self-esteem. I was grateful that for Mama Burns, her approach wasn’t always the most tactful, but her heart was pure, and these girls needed someone like that in their lives.

All of the extra assistance helped us reopen The Center way ahead of our original date and it just s
o happened to fall the day before Jax’s eleventh birthday. I tried to put all thoughts of Jax’s birthday to the back burner and stay in the moment. Tomorrow I would allow myself to think about my son and grieve. Today wasn’t that day.

We made the opening a
grand gesture with an official ribbon cutting ceremony and a small brunch to follow. Mark was able to pull some strings and a local news channel came by and covered the event. After everyone was done eating, Zena and I approached the microphone. I was extra emotional, for many reasons, so Zena had to do all of the talking.

“Hello everyone
. We just wanted to thank everyone for helping us get our new A.R.T Center off the ground. Nicole and I never would’ve been able to get this done without you.” Zena exhaled, fighting back her own tears before she continued.               “There are a few people who need extra thanks, and we have a small token of our appreciation for them.” Zena stepped back and pulled a box out from under the podium, she pulled out a plaque and peeled away the plastic. “The first one goes to someone, who I think we can all agree, is one of the best things that happened to us since we moved to this new center. We are calling this the ‘
Iyanla Vanzant, Come Let Me Talk To You Here Award’
and it would go to no one other than our very own Mama Burns.”

The look on Mama Burns’
s face as she heard the words was priceless, it was as if she had just won the Oscar for Best Leading Actress. Tears streamed down her face as she stood. Then she leaned over and kissed her husband and sons before she approached the podium, and some of the girls became teary-eyed as well. Mama Burns took the plaque from Zena and pulled her in for a big hug, and then she did the same with me, and planted a big kiss on both of our cheeks.

“Ladies, thank you so much. This means so much to me
,” Mama Burns said through a shower of tears. “I’ve come to love and appreciate all of you so very much.” Mama B turned her attention to Zena and me. “I know I was only supposed to be here to help with setting up, but I would really appreciate it if I could stay on and continue helping out.”

The girls erupted into applause, chanting
, “Mama Burns. Mama Burns.” Zena and I laughed and I took the microphone. “Does that answer your question? Of course you can stay, Mama Burns. We love you here.”

Mama Burns took the
back microphone. “Well, there’s a fully functional kitchen upstairs and I plan on teaching you ladies how to cook and bake. You can’t hang around me and not know how to move around in the kitchen ladies. Grab your aprons.” The girls gave Mama Burns another round of applause as she took her seat.

Shawn, Shane
, Mark, and Papa Burns were also given plaques; none were as dramatic as Mama Burns of course. When everyone was done speaking, Zena took my hand in hers surprising me.

“Nicole, we have a surprise for you.”
My heart began to race and I followed Zena and everyone else out of the conference room. We walked down the long corridor, down the steps and into the basement. When we approached the door, Zena fished a key out of her pocket to unlock the padlock. I never noticed that the door was locked. Why had it been locked?

Before Zena opened the door
, Shawn slipped a scarf over my eyes, then led me the rest of the way. I heard lights flick on as people grabbed both of my hands. Then Shawn slowly lifted the blindfold from my eyes. When they regained focus I saw a huge banner hanging from the wall that read:

“The
Jaxson Miller Junior Aquatic Center”

I
was floored by the amazing gesture. Everyone looked on with damp eyes as I read the sign. Soon, so many arms surrounded me that I lost count.