Just Like a Woman (23 page)

‘I think so. Though it’s a little lonely sometimes, it’s so large. It’d be nice to have someone else live here.’

Sarah beamed at him, all the thoughts of wanting to go home left her, her irritability with Stephanie melted away.

‘What about that woman Terry? Doesn’t she live here?’

‘Oh god, she doesn’t count. She’s just a well paid servant for heaven’s sake.’

‘You don’t like her?’

‘She’s a servant!’

Sarah looked down at the food in front of her, then back up at him,

‘Why not get someone else?’

He shrugged.

‘She knows how I like things, she does her job well, but it may not be for much longer, I’m hoping things’ll change.’

Sarah felt even dizzier. He was going to ask her to marry him tonight. She looked around the room, then up and down the table, an image of them sitting at either end having their breakfast. Then he continued, ‘And for some reason Stephanie likes her.’

The image burst into flames in her mind.

‘What’s it got to do with her?’ She said it before she could stop herself.

Before he answered, Stephanie walked back into the room holding a tray with some glasses and a jug of iced water with slices of lemon, and his attention was once more diverted on to her.

‘Here you go.’ Stephanie handed Sarah a glass, and then filled it for her.

‘Thank you.’ Was all she could say to her.

‘Come on let’s eat, the next course is nearly ready and we don’t want to ruin it. This looks lovely,’ Stephanie said as she sat down.

Sarah picked up her fork and tasted the food, even though what Robert had said made her feel nauseous the food was delicious and she surprised herself in eating it all. As she ate, Stephanie talked about how sad it was Andy and his wife were unable to make it, and she had a laugh with Robert about the affair Andy was having with his wife’s sister, which no one knew about, especially Andy’s wife. Sarah ate in silence as they talked to each other, feeling she may not as well have been there.

They talked about exciting parties they had had here and the famous people who had come. They laughed at secret jokes. Sarah wised she could be a part of it, but didn’t know how to join in. She gulped down her first glass of wine, which was immediately refilled by Stephanie. They stopped when Terry came in bearing the weight of a huge turkey on a silver plate, surrounded by potatoes. She placed it on the end of the table next to Robert.

‘We thought we’d have a traditional Christmas dinner,’ Stephanie told her, as Terry took their dirty plates and all Sarah heard was the “we”.

She felt confused. What was going on between Robert and Stephanie? Why was she interfering so much, and why did Robert let her?

The rest of the meal was hazy. The sooner it was over, the sooner she could get home. She wished she hadn’t drunk so much, then she could just leave, but now she would have to wait for someone to call her a taxi. Of course she would have to come back for her car in the morning, and Robert was sure to be on his own by then. It should have been such a good night, she thought she might have been invited to stay, but not now it was just her and Stephanie. She could see that. She was certainly never going to see Stephanie again. Or maybe she would, just to tell her. She could tell her all about it and let her see how she had been so mistaken with her. She looked over at Stephanie and imagined her face; the pity Stephanie would feel for her when she knew the truth.

‘Are you alright Sarah?’ Stephanie’s voice full of concern came through the fog.

‘I think I’ve drunk too much.’

‘Let’s go and sit in the lounge,’ Stephanie got up and walked round the table to her, she helped her up, holding gently onto her hand. ‘Tell Terry to bring some coffee and brandy into the lounge,’ she told Robert. ‘And then you can sing for Sarah, something special.’

Sarah’s legs felt a little unstable, and despite what she thought about Stephanie she was glad to feel the warm arm around her waist, and her hand being stroked as they made their way to the lounge. And Robert was going to sing to her.

.

Chapter Two

T
he feel of Sarah’s body against hers was as Stephanie imagined. Underneath the clothes very little flesh, she could feel her ribs and wondered what it would be like to run her hands up and down them? And was she ticklish? She hoped she hadn’t given her too much to drink. She had watched her eat, and been surprised at how much she consumed. A coffee would sort her out, and the brandy would top her up.

Taking Sarah into the lounge, she led her to the settee, encouraging her to sit at one end, while she sat in the arm chair watching her. Robert would have to sit next to her, and it was up to him now to relax her. She had been very quiet over the meal and Stephanie had watched her face become quite vacant, as if she was not aware of her surroundings. Maybe they had made a mistake over dinner by not including her more in the conversation, rather than just letting her listen to the wonderful times they had together.

When Robert entered the room she motioned for him to sit with Sarah, and watched Sarah’s face relax when he did. Sitting close to her, so their legs were touching Robert put his arm on the back of the settee allowing Sarah to move closer if she wanted to. And Stephanie watched with satisfaction as she moved closer and leaned against him, giving Robert the opportunity to bring his arm down around her.

Terry came in with the coffee and Stephanie told her she could have the rest of the night off, she would take care of everything.

*****

Rubbing her shoulder, Robert gently pulled her closer. As he leant down to kiss the top of her head he smelt her freshly washed hair. Then pulling her closer, he could smell her unique body odour, undisguised by any cheap or expensive perfume. He desperately wanted a cigarette, but was afraid of disturbing her if he moved. He risked asking her to lean forward and pass them to him.

She leaned forward for the box and then reached for the lighter, smiling up at him.

‘Here you are.’ She said as she lit it for him, and he smelt a faint odour of onions on her breath. It wasn’t unpleasant. Perhaps it wouldn’t be too difficult to kiss her later at all. When she leaned back again she snuggled close to him letting her head rest on his shoulder. Looking over her head to exhale smoke, he returned Stephanie’s smile. He was glad to see she was pleased with him, and cuddled Sarah tighter.

*****

Joy spread throughout Sarah’s body when she felt his lips press down onto her head. It was such a sweet way for him to show his affection for her. If only Stephanie would go. Surely she would go now! They obviously wanted to be alone, she must realize that.

She felt so alive, with his arm about her, looking up at the paintings adorning the walls. The coffee had revived her and she enjoyed the burning sensation at the back of her throat as she sipped her brandy. He kept his arm around her as she bent forward to get the cigarettes he asked for. After he finished his cigarette, Stephanie suggested he play a song for her. She hadn’t noticed the piano tucked away behind the door. Stephanie moved over to the settee to replace Robert, sitting close to her, returning the warmth she had been enjoying. Robert began to play, and Stephanie gently took hold of Sarah’s hand, stroking it as they listened. Her eyes closed as she listened to the music. Robert’s voice joined in the melody of the piano and Sarah sank further into her seat.

A few moments later she was aware of Stephanie clapping and some movement about her. She smelt cigarettes as an arm went around her, too comfortable to open her eyes to see.

A head moved beside her and she felt warm breath on her face and in her ear. The breathing caused a tingling sensation to spread down her neck to her groin and she wanted to turn her head, but a hand now held her head so she couldn’t move. Smoke from a cigarette drifted up her nose and she wanted to blow it away. The sudden feel of a wet tongue in her ear caused her to cry out and he pulled away sharply.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing,’ she whispered. Her eyes now open and the haze clearing.

Turning she saw Stephanie smiling at her, almost laughing. She felt the flush of blood in her face.

‘Can you order me a taxi? I think I ought to go now.’

‘Don’t be silly, it’s early yet. Anyway, I’m the one who ought to be going, not you. I’ll just go and freshen up and while I’m out there I’ll get myself a taxi.’ Stephanie stood up and smoothed her dress down before leaving the room.

Sarah turned back to Robert who was still watching Stephanie leave. She put her arm around his shoulder waiting for him to kiss her, now she had gone. As he leant down to kiss her she thought for a second she heard him sigh, but as his lips touched hers and his tongue entered her mouth she knew she was mistaken. The kiss seemed to last forever; she couldn’t breathe he held her so tight, and his mouth nearly engulfed her nose. Eventually she managed to pull away, panting for much needed air. He continued to press his lips against her neck and her ears, holding her tight and his hands rummaging about her body, attempting to find a way underneath her dress. When his fingers made contact with her bare flesh she thought she would leap through the ceiling, the touch was electric, she never felt anything like it before. She liked it. He pushed her down sideways, her head onto the arm of the chair; lips once more completely over hers. After another few moments, when she thought she could hold her breath no longer, he pulled his mouth from hers and whispered,

‘Are you staying?’

She couldn’t speak, and attempted to nod her head.

‘Can you stay?’ He asked her loudly.

‘Ye…, yes,’ she stammered.

‘Good.’ He sat up, moved away from her and picked up the brandy bottle before standing up. ‘Come on then, grab the glasses and follow me.’

Sarah felt cold and unsure. She sat staring at him.

‘Come on …, let’s go upstairs, it’s more comfortable.’ He reached the door, ‘Oh and grab my fags as well.’

She had no choice, but it wasn’t quite how she imagined she would be going to his bedroom. She slung her handbag over her shoulder, then doing as he told her, she picked up the two glasses and followed him.

.

Chapter Three

S
arah didn’t want to wake up, but the noise was insistent. She blinked for a few seconds until her eyes were accustomed to the dark. Where was she? An image fluttered in and out of her mind. Lifting her head from the pillow she leant over the side of the bed to reach for her handbag, another image. The noise pulled her towards it. Her phone ringing. She rummaged in the bag until she found it and put it to her ear.

‘Hello?’ No one answered. ‘Hello?’ She listened, and recognised Robert’s voice, faintly in the background. She looked around herself again. Why was he calling her? Where was he? Her brain refused to focus. ‘Hello!’ She tried louder. Then taking the phone from her ear, she stared at the display. Her vision cleared and she read, Robert, it was definitely Robert calling her. Putting it back to her ear, she could now hear Stephanie’s voice, much clearer.

‘…not again, don’t go there!’

‘But after all I’ve done for you, I thought you’d come home now. I won’t stop you. You know that.’

‘I have a home and it’s not here. I like where I am,’ Silence. ‘We can do this again. I’m sure she’ll join us again.’ Stephanie laughed. ‘She enjoyed it.’

‘I don’t want her! I want you back.’

Images and scenes unfolded in Sarah’s mind. But she couldn’t move as she listened to them. Where were they?

‘We’ll have a party. This time invite Andy, and some of the others.’

‘Just you and me, like when we first married.’ Sarah heard the desperation in his voice.

‘I’m going now. You take care of her, and I’ll speak to you later. Be nice.’

Sarah heard footsteps and then a door slam. She put the phone back in her bag and climbed out of the huge bed.

Married.

Like when we were first married.

She hunted around the floor as quietly as she could for her clothes, the hall light just enough for her to be able to see. She didn’t want to see the bedroom, she didn’t want to see the bed and the surrounding area too clearly. Too much was going on in her mind. Their words going round and round. It didn’t make sense.

Once she had found all her clothes she went into the bathroom. She wanted a shower. She wanted to get dressed and go home. She wanted Robert to come and put his arms around her. She stood in the middle of the room not able to move. She held her bundle of clothes, seeing through the mirror.

Married? Robert and Stephanie?

Vomit forced itself out of her mouth, over the sink, onto the floor, down her legs landing on her feet. She would have to ask him to get her a taxi. She would have to speak to him. She stood staring at the sick. It had made a pretty pattern on the floor and on her feet. She was surprised how colourful it was. She needed a shower.

Why had he phoned her? Why did he want her to hear all that? All the things he said. All her dreams. She looked down at her feet again, focusing on moving them, one foot at a time, lifting her heavy legs in the direction of the shower.

She opened the shower door and turned on the taps, not thinking of hot or cold. Water cascaded down washing all of it away, she watched as sick spiralled down the plug hole; lumps caught up with pubic hair.

She watches as Stephanie gets into the waiting taxi. Robert closes the car door for her, and waves her goodbye. He turns and smiles at her standing in the doorway. As he reaches her, she hears him say,

‘It’s just you and me now. Thank god she’s gone.’ At the end of his sentence, they hear a crash, and see smoke billowing up into the sky. She knows what has happened, and she feels happy. The taxi crashes. Stephanie dies.

Leaving the water running she stepped out of the shower, picked up a towel and began to dry herself.

She became aware of her body. The towel brushed over her nipples and the soreness of them created the image of lips sucking hard. Drying the rest of her body she recalled the pain between her legs when his penis entered her and later, having it kissed better; the realization it was not his lips on her groin. It couldn’t be, because he was kissing her mouth. Someone else was with them. She couldn’t struggle or protest because the sensation was so intense and horribly enjoyable.