Juno of Taris (5 page)

I stared at the pictographs on the screen in front of me, listened to the voices in my headphones, and I took nothing in.

It was my fault. All my fault.

At ten o’clock, Nixie came in with his shaver, his smile and his dumb joke. ‘Line up, ladies and gentlemen. No need to push and shove. Keep your hair on!’

Silvern did what she always did – jumped up, placed a chair in the centre of the room and said, ‘Welcome, Nixie. I will be your first client.’

I didn’t even have the heart to hate her, her smugness or her perfect behaviour record. One by one, each of the others sat down and Nixie shaved their skulls. Then it was Justa’s turn. Then mine.

Last week, and for a good many weeks before that, I’d stomped to the chair, saying, ‘I don’t want my head shaved. This is against my will.’ And every week for as long as I could remember, I’d wriggled and jerked my head away from his patient hands.

Today, I walked in silence to the chair and sat quietly. I couldn’t speak to him. I couldn’t joke with him as some of the others had. But I did stay quiet and I didn’t move. When he had finished, I stood and made my way back to my seat. Tears blurred my eyes but I didn’t let them fall.

Nixie packed up his gear, shaking his head. As he passed me, he placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘What brought this about, young lady?’

It cost me a huge effort to speak, but I managed it. ‘I accept the law, Nixie. We all have to grow up sometime.’

He went off chuckling. ‘Well, well. Who would have thought it! The age of miracles is indeed upon us.’

I could do no work that morning, but Justa left me alone. She dismissed us for our mid-morning break and Silvern pushed past me out the door. ‘That Little-Miss-Perfect act won’t change anything.’

My feet took me down to the tamarind trees – my brain didn’t seem to want to function. I sat down to eat my snack of fruit and nuts. All the others talked about the baby and who’d be allowed to have it.

Silvern said, ‘It’ll be Jov and Sina.’

‘But what about Lerick and Mersat?’ Pel argued. ‘They say they want to have kids before they get old.’

‘Twenty-two isn’t old enough to have kids,’ Marba said. ‘I’m not going to have kids till I’m forty.’

‘Forty!’

‘That’s so old!’

Silvern looked at me. ‘Aren’t your parents nearly forty?’

I turned away from her.

Marba raised a hand. ‘This is what we’ll do: we’ll all predict who’ll get to have the baby. We’ll try to think the way the Governance Companions do, and we’ll see who’s right.’

I got up, turned my back on the whole pack of them and trudged back to the classroom.

Justa gave me one of her penetrating looks as I sat down, but she didn’t say anything. She waited until all fourteen of us were seated, then she said, ‘I want a full and accurate account of the discussion you had during the break, please.’

I shook my head. ‘It’s all right, Justa. I’m just worried for my parents.’ I glanced at my classmates. ‘They haven’t been mean, truly.’

Justa remained silent in that expectant way teachers have. Marba stood up. He repeated almost word perfect the entire conversation for the time I’d been with them. ‘I see,’ she said. ‘Silvern – I will speak to you outside. The rest of you – continue with your work. Without any talking.’

I had completed a unit on plant nutrition and soil health by the time Silvern returned, eyes red and swollen. ‘She wants you now,’ she muttered to Marba.

His eyebrows climbed his forehead. ‘Me? Why?’

‘Go and find out,’ she snapped.

But I was surprised too. Marba was never cruel – well, not on purpose, anyway.

He was away longer than Silvern had been and it made me smile because I knew why: he would be arguing with Justa, point by point. Everything was so clear to Marba, so very logical. I sighed. How easy my life would be if my mind worked like that.

They came back eventually. Justa’s face was calm but determined. Marba looked fed up, as though he was being compelled to deal with a small and annoying bug that wasn’t worth his time. He went to sit at his computer.

Justa said, ‘You may not continue yet with your normal work, Marba.’

He gave a hiss of exasperation, but moved his chair to a corner of the room.

What was that all about? All of us wondered, but nobody was willing to question Justa.

With about thirty minutes left of the school day, Marba spoke. ‘Justa, I’ve carefully considered every point you raised, but my opinion remains unchanged. I wish to return to my work now.’ He stood up.

‘Sit down!’ She spoke so forcefully that he complied through sheer astonishment. She took a deep breath. ‘What I am about to ask you to do, my class, goes against every value we Tarians hold dear. But Marba must learn that people have feelings. He must learn that we are not lab rats, and this is the only way I can think of to teach him.’

What was coming? We glanced at each other, all of us mystified.

‘I want each of you to ask the questions Marba would ask of you, if you were in his position right now.’ She nodded at Rynd. ‘Will you begin please, Rynd.’

He grinned. ‘You are frowning, Marba. Does that mean you are angry?’

Silvern, imitating Marba’s voice, said, ‘Marba, is your heart rate elevated?’

I had no trouble deciding what to say. ‘Let us think the way Marba does, then we’ll all say what we think he’ll do when this is finished. The one who gets it right wins.’

But I had no idea what he would do, and his face gave nothing away. I was, however, beginning to get an inkling of what Justa was trying to do. But I didn’t think she’d succeed, for Marba was all scientific enquiry and wouldn’t know an emotion if it jumped down his throat.

She dismissed us five minutes early. ‘Marba, you will report on the results of the experiment we have just conducted first thing on Monday.’

I ran down the path towards home. I didn’t want to talk to Marba and I most certainly didn’t want to talk to Silvern. But she caught me up and hissed as she passed me, ‘Troublemaker! And if you think one shaving day of compliance will sway them, you’re dreaming.’

I slowed my pace until she disappeared up the path to her house – which was far too close to mine for my peace of mind. She was wrong, she had to be. But I made up my mind to be compliant every shaving day until the next choosing, and then I would beg Mother and Dad to put their names forward just one more time. I sprinted the short distance between Silvern’s house and ours.

‘Have you heard yet?’ I burst into the house.

Both my grandmothers were there, helping Mother thread up the big loom. Mother shook her head. ‘No. We won’t hear until the end of the recreation hour, I think.’

Leebar and Grif smiled at me. ‘Do you so badly want a sister?’ Leebar asked.

‘I do! I really do!’

Grif gave me one of her searching looks. ‘Don’t worry, child. They take many things into account when they choose the next parents.’

I stared at her. Her voice was so sad – so bitter.

‘What do you mean?’ I whispered.

She shook herself. ‘Oh! I’m just being silly. It’s hard, living like we do. Much has to be considered. One thing weighed against another. Hence the rule.’

I nodded. ‘Thought before action.’ But I knew she hadn’t told me the truth of her thoughts.

Leebar put down the ball of thread she held. ‘You need occupation, Juno. It’s recreation hour – how about you practise your swimming? The races are only a couple of weeks away.’

I took a handful of nuts from a bowl. ‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘I don’t want to.’ The thought of going to Calico Bay and swimming by myself where Hilto might find me now filled me with dread.

Leebar frowned. ‘You must, you know. You issued the challenge, and you have to make it real.’ She chuckled. ‘Come along. I’ll go with you. I’ll be your coach.’

I hugged her. ‘Thank you. But I want to be here when the news comes about the baby.’

‘We’ll be home before the end of the hour,’ she said. ‘I promise. Now let’s go.’

But instead of the long path to Calico Bay, she took the rocky track past Grif and Danyat’s house, out to where the point curved around to make a tiny bay. It was difficult to get down to the sea here and there was no beach, only one large flat rock to sit on. My heart lifted. I felt safe here, safe from Hilto and safe under the gaze of my grandmother.

We scrambled down the bank, slipping a little on flax and grasses. At the bottom, I stripped off my tunic and dived into the water. I swam out, turned and powered back to Leebar. ‘Your legs are all over the place,’ she said. ‘Keep your knees straight. You’ll go faster.’

Maybe, but it felt all wrong. ‘Try it,’ she ordered.

I tried it. It slowed me down. ‘Persevere,’ she said. ‘Don’t give up, child. Three more laps and then we’ll go back.’

To please her, I tried. I swam much slower but I persevered.

She pulled me up onto the rock. ‘A fortnight of that, and you’ll be much faster,’ she said, chuckling as I pulled a face. Thought before action – one day I would master the art and then maybe I wouldn’t get myself into such predicaments.

Dad and my grandfathers were at the house when we got back. We discussed the news of the day – the youngest learning stratum had mastered the dance Mother had been teaching. Arten now said please instead of want. Nobody discussed Marba and the experiment because none of my stratum would tell of it. I didn’t think Justa would either.

‘I hear you have grown up,’ Bazin, Dad’s father, said, smiling at me.

I blushed and hung my head. The story of my compliance under Nixie’s shears would be all over the island by now.

Mother’s father, Danyat, hugged me. ‘It was well done, child.’

But not soon enough for my parents. I knew that, even though nobody voiced the thought.

Dad stood up. ‘Let’s go, Sheen,’ he said to my mother. ‘All this waiting. It’s hard on the nerves.’

Mother smoothed her hands over her tunic. ‘All right. But we’ll be too early.’

He took her hand. ‘Well, we can always walk home again, then back again.’

They laughed and went out the door. He slipped his arm around her shoulders.

My grandparents watched them. Their faces were sad. Danyat clapped his hands. ‘Work. We need to work. Let’s cook.’

We made dinner but they didn’t come back until darkness had fallen.

‘Tell us!’ I shouted, running to the door to meet them.

‘They haven’t decided,’ Dad said. ‘They say it will be Monday now. They promise it will be.’

So long to wait. All through the weekend.

‘Be patient,’ Bazin said. ‘There’s the Saturday meeting to look forward to.’

I cheered up. It was to be a singing and dancing meeting.

The next day, the community met at the school courtyard. This meeting was so different from the one only three days ago when Irian had left us. I listened to the laughter and news flowing around me. Nobody mentioned his name. Should we forget him so easily?

The music started, played by Dad and my grandfathers. We ran to our places. The beginning dances were always the fast, crazy square dances but everyone who could took part. Fisa danced and so did Lenna, but the three male Governance Companions watched from the sidelines as did four others of the oldest generation. I danced and thought of Irian. It had been months since he had danced. He hadn’t even joined in for the slow dances.

After the dancing came the singing. Mother chose the songs and led us. The first were of heroes and brave deeds. Gradually they changed and became gentle. The littlest children fell asleep.

We walked home before the evening rain began to fall.

‘A good meeting,’ Mother said. She put her arm around me. ‘You danced beautifully, my daughter.’

I leaned my head into her shoulder, suddenly weak at the knees. Majool and Hilto would have been watching me – making sure I danced the approved steps and not some of my own invention.

I would have to watch what I did every waking moment until the baby question was settled.

Sunday arrived. We worked around our homes during the morning, ate our midday meals and then congregated at the school for the afternoon sports. Today was a soccer tournament. My stratum played the stratum above us. They had a one goal handicap to make the game more even. I loved soccer, but today I didn’t feel the same freedom. Majool and Hilto sat on the sidelines and I felt their eyes on me.

In the final moments, I kicked the ball across to Biddo who pounded it into the back of the goal. We won.

We cheered, but I didn’t do the back-flip I’d secretly perfected.

Monday came. I got ready for school. I tied my belt in the approved manner. I wore a clean tunic. I packed nothing but fruit and nuts for my snack, even though there was dessert left over from yesterday. I would take no risks.

I managed to avoid Silvern on the way to school.

Justa greeted us all. ‘Congratulations on the soccer game. You did well, my class. I’m proud of you.’ Then she spoke to Marba. ‘Your report on Friday’s experiment, please Marba.’

I’d forgotten about it.

He stood up and walked to the front of the room.

‘I was angry. I considered what you were doing was a waste of time.’ He gave us a sudden grin. ‘But in the end, I had to be honest with myself – I was angry because it felt uncomfortable to be treated like a science experiment.’

We laughed. That was so like him – the honest scientist even when it involved himself.

He looked at Justa. ‘You were right to conduct the experiment. I will try to be more sensitive to others’ feelings in future. I know I don’t have those feelings so it will be difficult, but I will try.’

We clapped and Justa said, ‘Thank you, Marba.’

Monday passed. Silvern glared at me any time Justa had her eye off us. I ignored her as best I could.

I ran home but nobody was there. I pushed the button on the messager. Mother’s voice said, ‘Juno, darling – come to Grif and Danyat’s house. We’re baking.’

My mouth watered. I ran back down the path and took the fork below the school out to the point of the island. Grif and Danyat lived in the second to last house. Vima lived in the last one.