Just a Fan (14 page)

Horrified, I began to read the article:

"
Yesterday at about three p.m, Connor MacGowan, Scottish hunk and lead actor of
Heyday
,
La Ferrassie
and
Waiting for Rain
was spotted in the company of a dark-haired girl nobody has yet identified. This challenges the rumours about the charming MacGowan's relationship with top model/actress Anastacia Legrey, and springs up new ones about who exactly this new girl is. Whoever Connor's unknown lady friend turns out to be, they have been seen getting quite close and personal together in a park just off Hartley Street, Fenbridge, in the UK. Could this be the reason why Connor has postponed shooting for his role in the upcoming film,
Twenty Miles Below
? Is the secretive Scotsman letting his personal life come first?

Anyway, what do you think about this unexpected pairing - aye or nay?
"

Barely able to breathe, I scrolled down some more, until I reached the scores of comments beneath the article, posted by the general public - i.e. the fans of Connor themselves.

118 comments
, the bold heading said. Three whole pages full of them. I read the first ones:

"
Mellie - 5th December, 10:45:

Connor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!

ScotLuva4567 - 5th December, 10:47:

No, Heyday dude, no!

ColonelMustard_01 - 5th December, 10:48:

hu the f-ing hell is she?

MrsConnorMacGowan98983 - 5th December, 10:49:

she is sooooo coming on to him. grrrrr. :(

hayleybaby - 5th December, 10:51:

whore

Danceprincess - 5th December, 10:52:

omg he can do SO much better than her, i mean who is she??? i thouhgt he did bad when he was with anastasia but this is even worse! wat a slut wearing his coat n everything

stacexXxX - 5th December, 10:55:

he never let michelle fenton so close lol

hotsforCGM - 5th December, 10:56:

FIND OUT HU SHE IS IL KILL HER/:,

msKte - 5th December, 10:59:

I find it a bit selfish that Connor is forsaking his professionial life like this. He'll disappoint so many devoted fans if he pulls out of TMB. Hes a great actor, I saw him in Heyday for the first time and he was brilliant. it would be a shame if he puts his personal life in greater priority.

Reneawinx - 5th December, 10:59:

noo connor come back to the USA we miss yoooou

SMHtR - 5th December, 11:01:

Connor seems to me a bit of a flighty bloke who doesn't keep relationships for long. It's like every month or so he changes girl...I never really expected it to last with some of the models he dated, but I hope this relationship works out for him. It's kinda cute that he's got himself this mystery girl. If he's putting his time with her over his acting, then that's really nice of him, and maybe a sign that they'll last :) Whoever she is, she must be one happy girl. Look at the way they're smiling!

gladysmonday - 5th December, 11:02:

probably just a hookup. he's a whore and shes probably one too so waht's the big deal??

jiggy - 5th December, 11:02:

i don't think we can judge her, we don't know who she even is.

starchickx - 5th December, 11:03:

Argggh, this is the same old story. if hes f*cked her it doesn't mean there a couple. i can bet we wont hear about this mystery slag again, we know connor will probably chuck her once he's done with her
."

A horrible, constricting feeling pressed down upon my chest. What was this? Was it really
me
they were talking about? Of course, if I was in their place,
I
might feel a little jealous, but to such an extent...they didn't even know me, for God's sake! Who were they to judge me? Who were they to -

'Lilly?'

I turned around with a gasp of surprise.

'Oh - Connor, you scared me,' I murmured. He came towards me, dressed in nothing but his boxers, a look of concern on his face.

'What're you doing in here? Are you OK?' he asked me. 'You look worried, lass.'

'I'm fine,' I lied, trying to quickly close the window with the website. Unfortunately, Connor's state-of-the-art computer with speedy Internet connection was just like mine in the way that it got annoyed whenever I tried to do something too hastily. My hurried clicking just froze the entire program.

'What's that?' Connor asked, mildly interested as he rested his elbows upon the back of my chair, his rumpled curls tickling my ear. I wished to die as he avidly read what was on the screen. 'Some kind of forum thingie? "I can bet we wont...
won't
hear about this mystery slag again, we know...Connor will probably chuck her once he's..."' His voice faded to silence. My face burned, and I fought back tears.

Then Connor said softly: 'Ach, those bletherskites again...' He reached out and scrolled up. The computer somehow came to life again beneath his touch, and soon showed the short article and photos of us. I waited painfully as he read it.

'Lilly...I hope you can forgive me,' he said finally.

'What?' I was taken aback.

Connor sighed. 'I should have warned you...my private life isn't always left private by wee scunners like these,' he told me. 'Don't pay attention to what they say, Lilly - they'll never understand.' He closed the window and turned off the computer.

'It should be me apologising, not you,' I said miserably. 'They're saying some nasty things about you because of
me
, and they think you're giving up your acting.'

'Lilly, Lilly!' Connor comforted me, kneeling before me and cupping my face in his hands. 'You don't get it. I have
long
stopped caring about what those people gossip about. And I have some things more important than acting to concern myself with at the moment...' He smiled at me tenderly, trying to cheer me up. He felt moisture upon his palms, and frowned at me in concern.

'You're not upset, are you, Lilly?' he asked gently. 'You know those are just silly words from silly fangirls.'

'It's just...the knowledge that somewhere out there people are thinking such bad things about me, people who I've never met at all and yet hate me!' I sniffed, distressed. 'Besides...
I
was a silly fangirl, too.' I paused, and gave him a watery smile. 'I still am.'

Connor smiled and kissed me softly. 'Look, pet...you
will
learn to forget them, with time,' he assured me, then tilted his head to one side. 'You see that fame is not
all
good. Being in the public eye is also being in the public scrutiny - you have to be prepared to be talked about a
lot
.'

I nodded sadly, and gently rested my cheek against the top of his head, wrapping my arms around him. 'It must have been horrible for you,' I whispered as I stroked his firm, bare back, remembering the countless scores of paparazzi photos I had seen of him. Photos capturing each little movement, freeze-frames of every split second as poor Connor wearily went about his affairs in the glare of camera flashes.

'Aye, a bit freaky at first,' he admitted. 'But now I'm used to it.'

I gave a heavy sigh, stroking his hair, then he straightened up, smiling at me.

'How about we go back to bed so I can cheer you up a little?' he proposed.

I smiled, my worries vanishing. 'I'd be glad to,' I replied, and allowed him to pick me up and carry me clean out of the room.

Chapter 9

On With the Show

I saw Connor just about every day. What else was there to do when I was so attached to him? He would take me out for walks, share with me countless anecdotes, ask me about my own boring, ordinary life...and then finally take me home to his house to spend the night. But as the days went by, I began to notice that he was becoming increasingly involved, wanting to spend entire days with me. Of course, I found this wonderful, but there was something about the way that he held me to him that suggested he was trying to make the most of our relationship while he still could. It was only on one morning a few days later that I found out why this was.

It was a peaceful, lovely morning like any other...I woke up, as usual, in his arms, feeling better than I ever had in my whole life. Connor was already awake, gently playing with a strand of my hair. I opened my eyes slowly, smiling up at him. He looked as heavenly as always, even with his curls flat on one side of his head and sticking up on the other, and his chin rough with the night's stubble. I guessed that I looked a mess, but cuddled up to his bare chest anyway, breathing in his lovely scent. He stroked my hair for a while, then sighed heavily. I looked up at him, concerned.

'What is it?' I asked him. His brow puckered wearily and he propped himself up on one elbow, cupping my cheek with his other hand.

'I've got to go back to the US the day after tomorrow,' he told me sadly. 'No backing out this time - I've promised to go on
The Gordon Wells Show
. After that, shooting will probably begin...'

'Oh...' I replied, face falling.

'But don't worry, pet,' Connor reassured me, kissing my forehead. 'I'll only be there for a short while. It's not a feature-length film - shooting might be over quite quickly. I'll be straight back after that, and then...' He let his words trail off, kissing me properly this time.

I still felt rather miserable. 'I'm going to miss you,' I told him, touching his face. 'It's going to be weird without you here...well, it was weird
with
you here, but when you're away this time...'

'I'll call you every day,' promised Connor. 'I'll stay for the shortest time possible. I won't be gone long...'

'You'd better not be,' I replied with a softly teasing edge to my voice, lightening the atmosphere. He grinned.

'I won't.'

* * *

And so, three days later, I was alone once more in my apartment. It felt almost as if Connor had never actually entered my life at all - like it had all been a dream. But I still knew that he would keep to his word and do his best to come back as soon as possible.

I went grudgingly back to work, since my absence there had damaged my income slightly. Yet even though I had always dreaded going back to the long hours of taking orders behind the checkout and wearing that awful uniform, I still felt oddly optimistic. I could endure the dullness and the bitchy co-workers because I had a happy secret - the secret that I was in a close relationship with a world-famous actor. This was what kept me going all day, until I could skip off home to eagerly await Connor's next phone call.

Connor had stuck to his promise and called me every night so far. He usually phoned at about ten, when it was around half-past seven where he was staying...I always looked forward to hearing him.

One night, however, the phone rang at eight. I rushed over to it and picked it up.

'Hello?'

'
Hi, it's Kate - would you care to tell me
why
the hell you didn't say that you were back with that movie-star guy again?
' an annoyed voice said.

I sighed, flopping down on the sofa, phone in hand.

'I'm sorry, Kate...I just didn't have the
time
, I was so busy,' I told her apologetically.

'
You told Julie
.'

'Yeah, but she was taking me shopping for some stuff...'

'
That's not a reason and you know it!
'

'Kate -'

'
I thought you were going to stay away from that guy, since he was using you!
' Kate accused. '
Why did you leave it to Julie to tell me that you were back with him?
'

Way to go, Julie, I thought grumpily.

'Look, Kate - you've got it all wrong,' I told her. 'I just didn't know how to tell you after you'd made such an effort.'

'
Yeah, well, any way's better than
not
telling me
,' snapped Kate. '
But I suppose you were too busy with your self-centered celebrity idol to think about your actual
friends
! Didn't want to make me jealous, now, did you?
'

I blushed with rage. Now
that
was below the belt...

'I thought you might actually
understand
, Kate!' I replied heatedly. 'I guess I was wrong. Besides, Connor really
has
gone back to the US now, so you can stop getting at me for being with him!'

I hung up on her before she could yell back, then slid sideways on the sofa until I lay on my back. I put a hand to my forehead, nerves still pounding. I hadn't had an argument like that with Kate for
ages
...I had always thought I was a tolerant person. But Connor was still a sensitive subject for me, and Kate had just gone too far. Insulting the man who had brought so much more interest to my life was simply unacceptable.

I sighed, putting the phone back. I was
really
beginning to miss Connor now...

* * *

'
One thing's for sure - the bed has never been emptier
,' my leading man was saying over the phone two hours later. '
Waking up in the mornings is just lonely now.
'

'Same for me,' I replied, sitting curled up on the sofa, cradling the phone to my ear as I savoured the sound of his voice, still beautiful and vibrant even though it was made distant and tinny by the phone line. 'How was your day?'

'
I went out to grab a coffee this morning and got tailed by some wee minker with his camera
,' he told me. '
Made me give him a mini-interview before he could piss off. The bawbag nearly got hit by a bus when he followed me across the road.
'

'Oh, dear...'

'
Someone must've tipped the 'razzi off that I was back in the US, because at lunch a whole group of them followed me around while I was on my mobile...
' Connor went on. '
I managed to get away from them eventually, though, the scunners. Oh yes, and I forgot to tell you - tomorrow morning I'm going to be on
TheGordon Wells Show
. I think it'll be broadcast in the afternoon...maybe in the evening, where you are.
'

'Well, it's Saturday tomorrow, so I can stand by the TV as long as I like!' I said. Connor chuckled.

'
I'll try to behave myself, then
,' he replied. '
So...how was your day?
'

'Boring,' I said, shrugging, then pulled a face. '
And
I just fell out with my friend Kate.'

'
Oh...why?
'

'It's nothing important,' I lied offhandedly. 'Anyway...when do you start shooting your new film?'

'
I still need to hear from my agent and the director
,' he explained. '
Shouldn't be long, though.
' I heard him sigh. '
God, do I miss ye, Lilly
.'

'I miss you too,' I answered miserably. 'I'll be watching you tomorrow, though!'

I could hear the grin in his voice. '
I know you will, pet, I know you will
.'

* * *

Saturday evening, at about quarter to eight, I was sitting down excitedly on the sofa in front of the TV. Sure enough, Connor had been right, and
The Gordon Wells Show
was being broadcast this very evening. I had only watched
The Gordon Wells Show
on the Internet, when Connor was Gordon's guest. This time, however, I would be watching it on TV...and for the first time, I would be seeing Connor on TV
after
everything that had happened between us. I wondered: would he be different? Would he act in a different way? Or would it be
me
who saw him differently?

I made myself comfortable as the familiar starting credits announced the beginning of the show. Gordon Wells, a greying American with a very brilliant smile, greeted the audience from his smart armchair, which was placed in front of a backdrop picture of New York City by night. I turned the volume up slightly, watching attentively.

However, the first guest at the show wasn't Connor - it was a very dazzling young actress instead, who had come to talk about some documentary she was taking part in. At first I was disappointed, but then I remembered that Gordon Wells received two celebrity guests each time, and Connor would probably be on after this woman. As the actress talked and answered Gordon's questions, my mind began to wonder. Connor must have been backstage with this pretty lady - maybe they had talked, too? After all, they were both guests at the show...I wondered whether Connor had found her pretty. I became slightly worried; what if this lovely actress had made him ask himself why the hell he was with someone like
me
? But then I managed to seize myself again. Of course Connor wouldn't have thought that! We had shared so much together...and if that going to be my reaction to every single woman who may or may not have crossed his path, then I would certainly drive myself mad. Resolutely, I sat back and decided to enjoy the show instead...

After much talking, the actress finally left amid a shower of applause. A short commercial break later,
The Gordon Wells Show
was back again. By now I was tense with anticipation...

'
Our next guest, ladies and gentlemen, you may recognise from last year's blockbuster
Heyday
and the more recent movie
Waiting For Rain,' Gordon, the presenter, announced, making my heart leap in my chest. '
Let's give a warm welcome to the man himself, Connor MacGowan
!'

I grinned eagerly from my place on the sofa, hugging a cushion to myself as the crowd cheered wildly and Connor himself entered, his familiar, charming grin lighting up the whole room as he waved jovially at the audience and strolled casually up to the presenter. My heart fluttered at the sight of him, marvellously dashing in a crisp, dark shirt and black trousers, his curls perfect. I remembered their exact silky texture when I had run my fingers through them, the dizzying feel of that smiling mouth against my own skin...it was still almost impossible to believe that I now knew him so personally.

Connor, now so far away and here on some distant sound stage, shook hands with Gordon, whom he obviously knew well from their previous meetings, and the two of them exchanged greetings inaudible beneath the applause of the audience and the introductory music. The camera's view showed swift pan of the audience, who were all on their feet and clapping. There was quite a crowd there, most of them young, female and very pretty, grinning adoringly at Connor. I frowned at them.
Mine!
I thought.