Just a Little Faith (23 page)

 

Pax tossed and turned
. For the life of her, she didn't understand Seb's reaction to Jake. She'd met his friends and she'd
never
stormed
off in a huff. Of course, the more
she thought about it, she'd never met any
single
female
friends
,
really. Who was to say she wouldn't have felt the same way about them?

Pounding the pillow into
submission
, she thought about what Jessica said on the phone.
Did she
only
want to see Jake
in case there
were old feelings of unrequited love between them? It seemed
crazy
. She enjoyed being with Seb. She hadn't thought of Jake in years, but one glance of his blond tousled curls,
and
she felt like the girl of five years ago, young and infatuated with someone who showed a little interest in
her
,
but didn't reciprocate her affections.

“It doesn't make sense. I don't want to be with Jake. I want to be with Seb.
”

She didn't want to even think of
telling herself
she loved Seb, because she didn't know if she did
, b
ut she knew her desire for him
outweighed any feeling
she had for Jake, past or present.”

Looking at the clock, she saw the
number
s flash 2:
15
am. Somehow, she felt Seb most likely wasn't sleeping either. Throwing the covers off the bed, she jumped up and went to the closet to grab a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.
Quietly
, she unlocked the door,
and
look
ed
down the dark
corridor
. Tip-toeing down the hall until she reached Seb's door, she lightly knocked, hoping against hope she
wouldn't
wake him.

The door cracked open. Sad eyes greeted her.

“
Bash,
I know it's late, but I have to…”

O
pen
ing
the door
he g
estur
ed
for her to come in.
He remained in the clothes he'd
worn
to dinner, h
is bedcovers
not
touched
.

“You want to join me out
t
here?”
He pointed to the open door that led to the balcony.

Silently, she walked past him
and
s
a
t down
in
one of the
lounge
chairs
outside
.
He stood away from her, looking over the railing into the city
below
.

“I
guess
you weren't sleeping
,
either.”

He stared off into the city lights,
refusing to make
eye contact. “Nope. I couldn't. And you?”

“I tossed and turned
,
but couldn't shut my brain off.”

S
he
stood
and
place
d
a hand on his shoulder. “Bash, I am so very sorry.”

He remained quiet, his slow even breaths the only sound.

“I didn't think about what my meeting Jake would do to you. I should have told
you
this afternoon
,
before dinner
,
what went down between us
those years ago
. I guess I didn't because I was embarrassed in a way.”

At this, he turned slightly where she could just see his profile in the
moonlight
. “Embarrassed?”

“Yes.
Back when I met Jake, times were different for me. Desperate for attention from any person of the male persuasion, I completely misinterpreted his feelings. I pretty much threw myself at h
im
,
and he
,
being slightly dense
as some men can be, didn't understand the depth of my crush on him. He thought we were buddies, pals. I wanted something more. After a year or so of emailing and even visiting each other, I finally figured it out when he told me he'd met someone
,
and couldn't wait for me to meet her.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head.
“Oh
,
Pax
.
”

“You can imagine I was crushed. I mourned the loss of his friendship for several months after
,
and I hated myself for being so stupid.”

Sebastian turned to face her completely, reaching up to move a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “You weren't stupid
,
Pax. He was the dumb one for letting such a great girl get away.”

Her face broke into a grin.
“You're sweet
,
Seb. I guess when I saw him tonight, part of me wanted to see what he'd think of me now. To see if he could
tell
I was different and also
…
to show you off. It was a terrible thing to do
,
Bash
,
and I apologize.”

“It's my fault too
,
Pax. Seeing you and Jake, I guess it reminded me of Melissa and Rick. I felt like he was trying to horn in on my territory and well, I wouldn't take that. If you wanted him, I wasn't going to fight
him
. I've been through it before.”

She laid her hand against his cheek. “Oh
,
Bash. You never have to worry about me choosing Jake over you. It doesn't mean there aren't things we still need to work on, but you will win every time, hands down.”

His eyes softened
,
and he lightly pressed his lips to hers.
Stepping
into the
hotel
room
he
returned with
a
blanket
.
Moving the chair aside,
he sat down on the lounge chair
,
gently
pull
ing
her to lie beside him
then
cover
ed
them with the blanket. They remained that way until the sun rose a few short hours later.

 

January ended
,
and February
began
which meant Seb would be leaving for Florida soon.
His dogged determination to be in the best shape
possible
consumed him for the last two weeks prior to his leaving. Pax relished their time together, knowing when he left
for Florida
,
their
separation could mean a change in their
relationship
.

Several Saturdays
,
Seb
joined Pax
in
surpris
ing
the TNT groups at the
ir
training sessions.
Initially in awe of his attendance, participants enjoyed his tips and techniques he picked
up
after several years in baseball
, a
nd Seb seemed to
enjoy it too. Pax especially
loved
spending the morning
s
running and biking with him.

After their disagreement in Arizona, things couldn't
have been
better between them. Occasionally
,
to Pax's delight, Seb joined
her
at church
,
and he continued to go with
her on
her visits each week to the
Children's Hospital. E
very
visit brought both tears and happiness to them both. The children loved having Sebastian there and
,
of course,
they
begged Paxson to sing at every opportunity
,
which thrilled Sebastian to no end.

When the day arrived for Sebastian to make the trip to Florida for Spring Training, he asked Paxson to drive him to the airport
. There
,
he
would catch up with Linc and Rangy
,
and the
three of them would fly to
West
Palm Beach
together
.

Trying
to hide her sadness over his
departure
,
she kept the conversation flowing in the car ride over. By peppering him with questions over what went on during those few weeks in Florida, she hoped to keep her mind off of their separation
, b
ut her biggest concern involved his relationship with others.
The last few months had been some of the best of her life
. S
he
feared
what might happen when Seb got to Spring Training and
became
inundated with his old life and past influences
.
Dear Lord. Please help
him
stay true to himself and to me. I know I haven't asked
for
a commitment from him and this is a risk I am taking. But if it is
Your
will Lord, let
him
return to me an ever better man, desiring of a relationship with
You
.

Sebastian got his gear out of her
sedan
,
letting
the skycap check
it at the curb
.
Pax was d
etermined not to cry
;
one tear would lead to hundreds. He
,
too
,
seemed to be struggling
, for he looked everywhere but
at
her face
.
Finally,
he stopped, taking her
face
in his hands
he
look
ed into her
eyes. “I will miss you. But before you know it, I'll be back here in the city
,
and it will be just like it is now.”

She attempted a half-hearted smile. “Take care of yourself Bash
,
and call if you have
the
opportunity. And don't have too much fun with the guys.”

“Don't worry. Linc and Rangy won't let me get in too much trouble.”

She attempted to smile
,
but felt it was half-hearted at best.
“I better go… security will be telling me to move my car.”

She began to pull away when he stopped her and kissed her with a fierceness she hadn't expected. If they had been anywhere else, she
feared she would have succumbed to
the
desire
raging through her
.
His lips ignited a passion deep within her and she struggled to keep her feelings at bay.

Eventually, he pulled away.
“I'll be seeing you
,
Pax. It won't be long.” He kissed her again then walked quickly into the airport.

Pax allowed the tears to come.
As much as she tried to not think about it, s
he
feared
the longer
they were apart
, the more chance she had
of
losing him
, one where God didn't even enter the picture.

 

“Hey
,
beautiful!”

“Hey yourself
,
Bash! How was practice today?”

“It was good. I really think this Manning kid I've been telling you about is going to make an impact
—
if not this season
,
then
next. He's a quick study and has a real good grasp of the game. He's made it fun.” He paused a minute. “I know he's not much younger than me, but it's like he's my little brother or something. I've enjoyed teaching him things.”

“I'm so glad to hear it
,
Bash. I know you thought your opportunities to teach young people ended with your girls' death
s
, but what a great impact
you're
making on Carter
Manning
. I know he appreciates it a lot.”

“We'll see. His hitting is what's really holding him back. If he can get that straightened out,
he'll be one to watch for sure. Hey, h
ow's things at LLS?”

“Oh
,
Bash. The response has been amazing. Once the season
officially starts
, Michael thinks it will really take off.
What can I say, the people of this city ador
e you, you know.”

“I don't know about that. But I'm glad to know my help seems to be giving LLS a boost. You know Pax, it's amazing the satisfaction I've found from working with the LLS teams
,
or visiting the kids at the hospital. Even helping Carter work on his swing, it's been…” Trying to find the right word, his voice trailed off.

“It's a blessing
,
Seb.”

“Maybe so
,
Pax. Maybe so. Well, Linc's at the door, so I'll let you go. I'll talk to you tomorrow. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Bash. See you soon.”

Ending the call, he opened the door of his rented condo for Linc who jerked his head in the direction of the parking lot. “You ready Seb? Rangy said he'd be
here in a minute.”

“Yep, give me just a second. Time got away from me while I was talking to Pax.”

“How's she doing? Okay?”

“Yeah, man. She's good
.
Apparently the LLS campaign I'm involved in is really doing well. She's pretty excited about the possibilities.”

“That's great
,
man.
” Linc paused before he continued. “
You know,
I don't want to make you feel weird or anything, but you've changed sinc
e you've been seeing Pax.”

Seb looked up from tying his shoes. “I've changed?”

“Yeah
,
man. Rangy and I were talking about it the other day. You're more at ease or something. And you seem to be more content. It's a good thing
,
man. Traci told me
to tell you
Pax is a keeper.”

“Hmm. I don't know
,
man. We'll see. You know how I feel about settling down with anyone again.”

Linc leaned over, putting his hand on Seb's shoulder. “Seb, you've been seeing this girl exclusively for
what
,
five months now. I don't know what
you're
afraid of. You're practically settled as it is.”

“I know. I guess, since we've never talked commitment, it makes it not so hard.”

“Dude. You've got to get past these issues and realize what a good thing you've got going. If you wait too long, she'll give up and you will have let the best thing in your life get away.”

Seb supposed he agreed with Linc. He had
purposely stayed
away from the
bar scene as much as possible
out of respect for Pax
.
Protesting at first,
Rangy
seemed to finally realize
how important
it
was
to Seb. Instead
,
the
y spent the majority of their evenings together in quiet restaurants away from the crowds. It didn't mean the fans, and especially women didn't try to get their attention, but Sebastian realized he didn't have any interest right now
.
The majority of his thoughts were on Pax
.
He missed her so much his chest hurt. Not spending time with her
left
a void
in his life.

“So, is she coming down?”

“What bro?”

“Does she know you bought her the
plane
ticket to come down?”

“I haven't told her yet. I wanted to give Michael a call and clear it with him for her to miss a couple of days of work. She missed a whole week back when… I don't want to take advantage.”

“She'll be stoked man. Traci's bringing the boys
this week
,
too
. It will be fun…”
H
e collapsed on the couch beside Seb
.
“
A
nd exhausting
,
but totally worth it.”

Hanging his head, Seb whispered. “You're lucky
,
man. Keep those kids close and don't let them get away too fast. Believe
me
,
things can change in a
heartbeat
.”