Just A Small Town Girl (24 page)

28 weeks:

Patricia Fisher was across the hall and she didn’t know I was pregnant. She was going to find out, whether Fisher and I told her or not. She would know the minute she saw me. I looked like I was smuggling a basketball under my dress.

“You ready to head over there?” Fisher startled me from my thoughts, of complete terror at what Patricia was going to do when she found out I was going to birth her second illegitimate grandchild. I’d been so distracted I hadn’t even noticed his arrival.

“It’s going to be okay you know,” he wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his palms across my stomach and softly kissing the top of my head.

“She’ll hate me,” I whispered my fear, saying it aloud seemed to make it that much more real.

“She’ll have to get over it and love you again,” he laughed a little, intertwining our fingers and bringing both out hands back to rest on the swell below my dress, “Plus, what she thinks doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah?” I was hopeful.

“Yeah,” He kissed my head again before resting his chin on the spot he’d kissed, “what matters is I love you and both of us love this baby girl.”

I smiled at his words. He hadn’t asked me what my decision was about our relationship, but I knew the conversation was coming eventually. I honestly hadn’t decided what I would say. My head was telling me not to let another man convince me to ignore his shortcomings, but my heart belonged to Fisher. My pride was fighting my sense of logic every step of the way, creating a perfect storm of indecision.

“Let’s go tell her she’s going to be a grandma again,” I sighed out, making Fisher laugh.

We crossed the hall hand in hand, drawing strength from each other. My heart beat anxiously and Lia kicked as Fisher placed his hand on the doorknob and pulled me into his living room after him.

“Piper it’s so good to see-” Patricia stopped in the middle of her swift steps to embrace me, her mouth falling open as her outstretched arms fell limply to her sides, “You are very pregnant.”

I turned a deep shade of red, unconsciously stepping behind Fisher.

“She is and it’s a girl!” the shakiness in Fisher’s fingers clasped in mine betrayed the brightness in his voice.

“It’s a girl,” Patricia repeated absently, her eyes firmly fixed on my abdomen.

After several painful minutes of silence June spoke up, “Mom would you quit looking at her like she’s growing an alien in her uterus? She’s got your granddaughter there, Trav’s first daughter.”

“Of course,” Patricia’s face collapsed into a brilliant smile and she stepped closer to me, wrapping her arms around my body and pulling me out of Fisher’s reach roughly, “I’m just so excited.” She swayed back and forth with the hug and I squeezed her back.

“And at least this time you are having a baby with a nice young woman you are in a relationship with,” she released me to hug Fisher, “Someone you will hopefully consider putting a ring on one of these days.”

I cut Fisher a look, waiting for him to explain our non-relationship, but he shrugged, basking in his mother’s acceptance. When she was done instructing Fisher on how best to propose Patricia dragged me to the couch, sitting with her hands splayed across my stomach and spewing more advice at me than I could possibly process. Fisher stood to the side with a mushy look on his face like he knew this was how things were meant to be and I glared at him when Patricia wasn’t paying attention. After Patricia finished showing me baby pictures of both June and Fisher, which she’d apparently been carrying in her wallet for over eighteen years, I feigned pregnant exhaustion and excused myself to my apartment for a nap.

I’d just slipped into bed after changing into a thank top and a pair of boxers I was pretty sure belonged to Fisher at some point when my bedroom door opened slowly and Fisher crept inside.

“She’s excited,” he smiled, sitting in bed beside me and leaning against the headboard.

“She also thinks we’re together,” I grumbled, rolling toward him and smacking my hand against his hard stomach.

“We could be,” his brown eyes bore into mine, asking a question I still didn’t know the answer to.

“I don’t know Fisher,” I turned to my side, facing away from him.

“Please Piper,” he wrapped his body around mine and I couldn’t help snuggling closer.

“Do you just want to be with me because of the baby?” I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the answer I knew could crush me.

“I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t part of it, just like I’d be lying if I said the reason I love you has nothing to do with Riley. I love you because you are an amazing mother to my son, you will be an amazing mother to our daughter and I want my family to be together, but I want my family to include you. I love the way you feel in my arms and the strength it took for you to move away from the only home you’ve ever known. I love the way you forgave your cheating ex-husband and the way you forgave me for being a tool. I love the way you are, the way everything you do is just so uniquely Piper and genuine. Sometimes I just sit around thinking about something you said or did and it makes me smile for the rest of the day. I want you for my children and I want you for my family, but I want you for myself too.”

“Fisher,” it came out choked, the tears rolling from my eyes stopping me from making a complete statement.

“Don’t tell me you can’t because I know that’s not true. Don’t say you don’t love me or Riley and Lia because I know that’s not true either,” he rolled my body over so he could see my face, smoothing a tear away from my cheek, “I know you’re scared. You have a right to be, I was a complete asshole to you when you needed me most and I’m surprised you’ve forgiven me for that, but I promise it won’t happen again. I promise you can trust me Piper. I know this is going to be hard. I have a few more weeks left on this tour and we were offered another one after a few weeks of rest. I won’t physically be here and there’s a lot of stuff you’ll still be alone in, but I’ll be here when I can and if you or Riley or Lia need me I will move heaven and earth to get here for you. I’ll be the guy you don’t have to be afraid of leaving you or cheating on you or treating you badly, but you have to give me a chance Piper.”

I tried to dip my head down and rest my forehead on his shoulder, but Fisher caught my chin between his thumb and forefinger, making my teary eyes look into his pleading ones.

“Baby,” he whispered into the inches of space between us.

“I,” I stopped; I wasn’t sure what was going to come out next.

“Just be with me,” he pressed his lips to mine softly.

“I can’t,” It was all I could say. I was tired of fighting my feelings for him-I was tired of being afraid he would hurt me or leave me, but that exhaustion didn’t erase my fear that he wasn’t who he seemed. I’d seen glimpses of a different Fisher and I wasn’t sure I could love that man.

“Okay.” He pressed his lips to my forehead, keeping me too close to see the hurt in his eyes, and pulled my body against his chest, holding me as I fell asleep.

“Where’s the monster?” I pretended to search for my tiny playmate, “Where is my little monster?” I growled, diving after Riley where he was huddled in the grass.

“Mama no!” Riley half-giggled half-screamed as I held him upside down and tickled him.

It still made my heart beat a little faster when he called me ‘mama’ and I didn’t completely understand why we hadn’t ever stopped him from calling me that. As if sensing I was thinking about him, Fisher’s ringtone began to trill from my pocket. It wasn’t really a ringtone; it was the sound of Fisher singing one of my favorite country songs. He’d changed my ringtone before he left and I loved the sound of his voice too much to change it. I fished the phone out of my skirt pocket and placed it to my ear.

“Hello beautiful,” Fisher’s voice carried his smile to my ear and I smiled in response.

“Hello Rockstar,” I shifted Riley and he let out a squeal.

“Is that my monster?” Fisher asked.

“Yep,” I put the phone on speaker and sunk down so Riley and I both sat on the grass, “Guess who it is Riley?”

“Hi bud,” Fisher sounded like he missed his son and my heart broke for him a little.

“Daddy!” Riley squealed, squirming away from me to do a little animated dance.

“I miss you,” Fisher near-whispered, “and I miss you too Piper.”

“Mama” Riley squealed, reaching for me to cuddle him into my rapidly shrinking lap.

“Why didn’t we ever stop him from calling me that?” I asked, obliging Riley and smiling at the way he rubbed spitty patterns on my stomach with his drooled on fingers.

“I don’t know,” Fisher huffed, “Wishful thinking?”

I blushed, unsure how to respond.

“What are you up to today?” I tried to change the subject.

“On our way to rehearsal and mic check,” Dustin and Kyle chimed in with hellos from the background and I answered back.

“Fun, we’re just at the park,” I made faces at Riley and he laughed loud enough for his father to hear.

“Want to trade?” Fisher kidded.

“Somehow I think your female fans wouldn’t be okay with that, so no thanks.”

“I miss you so much Baby,” Fisher whispered.

“Riley misses you too,” It was a cop-out, but I wasn’t willing to put my heart too far out there yet.

“I miss you both, and my baby girl,” I listened to the guys ribbing him for his sappy comments in the background, “I love you all.” He had no trouble saying the words, even though he knew I wouldn’t say them back.

“Be safe and make us proud,” I said what was becoming my usual goodbye.

“Bye guys.” The disconnect tone met my ear and he was gone.

I was getting used to him calling me at random times throughout the day to check in and tell me he missed me. It was sweet and it kept us connected. We’d only spent one night physically together since he left a month before, but the short calls, texts, picture and video messages we exchanged kept us close. It made me feel like I still had a partner in my pregnancy. I ran my thumb over my phone background he’d changed to a picture of Riley, Fisher, and me on Halloween and smiled.

32 weeks

“I’m sorry baby,” Fisher whispered into the phone and I knew exactly what he was upset about.

He wasn’t coming home. The thought raced through my mind and immediately punched a hole in my gut. This was supposed to be the end of his tour. He was coming home for three months after this. He was going to be here for the last two months of my pregnancy and the first month of Lia’s life. If he didn’t come home I was going to be alone for all of those critical moments.

I closed my eyes against the tears my hormones demanded flow down my cheeks.

He’d told me he would be here for my check-up the next day and he wasn’t coming.

“They offered to extend the tour another month and they promised to pay us more,” he let out a deep sigh, “it’s a lot of money and we voted-the guys wanted to do it. I’ll still be home for a month before Lia comes.”

I opened my eyes and tried to see past the blurry tears, focusing my on the little bell hanging over the office door. My fingers swiped under my eyes. I didn’t want any patients or Dr. Schultz to see me crying.

He was still talking, but I ignored the words for a moment, needing to center myself.

“-I mean, I kind of need the money too, with Riley, and Lia and you-” those words pulled me out of my attempt at serenity and the heat in my cheeks dried my tears.

“I don’t want your money Fisher!” I nearly yelled, “
I
can take care of
myself
and
my
daughter,” I took in a shaky breath, trying to calm myself, “If I wanted your money I would have asked you to help pay for her crib, or her clothes, or her bottles, or any one of the million other things I buy for her and Riley.”

There was a long pause while my words sunk in and my heart thudded in my chest.

“I’m sorry,” Fisher said, sounding as torn and dejected as I felt, “I want to take care of my family.”

“We’re not a family,” I knew my words would hurt him and the sharp intake of breath I heard across the line confirmed their effectiveness. I knew I was being cruel, but I felt abandoned and I was scared, “families keep their promises.”

“I want to be there!” Fisher cried, his frustration mounting, “I would give anything to be there with you tomorrow and hear our girl’s heartbeat again, but I have other people counting on me too, the guys need me here. I want to be with you, I swear, it’s just they’re counting on me. I
want
to be there with you, but I
need
to be here. I want to be with you Piper.”

“You have a great way of showing it,” I snapped before pressing my finger to the end button.

I rested one hand on my belly where Lia was kicking me in the rib as punishment for being so terrible to her daddy and the other to my chest where my heart was two parts broken and one part attempting to beat through my chest.

I swallowed hard and nodded. I couldn’t help looking back at the door as I made my way down the hall, realizing the hopeful part of my mind had won out. I imagined thirty scenarios in which Fisher raced into the office at the last minute before Dr. Schultz closed the examination room door behind me with a definitive click.

I lay down on the paper covered table and bunched my shirt below my breasts, familiar with the routine. Dr. Schultz worked in friendly silence, squirting cold jelly on my belly before placing the wand across my skin. My daughter’s image flashed across the screen at the same time the sound of her heartbeat flooded the small space.

The tears I always experienced at seeing her pricked my eyes, but this time they quickly became wracking sobs. I was alone. I’d been alone before, but something about being there, staring my future in the face while Fisher and I were in a fight wrecked me.

“Sweetheart,” Dr. Schultz cooed, rubbing his open palm against my back in a circular motion, at some point he’d returned the wand to its holder next to the sonogram machine and he was wiping my belly clean with his other hand. When he finished he used more strength than I knew he had to pull me up into a seated position and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

“What’s wrong my darling girl?” he murmured into my hair. It had been months since I’d had a simple calming hug from a paternal figure. That realization made the choking sobs come harder.

“Fish-” I swallowed the tears in my mouth, “he, promised,” I buried my head in Dr. Schultz’s shoulder, unable to go on.

“Ah,” Dr. Schultz tipped his head back and looked up at the ceiling, “Isn’t that man’s plight? We want to take care of the ones we love, we want to protect and care for everyone at all times. We make promises to all of our loved ones without realizing-promising ourselves to one means breaking promises to five others.”

My cries had quieted while he spoke and I was finally able to form words through the mess of tears scattering across my cheeks.

“He should be here. He said he would be here, he promised, but he’s out there with his band instead of here with me.” I sat up a little, swiping my fingers angrily across my face.

“I know,” he nudged his shoulder against mine, “he made a promise and he broke it. You’re hurt and you feel betrayed, but why is he with his band right now?”

“He cares about them more than Lia and me,” the words hurt my lungs on the way out and I wished I could gather them up and shove them back down my throat.

“Does he?”

“I don’t know,” I twisted my fingers together in my lap, “maybe.”

“Does he love you and Lia and Riley?”

I sighed, “He says he does.”

“And does he love the boys in his band?”

I nodded.

“And do you think he promised to do what it takes to help his band become successful?” Dr. Schultz’s hand landed on top of mine, stilling my knotted fingers.

I nodded again, beginning to see where this conversation was going.

“I think he made that promise to his band for you and Riley and Lia.”

My eyes snapped up to meet his and he held my gaze for a second before continuing.

“He wants his band to be successful, so he can make you proud. He made that promise so he can have a stable future and provide for the three of you.”

“I don’t-” I tried to cut him off.

“I know you don’t need anyone to take care of you Piper. You’re stronger than you even know, but that boy loves you. He wants to take care of you, not because you need it, but because you deserve it.” He sucked in a deep breath and released the air slowly before going on, “I’m willing to bet his decision to break his promise and stay on tour had everything to do with his decision to keep a promise he made to
himself
to love and provide for you.”

He was right. The wisdom earned from decades spent being an optimistic idiot shone through and lifted my heart.

“I should forgive him?” I asked.

“That’s for you to decide beautiful girl,” Dr. Schulz answered, standing beside the exam table and starting to pack up the instruments used for my exam.