Authors: Ruth Wind
He kissed her. First her mouth, then her eyelids, one at a time. He raised his head and looked at her. “Can I tell you, Juliet, that you really are getting under my skin? I'm not used to it.”
“Me, either.”
“You are one of the prettiest women I've ever met.”
She smiled. “You can tell me that anytime.”
“And I love your mouth. And your breasts. And your eyes.”
“All those things.”
His dark eyes looked serious. “You also have a lot of heart. Like a lion.” He touched her nose lightly. “And I've been known to be just a little bitâ¦intense.”
She captured his wrists before he could pull away. “You have given me more peace in twenty-four hours than I've had in many, many months, Josh. I just don't know myself well enough to know what any of it means today. Is that okay?”
“It's fine.” He let her go and went back to his side of the island. “Let's eat, then I'll find out where Glory is and maybe we can go snowshoeing or for a walk, depending on how the paths look. What do you think?”
“Excellent,” she said, and cut a generous piece of omelet. “Not, however, as perfect as this.”
“Don't suppose you brought any hiking boots down with you.”
Juliet tossed her hair over her shoulder. “No. But I have a credit card. I bet there are hiking boots for sale somewhere in this town.”
“You'll pay with blisters if you do that.”
She shrugged. “We don't have to hike to Timbuktu, do we? I mean, I like hiking, but it's been awhile, and maybe just a
little
hike would be fun.”
He grinned. “That's a possibility.” He, too, busied himself with the food. “I'm starving.”
Juliet laughed, and the sound was as much like a giggle as she ever gave. “We did have quite a workout.”
His eyes crinkled up. “So we did.” He took a big gulp of milk. “Do you think you could curl her hair?”
“Glory's?” Juliet asked. “I don't know. What do you have around here?”
“Nothing I know of.”
“We can always use rags. I know how to do rag curls. Or we can buy curlers in town.”
He nodded. “The other thing we need to talk about is what to do about Desi's bail.”
“Setting it? Or getting her out?”
“Paying it once it's set.”
“The land is worth a fortune,” Juliet said. “But I think she'll protest using it as a guarantee for bail.”
“Might not have any choice.”
Juliet thought about it for a few minutes. Thought of everything Desi had gone through to secure that land, hold on to itâand not for herself, but for her wolves. “No,” she said. “If we have to, I'll use my condo. It's worth plenty.”
Josh put his knife and fork neatly over his plate, tines down. “What about your parents? Sounds like they have a few resources.”
“They do, but they don't particularly like to dip into
them. They'd be horrified over the scandal attached to this.”
“Who are these people?” Josh asked in an irritable tone. “You and Desi both make them sound like monsters, but they raised both of you. You're not monsters, either one of you.”
Juliet nodded. “I know. There's the paradox. I can't explain it, either.” She touched her napkin to her lips. “My mother is an old-fashioned WASP, a blue blood back to who knows when. Trouble is, she had this amazing brain for physics and she thought she should pursue it, and instead of marrying some Massachusetts-blooded stallion, she met my father, a poet, who swept her off her feet.”
“That's romantic.”
Juliet shrugged. “I guess. They think it is.” He looked so bewildered she shook her head. “They're great at being scientist and poet and grand lovers to each other. They were just rotten at being parents.”
Josh crossed his arms, his beautiful mouth taut with skepticism. “Rotten how? Did you have to spend too much time with the nanny or something?”
“Are you being a snob, Mr. Mad Calf? If you have your physical needs covered, everything's all right? Is that it?”
“I made you mad, I'm sorry.” He took a breath. “But to be honest, it is kind of a stretch to believe that you suffered much.”
“Honestly, I didn't suffer as much as the other two. Not sure why. I was always such an innocent, you know, that maybe some of it just didn't get through.” She met his eyes. “But for example, my mother does not know
I was raped, and she won't. She'd hate to know about it, and it would end up being my fault somehow, and I'm just not going to go through all that.”
“You can borrow my mom if you want.”
“I just might.” With a sigh, she said, “If you ever meet them, you'll see what I mean.”
“I believe you.”
“No, you don't,” she said. “But that's okay.”
T
he morning was pristine, and once they moved out of Josh's pocket neighborhood, there wasn't as much snow as it had first appeared. In town, business seemed a little slower than normal, but the ReNew café and the pancake house were open for business, shoveling snow off the sidewalk into the street, where a fast-moving stream of melting snow ran down the gutter.
“It's weird how fast the weather changes around here,” Juliet said. “Blizzard to sunshine in five seconds flat.” She kicked the slush on the sidewalk. “How long will it take to melt?”
“A day at these temperatures,” he said. “But it won't be long until there's snow everywhere, all winter.” He gestured to an outdoor wear store. “Let's get you some
boots, huh? We'll hike up to the shrine. It should be fairly accessible.”
“The shrine?”
“Our Lady of the Butterflies. She's famous. You don't know about her?”
Juliet nodded. “I know. We used to come to church camp here.” That was something Juliet's father had won, after all. “Despite my mother's wish to turn us all into good little Presbyterians, my father was a French Catholic, and he insisted that his daughters would all be raised in the church.”
“Have you ever been up there?”
“No.” Warily she shook her head. “But there's so much to do. How do we get money for bail? What aboutâ”
“Shh.” Josh smiled, very slowly. “It's a perfect hike. We'll take an offering for Desi.” He moved closer and took her hand. “For you, too, if you want.”
Juliet looked up at him, at the breadth of his shoulders, the kindness of his deer eyes, and felt a squeezing in her heart that was both wonder and fear, hope and despair. “We'll see,” she said. And although she wanted, in some ways, to leave her hand cradled in his, something bigger made her pull away. “Let's get my shoes. You can help me pick out good socks.”
“All right.”
She saw that she'd wounded him a little, but better a little wound now than a bigger one later. Despite her pleasure in his company, and her very real passion for him, there wasn't anything really alive inside of her to share, and he was right: he had a little girl to think about.
Â
Juliet chose a pair of sturdy, lace-up boots that felt both warm and comfortable, along with thick woolen socks and something Josh called gaiters, a sort of thick nylon sock to tie over her jeans as they walked, to keep the snow out. Since she was there anyway, she also bought a good coat, much warmer than the one she'd brought from California. Who knew coats came with so many features? she thought happily, snuggling into it. Josh asked the girl in the shop if they could leave the old things there and pick them up on the way back, and she tucked them beneath the counter.
The jail was only a few blocks away, and they walked there after the trip to the store. The sergeant in control was pretty lax and let Desi come out to the table without handcuffs. Juliet gave her a paper cup of coffee she'd brought from the local coffee shop, flavored with vanilla and raw sugar, just the way Desi liked it.
Desi was not particularly open to being cheered up, however. She looked dull and distant, her face swollen as if she'd slept hard after crying hard. Her hair was in a braid, slightly mussed at the top. “You have to get me out of here,” she said, and it seemed her voice came from somewhere deep in her chest. “I get panicky in that cell.”
“There's no arraignment until Wednesday,” Juliet said.
Desi narrowed her eyes. “That's not soon enough. You need to go see Judge Behrens, out on the County Line road and tell him what's going on. He'll get me out faster than that.”
“Okay. We'll call him right away.” Juliet touched her sister's hand. “Don't panic, honey. Just let it go. Everything is going to be okay.”
“Is it?” Desi asked in a dull tone. She raised her eyes. “I didn't kill him, Juliet. I might have wanted to bash his head in. I might have been angry with him. But I wouldn't have shot him.”
Juliet felt the beat of her hesitation went one half second too long. “I know,” she said.
Desi raised her head and looked at her. She didn't say anything, just looked.
“I'm sorry,” Juliet said. “I'm just worried about you.”
Josh put his big hand on Desi's shoulder. “We'll get you out of here, babe.”
She put her hand on top of his, looking worn and weary. “I know.”
From outside came the sound of chanting. All three looked up and then the sergeant was in the room. “Sorry, you're gonna have to go back to your cell now.”
“What's going on?” Desi lifted her chin. “Juliet, look and see.”
But Josh was already across the room. “Protest,” he said, “but I can't tell who or what. I think it has to do with you.”
The sergeant nudged Desi along. “Come on,” he said. “You need to get back in your cell before I get my ass in a sling.”
“Yessir.” She looked over her shoulder at Josh and Juliet. “Judge Behrens,” she said. “Remember.”
“We're on it,” Josh said. “Don't worry.”
Â
Outside, it was plain that the anti-Desi contingent had organized the rally. A small knot of mostly women, led by a tall brunette in a yellow jacket, stood by the jail
steps. Remember Claude Tsosie, a placard read. It showed a picture of Claude when he was a bit younger, and a reproduction of one of his paintings.
“What, he's a
political
cause now?” Juliet hissed to Josh as they came down the steps. She slowed, feeling an argument on her lips, but Josh took her arm.
He said gruffly, “Keep moving. The last thing we want is more attention brought to this whole thing.”
Juliet glared at the brunette as they walked by, and the woman glared back, but they left it at that. “Let's make the phone call,” Josh said, and stopped at a pay phone with a phone book on a metal cable. A tiny phone book, Juliet noticed. It was about the size of her address book back home.
Josh found the name and dialed it on his cell phone, and outlined the situation to the person on the other end. The judge obviously asked for clarification several times, and Josh offered facts. There was a short period of “yes,” and “no” and “not that I know of.”
Finally he said, “Thank you, Your Honor. Right. I'll call you later.”
He hung up. “He's going to do what he can, he said. He thinks he can get her out on Monday, anyway.”
“Good.” Only two nights more. It was misery, Juliet knew, but it was better than a week or two or ten.
“Still want to hike?” Josh asked.
“Yes.”
“Let's go.” He'd brought a small day pack with him, and they headed straight west, to the box-end of the box canyon. Snow melted with dizzying speed, making pattering noises as it melted off the trees and ran into the
creek. They crossed it on a little wooden bridge. When they got to the middle, Juliet had to stop to admire it for a momentâthe blue-white snow piled up in the shadows, the rushing stream in its rocky bed, aspen coins gleaming through wherever the snow had melted. The air smelled of earth and pine and something elusive, that note that always said, simply,
mountains
to Juliet.
As she stood there, sunlight spilling over her head from that brilliant sky, something in her eased. “When we came here to camp, I loved that smell. I loved coming to camp,” she said to Josh, breathing in the scent of the water. “Well, maybe not at first, because I was afraid, but I got to the point where I loved it. All three of us did. We always said we were going to grow up and come live here.”
Josh said, “And Desi did it.” He gestured up the sunny side of the canyon. “That way.”
“And this is her home. I hate it that this has happened to her. She was so happy to be here.”
“We're going to make this work. I promise.”
They climbed on a gravel path, not terribly muddy, thanks to the gravel, but it was slippery enough Juliet was glad to have the hiking boots with their good tread. A signpost made of wood read simply, Shrine, 1.4 miles, and pointed the way.
“Do you think she killed Claude?” Josh asked.
Juliet jerked her gaze up to his face. “Do you?”
He pursed his lips. “Honestly, I don't know.”
“Me, either,” Juliet admitted. “The case against her is circumstantial, but it's a pretty strong circumstantial case.”
“I do know that she will die if she goes to jail.”
“I know. We have to get her out.” Their feet crunched on the snow. “My gut says she didn't do it. That she might be really mad and she might have shot him if he'd tried to take something from the ranch, but I don't think she would ever kill anyone.”
Josh took her hand. “We'll find the right guy.”
She squeezed his hand. Let go. “Thank you.”
“So, what did you like about camp, back in the day?”
“Everything.” Juliet grinned. “Well, no, that's a lie. I loved a lot of things, but not all of it. There were a lot of bugs. I was afraid of the spiders in the cabins and the possibility of rattlesnakes and afraid of lightning and afraid of drowning in the lake.” She gave him a rueful look. “Scaredy-Julie, that was me. Still is, I guess.”
“You're not a scaredy-cat. You're brave. Very fierce, fighting for your sister.”
“Really?” She looked at him.
He half chuckled. “You sound so surprised.”
“We were supposed to find totem animals at camp. There was this whole process we went through, making a medicine bag, listening to the stories of the elders, writing down our dreams. There were even elders who came in from the Mariposa Utes, now that I think about it.”
He nodded. “There's an education and outreach arm of the government. I'm sure that's who it was.”
“Probably.” Juliet flung her hair back from her face. “Well, we were all supposed to be open to animals who came to us, and I was so worried it was going to be something stupid for me, you know? Like a rabbit or something, all timid and shy.”
“All animals have their places,” he said.
“Yeah, but I'd had enough of being a rabbit. And there were my sistersâDesi was a wolf, surprise, surprise, and Miranda was a dragonfly, which is at least beautiful. But nothing came to me. I didn't have any dreams, didn't find feathers. I was a total failure at the whole vision quest thing.”
He laughed.
“So, just before the end of the season, I was out in the woods and I found this skull and a claw. I was so excited and ran it back to camp to show my counselor who didn't really believe I'd found it, that somehow I'd planted it, because it wasâta daâa mountain lion.”
“No kidding!”
Juliet shook her head. “No. Everybody was jealous and it seemed like a big joke because I really was so afraid of everything that a rabbit would have been a lot more accurate.”
“But the mountain lion chose you.”
“That's what the elder said. That your totem finds you.”
“I see that lion medicine in you, Juliet.”
“Thank you.”
“Now you should be brave enough to let life in.”
She paused. “I'd like to try.”
“That's all a man can ask.”
They walked along in the warming day, and Juliet noticed the most curious sense of well-being spreading through her. It had to do with the sunlight and the woods, the quiet and the birdcalls, the scent of pine trees and the scent of Josh. All of it. She liked it that they could walk together in silence, without having to fill it
up with chatter. She liked the feeling of safety she had in his company, and the way he'd felt around her last night.
Sneaking a glance at his profile, she let that memory come rushing back through her, along her skin and the nape of her neck and the backs of her kneesâhe'd held her close all through the night. As if she were precious. As if she were beloved.
She'd never had that feeling before. It scared her.
And yet, she wasn't alone in risking things, was she. Tentatively, she reached out and slipped her hand into his. When he looked down, she gave him a little smile. His lips quirked slightly.
He didn't let go. They walked up and up, around a switchback and another, beneath aspens with fluttering leaf-coins spinning around over their heads, beneath pine groves, along open spaces where the snow from the night before had melted.
“What do you know about the shrine?” Josh asked.
“Not a lot, really. I know a lot of people come to see it, that there was some sort of miracle attached to it. Aren't there hiking tours that bring people to it in the summertime?”
“Yep. One path, actually, goes right over the corner of Desi's land.”
“And what's the miracle?”
“There was a young girlâ”
“Is there always?”
He grinned and related the story of a young girl who'd been born with club feet who promised the saint that she would walk to the falls if her feet could be trans
formed. It had taken her three days to make the trek, but she'd done it, and when she got there, ten thousand butterflies had swirled up out of their sleep and touched her all over. The girl was healed.
“And now,” he continued, “every year, people make pilgrimages here, usually at a point of transition in their lives.”
“That's beautiful.”
He paused, catching his breath. “And now, we're here.”
“Where?”
With a secret little smile, Josh led a few more steps and turned the corner, and the path dead-ended in a small, open meadow surrounded by trees.
“Oh, my!” Juliet sighed.
The shrine sat at the foot of a waterfall, which splashed into a hot springs that send up a steamy spray. A mist covered the ground in a thin layer. Stationed above the hot spring was the shrine, a large, old statue of the Virgin Mary, but not like any Juliet had ever seen. This one had the sweet, somehow robust face of a Guadalupe, with the lush, curvy body of a siren. Her arms were spread wide, and a faint smile curled up her lips. Flowers, real and artificial, were scattered at her feet, and a plethora of candles and candleholders stood in a sheltered little glass building, like a small greenhouse.