Just Breathe Again (11 page)

  “I didn’t know what she could use, Jeannie,” she said, wiping her nose. 

  “It’s fine, Mom. I know when she wakes up, she’ll love them,” said Jeannie, sitting with her daughter while rubbing her hand. Jeannie didn’t want to argue with her. Victoria pulled up a chair and sat with them crying. Jeannie was in no mood to worry about putting her mom at ease. She had the strength to keep her daughter comfortable and not concern herself with anyone else. 

  As her mom wiped her nose, she asked about dinner plans. “What are you doing about dinner tonight, Jeannie?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t even thought that far. I’m sure Michael will eat with John and Marsha, and I’ll make a sandwich. If Lydia wakes up and wants something, I go get her whatever she asks for. The nurse said whatever she asks for, give it to her. Last night she asked for mashed potatoes and corn. It depends what she can tolerate,” said Jeannie, still staring at her daughter. 

  “Why don’t I get dinner tonight? I can order something from a restaurant, go pick it up, and bring dinner back.”

  “Its fine, Mom. You don’t have to keep buying things. The gifts were enough.”

  “I’m not buying to buy them, Jeannie. I love you and I bought gifts,” said Victoria.

  “Loving someone, Mom is not buying them. Loving someone is being there with them when they need you.” Jeannie stopped herself and wished she wouldn’t have said anything. Her mom would get mad or have her feelings hurt at the drop of a hat.

  “I’m not buying anyone. It’s the way I show love. I’m sorry if it’s not what I should do. I don’t know what else I can do. I thought you could use new clothes and a day at the spa.”

  “I appreciate the gesture. What I could use, is for you to hug me, sit with me, and tell me everything is going to be okay,” cried Jeannie.

  “I don’t understand you taking your anger out on me. I guess it’s okay. You wanted a punching bag so I’m it,” said Victoria.

 “I’m not taking any anger out on anyone, Mom. I don’t see the need in buying them their love. What they need is love. They have adjusted to not having anything since Vince passed away.” 

  “I won’t do this again. I can see my generosity upsets you. Is this behavior because I can afford it and you can’t anymore?”

  “That’s a cruel thing to say to me. No, that isn’t why. I can’t believe you said that.”

  Marsha was listening from the upstairs vent where she heard everything. It took most of her strength not to go down there and punch the woman in her face. How dare she act like that? At least Jeannie gave it to her a bit. She was becoming stronger over the last month. If she would have been Marsha’s mom she would not set foot back in the house again, or let her see her grandchildren until she acted like a proper grandmother, and that would be after she punched her in the face.

  Victoria sat with Jeannie for a while after staring off and pouting. Her usual response when she didn’t like what someone said to her. Dinner delivered by the local restaurant later that afternoon, and it was more food than anyone could eat in three days. The one thing she didn’t do that Jeannie asked for, was to hug her and tell her everything would be okay. When she boarded a plane home she promised to be back to spend more time with Lydia. She wouldn’t be back until the funeral.

Chapter 9

A
fter Lydia fell asleep one afternoon, Jeannie took some time to clean out a closet and do laundry.  Michael was at school, Marsha was shopping, and John was working.

 While she was straightening her shoes she saw a box, opened it, and looked inside. Underneath some personal items, she saw Vince’s favorite carry bag he took with him on the motorcycle. She had not seen the bag since they gave it to her in the hospital. With everything going on, the bag was shoved in a box and forgotten about. She felt a shiver go through her when she touched the worn out leather and pulled it out of the box. Jeannie smiled when she remembered calling his bag a purse to tease him. She even put a tube of lipstick in there to mess with him. The lipstick was still there and made Jeannie laugh.

  Inside the bag were the clothes he wore that day. His jeans were splattered with his blood. His favorite black t-shirt was ripped and dirty. The leather coat he was wearing, also torn, and the biker boots he had on, scuffed up and the heel gone on one boot. The most important thing was, the headband he wore when he rode. The headband was black with skulls on it and he wore it the last day he made love to her. It made her heart hurt to see it as she held it to her chest and closed her eyes. She held up his shirt to her nose and tried to breathe in his cologne. There was a slight scent of him still embedded in the fibers. The realization those clothes touched his body was more than she could endure. One thing in his bag took her by surprise. Inside was a picture of herself, sitting on his motorcycle after they got married. She looked so young, innocent, and clueless what her life would be like in a few years. Smiling and blowing him a kiss, she remembered Vince taking the picture. The sadness of needing her husband, and the despair of watching her daughter die, began to send her into a tailspin. She knew she had to keep herself together for her daughter and her son.

  Also inside his bag was his wallet, cell phone, keys, and pocket knife. Jeannie didn’t turn off his cell phone service, but of course the battery was dead. Buried in the bottom of the bag was his rope bracelet he wore every day. The bracelet that scratched her body at times when they made love, was on his wrist that day. She took the phone out and placed it on her nightstand. The charger she had for her phone worked for Vince’s phone, as well. She ran and grabbed the charger out of her purse and plugged Vince’s phone in. For what reason, she didn’t know. After the first six months, she stopped calling it twenty times a day to hear his voice.

  One afternoon when she went to take a nap, she picked up Vince’s phone, scrolling through old numbers that called, Jeannie noticed many numbers called after his death. Other than hers, there was a number that had called repeatedly for the past year. A number she didn’t recognize or ever saw before on the home phone. It bothered her all day, and after taking care of Lydia, she planned on investigating.

 Lydia was up and asked to take a shower. She was acting alive and was doing fine at the moment. Jeannie had to help her in the shower, and stay with her so she didn’t get dizzy. Hospice gave them a special chair to put in the shower so she could sit and Jeannie could wash her when she was too weak. Jeannie would help wash her and leave so she could sit under the shower and have the hot water bathe her weakening body. That day, Lydia was strong enough to wash herself.

She heard the water shut off and Jeannie didn’t want to scare her. 

  “Hey, baby. Are you done?”

  “Almost, Mom. Steven is coming over tonight. If I can stay awake, we’re going to watch a movie,”

  “That’s great, sweetheart,” said Jeannie.

  “I’m feeling pretty good tonight. What are you going to do?” she asked. She looked so tired and sick sitting in the shower. 

  Jeannie grabbed a big towel and helped Lydia stand up. “Oh, nothing. You know me and my exciting nights. I may watch a movie with Marsha, or read a book. Michael is at Zach’s so I don’t have to worry, and now I’m so excited that you’re going to have fun. I’ll make popcorn and stay out of your hair.” She hugged Lydia tight, getting in as many hugs as she could. She was slowing down a lot, and they noticed she slept more than she was awake. One day would be good, and then the next she wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. She had not changed her mind about chemo though Jeannie noticed on her computer, she looked up her brain tumor type several times. That night, made them forget about Lydia being sick. For a few moments, she was a teenager having her best friend over on a Friday night. Those were the nights Jeannie lived for.

  The familiar sound of Steven walking through the door was comforting.

  “Hi, Gorgies. How’s life going today?”

  “Hi Steven, we are doing well. How are you?”

  “I’m wonderful. My girl feels good enough to watch movies with me. Life doesn’t get much better. Are you going out tonight, beauty?” he asked Jeannie.

  “No, Steven. I’m staying in and decorating for Halloween. You know its Lydia’s favorite holiday, and mine too. I’m making Halloween a big deal this year.” She whispered.

  “Where is she?” he asked.

  Lydia peaked her head out of the bathroom door. “I’m right here, and I can hear everything you two are saying.”  

  Marsha yelled from upstairs. “Would you like coffee, Steven?” She always makes coffee when he comes over and loves being with him. 

  “Yes, honey. I like my coffee like I like my men, you know.” He yelled up at her.

  She laughed. “You are a nut.”

     “Oh no, you didn’t say nut. Honey, stop.” They both laughed hysterically.

  After Marsha had coffee with him and talked his ear off, he settled in with Lydia to watch some horror movie. For a split second it was as if there was nothing wrong. For a moment they were just normal people enjoying a Friday night. After popping her famous popcorn with melted American cheese and butter, Jeannie decided to get busy on decorating. She needed to take the time to unwind and try to relax. Marsha must have read her mind. She walked outside to help Jeannie with the decorations, holding a bottle of Sambuca and two shot glasses. With a remote in her hand, “Piece of my Heart” started playing on the outside speaker. 

  “You read my mind,” said Jeannie.

  “Saddle up, Sally, and let’s forget our troubles tonight. We’re going to enjoy this beautiful evening.  Look at the stars and the moon up there. This universe is bigger than we can ever imagine,” said Marsha, pouring their first shot. 

  Marsha smiled taking the first shot and grimacing. “As Janis would say, you can destroy your nows, by worrying about tomorrow.”

  Marsha took more shots while she unraveled the orange and purple lights she put up every year. She had huge animated monsters in her basement she dragged out and flopped on the yard. It looked like they were setting up for a horror movie. She must have had at least ten life-size creatures to put out.

  “These are rich people decorations. Must be nice,” joked Jeannie with her best buddy.

 “No, a crazy compulsive shopper who can’t say no to decorations. Who needs a half-eaten body that crawls around the floor?”

  “Only you, Marsha. This scare the crap out of Michael,” Jeannie smiled.

  “I was thinking more of Steven.” Jeannie smiled and sipped her shot glass full of Sambuca.  

  “What the hell is that? I thought I taught you better. Get that shit down your throat woman,” said Marsha.

  Jeannie obliged and grimaced at the sweet burning licorice taste of the alcohol burning her throat. 

  Marsha immediately poured them another. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

   “Not too fast, Marsha. It’s been awhile since I drank and I’ve been on high powered antidepressants, you know. I have to take it easy. What if Lydia needs me?”

  “Lydia is okay, and she is with Steven. Take a few hours and quit worrying.”

  “I can’t ever quit worrying. By the way, remember the belongings from Vince they gave me at the hospital?”  

  “I remember. You put it up in the closet,” said Marsha, pouring another shot.

  “Well, I charged his old cell phone the other day out of habit. There was a number that came up several times. I called the number back, but no one answered. What do you think?”

  “It was a mistake or someone’s calling for work to be done. I’m sure his number is still out there. Why? You don’t think it’s a woman, do you? Why would a woman be calling now? It’s been two years.” asked Marsha.

  “I don’t know.” 

  “He’s not like John, Jeannie. And come on, she would have come out sooner than now,” said Marsha, talking too much.

  “Stop it, John wouldn’t cheat on you. He’s in love with you,” said Jeannie.

  The fire began to burn out so Marsha stood up to put another log on the fire pit. 

  “Where do you think he is, Jeannie?” she asked, still standing.

  “What are you talking about? He’s on a business trip like he always is,” said Jeannie.

  “Yes, like he always is, with another woman he has been seeing for the past ten years. He admitted to the affair, and told me I could either accept her or leave. Yes, my perfect life is not so perfect. On top of that, she had his child five years ago. Should I keep going? Not only did she have his child, but he throws that up to me because I couldn’t have any. If I was smarter, which obviously I’m not, I would have left years ago. I just hate to be alone, Jeannie. That’s what scares me the most. Yes, I don’t have a terminally ill daughter, but I have my problems, too. It’s life, and we have to keep on keeping on.”

  “What? This is crazy,” said Jeannie, feeling a little mad.  She trusted John and couldn’t see him doing something so deceitful.

  “Please, I didn’t want you to know. It’s embarrassing. He’s a wonderful man except for his, indiscretions. I love him to death and couldn’t live without him. I have to share him if I want him,” Marsha said.

  Jeannie was speechless even after three shots of Sambuca. Who would have ever dreamed this was the case?  Jeannie thought they had the perfect life. The life they portrayed made her envious. She always thought they had everything. There life was a big lie. 

Chapter 10

E
veryone’s favorite holiday, Halloween, arrived and Lydia spent more time in bed sleeping and staring at the television. The day was not what they had hoped it to be, and everyone held their breath, afraid Lydia may be taking a turn for the worst. Michael planned to go trick-or-treating with Steven, something him and Lydia did every year. Michael was going as a character from one of his video games, but wasn’t excited like he normally would be. Steven, dressed like Tina Turner, was set to take him around the neighborhood. Once they headed out, Lydia woke up.