Just Like Heaven (9 page)

He chuckled.

“Imagine if you succeeded in getting away with stealing that candy. You’d graduate to even more disturbing crimes. I could just picture it:
you wear
a black ski mask
and rush
into a conve
nience store then aim your
.357 M
agnum into a clerk’s face
.
He’s shaking with fear
and raises his hands high then
says, ‘I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t kill me.’ And then you toss him a beige sack and say with a cold, deep voice: ‘Giv
e me all of your Skittles and Butterfingers
.”

Shaking his head and smiling, Nick unwrapped a cheeseburger and placed it under his nose.
“So weird. There’s no smell.” He offered Nina a chance to take a whiff.

Although she didn’t need to sniff it to know that no scent emanated from the burger, she did anyway and nodded. “Nope. Give it a taste.”

Nick took a
big bite and chewed
.
His expression turned bitter
.
He grabbed the wrapper, turned away from Nina, placed the food back into the wrapper, and dropped it into the wastebasket. “There’s no taste.” Glancing around the restaurant frantic with worry, he looked for…something. “I don’t believe this is happening. This is all wrong.”

“What’s wrong?”

He waved his arms. “This place. It’s fake. It doesn’t exist. It’s not real. My brain manufactured it.” He closed his eyes, clinching them tight. “It’s not real. It’s not.”

Moments later, he opened his eyes. And they stood in a grassy field outside the Hall of Wisdom. Happy people with smiles walked past him. He shook his head, disbelief lining his eyes. “I don’t know what’s happening.” He looked at Nina. “
They’re not real. They’re not really here. It’s all just a dream. It’s fake.” But seeing that they didn’t disappear like the restaurant, he shut his eyes. “They’re just my imagination. They’re not r
eally here. They’re just make believe
.”

Nina
felt for the ordeal he
endured
. But Nick only had himself to blame. He didn’t believe. And he would never see the truth until he did.

He opened his eyes to find happy travelers passing him by, nodding or waving at him with joy
ful
expressions. “They’re not gone.
What’s happening?
I don’t understand.
And don’t tell me we’re in heaven.”

She
just stared at him. If he didn’t want the truth, she wouldn’t try
to
force it upon him. “Why is it so impossible to believe?”

“Really? You’re questioning why I don’t believe in God?”

“Yes, I am. Why don’t you believe we’re in heaven? Why don’t you believe in God?”

“Because he’s not real. People created his existence to explain everything:
who made the universe? God did. Okay,
then
who made God?
No one has an answer
for that
. Do you? Who made God?”

“That’s not for us to ask.”

“But I just did. And I want to know: who created God. How did he come into being? That’s a fair question.
”

“God just is. He always is and always will be. He’s forever. He’s everything.”

“That’s not an answer. If he’s a being or an entity, he must have been created. How did it happen?”

“Only God can answer that question.”

Nick looked into the
sky, and even though the sun
didn’t exist
, the light
above
made him squint before shutting his eyes completely.
“I demand
an answer.”

At those words, Nina backed up. She couldn’t believe anyone had the audacity to not only question the Lord’s existence but “demand” anything of Him. She knew the reason why no one could answer that question: God is perfect and untainted by mankind’s cruelty. Therefore, no soul could become as flawless as God. And because of His magnificence, which provides the ray of light
above them,
no pe
rson could
see
Him
, because
no one could
look upon God as an equal.

Those walking along the pathway raised their eyes in shock at Nick’s words. They veered away from him, afraid of whatever response the Lord might grant in answer to Nick’s command.

“Why won’t you answer my question?
” he asked.
“
How can I believe in you if you never give me a reason why I should?” He stood in place. Then he
strapp
ed his arms
across his chest
and hunched inward, as though a
cool blast of air lash
ed agains
t him. He clenched his teeth as
his body quivered.

Nina, unaffected by the torrent of frigid air that surrounded Nick
like a bubble
, lowered her head, for the first tim
e in memory
feeling something other than complete happiness while on the Other Side.

The people walking past offered her sympathetic expressions as they
pass
ed
by
. “A non-believer,” one said. “I haven’t seen one here in…” She turned to her companion, a
brunette
in her
twenties. “It’s rare, isn’t it?
” T
hey quickened their pac
e, as though frightened that Nick’s
skepticism might be contagious
.

Nick lowered his gaze
to Nina. “What’s happening?”

Roland appeared beside his charge. “The Lord is s
imply showing you the coldness of
your
soul
. It is a privilege to join H
im.
Yet you persist in questioning H
is existence.
” He shook his head, disappointed.
“
Not your best moment, Nicholas
.” He shielded his eyes and squinted as he
raised his head and
peeked through his fingers. “May I?”

The gust of air circling Nick
must have
vanished,
because he
no longer shivered as
fiercely as before
.
“I…don’t understand.”

“You will,” said Roland in a grave tone. “You will.” Then he took Nick’s hand and they vanished.

Mei Lee
manifested before Nina. “
Nick
has really shaken things up.
But of course the Lord knows what
H
e is doing, so I just hope your confidant
discovers the reason he is here
.
”

Nina
felt the same way
.
While every soul
believed in the
God and heaven,
w
ith all of the pain and
duplicity on earth, the Almighty
understood why
those
who had incarnated
questioned H
is existence.
And since Nick was stuck between both
dimensions,
God
had surely taken this into consideration.
Nina turned to he
r friend. “Something doesn’t feel right. Not about Nick. But about me. I don’t feel like I belong here.”

“But you’ve been here before.”

“I know, but this time feels different. It feels like I’m just visiting. I sense that I’m not supposed to stay. Something tells me that Nick and I are here for a reason. And that I’m supposed to help him. But I don’t know
how or
why.”

“
You may not know, but
,
the Lord surely does.
Let’s try to find out.
”
She placed an arm around Nina’s shoulders, and they vanished.

CHAPTER FIVE

“Oh, not again,” said Nick,
once more
standing in a dark room in
front of the white screen
.
Since he expected Roland to teleport him elsewhere, he prepared himself for the journey, and this time, he didn’t feel the least bit dizzy after the trip.
“What’s going on here? Why do I have to keep seeing all of the bad moments from my life? What’s the point?”

“Only you can answer that.”

“How did you do that with the cold air? If I wasn’t freezing, I would have thought that was pretty cool.”

“I can’t take credit for that. Only God can.”

Nick sighed. “Whatever.” He flicked a hand at the screen. “Let’s get this over with.”

The
screen showed an image
of Nick
holding hand
s with a black-haired girl. The scene chang
ed
. He now linked
hands with a blon
d girl, then a redhead
, followed by a
brunette
. The images sped up
, showing Nick hugging and kissing girls as he matured from 13 to 18,
their faces and figures and
ethnicit
ies changing every few moments.

Then it showed Nick in more intimate moments, standing beside a bed, sifting his hand through bob
bed blond hair as he said to a
twenty year old woman, “
I’m falling for you
.
”
A beautiful smile came over her face. She entered his embrace, and he began unbuttoning her blouse. Then an Asian woman stood alongside the same bed as Nick stroked her cheek with a finger.
“I think I love you
,
”
he said before kissing her and removing her blouse.

Now a Hispanic woman lay on his bed. “I don’t think we should do this,” she said as Nick
dipped his hand beneath
her sweater
. “It doesn’t feel right.”
Nick stopped all movement then
retracted his hand from
under
her sweater.
“
You don’t feel like we’re meant for each other?” he asked, his face falling with sadness. “How could I have been so stupid? I thought we were…special.” Her eyes sparkled and
joy lit her face. “Oh, Nick.” Sh
e placed a hand against his cheek, turning his face to meet hers. “I just needed
to hear you say
we were important to each
other.” Nick responded by slipp
ing
his hand beneath
her
sweater
.

A slow montage rolled across the screen, showing Nick in bed with one woman after another, each time using phrases like “
It feels like we’re meant to be;”
“we were made for each other;” “this feels so right;” and “so this is what love feels like.”

“You’ve certainly loved many women, Nick.”

He didn’t respond.
In fact, he hadn’t promised any of those women anything. He hadn’t even admitted his love. He only alluded to it. He wanted the
moment
ary bliss that accompanied sharing those
intimate interludes, he didn’t believe in love –
not the emotion or even what it me
ant. It didn’t exist. Oh, he’d seen
plenty of people
tricking themselves
into believing
that
they were in love, but he saw through their self-delusions. One need only look at all of the hardships that people suffered through, all of the hatred, all of the violence, all of the death.
How could true love exist, let alone thrive, under these circumstances?

The vision on the screen now showed Nick standing in front of a b
lond woman. She slapped him. Then
a European woman stood before him. She slapped him
as well. A
light-skinned black woman smacked him so hard his
head spun sideways. Each of these
women
looked hurt, confused…betrayed. The images sped up, follow
ed b
y countless smacking sounds
accompan
ied
by female voices: “you’re a liar;” “you have a rotten heart;” “I was stupid to trust you;” “don’t you have any feelings?”
and “how can you live with yourself?”

The picture stopped. Roland shifted in place, looking at Nick. “Did you ever respond to those statements or questions?”

He shook his head. “I just let them go.”

“Why
?”

“Because they wanted something I couldn’t give.”

“Your love?”

Nick didn’t need to answer
:
Roland had answered his own
question.