Just a Geek (29 page)

THE SITE

What's with the quotes all over the place?

I like to quote things. The old site had more random quotes than this one does. Maybe I'll have a "name the quote" contest someday.

Do you really run this site on your own?

Yep. I am what you call a "Type-A control freak." You can view the source code if you doubt me. I figure that if this site is going to represent me, I should be run it.

Who hosts your site?

Logjamming. They are the coolest guys, ever.

Why'd you put a porn link on your site?! You're squeeky clean!

Because I wanted to upset you, mom.

What's with the autoresponse?

The autoresponse is no more, but people who e-mailed me used to get the following:

From: [email protected] Subject: Automated reply from [email protected]
Hey!
Don't you hate autoresponders, $GOOD_FRIEND?
I know that I do, and I would *never* dream of sending an
 autoresponse to anyone, not $MUTUAL_FRIEND, or $OTHER_MUTUAL_FRIEND, or even, $ENEMY.
You know, $THING_YOU_EMAILED_ABOUT really was ${fVAR=TRUE_FALSE)!
 It reminded me of $INTERESTING STORY.
Well, I have to get back to ${fVAR WORK_PLAY_SCHEMING}, $GOOD_FRIEND,
 so I'd better sign off.
$CLEVER_PERSONAL_CLOSING,
Wil

So are you going to reply to my e-mail or what?

Sadly, the answer to this question is most likely no. I really do read everything that is sent to me, but I just don't have the time anymore to personally reply to everyone who e-mails. I used to be able to keep up with it, but the time just isn't there anymore, between my commitments to work and my family.

OTHER QUESTIONS

Why don't you talk about
Toy Soldiers
in this FAQ?

When I wrote this FAQ originally, I didn't realize that so many people were interested in
Toy Soldiers
. I'll get around to writing all about it very soon.

Is it true that you're married?

Yep. My wife, Anne, and I have been married since 1999.

So you're not gay?

I am not gay. But thanks for asking.

Wait. I heard that you and...

Yeah, I heard that too. And since I read it on the Internet, it must be true, right?

So why don't you post lots of pictures of your stepkids on the site?

I prefer to keep them out of the limelight. That's why it's called WIL WHEATON dot NET, not WIL WHEATON AND HIS STEPKIDS dot NET. Seriously, I expect everyone to respect my limits and my stepkids' privacy.

I want to be an actor. Do you have any advice?

Yes, I do: study, study, study. Read the classic plays and see the great movies. And for the love of Bob, study with a great teacher! Get yourself into some sort of acting program or workshop. Just avoid anything that tells you they'll give you a free book by L. Ron Hubbard. It's a scheme to recruit you into Scientology.

I wrote you a letter, and you never answered, jackass
.

Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. I have all the letters I've gotten over the past two years or so, and I'm gonna hire someone to help me out, so I can reply to them all.

Will you come over to my house and tell my brother to stop leaving the toilet seat up?

Yes. Just as soon as you tell your mom to stop calling me. I was drunk, and it was a one-time thing.

Appendix B. Selected Interviews

AS MY WEBSITE GAINED POPULARITY
, I did several interviews. This appendix contains two of them. The first is from BBspot, a website that satirizes just about everything, particularly technological issues. The second is from Slashdot.org, a website that contains "News for Nerds, Stuff That Matters."

BBSPOT.COM

The original story, complete with hilarious pictures and links, can be found at
http://www.bbspot.com/Features/2001/10/11_questions_wil.html
.

11 QUESTIONS WITH WIL WHEATON

Real interviews with real people. Unlike the rest of BBspot, there's nothing made up here. I know it's a difficult transition, but I'm not fooling. We did e-mail these questions and these were the responses.

In the first of what will be a continuing series, Wil Wheaton of
Star Trek: The Next Generation
,
Stand By Me
, and
Python
fame subjects himself to 11 questions from BBspot. Enjoy!

BBspot (1): All the geeks want to know, what kind of computer system you have and what games do you play on it? Processor? OS? Details, please
.

Wil: Oh boy. Well, all the geeks are going to rejoice when they hear that the box they use for target practice is probably superior to mine. My computer was built from zero by me and my friend. It's a Pentium 2, 128 megs of ram, uh . . . I have some kind of swell video card that does all those 3DFX things, and a crappy soundblaster sound card. My brother and I just crammed a bunch of big hard drives into the case and put in a new CD-ROM drive, so we're completely out of space inside. Tell you what, if I ever find Gordon Moore, I'm gonna kick him in the neck.

Put it this way: when it was built, it was hot, like Jolene Blalock. Now, it's more like Teri Hatcher: hot in it's day, but now it's just sad.

The games I play these days are
Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction
,
Unreal Tournament
, and
MAME
.

Oh, and I'm running Windows 2000, because I'm too lame for Linux. But some day . . . oh, some day I will learn Linux, and then, from Hell's dark heart I will stab at thee!
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19
^]

BBspot (2): Did you learn anything important about being an actor when doing
Stand By Me,
or did it just help you meet chicks?

Wil: Meeting chicks? Dude. I was 13. If you had put a naked girl and a 720 degrees set to free play in front of me, I would have said, "Skate or die!" as I pushed her aside.

Come to think it, things haven't changed too much . . .

BBspot (3): Were you nervous working with OJ on the set of Hambone and Hillie?

Wil: There are very few times in my life that I am grateful to not be a blonde woman. Being around OJ was one of those times. Poor, poor OJ. He's been able to convince only 12 people in the whole world that he's not a murderer. Personally, I think Gary Condit is The Real Killer.

BBspot (4): Who would you like to see yourself pitted against in MTV's
Celebrity Death Match
and why?

Wil: Britney Spears. But we'd fight it out Pam Grier/Cleopatra Jones-style: in the first minute, I'd rip off her shirt, we'd scream "Bitch" at each other, and then we'd do it to sweet-ass 70s porn music. Hit me baby, one more time!

BBspot (5): Did you feel like your character suffered from an Oedipus complex in
Star Trek: The Next Generation?
I mean, your mom was really hot, and your dad died under cloudy circumstances
.

Wil: When Wesley's dad died, Wesley was so traumatized, he had to spend many, many nights sleeping in Dr. Crusher's quarters . . . and the therapeutic sponge baths really helped with the grieving process. Oh, and the oral sex.

BBspot (6): Do you have a tactful way of telling
Star Trek: The Next Generation
fans who can't separate Wesley from Wil to get a life? I mean, it WAS just a TV show . . .

Wil: Yeah, it goes something like this: "Dude? What's your fucking problem?" Notice I didn't say "loser."

BBspot (7): You said you left Hollywood for five years because you "needed to get away from the Evils of Hollywood for a while." Now that you have returned, how are you dealing with the Evils?

Wil: Sometimes you have to take some time away from the Evils to really appreciate how much those Evils mean to you. We had a trial separation, and during that time, I realized that I was just suspicious of the Evils because of some intimacy issues I had, due to experiences as a child. The Evils came to see that we can't change each other, and we need to respect our differences, and celebrate them. We still have a stormy relationship, but the Evils and I watch Dr. Phil every week. Although I am beginning to suspect that The Evils and Dr. Phil speak to each other in some Evil-speak that only they and Oprah can understand.

BBspot (8): When the Titanic sunk and that Leo guy froze to death, did you secretly rejoice, or did you throw a Dead Leo party?

Wil: The captain of the Titanic was a Leo? I heard he was a Capricorn. Let that be a lesson to you about believing everything you read.

BBspot (9): How did you avoid becoming an
E! True Hollywood Story
like Corey Feldman or River Phoenix?

Wil: I think it has something to do with the lack of drugs in my life. Funny, being so uncool as a teenager kept me away from all that stuff. That's right kids, if you want to be cool, use lots of drugs. Oh, and then OD and die in front of the Viper Room. That's the COOLEST!

BBspot (10): How does it feel to have a site like this on the Net? Does it make you more popular with the girls or old men? Oh and can you hook me up with some better shots those are a little grainy, maybe put them in your online store?
^[
20
^]

Wil: That site makes me feel like a camwhore without the wish list.

BBspot (11): Tell us why you're doing
WilWheaton.net
and about future plans for you and the site?

Wil: It's all part of my Bavarian Illuminatti-driven plot to rule the world. Now that you've read that, we're coming for you with our Orbital Mind Control Lasers.

^[
19
^]
This interview was done in 2001; I am using Linux now.

^[
20
^]
This question linked to a website containing pictures of me at about 14 years old, called "Wil Wheaton: Shirtless."

SLASHDOT.ORG

The original thread at Slashdot, complete with user comments as well as some of my own, can be found at
http://interviews.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=01/10/29/173252
.

ASK WIL WHEATON ANYTHING

Wil Wheaton is our latest interview victim. Best known here as Wesley Crusher on
TNG
, Wil has a history doing movies both good (
Stand by Me
) and, uh, otherwise. His movie,
The Good Things
, just won the grand prize at the 27th Festival of American Cinema at Deuville. His current project is
Jane White Is Sick & Twisted
. A big thanks to Wil for taking the time to answer so many of our questions.

THOSE SILLY AUTOMATIC DOORS

By wikki on 07:36 AM October 15th, 2001

When you were on the set of
TNG,
did you ever find yourself running into the automatic doors when there was no one there to open them for you? How about at your house or other places? Was this a problem for any of the other cast members? Did you ever find yourself going to grocery stores and running in and out of the doors just to make you feel better?

This happened all the time. We'd get so used to those doors opening when we approached them that we'd keep going right into them if they didn't. It was very embarrassing when I'd be taking some friends on a tour of the sets, and I'd expect the doors to open, and they wouldn't. Sometimes it would happen during work, because the FX guys wouldn't get their cue, or someone would decide to enter a scene early. One time, Jonathan was in the turbolift on the bridge and decided that he'd come into the scene a little bit earlier than we'd rehearsed. So I'm sitting in my chair, Patrick is going on and on about the Prime Directive or something, and there is this loud CRASH! from the turbolift. We all turn around to look, and the doors slowly open (like the FX guy is scared to open the door), and Jonathan is on the floor. I think it was Michael Dorn who was in the turbolift with him, and he is standing over him, just pointing and laughing. We did a lot of that on
TNG
. The pointing and laughing, I mean.

Those doors do have a legacy that cascades into my current work. They were loud when they opened and closed, sort of like a sliding glass door. So the sound man would ask us to hold our dialogue until the doors were open or closed. Go watch
TNG
and watch for it. We rarely speak when doors are opening or closing on screen, because we'd have to re-record the dialogue later in ADR.
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21
^]
The thing is, even though I've been off the show for years, when I'm doing a movie today, I still don't talk when doors are opening or closing. Even if they're normal doors.