Just Between Us (51 page)

‘Of course I can come, darling. Don’t worry. Tell Mum not to worry, either.’

Alarm bells jangled in Stella’s head. He couldn’t mean that he was going to see Jenna and Wendy now. Jenna and Sara were going to an afternoon open-air gig in the Phoenix Park, which was why they’d cancelled their usual Sunday visit with Nick. That had given Stella the chance to organise this impromptu lunch. She didn’t usually plan anything with Nick on Sundays because it was one of his days
with the girls. But now that Stella had planned something, Jenna had changed her mind. Impotent fury raged through Stella.

Nick’s face said sorry before he had a chance to get the words out.

‘It’s Jenna,’ he said. ‘Wendy’s car battery is dead and she can’t drive them to the concert. There are four of them going, so I said I’d drop over and drive them.’

‘Now?’

Nick grimaced. ‘Yes, now. Sorry, Stella, but she begged me.’

‘What’s wrong with the bus or a taxi?’ Stella asked tartly.

‘They’ll be late for the concert if they try either of those. You know what buses and taxis are like on Sundays. Listen, I won’t be long.’

‘You won’t be here to help me; you won’t be here to entertain everyone, even though it’s supposed to be our lunch.’ Stella could feel the blood thumping angrily through her arteries. ‘Why couldn’t you have said no to Jenna? This is important to me.’

‘It’s only a lunch,’ he said in placatory tones.

At this, all Stella’s much-vaunted patience drained away.

Nick tried to drop a forgive-me kiss onto her forehead but she was in no mood for kisses.

‘Only a lunch?’ she shrieked. ‘It’s not only a lunch. I invited my friends to come here and spend time with us, not me,
us
. And you have to go before they even arrive because your daughter can’t bear to be late to a concert and demands that you drive her instead of getting the bus like normal teenagers.’

This outburst from his gentle, calm Stella shocked Nick. ‘It’s not like that,’ he protested.

‘That’s exactly what it’s like,’ she shot back. ‘I can see precisely where I stand in your life, Nick. Way down the food chain, a long way below Jenna and Sara. No wonder Jenna doesn’t show me any respect –
you
don’t show me
any respect! She knows that all she has to do is click her fingers and you jump, regardless of what I want. That’s what you’ve taught her, Nick, and I’m fed up with it.’

Nick listened silently to the tirade.

‘Do you know what’s the worst thing?’ Stella added. ‘I’m beginning to understand how Wendy felt – sidelined by Jenna and Sara.’

‘Please don’t say that, Stella,’ he begged. ‘You know how much I love you. This is something I have to do. Don’t make it into a big choice: you or my daughters.’

‘I’ve never asked you to choose,’ Stella said bleakly. ‘Never. I understand what it’s like to love a child, I’d never expect you to give that up for me. But you can love me
and
your daughters. All I’m asking for is respect from you and your family but Jenna will never respect me because you let her away with it; you’ve chosen to ignore her behaviour because you’re consumed with guilt over the divorce, and the person who gets hurt is me. So there
is
a choice in all of this.’ Stella stared at him. ‘And you’ve clearly made your decision. I’ve been too stupid to realise it up to now.’ She whirled around and began pointlessly re-chopping the fresh basil she’d already chopped.

‘I won’t be long, I’ll be back before you know it,’ Nick said. ‘We’ll talk about it then, please?’

She didn’t reply. Normally, Nick never so much as went out to buy a newspaper without kissing her goodbye tenderly. Today, she knew she couldn’t look at him again without screaming with all the pent-up rage that had curdled inside her for so long.

She listened to the sound of him picking up his car keys, then the front door shut and Stella burst into tears. The whole day was ruined and she knew who was to blame.

An hour later, nobody would have known that Stella had spent ten minutes crying in the bathroom where Amelia wouldn’t see her. The only tell-tale sign was the fact that Stella’s face was more made-up than usual, with heavier
foundation to hide any tear stains and a smoky blast of Cabaret-style eyeliner to camouflage redness. Amelia didn’t notice that her mother had changed from her strappy top into a long flowing linen shirt that covered her as successfully as a Bedouin tent. Stella couldn’t bear to go on wearing the little top that Nick had admired so, she felt foolish in it. Her linen shirt was pre-Nick, pre-historic really.

‘Hazel, Ivan, come in!’ said Stella brightly when she answered the door to her guests. ‘Hello, Shona and Becky.’ She kissed both little girls, then hugged their parents.

‘You look very cool,’ said Hazel as she shut the door. ‘I’ve never seen you wear that before. Is it a kaftan?’

The doorbell rang merrily again. On the doorstep stood Vicki, Craig and a big bouquet of flowers.

‘Hello,’ said Vicki. ‘It’s only us.’

Stella greeted them effusively, and had to stop herself getting teary-eyed at the beautiful bouquet. Vicki was such a generous person. She wouldn’t dream of visiting a friend without bearing gifts.

‘You shouldn’t have, Vicki,’ Stella said, ‘but I’m glad you did. They’re lovely.’

‘You deserve them after doing all the cooking,’ Vicki grinned. ‘I’m famished, so I hope you’ve made buckets of whatever it is. I’m taking a day off my diet.’

Craig followed her, carrying a bottle of wine. Craig’s two-year pursuit of Vicki had finally paid off. Cheeky-faced with a mop of sandy hair and a quick-fire sense of humour, he was the perfect match for Vicki, whom he adored.

Stella led the way through to the courtyard and when the new paint job and the carefully-laid mosaic table with its pretty dishes and orange gerbera flower arrangement had been admired, Vicki plonked herself down on a chair, closed her eyes to the sun and basked. ‘I love eating outdoors,’ she sighed. ‘This is a wonderful idea, Stella. Thank you.’

Ivan and Craig sat down, while the twins and Amelia disappeared into the house on some errand of mischief. They spent all of their time in the twins’ house, so it was doubly
exciting for the three of them to be together in Amelia’s home and she was keen to show them her newest treasures.

‘Drinks, everyone?’ asked Stella.

When Stella hurried back inside to get the mineral water and wine, Hazel followed.

‘Nick’s not here yet?’ she asked, admiring the platters of food in the fridge when Stella opened it.

‘Oh, he was called away on a work thing,’ said Stella airily. ‘The office alarm went off and he went in. He shouldn’t be long.’

Much and all as she hated lying to dear Hazel, Stella couldn’t bear to feel her friend’s inevitable pity if she revealed exactly where Nick had gone and why. It was bad enough that Stella now knew Nick would choose his daughters over her, every time. She didn’t want her friends to know it too. A woman could only take so much humiliation.

‘On a Sunday? What a pain,’ commiserated Hazel. ‘Wow, that looks incredible,’ she added as Stella lifted her pears and cheese combination and placed the dish under the grill.

Stella handed the wine and a bottle of mineral water to her friend. ‘Would you pour?’ she asked. ‘I’ve got to stay here.’

She went through the motions of finishing off the lunch preparations, and overheard Ivan ask when Nick was coming.

‘Oh, he got called in to work,’ Hazel replied.

‘Poor lamb, he’ll miss all the food,’ said Vicki sympathetically. ‘What is it about work – just when you’ve planned something wonderful, work messes it up.’

They talked of other things and by the time Stella emerged with two platters, the conversation had moved on to soccer.

In every respect, it was a perfect lazy lunch. Stella carried out her mini stereo so that the three children could listen to the pop music they loved. The sun shone all afternoon and there was much angling of the big sun parasol so that people could stay out of the burning heat. The buzz of happy chatter was loud and Stella was determined to act the hostess with
the mostest, cheerily filling glasses, chatting nineteen to the dozen, jumping up from her seat to bring out a gorgeous strawberry meringue and fresh fruit for dessert. But, all the time, she was listening anxiously for the phone. Had Nick taken her outburst to heart, she wondered? Had he decided not to bother coming back at all?

‘Please, no more,’ groaned Ivan, when he’d had two portions of meringue and was leaning back in his chair patting his belly.

‘It’s time we went home,’ Hazel said regretfully. ‘It’s after three and I have a tonne of clothes to iron. It’s a pity Nick couldn’t get back. Did he phone?’

‘He left a message on the machine,’ Stella lied. ‘He’s stuck there, I’m afraid. Pity.’

She whisked around, piling up used plates and cutlery.

‘I’ll help,’ said Hazel.

‘Not at all.’ Stella flashed her best camera smile. ‘You go on, Hazel, and I’ll see you in the morning.’

When they were gone, Stella returned to the courtyard. Craig and Amelia were having a discussion about worm farms.

‘Can we look for worms in the pots, Mum?’ asked Amelia, keen to start her own farm now that she’d had it explained to her.

‘Under the clematis is probably better,’ said Stella. ‘Just be careful.’

She sat beside Vicki, put her feet up on an empty chair and poured herself a glass of sparkling water.

‘What’s wrong?’ asked Vicki.

‘Nothing.’

‘And I’m the Queen of Sheba.’ Vicki fixed her friend with a quizzical glare. ‘Spill, girlfriend.’

Stella spilled, quietly so that Amelia and Craig wouldn’t overhear.

‘And he hasn’t rung since.’ She ended the story and helped herself to the last sliver of meringue.

‘What are you going to do?’

Stella shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about it. I’m scared I said too much.’

‘There’s no such thing as saying too much,’ Vicki pointed out. ‘Keeping it all to yourself is the problem. You were right to tell him the truth. I know he loves the kids, but today was hardly a life or death scenario. He could have said he wasn’t able to come but he’d pick them up after the concert or something.’

‘Yeah.’ Stella grimly shovelled more meringue into her mouth. She’d been too busy rushing round being the merry hostess to eat much. Now she was hungry. Nick
could
have said he wasn’t able to pick Jenna and Sara up. ‘I’m not asking him to choose between me and the girls. I’d never do that. I’m a parent myself, I understand what having children is about but…’ She sighed. ‘I want Nick to see that he can love me
and
the girls, it doesn’t have to be one or the other. We could make it work.’

‘He’s a good guy, though,’ Vicki said. ‘He loves you, you know that. You’ve got to deal with this, together.’

Stella nodded wearily. She wished Rose was around so they could talk about it all. Without Rose, she felt strangely rudderless. Rose had said it would all take time, but Stella was weary of waiting for that time to pass.

‘But it’s odd that Nick hasn’t rung or come back,’ Vicki said.

‘I know. I’m half-afraid something’s happened to him.’ Stella glanced at her watch. The big hand was on its way to four. It had been hours since he’d left and she felt suddenly nauseous at the notion that Nick might have been involved in a hideous car accident, and the last thing she’d said to him was horrible. She pushed the melting meringue away. ‘I’ll phone his mobile.’

‘Hold on. What if he just hasn’t phoned you: what are you going to say then?’

‘That we can work it out,’ Stella said as she rushed indoors. To her astonishment, the light on the answering machine was winking at her. With the noise of everyone
talking and the music blaring, she hadn’t heard the phone ring. Because of that, she hadn’t even glanced over at it when she walking through the living room to say goodbye to Hazel and Ivan. Oh no, anything could have happened and she hadn’t noticed the damn message light. Anxiously, she listened to the message.

‘Stella, hi.’ Pause. ‘I’m outside the concert with the girls and one of their friends hasn’t turned up, so they’ve got an extra ticket. They really want me to go with them. I’ll go for the first hour or so and then I’ll be over to you, OK? It’s hardly my sort of music,’ Nick added wryly. ‘But I thought it might improve things with Jenna. She just needs to know I love her and then things will be fine, I promise. She’s insecure, that’s the problem. I should be with you by three. Hope the party’s going well. Bye. Love you,’ he added.

To Stella’s ears, the
Love you
sounded like an afterthought.

She didn’t cry this time. Instead, she phoned Nick’s mobile, got his message service and left a short, sharp message: ‘Its ten to four, the party’s over and I’m going out. I’ll be out all evening. Don’t bother coming over.’

Her face was still flaming when she marched down the galley kitchen and into the courtyard.

Craig had given up on the worm search and now sat with Vicki’s feet and legs stretched out on his lap. He was giving her bare feet a slow massage. Vicki moaned orgasmically and sank further back in her chair. ‘He’s wonderful at this,’ she said to Stella.

Craig grinned. ‘She wouldn’t let me touch her feet at first but now,’ he looked adoringly up at his girlfriend, ‘she loves it.’

‘I refuse to get out of bed in the morning without a toe job,’ confirmed Vicki, wriggling languorously.

Stella felt a tight ball of temper settle in her skull. She should have a man here massaging her toes and helping her clear up this almighty mess of a party. Instead, she was sitting like one of the ugly sisters, on her own and with nobody to massage any part of her.

‘Did you get talking to him?’ Vicki asked.

‘Yes and no,’ said Stella with gritted teeth. ‘He rang earlier and left a message to say he’s going to the first hour of the concert with the girls, and he’d be over later. By now, in fact.’ Her bright smile was dangerous.

Vicki sighed. ‘We should go,’ she said. ‘So you can go out’

‘Are we going out, Mum?’ asked Amelia.

‘Yes,’ said Stella, brushing earth from her daughter’s once-spotless pink T-shirt. ‘We’re going to the cinema.’