Just Go (23 page)

Chapter 22

Adam

I’ve been staring at my computer screen for an hour but I honestly can’t remember what I’m supposed to be doing. Each day that passes is harder. Not having Annaliese in my life is ruining me, but she’s doing what she wants to do. She’s happy and safe.

I had to let her go.

I tell myself that about three times an hour, but it never makes me feel better. I was an idiot for letting her go. Hell, I practically pushed her out of my life. Why? Because I’m a pussy. Because I didn’t want to possibly get hurt. If I could take it all back now, I would.

“Earth to Adam.” I hear Benton’s voice from the doorway and look up to see him leaning on the doorframe.

“Oh, wow, sorry, man.” I run my hand over my face to try to get out of my funk and stand up. “You ready?” I ask grabbing my keys. Today we’re meeting with a new branch venture. B’s set all of it up, so all I know if that it’s potentially a good thing for the company. Hell, if it wasn’t for him, this company would’ve plummeted by now.

“Yep. I’m driving.” He smiles and shakes his keys. “You’re just along for the ride with this one, dude.”

“Fine.” I sigh, giving in much easier than I would have a few months ago. He knows how much I used to like control over all things. Now I’m just numb.

The drive is short, and spent talking over the basics of the company. It’s an out of town company that’s trying to make it big in the bigger cities. They focus on independent bookstore owners and act as a PR agency for them. None of this interests me, and really bookstores are a thing of the past, so I’m not certain why Benton thinks investing in a company like this is a good idea, but he’s never steered me in the wrong direction before so I’ll trust him for now.

By the time we get to our lunch meeting I’m starving and pay more attention to the menu than I do the poor people sitting nervously in front of me. One’s a girl, blonde, good tits, someone I would’ve fucked had I met her before Annaliese. Now I look at her and all I think about is how much better, how much sexier, my Annaliese is.

Shit, Adam, stop thinking like that. She left. Get your dick back in the game!

“Adam,” Benton clears his throat and looks at me expectantly.

Crap, did they ask me a question?

“Would you excuse us for a minute?” Benton smiles politely and pulls me from the table.

“What?” I ask, smoothing down my suit jacket that he wrinkled from yanking me from the table.

“Stop staring at her tits, Adam,” he growls. “You need to at least show interest in these people as a business, and not as someone you’d like to take back to your place.”

“I know. Jesus….” I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to stop the headache that’s forming. “I don’t see a bookstore business bringing in any revenue, though, B. It’s all a joke to me. I’m not even certain why you brought me here,” I sigh and look over at the table. The girl is looking at me like she could devour me. A look that used to make me hard, now just makes me depressed.

“Just play along, okay, man?” He starts back to the table and I follow, putting on my best game face.

Benton leads the discussion, trying to rope me into their gig, but I’m just not feeling it. I’ve made it to the top of this city by knowing what’s good and what crap is. So far, all they are giving me is crap.

“So, where did you guys start out?” Benton asks, taking a drink of his water.

“Oh, we have our main hub in St. Louis.” The girl smiles and twirls her hair.

Stop flirting with me.

“St. Louis. Interesting.” Benton smiles at me and it all clicks. That motherfucker did this on purpose. “I’m sure if we were interested you two would be willing to spend a few days showing us how it all works, right? If we were to... say... come to St. Louis some time... soon?” He looks at me with his eyebrows raised and I shake my head at him.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

“Oh of course! We’d love it if you two would take a chance with our company. Having you down, seeing everything that we do first hand, would be fantastic.” The man says, clasping his hands together.

Chance.

There’s that word again.

Annaliese took a chance on me, and I blew it. I think it’s time for me to take a chance for her.

“You know what, I think that sounds like a fantastic idea, Benton.” I smile at him. A true smile, one I haven’t felt in months. “You need to set that up. How’s tomorrow sound?”

“Oh, Mr. Callahan—”

“If you are truly willing to be a part of this company, you will know that I expect excellence at all times. Short notice trips are exactly the way I run things,” I glare at the girl who’s stopped twirling her hair. Her mouth drops a bit and her eyes are wide with shock. “If it’s a good enough business, you don’t need any notice to fix things up before I see it, right?”

From the looks on their faces, they weren’t expecting that, and from the look on Benton’s, neither was he. Honestly, I couldn’t care less if this company is running right or not. I’ll probably never put my money in them, as bookstores are a dying art, but it’s a reason to get me to St. Louis.

It’s a reason for me to be close to her again.

My mind is running a thousand miles a minute and by the end of the meeting I can’t even remember what we talked about.

All I can think about is what I’m going to say to her when I finally see her again.

What I’m going to do to her when I finally touch her again.

The thought of her having a boyfriend isn’t okay with me, so he’s out of the picture the minute I’m back in it. And tomorrow can’t come fast enough.

***

The plane ride is the longest hour and half ever. We used the company jet, but it doesn’t fly any faster than commercial flights. Unfortunately, the entire flight Benton spends staring at me and smiling like a damn fool.

“You know that look makes you look stupid,” I grumble trying to seem upset that he set me up for this.

“I know your weakness, Adam. That girl is your life. You just needed to stop being so damn stubborn,” he says, smiling.

“I’m not stubborn. And who says I’m doing this because of her?”

“You are. I see it in your eyes. You don’t even care about this little company we’re supposed to be seeing, do you?”

I look at him and shake my head.

“Not a bit.” I smile. “You asshole.”

“You’re welcome.”

By the time we get into the car, it’s almost lunchtime and Benton smiles.

“You know, I never thought I’d get you here.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You let her go so stupidly, man. Because of what? I’m not certain I’ve ever grasped on to your stupid ass reasoning behind you forcing her out of your life.”

Shit
. I never told him I suspect her father in Carly’s death. I never told him because there’s no evidence behind my claims, but I know it had to be. He threatened too much for it not to be him. I’ve got people looking into it, but I’m certain nothing will ever come from it. He’s not a stupid man. He would have covered all of his tracks if it were him. The fact that every threat and all contact with him has stopped since that night pretty much sums up my claims. I don’t use him anymore as a chauffeur service, and from what I gather, the fights have stopped as well. I’m not certain what happened there, but I can’t help but think it has something to do with Annaliese.

“She needs to be happy, Benton. Teaching is her passion, so I forced her to it.” I’ve been telling this lie to myself for months, but it feels so terrible that I’ll never believe it.

“Can I let you in a little secret?” His eyebrows raise and I have a feeling I’m not going to like where this is going.

“What’d you do?” I growl.

“I may have visited her,” he says so matter-of-factly that it takes a minute to register what he did.

“You did what?!” He saw her. He got to see my Annaliese without telling me. “What the hell, B?”

“I came to see her. The night you kept Hannah, I drove down here. Alone.”

“Why the fuck would you do that, Benton?” I growl, feeling like I’ve been played and not liking it.

“You’re miserable, Adam. She’s miserable too, just so you know. Neither of you are doing yourselves any good by staying away from each other.”

My God, he really did. He came down here.

“How would you know she’s miserable, Benton?” I grind out the words, hating to hear that he thinks she’s not happy.  I let her go because I knew she wanted to teach. Well, that and the fact that I was scared of something happening to her and me dying on the inside. I let her go because… I…. “Benton, she’s really miserable?” I ask, brows furrowed. “I thought this is what she wanted to do. I thought this was her life?”

He shakes his head sadly and shrugs. “You two can’t live like this forever. Something has to change.”

My head is spinning. There’s too much to focus on right now to make sense of any of it.

All I know is that my Annaliese isn’t happy, and that needs to change.

I know exactly the way to change it too.

“Where is she?” I ask, feeling my heartbeat rise.

“Work. Listen, there’s one more thing I need to tell you.” His face looks like he’s going to be in trouble for this one.

“What?” I snap.

“So, I went by her apartment….” he trails off and I look at him, waiting for him to finish the sentence. “She had that dude there.”

“What dude?” I’m going to puke. I can’t live with the thought of her being with someone else.

She loves me. Well, she loved me. Jesus Christ, what’ve I done? I forced the woman I love out of my life because I was a pansy. Fuck! And now she’s sleeping with someone else.

“The one from the night after the fight. The one that I beat to shit. He answered the door in his boxers.”

“Was she there too?” I growl, pissed that she let him into her bed that easily.

“No, dude, she was at work."

“Take me to her apartment,” I grind out and Benton smiles.

“Already headed there, man,” he says and laughs.

“What the hell, B?”

“This was never a business trip, Adam. That was all a rouse to get you here,” he’s smiling like he just won a fucking marathon.

Shit. I’ve been played
.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” I whisper, amazed that he’d go through all of this for me. For Annaliese.

“You two need each other, Adam. If I could do my life over again, knowing the outcome of everything, I wouldn’t change a thing. Even knowing I’d lose my wife too suddenly, I wouldn’t change it. She was my world and I wouldn’t be who I am right now without her. Why you’d give up on your world just because you’re afraid is beyond me, but here’s your chance to make things right.”

He nods out the window and I’ve noticed the car’s stopped in front of a brick building.

“It’s a lot nicer of a place than her old place. Shit down here’s cheaper than the city.” He smiles and shrugs.

“How the hell… you know what, I don’t want to know,” I say, shaking my head.

“Good luck, man.”

I nod at him and get out of the car to be met with the cool breeze of a fall day in St. Louis. The city noises here are nothing compared to Chicago, but from what I hear, the crime rate has skyrocketed recently. Looking around her neighborhood, it looks nicer than where she was living in Chicago, but looks can be deceiving.

I knock on the door, wondering what the hell I’m doing not having a key or anything, but when the older woman that opens the door smiles at me, I know it’s already been taken care of.

“Mr. Callahan. So glad you could make it. I’ll take you up to her place. My name’s Rita, the landlord here,” she says sweetly, walking me up a flight of stairs. I’m either going to owe Benton a punch in the face or a new car after today.

When she opens the door, I’m immediately hit with Annaliese’s scent.

“She’s normally home around five,” she says then smiles sadly at me. “She’s a sweet girl. Sad, quiet… but sweet.” She pats me on my arm and leaves to go back downstairs, leaving me in Annaliese’s apartment.

I have five hours to figure out how I’m going to apologize for being the biggest asshole on the planet.

Chapter 23

Annaliese

“Oh, Annaliese, what a nice surprise!” My mother’s voice rings from the living room, but I barely register it through the hatred seething out of me towards the man that answered the door.

The man that calls himself my father.

“Hello, mother. I need to have a word with dad, if you don’t mind,” I say, not taking my eyes from his. The man should be scared, but he doesn’t look like he has a remorseful bone in his body.

“Oh,” my mom whispers. “Yes, yes that’s fine.” She slowly walks out of the room, leaving me and Vick to hash this out together.

“This is a surprise, Annaliese,” he says, sitting down in his worn brown leather chair. A chair I used to curl up with him at night when the nightmares got to be too bad to handle.

“You knew it was coming, don’t act surprised.” I snap crossing my arms.

“I wouldn’t have expected anything different,” he sighs.

“Tell me why, Dad.” My words are forced, the emotions rolling through me are so hard to handle right now. I want to scream and hit things, but I need to try and stay calm.

“Why what, dear?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. Condescending asshole.

“Everything. Why the fighting, why’d you push me out of town with this job, and why Joe?” His name comes out a whisper at the end of a very hard to speak sentence. I feel terrible that Joe was caught up in the middle of my father’s drama. I feel guilty that I didn’t see through my dad’s lies earlier, before Joe fell for me. Most of all, I feel sick just thinking about my recently ruined relationship, all because of my father.

“Annaliese, that deal with Joe’s father has been in the books since you were ten years old. I’ve been using his money all these years, all with the promise that you’d marry his only son. The Ryder and Hoertel names would be combined when you two married to create one of the most powerful families in the city. Moving you out of town seemed to be the only way to finish that deal once you started seeing Adam. Of course I didn’t want you with Callahan. He’s not worth your time, honey. Joe’s a much better candidate. You can do better than Mr. Chi—”

“You stop,” I growl clenching my fists. “Adam is a better man than you’ll ever dream to be. He helps people every day. He makes sure his employees are well taken care of, and he doesn’t bend and manipulate people’s lives to how he thinks they should be living them. You’ve spent your last night dictating how I live my life,” I spit. He looks stunned that I’m speaking to him like this, but I’m finally letting it all out. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to be good enough for you, and you know what, dear old dad? I don’t care anymore! Nothing I do will make me good enough for you, and I just don’t care. It’s time for me to start living for myself, and not for some poor, pathetic asshole like yourself.” I’m seething, staring at his smug face and fighting the urge to punch him.

“You could’ve married Joe. That would’ve been enough Annie.”

“Oh fuck you, Vick!” I scream, hearing a dish crash in the kitchen. “You’re the lowest piece of shit I’ve ever encountered. Selling off your daughter for a few G’s!? Who the hell are you, anyway?!” I’m furious. Beyond furious. “I pray to God that mom leaves you. I pray she gets out and gets as far away as she can before you ruin her life as well.” I start to walk out of the room, leaving him in the chair without a care in the world. “Oh, and one more thing,” I say. He turns his head to look at me and I take a second to try and see any semblance of remorse in his eyes but there’s nothing. “Don’t expect to be involved in any part of my life. Ever again. Marriage, kids… nothing. I never want to see your face again,” I manage to say, then storm out of the house, slamming the door behind me.

Getting in the car, I allow myself a few minutes of tears for the future memories I’ve lost because of the man in that house, then I start the car. Moving back downstate to my lonely little life.

***

I hate Mondays.

Especially Mondays after a weekend from hell.

Seeing my father this weekend helped put some closure to everything that’s been going on lately. His words crushed me, but not as much as the reminder that no matter how hard I tried, I was never enough for him. Believe me, there were days that I wish it was me instead of my sister in that car years ago. I feel like she never would’ve been as big of a disappointment to him as I’ve been. I’m certain my parents are getting a divorce after this weekend. If I were my mom, I would. I won’t ever forgive him for ruining everything, and I’m certain she won’t either. Now all I can do is attempt to rebuild in a new city with barely any money, no friends, nothing I love, and no family.

Seems easy, right?

I sigh, rolling my neck, trying to work off the frustration from the weekend and look up at the clock when the bell rings.

Finally.

I remind my class of their homework and check agendas on their way out the door. When the last one leaves, I shut and lock the door behind them. All I need to do is get my things together and I can head home. Home. I chuckle to myself, since the place I want to call home is so far away now, that I’m not sure I’ll ever go back. Moving back to a city full of liars and cheats and men that don’t want you in their lives would be worse than living alone in a city with no friends or family.

No thanks, I’ll stay right here. Maybe I’ll get a cat.

I stop on the way home and grab a pizza. Takeout for one. It’s Monday and I’m single. I can do what I want. The thought should make me happy, but it’s actually more depressing the more I think about it. I haven’t been laid since the last time with Adam. Joe tried, but I never let him. I can’t see myself with anyone else but Adam.

Joe told me he loved me right before I kicked him out of my life. Too much damage had been done in the past, too many lies, to even think about keeping him around. Even as a friend.

I get the door open to my apartment building and smile at Rita.

“Hey, Rita,” I say as I close the door behind me, trying to balance my pizza box and drink in one hand.

“Oh, Annaliese.” She looks up and smiles from her apartment door like she’s been caught. Caught from doing what? I'm not sure.

“You cooking something? It smells fantastic,” I say taking a whiff of whatever she’s got on the stove.

“Oh, um… nope. Not me. Must be the other tenant upstairs.” She smiles and sighs. “Beautiful day, huh?”

“Yeah… sure. Okay, so… I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” I smile again and head up the stairs. The scent of spaghetti sauce hits me hard when I get to the top of the stairs and I look over at my neighbor’s door. They just moved in a week ago so I haven’t had a chance to get to know them yet, but I really should if they can cook. Pizza and takeout every night is going to kill my wallet.

I unlock my door and swing it open, just to be hit with the scent stronger than before. Walking slowly into my apartment, I freeze when I notice the candles.

All the candles.

“Hello?” I call out, nerves running through my body.

My first thought is Joe, but I know better than that. He’s back in Chicago. Gabby saw him yesterday and said he looks like shit.

Who would…?

“My Sweet.” His voice purrs from across the room and I gasp.

How did I not see him? How is he here? What’s going on?

“Adam?” I whisper, my heart beating wildly for the beautiful man standing mere feet away from me.

A man who’s haunted my dreams since the day he let me go.

“Annaliese,” he whispers in a voice rough and full of emotion.

That’s all it takes.

I drop everything, not caring about the food, or my bags, or shutting the door behind me. I drop it, and run. Straight to the man I love.

His arms come around me and he lifts me to him, wrapping me and holding on for dear life.

“Oh God, baby,” he whispers into my neck as my legs wrap around him and I cling to him like my last breath. “My God, I’ve missed you, Annaliese.”

There are tears pouring down my cheeks and I can’t even tell if I’m crying or laughing.

He’s here. He came for me.

“Adam, what’re you doing here?” I ask through my sobs.

“I… I need you, Annaliese.”

He sets me down but takes hold of my hands.

“I… Shit,” He pulls me in for another hug, this time kissing my forehead. “I need you.” It comes out a whisper and I can feel the wetness from his tears hit my shoulder.

“I’m here, Adam.” I shake my head like he’s lost it and smile. I can’t stop smiling, and the tears are still rolling.

What’s he doing here?

“I know. Shit,” he smiles at me and my heart flutters back to life. “You’re here. You’ve always been here.”

I smile and wipe the tears from my face. He sighs and sits down on the couch with me right next to him, never letting go of my hands.

“I’ve been an asshole, Annaliese,” he starts. When I try to speak, he puts his hand to my mouth and shakes his head. “I’m not done. Hear me out. Please,” he whispers the last word, his eyes begging me. I nod and listen patiently. “These last three months have been hell. I was stubborn, I was stupid, I was scared, and I pushed you away.” He takes a breath before he goes on. “I made the biggest mistake of my life when I told you to take this job. Not a day has gone by that I didn’t see your face. Not a second of my life has passed without me regretting those words I said to you. None of them were true, my Sweet,” he whispers. His hand comes to my cheek and his thumb caresses my lips. “Jesus, I’m so sorry, Annaliese,” he whispers, then leans in and kisses me gently. I sigh into his kiss, leaning towards him, not wanting the connection to break.

He pulls back and grins at me. “I've missed that,” he whispers.

“I've missed you,” I manage through all of the raging emotions running through me.

This last week has been absolutely insane, and now that he’s here with me, I don’t care about anything but us.

“I know. I’m so sorry, Annalise. So goddamned sorry.”

“You ruined everything, Adam,” I whisper. As much as I want to go running back to him and forget all of this happened, it can’t happen. I need answers. I need time. “I took a chance on you, and you ruined me.”

I start to cry again and he pulls me to him, hugging me and kissing the top of my head, whispering his apologies over and over.

“I know. I know you did, and I know I messed everything up. But I promise you, I’m going to fix this.” His eyes lock with mine and I know he means it.

“How, Adam? I work here now. And you work five hours away,” I whisper, my gaze still locked on his.

“I love you, Annaliese Ryder,” he says then sighs and smiles, shaking his head. “We will figure this out. Weekend trips, I’ll start doing more business down here. We can do this.” He watches me and his face falls when I don’t say anything. “Annaliese?”

I’m trying to form the words.

I told myself I was over him. Every day that I woke up and he had no contact with me, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t go crawling back to him. This isn’t crawling back to him, though, right?

“I….” I don’t know what to say. I want this, but I’m more scared than the first time because I know how badly my heart will be crushed if it doesn’t work. His eyebrows pull together when I hesitate.

“No… no, Annie... don’t,” he frantically whispers. His hands cup my face and his eyes search mine. “Don’t say anything.”

“Will you stop?” I laugh. “I love you too, you asshole,” I say, smiling the biggest I’ve smiled in a long time. “God, you’re so serious all the time. So old for being so young,” I joke with him. “Did you really think I stopped loving you, just because you were being stupid?”

His eyes are big and his mouth is grinning. He’s trying not to laugh, but he’s not doing a good job at it.

“I… I guess. You hesitated. Why’d you hesitate?”

“I can’t let you think I’m gonna cave that easily, mister. You still have a lot of making up to do.” I move towards him and put one leg slowly over his lap, pulling my skirt up enough for my legs to wrap around him.

He groans when my hands go to the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. His hands immediately find my ass and I smile and grind into him, feeling his hard length growing.

“Jesus, Annaliese.” He nips my ear lobe and his fingers play at the top of my dress. “Shit. I made dinner,” he says as he continues kissing me.

“You cooked?” I pull back and smile.

“Of course. I can cook, you know. I just choose not to most nights.”

I hop up and run into the kitchen and notice all the candles at the perfectly set table. Smiling, I turn to walk back to the living room and run into his hard chest.

“You always did like running into me,” he whispers as he wraps his arms around me.

God, I've missed this.

“It’s a great excuse to get close to you,” I whisper looking up to his eyes. “I’m starving, Adam. Can we eat? This smells fantastic.”