Just Make Him Beautiful (22 page)

I la
y
there bleeding and crying and begging him to stop, but he didn’t.

He picked me up off the floor and tore my bloody clothes off and threw me up against the wall so hard where the mirror hung, it cracked
.
  I could feel the glass cutting into my back.

He then grabbed me by my neck, stared me right in the eye
.
“You’re that punk
-
ass Cameron, Ray
’
s little brother
,
and I’ma kill you just like I killed him. But
,
first, let me give you your surprise.”

He threw me back on the floor, held my head against the plush carpet
,
and spread my legs apart as he entered me from behind. My insides felt as though they were being ripped apart as I continued crying and wiping the blood
trickling down
my face.

He then propped me up on my knees and began fucking me doggy
-
style.
All I could do was pray to God for
H
is mercy because I knew this was it
.
I could actually feel my body shut
ting
down.

“Yo, Kurt and Rodney, y’all want to hit some of this ass?”

B
arely conscious
,
I
wasn’t sure who Junior was talking to, but I tried to raise my head up off the floor
.
I couldn’t make out who the other two guys were coming out of the bathroom in my direction.

Junior was obviously done with me because he asked his boys, “Who wanna go next?”

I tried closing my eyes, hoping I would just pass out, but both of my eyes hurt to the point
where
I eventually lost my sight completely.

Someone then turned me on my back
,
and I started to feel warm liquid glazing my body. The liquid stung as it hit every cut and scratch I
’d
received
,
and because of the smell, I knew they all were
taking turns
peeing on me.
Not only were they abusing me physically, but mentally as well.

I knew God hated me for what I had done with Ray
.
N
ow
,
I knew for sure.
I don’t know if the other guys raped me or not
,
because my body had lost all nerve endings
.
A
nd
,
to be honest, I really didn’t care one way or the other.
I just wanted to die
.

A
nd then my wish came true
,
because
everything went black.

*

My eyes were so swollen when I
returned from death
, I couldn’t see anything. I tried to get up, but every bone in my body was crying out to be healed. I tried to open my mouth to yell for help
,
but I could hardly speak. I la
y
there feeling around for my handbag, hoping to get my cell phone
,
so I could call my mom
.
E
ven though I couldn’t speak that loudly or clear
ly
, she would somehow know I was in trouble.

Oh God, the pain pulsated through every limb of my body
.

I began to smell a bad odor. It smelled like burning blood
,
and wors
e
yet, it seemed to be
coming from inside of me. I don’t know whether Junior had drugged me or not
,
but I was scared and wanted to contact somebody, anybody.

But
,
again, everything went black.

Chapter 12

I had awakened again and still couldn’t see, but this time I was lying in a bed. I tried to feel my face and felt bandages around my eyes and head
,
and tubes running in and out of my nose. My body still ached like hell
,
but I wanted to know where I was and if I was safe?

“Is anybody there?” I asked
in a
hoarse
voice
.

“Oh praise God
!
Cam
,
baby, how you feeling?” I heard my mom ask, as she placed her hands in mine.

I was so happy to hear her voice
,
I started crying because I didn’t think I would ever see her again.

“Ma,” I replied
,
straining my voice as it cracked.

“Yes
,
s
weetie, I’m here.”

I squeezed her hands.
“Ma, it hurts
.
”

“I know
,
baby, I know. The doctors gave you some pain medicine, so try to lie still. God will take away the pain, if you pray.”

I wanted to scream and let her know that God was the one that allowed this to happen in the first place and
H
e didn’t give a shit about me, one way or the other.
I
nstead, I said nothing as my mom sat on the side of the bed and held me in her arms. I cried like a baby while she rocked me back to sleep.

*

A few days had pas
sed,
and even though I spent my
eighteenth
birthday lying in this hospital bed, I was beginning to feel a lot bett
er
.
My mom, my baby sister, Robin
,
and even my dad had come by, brought presents,
flowers,
and
they sang and wished me a
h
appy
b
irthday.

I really enjoyed seeing my girl Robin, until she wanted to get all
t
he
d
irt
,
as she put it
,
to know what happened and who did it.
I told
her
the same thing I told the police when they came wanting to know what had happened. I gave bits and pieces but didn’t tell them that Junior did it.
O
ne, I didn’t want Junior to come looking for me
,
and two, payback is a bitch. Trust me, I
had
plans for Junior
, b
ut until then, I
decided to
be a good little queen and do what the doctors
told
me so I c
ould
get back to normal.

“
Good morning
,
Cameron
. H
ow are you, today?”
Beth asked.
She was
my morning nurse.

I yawned.
“I’m feeling better
.
”

“That’s always good to hear
.
”
S
he
started
taking my vitals. “Wow
!
I see all the flowers and presents. Did my favorite patient have a birthday?”

“Yeah, my birthday was yesterday
.
” 

“Aw
www!
W
ell
,
happy belated birthday
.
” Beth
wrote some notes
on her clipboard.

“Thank you.”

“Looks like somebody will be going home in a day or two, huh?”

I smiled.
  “So they tell me
.
”

“Well, just take it easy
,
and good luck,” Beth said
,
leaving my room.

I
lay
in bed most of the morning just watching TV. My mom would stop in periodically to check on me. I was glad they
’d
b
r
ought me to the hospital
where
my mom volunteered because I would
get to
see her four or five times throughout the day.
Robin would stop by from time to time as well
,
but again, she was busy studying for her SAT.

T
oday, for some reason
,
I was feeling somewhat anxious
,
and I didn’t know why. I got up from my bed, went to the bathroom
,
and decided to walk around the hospital floor I was on. I felt like an old man walking around in my hospital robe and rolling this IV contraption hooked up to my arm.
E
very
room I
walked
by
,
people
’s
injuries or sickness
seemed to
bec
o
me wors
e
and wors
e
.

After thirty minutes or so, this hospital was beginning to depress me, so I decided to go back to my room. As soon as I was about to enter, I was taken by surprise because there was a guy standing with his back to the door, looking at all of the cards and presents I had sitting in the window
sill
.

“Excuse you,” I said, standing at the entrance of my room.

Mr. Jamison turned around and faced me.
“Hey
.
H
ow are you doing?”

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“
D
oes that mean you’re sorry I came?”

“No, I mean, how did you know I was here?” I responded, trying to get into bed.

“I ran into your friend Robin
.
I believe that’s what she said her name was. She told me what happened and that you were here
.
”
H
e
tried
to help me
get
in bed.
“And I just wanted to make sure you were ok
ay
.”

“Oh really
?
W
hy is that?”

He sat on t
he bed next to me.
“Look, I think you’re a cool little brotha
,
and I do like you. So
,
is that a crime?”

“Like me
?
L
ike me how?” I asked, surprised by his confession.

“See, now you playing with me.
You know what I meant when I said I liked you
.
”
H
e flash
ed
his Colgate smile at me.

Chile
, my depression, pain
,
and everything else went out
of
the window. I found myself getting that tingly feeling, the same feeling I felt ever since I
’d
laid eyes on him.

Mr. Jamison and I talked for hours. He told me about how and why he became a school teacher. He then started teasing me about the time I was in his gym class
when
he was teaching the boys how to swim and I pretended to be drowning.
He said he felt my erection against his outer thigh
when
he to save me.
Even though I was a little embarrassed, I had to laugh along with him.

After the laughter, a nervous silence filled the room. Mr. Jamison looked at me as though his eyes wanted to know what had truly happened to me.

I began to pour out my heart. I don’t know why, but I told him every gory detail, more than I
’d
even told my mom or the police
,
and just reliving it brought tears to my eyes.

When
I finished, he held my hand and said, “I’m so sorry
t
hat
happened to you. I wish I could take it back or erase
it
from your memory, but I can’t. All I can do is be there for you and see you through it.”

I didn’t understand what Mr. Jamison was saying. He was talking like he had something to do with this
,
but this
ha
d
nothing to do with him.  I just assumed that this was his way of comforting me.
He
then said something that really overwhelmed me.

“Cameron, if you ever need to just get away
…
I live alone and you can come and stay with me.”