Just a Little Series (Parts 1 - 4) (5 page)

“What’s going on?” Matt gave me his full
attention.

I gave him a half-hearted smile and
shrugged. “I think I have a problem.”

“Wouldn’t have anything to do with your
crush on Trigger, would it?”

I studied him for a moment and contemplated
an argument, but Matt knew me better than most, and sometimes
better than I knew myself. There would be no point putting up a
façade.

“What makes you think I have a crush on
Luke?” I approached the situation as neutrally as possible to feel
him out for answers. Maybe
he’d
have some insight into what
was going on inside my head, and most importantly, my heart.

“For one, you’re not denying it. And I know
you well enough to know that you won’t waste your time in a fight
you know you can’t win.”

True.

“And I watched you leave the school lot
together yesterday. Just the look in your eyes said it all.”

I scoffed, “Funny, because we argued before,
during, and after that ride. Any ‘look’ you saw was a complete
misinterpretation.”

“What about your notebook?” he tried a
different approach. “Have you taken the time to read over any of
the notes you’ve taken?”

“No,” I answered honestly, “I’ve only
bothered with my notes during the hours I’m with Luke. I haven’t
had time to start compiling an essay. Why? What does that have to
do with anything?”

Matt smirked and took another drink, acting
as though he knew more than he cared to let on.

“You left your bag on the counter last night
when you came in,” he said. “I wanted to see what kind of progress
you’d made, and I noticed that your notes were a little… doodled
on.”

“Doodled on? I don’t doodle.”

“No joke,” he said. “You’re almost too neat
when it comes to that kinda crap. But I could barely read anything
through the chicken scratch and hearts.”

“Hearts?”

“Hearts. All over the page. Not to mention
the huge one around his name.”

“You’re lying,” I said, cupping my mouth.
Had I really doodled hearts all over my notes? I sunk my face into
my hands and groaned. “What is going on with me?”

“So you like him,” he said, not seeming the
least bit surprised. “Big deal.”

I peeked through my fingers.

“I don’t know,” I said, almost sheepishly. I
leaned forward in my chair and watched my cousin closely for a
reaction. “It’s crazy, Matt. There’s just something about him that
makes my heart beat way too fast. My nerves go into overdrive when
I’m with him, but I don’t know if it’s because I like him or
because I hate him. Because there are these times, more often than
not, actually, when he makes me so
angry
. I mean, I have
literally wanted to smack him a thousand times. But
then
there’s this tiny part of me, and I mean, really tiny part of me,
Mattie, that only wants to smack him just so I feel his skin under
my palm. And I’m just so confused. I’ve never met anyone so
incredible, yet so infuriating—”

“Julie, that’s enough,” Matt interrupted,
looking past me. “Not necessary, I get it.”

“And there’s this look, this deep, genuine
look, that he gets in his eyes when he’s being sincere that just
makes my knees buckle—”

“
Okay
, Julie.”

“And his hair,” I said, stroking my own, “oh
my God, his hair. What I wouldn’t give to just run my fingers
through every last strand—”

“Julie!”

“But that’s what trips me up, Mattie. He’s
the most beautiful man on the face of the Earth, but I can’t figure
him out. He’s hot, and then he’s cold. There’s no way to make sense
of it. He’s just… just so… just….”

“What? Just so what?”

But this time it wasn’t Matt’s voice
interrupting me. It was Luke’s.

Luke pulled up a chair from the neighboring
table and sat down next to us as if invited. I was seeing him for
the first time outside of work,
and uniform
, and I couldn’t
even begin to take the time to appreciate how well casual attire
suited him.

I stared at him in utter speechlessness, not
knowing what to say next, but knowing nothing I could say would
take back what he’d already heard.

“No, no,” he said, when my face flushed red,
“please don’t stop on my account. I’m dying to hear the rest. What
am I?”

“I’m going to kill you,” I turned back to
Matt. Without a moment’s hesitation, I stood up, pulled my purse
off the back of the chair, and marched down the sidewalk for
home.

“Julie,” Matt called after me, “Julie, come
on!” When I didn’t give into his plea, he called out louder. “
I
tried to stop you
!”

I turned back to watch as my cousin chased
after me, and I caught Luke from the corner of my eye. He slid down
in his seat and arched his brow as if his amusement, at the expense
of my humiliation, had finally peaked.

What—a—jerk.

CHAPTER SIX

Wednesday, September 12

The doorbell rang at six sharp, and neither
Matt nor I was eager to answer it. He’d just pulled a fontina,
potatoes, and tapenade pizza from the oven as I set the two place
settings on the formal dining room table. Charlie was still at the
station, and I’d faked illness to get out of my two hours of
shadowing.

Since my rant at the bistro yesterday, I
couldn’t possibly imagine facing Luke any time soon, especially
alone, and especially in such close quarters.

When the bell sounded again, Matt flashed a
glance at me that told me I’d either get the door, or no one would.
There was no messing with him once he hit culinary mode.

I left the kitchen and stomped through the
foyer, in no mood to entertain. I opened the door to find Luke on
the front step, still wearing his uniform and a grin, and holding a
plastic container in hand.

“Heard you were feeling under the weather,”
he said. “Brought you some soup.”

I drew my eyebrows together. “What’s your
angle?”

“Angle?”

“Why are you here?” I watched him closely.
“What do you want?”

He lifted the container a little higher. “To
make you feel better.”

The childish tease in his voice was
downright adorable, but I had to remind myself that that was
exactly how Luke operated. He used his endearing charm to his
benefit, and I wasn’t about to let him suck me in. Not this time.
He’d only come to tease me about what he’d overheard at the
bistro.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I started to shut
the door. “Matt and I were just about to sit down.”

“Yo, Trigger!” Matt called behind me,
nudging me aside to greet Luke. “Just pulled a pizza from the oven
if you’re hungry. Come on in.”

I glared at Matt and then back to Luke,
silently threatening him against accepting my cousin’s offer.

“No, I probably shouldn’t,” Luke said,
eyeing me carefully. “I just dropped by to bring Julie some comfort
food, but thanks.”

“I won’t take no for an answer,” Matt said.
“Dad won’t be home for hours, and there’s plenty of food to go
around.”

Luke looked from Matt to me, and then back
to Matt. “Well, if you insist.”

I stared at them in complete shock, but
neither of them had seemed to notice that my jaw was practically
resting on the floor.

Matt opened the door to let his guest
inside, and I turned on my heel and stomped back into the kitchen.
As the two men approached the table, I had already taken the pizza
cutter to Matt’s masterpiece, retrieved a slice of my own, and
headed for the back staircase.

“Where are you going?” Matt asked as I
stormed away. “Why’d you set the table if you weren’t planning to
eat down here?”

I turned and flashed him an
I’ll deal
with you later
glare and stomped up the kitchen staircase.

I reached my bedroom and shut the door
behind me, hoping that the extra barrier would help me think a
little clearer.

I needed to figure out my feelings.

I needed to understand why I clung to the
possibility of gaining
something more
with someone who
infuriated me to no end.

I sat on the corner of my bed and looked out
the window of my second-story bedroom. My view wasn’t the best; it
looked directly onto the vacant house next door. And it was in
moments like this that I wished my window looked out on the
driveway. At least I would’ve known when Luke had finally left. I
didn’t want to be holed up in my room for the rest of the
night.

After ten minutes of arguing with myself,
one of the few things I do successfully, I decided that it was only
cowardly for me to let Luke scare me out of my own kitchen. I
wasn’t about to let him come into my territory, intimidate me, and
then get some weird sense of satisfaction from it.

I made my way down the back staircase and
stopped halfway when I heard Luke ask Matt, “How did Julie end up
here, anyway? None of us down at the station even knew you guys had
taken someone in.”

“Julie’s not just anyone, though,” Matt
said. “She’s family.”

I smiled, knowing Matt and Charlie were
always looking out for my best interest. As much as I tried to
convince myself that I was imposing on their lives, I knew that my
presence was more than welcomed.

“She moved in last Christmas right after
Aunt Liz and Uncle Stephen died.”

“Her parents?” Luke asked.

“Yeah,” Matt said, dropping into a
semi-whisper. “It just hit so close to home for Dad, I think. He
prefers to carry on as though it didn’t even happen. He welcomed
Julie with open arms of course, but he’s still struggling, just as
much as she is, with wrapping his mind around it.”

“Around what, exactly?”

“Stephen was Dad’s younger brother and a cop
over in West Bridge. It’s a quiet town: low-key, very few arrests,
and mostly just a few speeding tickets here and there. But one
night just before Julie and I were born, Uncle Stephen made the
arrest of a lifetime. His unit had been tracking a drug ring in
their neighborhood, and when it came time to make a move, the force
took down the entire operation. In the end, Uncle Stephen was the
arresting officer in the case against the drug lord. And when they
locked him up, he promised he’d come back for Stephen.”

I sat down on the steps and held my hand
over my mouth, trying to restrain a sob as the memories came
flooding back. I struggled not to relive the past year all over
again, but it wasn’t easy hearing Matt talk about my parents so
openly.

“A few months went by, Julie was born, and
the next seventeen years passed without thought of the arrest. As
far as everyone was concerned, the case was behind them for good.
But then it got brought up for appeal; as far as I can figure,
there were dirty cops on the inside helping bring the guy’s case to
court. He was released on probation, and true to his word, went
straight for Stephen and Liz.”

“And killed them?”

“Shot ’em both, point blank.”

“But he spared Julie?”

“She was away visiting a friend in
Charleston. I’m not sure the guy even knew she existed.”

There was a moment of silence in the room
below.

“I know she’s not the easiest person to get
along with,” Matt continued, keeping his voice low. “She used to
be, but time has changed a lot for Julie. She’s just getting by now
the only way she knows how. A lot of the act she puts forward is
just that, an act. She hides behind her pain because she hasn’t
figured out how to grieve. She hasn’t found an outlet. She
struggles with admitting the truth.”

I buried my head further into my hands,
feeling the weight of the world as it tugged at my heart. Dealing
with the pain was hard enough, but to hear someone else
use
my pain to define my character was hard to swallow. Had I really
allowed myself to become so shut off that even my best friend
didn’t recognize the person I’d always thought I was?

“Listen,” Luke matched Matt’s somber tone,
“please tell her to get some rest and not to call before she’s well
enough to come back to the station. I don’t want her compromising
her health to complete this project.”

Matt snickered, despite the gloom lingering
in the air. “You know she’s only pretending she’s sick so she can
avoid you, right?”

I heard a chair scoot out from under the
table and assumed Luke was preparing himself to leave.

“Regardless,” he said, “I don’t want her
coming back until she’s comfortable.”

“I’ll relay the message.”

The sound of the two men exchanging a manly
hug came faintly from the distance.

“Take care of her,” Luke said.

The sound of footsteps grew closer to the
bottom of the stairs, so I pulled myself up and bolted to the
second floor as quickly as possible, hiding behind the first
wall.

“Good night, Julie,” Luke called up. “Hope
to hear from you soon.”

As the sound of his steps echoed through the
house followed by Matt’s, I slid down the wall and buried my face
in my arms once again.

“Good night,” I whispered back, wishing I’d
spoken up while he was still at arm’s length.

Because something in my heart told me that
he would’ve stayed. He would’ve comforted me. He would’ve made the
pain go away.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Saturday, September 15

I hadn’t seen or spoken to Luke since he
came to the house on Wednesday night, but a lot had fallen into
perspective since.

I’d thought a lot about what Matt had said,
both about the person I used to be, and the person I’d become. Not
liking that he of all people thought that I could be so difficult
to deal with, I decided that it was time to put forth a better
effort; it was time to turn over a new leaf.

I knew it was impossible to experience a
full transformation overnight, and a complete change wasn’t what I
was after. All I wanted was to show Matt
and
Luke that I
wasn’t the short-tempered, pessimistic, drama queen they’d spent so
much time with lately.