Just for the Summer (Chasing Carolina #0.5) (11 page)

The entire time we were eating, Ashlynn barely said two words to me. She only talked and laughed with Becca, Nikki, and Tamara, and even chatted a bit with Reagan. I could feel the knots in my stomach twisting with every passing second. I fucked up big time. I really like this girl, and to think maybe my chance is now over is pissing me the hell off. The urge to punch something is overwhelming.

My big mouth told Ashlynn I’d only met Sophie two days before the Fourth, which is also when I started my game of flirting with Ashlynn too. At the time, I thought Ashlynn would be just another girl I’d work my charm on, fuck, and move on from. Never did I imagine I’d spend the next two weeks spending every day with her, and not even having sex. I don’t even recognize the person I’ve become since meeting her. Parker and Vance think it’s all an act, that I’m playing a game with her for entertainment, but the truth is I’m really falling for this girl, and I don’t know if I will be able to pretend as if we never happened when I return to Charlotte.

She’s smart, so I know for a fact she’s put two and two together and realized not only did I go out with Sophie after our amazing day out on the boat, but I fucked her too. I want to punch myself in the fucking face after seeing the hurt in Ashlynn’s eyes when Sophie said I’d just toss her aside after getting her into my bed. That’s the farthest thing from the truth. I don’t know how I’m even going to survive saying goodbye to her when she leaves back to Georgia, let alone voluntarily push her out of my life.

Pulling my truck into the driveway, I park beside Vance’s Mustang. He opted to drive himself and Reagan, since I couldn’t fit everyone in my truck. As soon as I shift the truck into park, everyone hurries out and heads toward our beach houses.

I quickly swing open my door, jump down, and run around the truck to meet Ashlynn. Grabbing her hand, I pull on it, stopping her from going up the stairs. “Ashlynn, wait,” I plead as her friends run up the stairs to go get ready to leave. Becca told Parker she’d be over as soon as she showered and was dressed for the party. I know Ashlynn said she’d go, but I want to make sure she’s okay first.

“What? I need to get ready,” she says with a little more venom in her tone than I was hoping for.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her to my chest and lock my eyes with hers. The hurt in her eyes is like a knife twisting in my chest. “I just want to talk to you and make sure you’re okay. I don’t want you letting Sophie get to you. She’s just a jealous and spiteful person. I would never do anything to hurt you purposely.”

She stares up at me a few beats, the only sound being the seagulls flying above us. It’s a calm day, with gentle waves rolling in. My senses are filled with her sweet, delicious perfume mixing with the salty air. I slide one hand into her hair, feeling her silky blonde strands. She closes her eyes as soon as my fingers touch her scalp.

At least I know my touch doesn’t repulse her. She parts her lips and lets out a shaky breath before opening her eyes back up, and when she does, the hurt that was there is magnified as my reflection shines from her now dark and stormy blue eyes.

“I’m scared, Chase. I keep trying to tell myself you’re different from the cocky asshole I met two weeks ago, but seeing her was like having ice water dumped over my head. You’ve been so sweet, and I’ve loved every single second I’ve spent with you, but I can’t help but think…is it all just a game to you? Once we finally have sex, will it be the last time I see you, because you’ll have gotten what you want and move on to the next naive girl?”

God, I hate she feels this way. The sad part is she’s right. The Chase everyone knows would do what she’s thinking and wouldn’t look back as I walked away. I did it to Sophie, and so many girls before her, but with Ashlynn, it’s not like that. No matter how many times I tell her though, I don’t think she’ll ever believe me.

“I hate that you think that, Ashlynn. I’ve been an asshole so many times in my life that I don’t blame you for thinking that I’d use you, but I’ll tell you now and I’ll tell you again every single day until you leave to go back to Georgia—I like you. A lot. More than any girl I’ve ever met in my entire fucking life. I have no intention of using you. Why the hell do you think I’ve refused to have sex with you? Never in my life have I turned down sex, but I wanted to make sure you were one hundred percent sure you were okay with our arrangement before I allowed you to accept me into your bed.”

She relaxes in my arms and lays her head on my chest, resting her cheek against my heart. It’s racing so fast right now it feels like a wrecking ball slamming repeatedly against my ribs, trying to bust free and jump straight into Ashlynn’s hands.

“Can I ask you something and you be honest with me?”

Fuck, I don’t know if I’m backing myself into a corner right now, but reluctantly, I tell her, “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” I hope to God agreeing to this doesn’t bury my ass deeper into the hole I’ve dug myself into today.

Pulling away from me, she slides her hand into mine and leads me to the stairs to sit, then tugging for me to sit down beside her.

She silently picks at the nail polish on her fingernails, not looking at me as she asks the one question I was wishing she wouldn’t ask, “Did you sleep with Sophie before or after our day out on the boat?”

Raking both my hands through my hair, I let out a loud, frustrated groan as I prepare to hurt her once again today. “After. I’m an asshole, Ashlynn. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking that night. I knew it was wrong, but I still did it. The most fucked up part was the whole time I was with her, all I could think about was you, but still…I did it.”

I spot out of the corner of my eye Ashlynn brushing a tear from her cheek. My chest hurts so bad right now I rub at it with the palm of my hand. Feelings fucking suck monkey balls. This is why I’ve always kept my love life simple. Once you develop feelings, everything gets complicated.

Reaching out to her, I wrap my arm around her shoulders and hug her to me. “Please, don’t cry,” I murmur into her hair as I press a kiss to the top of her head. “I messed up big time, but not once since that day have I looked at another girl. I know we’re just friends, but I really like you. I knew the second I saw you with that Liam guy the next morning I fucked up royally not asking you to go out that night instead of her. I’ve worked every day to make it up to you.”

Ashlynn shifts on the stairs and looks up at me with watery eyes and I feel sick to my stomach again. Fuck. I feel like the world’s biggest jackass right now.

“If we would’ve had sex on the beach the night of our first date, would we be where we are today, still hanging out and doing whatever it is we’re doing? Or would you have gotten what you wanted and moved on, putting me back in the just-friends zone? I’m so confused right now. I hate I have all these awful thoughts buzzing around in my head. Every day I get closer to going home, the more it hurts to be with you, but the idea of not being with you hurts more. Does that make sense?”

She’s adorable when she gets like this. She rambles on and on, firing off question after question. “Well, that was a lot of questions in one, baby, but to answer them all, if we would’ve had sex that night, believe me, we’d still be where we are today, but we would’ve been having a lot of sex over the last two weeks. Trust me—you’re not the only one confused with everything going on. I am too. I keep telling myself what we have is just for right now, and once you leave, we’ll say our goodbyes and go back to our normal lives, but honestly, I don’t know if I can do that. I find myself falling for you more and more every day we spend together.”

Ashlynn shifts to her knees, climbing between my legs one step below me. Her soft hands come to rest on my cheeks and she wrinkles her nose up as my scruff scratches her palms. I give her a small smile as I slide my hands into her hair and tilt her head up towards me. “Are we okay?” I ask, bringing my face down closer to hers. I inhale deeply, breathing her in and savoring the tingling sensation that courses through my body as she consumes me. I love her smell, and how she feels in my arms. I know it’s crazy and we’re bound to end up hurt when July thirty-first comes, but the pain will be worth it, because she’s worth it.

She nods her head gently in my hands as she nibbles nervously on her bottom lip. “We’re okay. I’m so sorry I got all emotional.”

“Don’t ever apologize for being honest with me. I’d rather us hash it out now than have you bottle it up and spend the last two weeks we have together with you being pissed off at me.”

Leaning up on her knees, she brings her lips to mine. I guess that’s the signal to change the topic. I’m not complaining, because if I could, I’d spend every waking moment kissing her…and doing other things.

I think I’ve been a gentleman long enough. As long as I get the green light tonight, I’ll be ending our evening with my dick buried balls-deep inside Ashlynn’s sweet, tight pussy, and hopefully put to rest any doubts she has about the two of us. I’m going to spend these last two weeks making sure she has the best damn summer of her life.

WHEN I CAME TO SOUTH CAROLINA,
I said my only agenda was to have fun. After everything I went through with Evan, I called off relationships for the time being. I’ve spent the last four months licking my wounds and trying to go out and have fun, but I just don’t know how to do casual. I’ve only been with two men, both of which were my boyfriends at the time.

How does one separate love and sex? I keep telling myself to just have fun, be the fun Ashlynn everyone knows and loves, and go for it. Chase is incredibly sexy, and would be the perfect rebound guy to help get me over my slump since Evan, but with every passing day, I find myself falling for him.

I’ve told myself to make some distance between us, go out and party with my girls and flirt with other men, anything to help lesson my attraction to Chase, but as soon as the idea crosses my mind, I push it away. The only guy I want to be around is Chase.

To make matters worse, I found myself more hurt and upset over the fact Chase slept with Sophie after our amazing day out on his boat than I did when I discovered Evan cheating on me! That fact alone has me freaking the hell out. Why am I falling for a man I know I can’t have? Who in their right mind would want to be with a guy who lives states away?

The idea of him even wanting to be with me for more than just friends who sleep with one another is ridiculous. I don’t even know why the thought would cross my mind. He’d never be able to last months with us apart, while I’m at school and he’s traveling for racing. Guys can’t stay faithful half the time while they have their significant other at their disposal. How the hell could one expect them to when they’re not even in the same state?

I just need to stop thinking. That’s my entire problem. I’m thinking way the hell too much. I need to just go for, have sex with Chase, end this God forsaken dry spell I’ve had, and then move on. It’s the only way I’ll leave back to Georgia with my heart still intact.

We’ve been sitting on the stairs for a few minutes talking about our run-in with Sophie today, and now I’m officially talked out. I’m done giving that girl another second of my time. Still holding Chase’s hand, I stand and stare down at him with a soft smile on my lips. “You want to wait in my room while I shower, or do you need to go change?”

I’m not going to waste any more energy being mad. We’re both single. He had every right to sleep with that girl. I may not like it, and I admit it hurts like hell thinking about it, but it is what it is. He’s here with me, not with her, so I need to focus on that.

He lets out a sigh and runs his hand over his head as a look of relief flashes across his face. “I’m going in what I’m wearing. The only girl I am worried about impressing is you, and if you think what I’m wearing is good enough, then I’ll gladly follow you inside.”

I lead Chase through the house and into my bedroom. He tries to head straight for the couch, but I tug on his arm, telling him he’s coming to my room. He’s been inside the beach house a few times, and I’ve been in his, but never in the bedroom. He always stayed in our living room, I think because he was afraid if he was alone with me, he wouldn’t be able to keep going ‘slow’ with whatever it is we’re doing.

I’m done going slow. I know I told him I wasn’t sure if I could handle just sex and not let emotions get in the way, but I’m going to try. I need to, or I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t want to return to Georgia and be burdened with ‘what ifs’ as I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d just had sex with him.

Leaving him on my bed playing on his phone, I slip into my ensuite and take a shower. I’ve never been more grateful for having the best room in the house than I am today. As I’m rinsing my hair, I hear a knock at my bathroom door, and my stomach immediately flips with excitement as the idea of Chase joining me in the shower crosses my mind.