Just Claire (5 page)

He thumped his chest. “I'm the oldest boy, so don't call me names.”

Remembering yesterday in the locker room, ClaireLee's heart wrenched. She raised her chin in defiance, but she couldn't shake the thought.
You're a grade flunker.
Deflated, she kept her eyes upon her task, ashamed for her brother to see her face. “I'm sorry, you're right.”

“Yeah, and don't you forget
it
.”

Belinda patted ClaireLee on the back. “What a forgivin' nature.”

“No, she doesn't.” Liam's face became red. “She's being all nicey picey 'cause you're here.”

ClaireLee's cheeks warmed. “You're treading on my last nerve, mister.” If Belinda hadn't been there, she would have shoved him for emphasis. She spread out the candy wrapper for a plate and prayed in silence,
God, please shut his mouth.

“If you must know,” she said to Liam, “I earned this candy back home. My friend, Lizbeth, and I cleaned her mom's house.” ClaireLee thought for a second. “This candy has
got
to cheer us.”

Raising his voice a notch, Liam said, “You can't make me happy, ClaireLee. You goofed when you didn't wake us in time for school.”

Working at breaking off the first piece of candy, ClaireLee wagged her head. “Well, forgive me for living.”

“This is the dumbest thing I've
ever
heard you say,” Liam said.

Belinda cleared her throat. “I gotta get back to class.” ClaireLee chopped a chunk, an extra-large piece, and gave it to her.

“Hey.” Liam bolted to his feet. “There's not going to be enough. Chop hers smaller.”

Nerves snapped inside of ClaireLee, and she dove for Liam and shoved. He stumbled and hit the crown of his head against the window frame of the vacant cabin. Hollering a war whoop, Liam flew at her, his face pinched with rage

Inches from striking ClaireLee, Liam plowed into Belinda, who had stepped between them. She held his arms against his sides. “Ya don't want to do it, Liam. My grandma always says it's bad for boys to beat on girls. It doesn't matter how testy they get.”

Flailing his legs, he hollered, “This is not your fight.”

“I'm making it my business, so stop flopping like a chicken with its head cut off.”

Now she's protecting me?
ClaireLee stared at the scene in disbelief.

Despite Liam's twisting and struggling, Belinda held his arms firm as though he were an ant. “Won't let you go until you settle yourself down.” When he still wiggled like a worm, she said, “I do need to haul myself over to class.”

Grayson patted Belinda's leg from where he sat on the wooden slats of the porch. “Are you gonna hurt my brother?”

“Heavens, no.” She craned back her neck and guffawed until she could catch her breath. “I'm teachin' your big brother here some manners.”

“Let me go,” Liam said, “or I'll kick you.”

ClaireLee stood, while Lolly clung to her shirt. “Liam, you better shut your mouth.”

Shaking her head, Belinda said, “I don't believe for one second you'd do this.” She flipped him around, and now his back faced her. Hooking a leg around his legs, she caught him in a scissors-like vise between her own.

“I'm telling my daddy on you.” Liam whimpered and then he cried, “You're being mean.”

“Now, now,” Belinda said, “have I gone and hurt ya?”

“N-n-no.” Liam stopped moving.

“Are ya gonna be good now?” Belinda petted his head.

Amazed at how Belinda could take control of a situation, ClaireLee admired her.

“Yeah,” he said.

Bending forward, ClaireLee tapped his arm. “Why don't we try harder, Liam, to be nice to each other? It's just us kids taking care of each other while Mama and Daddy are gone.”

“Okay.” Liam sniffed, and Belinda freed his lower body.

She now released his arms, and Liam scrubbed his face on a sleeve. He sat down, blinking and sucking in a breath.

“Thanks for the food, ClaireLee.” Belinda patted her coat where the second biscuit sat in her pocket. “I hope y'all will be at school tomorrow.”

Going there sounded better to ClaireLee than it had earlier. She hacked off another chunk just as big as Belinda's and gave it to Liam. “We'll be there.”

Facing forward, Belinda stepped off the porch and waved her arm high in the air as in good-bye. She passed the fourth cabin and disappeared.

After dividing the candy, the siblings slurped and smacked on their butterscotch treats. Within their circle, ClaireLee couldn't hold back the tears any longer. The kids stared at her. First one and another joined her in crying. Finally, ClaireLee told Grayson, “Would you get a roll of toilet paper from our cabin?”

When he came, they wiped their cheeks and the snot which ran to meet their chins.

They should have never moved and left their home in Oregon, and ClaireLee could do nothing to change their circumstances. Now, what ClaireLee wanted more was her mother here with them. She folded her hands and said, “Let's pray for Mama, you guys.”

T
he next morning
, the principal allowed Lolly another day at school. An hour into class time, someone knocked on the door of ClaireLee's classroom. Liam stepped inside. He said to Mrs. Reed, “I need my sister, ClaireLee.”

It's Lolly.

Motioning ClaireLee over, Mrs. Reed said, “Step outside to talk, Claire.”

With the door shut behind her, ClaireLee said, “Lolly's crying, isn't she?”

“She won't stop either.” Liam stuffed hands in his pockets. “Making herself good and sick, too.” He pulled out a hand and waved it frantically. “Mrs. White says she's disrupting the students.”

ClaireLee nibbled on her lip. “She needs me.”

Removing the other hand from his pocket, Liam fluttered it about as he spoke. “Yeah, and she wants Mama and Daddy, too.”

Thinking, she tapped her shoe on the cement floor of the outdoor hallway. “I'll see if Mrs. Reed will let Lolly stay with me. If not, I'll take her back to the cabin.”

Leaving her brother, ClaireLee prayed the whole way to Mrs. Reed's desk.
Please, Lord, let the teacher say no. I'd rather be at home waiting for Mama.
She stood, silent, until Mrs. Reed glimpsed up from her papers. “My little sister Lolly won't stop crying. Do you think she could come into our class?”

Mrs. Reed locked eyes with ClaireLee, not saying anything for a moment. “Go get her, Claire.”

If only the teacher would have said no.
ClaireLee bowed her head and went to Liam, unable to muster the courage and leave the school.
Surely, Daddy would understand and not be angry with me.
She
grabbed Liam's arm. “Come on.” But Daddy wouldn't like it.

Entering his room, ClaireLee walked toward the sound of Lolly's sobbing. She had her forehead on her crossed arms, and her shoulders heaved. The teacher, Mrs. White, and Grayson stood next to Lolly. Expressions on the faces of the students were as sad as Lolly sounded.

Hurrying to Lolly's side, ClaireLee said, “Baby, I'm here.” Lolly threw herself against ClaireLee, her body trembling. ClaireLee said to Mrs. White, “Mrs. Reed told me I could take her to our classroom.”

“It would be best.” Mrs. White's dark-eyed gaze pinned ClaireLee's. “I did what I could to calm her.” She stroked Lolly's head. “Poor little thing.”

Something about the words
poor
and
little
and
thing
didn't sit well with ClaireLee.
Pathetic. Pity. We don't need it.
Her stare stayed glued on the teacher. “Let's go, Lolly.”

When ClaireLee led Lolly into her own class, Mrs. Reed helped to settle them at a table in the back of the room. The students' eyes were on her, and her neck grew warm from the attention. Lolly was hiccupping leftover sobs, and ClaireLee whispered in her ear, “You're okay, baby. You're with me now.”

Lolly scrubbed at her tears and snorted a drawn-out snuffle.
I should take her to the cabin.
ClaireLee pulled Lolly to her and covered her with firm arms. “Shh, shh, sweetheart.” She kissed her forehead, rocking back and forth, and tried to think of what to say next.
I'll convince Daddy it was the only thing to do.

Right then, Mrs. Reed rapped a ruler on her desk. “Class, stop what you're doing.” ClaireLee lifted her chin from where it rested on Lolly's head. “We'll practice, once again, the under-your-desk drill, which we did last week.”

Jiminy Crickets, a drill?

“You're to begin on my count of three. One, two, three.”

Everyone scrambled underneath their desks and tucked their heads. ClaireLee pulled Lolly and ducked under the table. Lolly giggled and ClaireLee said, “Shush.”

“But, Sissy Pie,” she whispered aloud, “I like this game.”

“I said, shhh.” Curled in a ball against her sister, she stretched her neck and peeked around the room at floor level. Wendy Lavender wore the same smug expression and wiggled her fingers at ClaireLee, and she ignored her.
When she apologizes for calling me a grade flunker, maybe I'll be nice to her.

Mrs. Reed said, “Stay quiet until I say otherwise. If Russians were to shoot missiles, you would be under your desks for much longer.”

Again, Lolly laughed. ClaireLee pressed a palm over her sister's mouth, and her fingers touched the smudge of gravy crust left over from breakfast.
I'm not afraid of a war. I'm more afraid of being alone another night with the kids. What would happen to them if Mama didn't come back from the hospital? What would happen to me?

T
he following day
in the lunchroom, ClaireLee reflected on her conversation with Big Red from last night.
I still can't believe Mama and Daddy weren't with him.

Belinda parked her chin on ClaireLee's shoulder, startling her and making her jump. “You scared the life out of me.” She poked out her elbows to make more room between Lolly and Belinda, and then adjusted Lolly's lopsided bib napkin.

“You're too quiet.” Belinda responded by scooting half a seat away. “And ya didn't answer me.”

“I didn't hear you.” ClaireLee lifted the top bread of her sandwich and sprinkled raisins on her peanut butter.

“I asked if you were mulling over stuff.”

“If it means thinking about things,” ClaireLee cupped her hand around her sandwich— “then yes, I'm mulling over stuff.”

“Well?” Belinda inched closer. “What about?”

Concentrating on an even pressure, ClaireLee smashed her bread thinner between her palms. “Big Red came over last night and gave me a message from Daddy.”

“Yeah, he drove our school bus, again.” Belinda arched her unscarred brow. “Tell me what he said.”

Although she was ready to take a bite, she set the sandwich on her napkin. “Mama needs more rest in the hospital, and Daddy's not leaving.”

“Ah, shucks, you're still alone. I'll ask Grandma if we could stay with ya until your folks get back.”

About to roll her eyes, ClaireLee blinked instead.
What if I didn't like her grandma? I'd be stuck.
“Thanks, but we'll be fine. Big Red said if I need anything to give a holler. And, he told Daddy he would check on us often.”

“Did your daddy just start on the tunnel?”

Needing to finish her food, ClaireLee chewed another mouthful before answering. “Daddy's been here for months, and we had to come, so he could deliver the new baby. When do you think the tunnel job will be done? I want to go back home to Oregon.”

“Not for a long time.” Belinda drank from her milk carton, gulping down the contents. “How do I look? Do I have a mustache?”

ClaireLee brushed away imaginary hairs, unwilling to comment. Silly? Goofy? A clown? “Nice.”

Even more like a clown, Belinda's eyes danced and her milk mouth wobbled. “Guess what?”

She swept bread crumbs from the table and into her hand. “I give up.”

To ClaireLee's relief, Belinda swiped her mouth clean with a napkin. “Besides us having the same birthday month, I was born at home like you.”

There she goes again, deciding she knows all about me.
“No, I was born in a hospital. Daddy delivered all the kids after me.”

Reaching behind her head, Belinda pushed her ponytail tighter. “I had an exciting birth, but I don't remember it.” Her laugh ended with a snort. “My ma almost birthed me in Clear Creek behind our house.”

Was this a true story?
ClaireLee opened her mouth, but didn't know what to say.

The girls ate in silence again, but soon Belinda began a new conversation. “I'll bet ya wanted a sister.”

Belinda is such a chatterbox I better eat, or Big Red will be sweeping me out with his broom
.

“We did—huh, baby girl?” ClaireLee asked Lolly.

“Yeah.” Lolly squinted at Belinda. “We have another meanie brother.”

“He's not mean, yet. He can't talk.” ClaireLee's chest heaved at the image of him screaming and kicking.

Lifting her fingers, Belinda counted. “This baby makes three boys against two girls.” She stuffed the apple core into her sack.

ClaireLee said to Lolly, “It's too bad, isn't it?” Lolly blew on her tongue, and the sisters giggled.

A few rows behind them, the Lavender Girls snickered. What if they were scowling at her because they knew she had flunked a grade? Curiosity nudged ClaireLee to peek at them. “
Double dare you.”
ClaireLee nearly jumped at the words. Her brothers teased with this saying all the time.

The laughing behind ClaireLee continued.
What if the Lavender Girls were making fun of me?
“
I double dare you.”
She didn't want to glimpse at the snooty Lavenders. They'd know for sure she cared what they thought of her. The pull was too great. Wendy and Kaye had their heads together, and what they were saying, she didn't know. Valerie, the third girl, tipped her head and stared at ClaireLee.

More than happy to do so, ClaireLee's eyes beamed at Valerie and she faced forward.
At least one of them is nice. She's also short.

Right then, Belinda slouched and ClaireLee said, “What's wrong?”

“Ya don't wanna know.”

Oh, brother, what's coming next?
“Maybe I don't.” She bit into the last of Mama's homemade bread, baked before the move to Gallagher Springs. “Maybe I do.”

Glancing sideways before she spoke, Belinda whispered, “My ma won't be having any more kids.”

Casually, ClaireLee said, “Why?”

“Two summers ago,” Belinda leaned closer, “Pa drowned in the Rushing River.”

Mist filled ClaireLee's eyes, and she reached for her thermos of milk.
Maybe this is why she's different. I don't know what I'd do without my daddy.

“My stars,” Belinda said, “you're senseless.”

Her swallow of milk got caught halfway down, and ClaireLee choked. Belinda thumped her on the back. Catching her breath, she said, “You're calling me stupid?”

“I just meant—”

Shuddering from a clogged throat, ClaireLee wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Sensitive?”

“Yeah.” Belinda snapped her fingers. “Ya, know, ClaireLee, I been needin' an honest friend like you.” Leaning near ClaireLee's ear, she said, “Not fake, like Wendy Lavender and Kaye Tyner.”

Not again.
ClaireLee stuffed a potato chip in her mouth, letting it go soggy.

“As my grandma would say, ‘Some people are shallow puddles.'” Belinda scooted closer. “Nosirree, you and me? We ain't the sort. Grandma would call us ‘deep pools of water.'”

ClaireLee grew jittery, but—
Belinda's lonely for her daddy.
Even though ClaireLee just knew Belinda would smother her, she didn't want to hurt her feelings. She didn't move away from the warmth of Belinda's arm.

I
n the evening
, after his school bus route, Big Red checked on ClaireLee and her siblings. If her daddy didn't come by morning, Big Red gave his word to wake her again with a knock on the cabin door. As he left her porch and walked across the way, ClaireLee knew she would sleep better, like she did last night, with him now at home.

At dark, ClaireLee parted the kitchen curtains time and again. Big Red's cabin lights eased her fears of another evening without Mama and Daddy. At one point, she realized just how scared she had been the first two nights. Their cabin's faint porch light had done little to squelch her fear of the dark. For the hundredth time, she peered through the window at Big Red's glowing panes.
Safer. We're safer.
She let the curtain fall.

At bedtime, the kids fell asleep with no problems. Afterward, ClaireLee checked Big Red's place through the open curtain.
I should have asked him to leave his porch light on like he did last night.
She shivered, cupping her elbows in her palms as she sat at the table with her favorite book,
Childcraft of Fairytales
. Before this, she'd read a Nancy Drew mystery, but the walls became the story and creaked at the scary parts.

Once more, ClaireLee worried over the lockless front door. Then—
why didn't I think of this before?
Huffing in disgust, she leaned a chair against the doorknob and grew calmer still.

She shouldered her responsibility like a grown-up one moment. The next second, she trembled like a scared baby, and this filled her with shame. No longer, though, for ClaireLee determined to have courage.

Switching the volume knob to low, she flipped on her radio. Watching her siblings for the fourth night, there was a hollow ache of loneliness beating a twinge inside her chest. She sang quietly,
“Sweet silver song of a lark. . .”

While she sang another verse, a crunch hit the front door. The knob handle jammed, and ClaireLee froze.
Will the chair hold?

A gruff voice said, “Let me in, Claire Bear.”

Daddy.

Already imagining her mother standing there holding the baby, she dashed from the table. She fumbled with the chair and threw open the door.

He shuffled in, and ClaireLee craned her head to see if Mama was coming.

With a wrinkled and haggard expression, Daddy said, “I couldn't stay any longer at the hospital.”

“Is Mama okay?” ClaireLee grabbed him and hugged real tight. “How's the baby? How long will they be gone?”

Raking a hand through his brown curls, Daddy left her standing alone at the woodstove. He crossed the threshold of his bedroom and disappeared. “Your mama needs rest.” Leather boot strings slapped as he unlaced them. Boots hit the floor.
Thump, thump
. “I need some sleep.”

Following, she stopped near the door and leaned her shoulder against the thin wall, bordering her parents' bedroom.

“Gotta work tomorrow.” His belt slid through the loops of his jeans. “You'll stay home and watch Lolly, fix meals, I don't know for how long.”