Julian (Beautiful Mine #1) (11 page)

EVIE

No one had ever seen me as raw as Julian had in that moment. Angry. Bitter. Crying. Completely unraveled. He saw me at my weakest as I was reliving one of the most painful experiences of my life, and he just held me. He offered some kind words and he held me.

Before I drove back to the mansion, I caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye. I studied his face for the first time, really studied it. My eyes traced the angle of his square jaw, soaked in his deep-set hazel eyes and long lashes, and followed the lines of his perfectly straight nose and soft, full lips. He’d really filled out lately, and to say Julian Garner-Willoughby was officially handsome was an understatement. A far, far cry from the gaunt, sickly stick figure I’d met just weeks ago, this was a man I was only beginning to get to know.

I thought about kissing him there in the Jaguar under the sunny sky when he was comforting me, but I stopped myself. I couldn’t cross that line. There were a million reasons why we were never meant to be, and I wasn’t about to question any of them. I forced the thoughts out of my mind and focused on the road in front of me. I did dangerous things when my mind wandered. That was how I always got hurt.

I didn’t want to go back to the mansion. I didn’t want to step inside those drab, dreary walls and get swallowed up in the darkness that lurked behind the thick tapestry curtains and stained glass windows. But alas, I had no other choice.

I helped Julian up to his room, though he really didn’t need it, and got him situated.

“You don’t have to do that stuff for me anymore,” he announced as I handed him his medicine. “You don’t have to do anything for me anymore.”

“Don’t tell your mom that,” I said. Losing my job would’ve been the icing on the cake.

I turned to walk out of the room and change into something cozier, something I could really wallow in self-pity in.

“Are you coming back?” Julian called out.

“I don’t know, Julian,” I replied. “I think I’m going to go lie down for a bit, if that’s okay with you.”

“Oh,” he said, his face falling. He relaxed his shoulders and sat up straight as he watched me walk out. I was sure he’d get a hold of me if he needed anything, and all I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts.

***

I tossed and turned all night, replaying memory after memory of nostalgic moments with Spencer. I racked my brain trying to figure out where it all went wrong, what I could’ve done better, how we could’ve made it work. I blamed myself, but it was no surprise. Spencer always walked around like he was perfect, and I’d convinced myself that he was, indeed, perfect. I told myself that I was the one with the flaws. I wasn’t worthy.

I chucked my phone across the room and it skidded across the wood before rolling into the wall.

“Screw him,” I muttered, sobs escaping from my lips. I never wanted to feel that way again. Like garbage. Like I wasn’t worth the love of a man. That I wasn’t good enough. “Never again.”

I buried my head in my pillow, shut my eyes, and forced myself to fall asleep, pushing away every little Spencer thought that floated into my mind. By the time I woke, it was six in the morning. I hadn’t heard a peep from Julian since the previous evening. I didn’t even make him dinner.

I scrambled out of my room and down to his, where I peeked in to check on him. His door softly creaked open, and I watched from afar to make sure he was covered and comfortable before quietly closing the door.

“Evie?” he called out, his voice groggy. “That you?”

“Yes,” I whispered. “Go back to sleep.”

He pushed the covers off and sat up, clicking the lamp on next to him. “Why are you checking on me?”

“I… um…” I stammered. “I’m sorry I didn’t make you dinner last night.”

He smirked and scratched the side of his head. “As you can see, I’m still here. I haven’t withered away yet.”

I stepped into his room, taking a seat on his bed. “I didn’t mean to neglect you last night. I just…”

“Evie,” he said, stopping me, “you had a rough day. It’s okay. I told you, I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” I said. I couldn’t help but notice how he was starting to fill out his satin pajamas. “You’re not going to need me much longer, if you keep this up.”

He smiled subtly and reached over, placing his hand on mine. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll always need you. Who else would I boss around if I didn’t have you?”

I laughed and breathed easy. I knew what he was doing. He knew I still needed cheering up.

“So, I’m up now,” he said. “What’s the plan today?”

“Anything you want,” I said. Our eyes locked for a moment.

“Want to walk the garden?” he offered. “It’s supposed to be nice out again.”

“Sure,” I said, standing up. “Meet you in the hall in a half hour?”

***

The dewy grass soaked into my shoes, moistening the toes of my socks, but I didn’t care. The greening grass, the buds on the rose bushes, the leaves beginning to sprout—all of it made me feel so alive. As Julian and I strolled side by side down to the English garden, it was as if it was just us two and no one else in the world. Time stood still and nothing else mattered except that moment.

“I bet this is just beautiful in another month or so,” I mused. “I can only imagine.”

“I’ve seen it a million times,” Julian said. “Looks the same every year.”

“You don’t know how good you have it,” I said, looking around. “This place is gorgeous. You have everything you could ever want here.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Not at all.”

I squinted my eyes at him, trying to figure out what he was getting at.

“Material things, yes,” he said. “But nothing else.”

“Your parents seem to care about you,” I said. “They make sure you’re well cared for.”

He huffed before incredulously saying, “Yeah, they sure do.”

“Your mom seems so caring when it comes to you,” I said. “You’re her baby.”

He rolled his eyes. “She’s a classic narcissist, if you haven’t noticed. If you’re not stroking her ego and telling her how wonderful and perfect she is, she’ll destroy you with one icy cold glare.”

A chill ran down my spine as I thought about the things I’d heard and seen, yet refused to believe when it came to Caroline.

“She’s incapable of being a genuine, caring individual,” he huffed.

“How’d you turn out to be so nice, then?” I asked, nudging his arm.

“You think I’m nice?” he asked, disbelieving.

“I do now,” I said with a teasing smile. “I was a little on the fence, at first.”

“Sun’s coming up,” Julian said, changing the subject. Perhaps it was painful for him to come to terms with how much he’d changed lately. He’d transformed into a completely different person inside and out in just a matter of weeks, letting go of everything he’d clung to that was so safe and familiar for him.

We walked over to the granite bench by the Garner-Willoughby family plot and sat next to one another.

“You feeling better today?” he asked.

I hung my head and nodded before turning to him. “I think so.”

“I heard you crying last night in your room,” he said. He reached his hand over and hesitantly took mine, wanting to comfort me once again. I could tell he wasn’t used to being touchy-feely, but I appreciated his effort.

“I had to get it out of my system,” I said. “I’m moving on, though. I should’ve listened to you, Julian.”

He smiled, slightly victoriously, but said nothing.

“I wish you knew what it was like to fall in love,” I said as I leaned into him. “I can’t even describe how amazing it is when you’re flying high. Or how much it hurts when your entire world comes crashing down.”

He sighed. “I can imagine.”

“Hey,” I said. “You’re getting healthy. You’re learning to drive. Next on the list? Finding you a date.”

He blushed slightly and bit his lip before turning toward me, his golden eyes sparkling in the early morning sunlight. “Where am I going to find a date?”

I kicked myself for opening that can of worms. As far as I knew, he lived a pretty solitary life and not by choice. “Online?”

He scrunched his face. “Never.”

“You’re too old-fashioned for that, anyway,” I said with a laugh. “You’re so proper and traditional. I can only imagine what a date would be like with you.”

His full lips curled into a smile as he licked them and turned to me. “Maybe you don’t have to imagine.”

My heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?”

“Let me take you out on a date,” he said, clearing his throat and sitting up straight. “A nice, proper, old-fashioned date.”

I pursed my lips. “Julian…”

“Please, Evie,” he said. “I want to take you on a date. A real date. Not a pity date. A real, proper date. Go out with me.”

In a perfect world, my answer would’ve simply been “yes.” But there were so many things to consider. “I don’t know. It’s not that I don’t want to.”

“It’s because I’m… isn’t it?” he said, his voice turning cold and his hopeful expression fading fast.

“Not at all,” I assured him, gripping his arm and turning him back toward me. “Absolutely not.”

“Well, what it is?” he asked. “I’m not good enough? Not your type? What?”

It was none of that. How could I tell him I thought he was gorgeous, that I had to look away every time I stared at him too long and let my mind wander, that ultimately, I needed this job and couldn’t sacrifice it for a little moment of pleasure?

“I’m your nurse,” I said, hating myself for not having a more compelling reason. “It wouldn’t be right.”

“Here we go again,” he said, rolling his eyes and standing up.

“Where you going?” I asked, following.

“Back inside,” he huffed.

“Tomorrow night,” I yelled out from behind him. “Tomorrow night, take me out.”

He stopped and turned around to face me. I smiled. “A real date,” I told him. “You and me.”

“You’re sure?” he asked.

I nodded, biting my lip. “Yes.”

JULIAN

I rapped on her door. “You ready?” My heart raced, and I almost lost my breath just thinking about her standing on the other side, waiting for me to take her out. She’d run home earlier in the day to grab a dress and heels, and I’d dug out a suit from the back of my closet that was slightly snug, but got the job done.

“Coming!” she yelled back, a hint of excitement in her tone. Her bedroom door swung open seconds later to reveal a radiant Evie Cawthorn standing before me. Her long, dark hair was swept up into a perfect bun while her ears and neck were outfitted in ivory pearls. A strapless navy dress hugged her in all the right places and some pointy-toed heels gave her an extra few inches of height, bringing her a little closer to my level. Her lips, a shade of raspberry, twisted into a sweet smile. “How do I look?”

She spun around, twirling the slight flare of her skirt and smiling bright.

“Beautiful,” I said. As she stepped out of her room, a delicate cloud of floral perfume followed her, and with a satin clutch under one arm, she slipped her other arm into the crook of my elbow.

We went downstairs, where a limo was waiting in the circle drive, and I escorted her to where the driver waited with the door open.

“A limo?” she said, trying to stifle her excitement. “I haven’t ridden in one of these things since junior prom.”

We climbed in, sliding across the black leather and getting cozy.

“So, where are you taking me on this little date?” she asked, her eyes dazzling under the tiny twinkling lights inside the limo.

“Country Club Plaza,” I said. “Kansas City.”

Her jaw dropped. “I didn’t realize we were leaving Halverford.”

I smiled, proud to have impressed her. “A girl like you deserves more than Halverford. Besides, I needed to take you somewhere where I could show you off.”

The smile never left her face the whole way there, which was at least a solid hour. She even slipped her arm under mine, leaning her face against my shoulder.

An hour later, our driver dropped us off at The Plaza. A mild, March night, she clutched onto my arm as we strolled the shops and took in the sights and sounds of the bustling city nightlife.

“I made us dinner reservations at Bluestem,” I said, pointing up ahead. “You hungry?”

She nodded as we stepped in tandem. For the rest of my days, I’d never forget the sound of her heels clicking on the pavement, the smell of her perfume against the cool, evening air, the way her blue eyes sparkled under the street lights, or the way her warm body felt pressed next to mine.

The way she glowed in the flickering candlelight in the center of our dinner table and how her delicate fingers clung to her wine glass as she took small, careful sips between bites of her filet mignon filled me with a kind of magnetic intensity I’d never felt before. Being there with Evie felt right, like she was the only girl in the entire world that should’ve been sitting across from me.

“How’s your food?” I asked her as I cut my steak.

“Amazing,” she said, smiling. “Great pick.”

I watched her eat, hardly tasting anything. My gaze was transfixed on the halo the dim lighting cast against her soft features and the way the bones moved in her dainty shoulders when she’d reach for something. These were the little things I’d always heard about, the little things that mattered. These were the sorts of things I was going to miss someday.

***

“I’m so tired,” she yawned in the limo on the way home. I lifted my arm as if to tell her to curl up, and curl up she did. “Thank you so much, Julian. That was, hands down, one of the best dates I’ve ever been on.”

She snuggled into the interior of my jacket in an attempt to get warm, and I let my arm rest over hers.

“Evie, wake up,” I told her an hour later, gently nudging her.

She sat up, smoothed her hair, and rubbed her eyes as the driver let us out of the limo. We were back where it all started at the manse. We headed inside and made our way up the grand staircase and down the dark hallway to our rooms. It only felt right that I dropped her off at her bedroom door like a proper gentleman.

“Goodnight, Evie,” I said, lingering a second too long. I wasn’t ready for our night to end.

She looked up at me through her long, dark eyelashes and smiled a dreamy, still half-asleep smile. And just when I least expected it, she leaned in, grabbed me by the shirt, and gently pulled me in for a kiss.

I kissed her back, softly and slowly, savoring every millisecond before she gently pushed me away.

“A proper date deserves a proper goodnight kiss,” she said before turning and heading back into her room, shutting the door behind her.

Reeling, my body on fire, I headed back to my room to try to unwind. I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted to feel her warm body pressed up against me. I wanted it more than anything I’d ever wanted in my entire life. Knowing that she was just mere feet away from me, separated by a thin wall, drove me completely insane.

I stepped into my room and threw my jacket on the back of a chair, heart racing. I wanted more of her. I had to have more of her. I was burning up, and if I didn’t get to have her soon, I was going to explode.

I sat on my bed, kicking off my shoes, and tried to catch my breath. This time, it wasn’t the sickness. This time, it was her. She did this to me. She made me absolutely wild with desire, and I knew just then what I had to do.

“Evie,” I said as I found myself standing outside her door once again a moment later.

She pulled her door open, having already changed into silky pajama pants and a cotton tank top. Her face was washed fresh and her hair was spilling down around her bare shoulders.

“Julian,” she said, shocked to see me. “What are you—”

I cut her off with a kiss, a good, hard, passionate kiss. It was the kiss of a man who was on fire with a craving so desperate he had no other option but to act. I slipped my arms around her narrow waist, resting my hands on her hips and pulling her body against mine, and my heart fluttered a bit when I realized she was kissing me back.

“Julian,” she said again, breathless as she came up for air. “What is this?”

We stumbled into her room before falling backwards onto the bed, her body pinned under mine. I ran my fingers through her soft hair and caressed the side of her face.

“You have no idea how badly I’ve been wanting to do that,” I confessed.

Her lips parted into a reserved smile, as if she felt the same way, but couldn’t say.

“I had fun tonight,” she said. “I saw a different side of you.”

I leaned in and kissed her again, my hand running the length of her side and resting on her hip. My lips worked from her mouth to her cheek and then down to her neck, peppering soft kisses into her flesh.

“What are we doing?” she sighed, tossing her head back as she enjoyed every second. “We shouldn’t…”

“Evie,” I breathed into her neck. “Don’t think. You think about things too much. Just relax.”

My words sent her into another state as she melted down into the bed. She looked at me longingly, as if she’d just given into the feelings she’d been trying to fight all along.

She leaned up and kissed my mouth. “I don’t know what this is, but I think I like it.”

“It doesn’t matter what it is,” I said, between kisses. “It doesn’t have to be anything. It is what it is.”

She rolled over top of me, straddling my hips between her thighs as she slowly pulled off her tank top. My heart pounded hard in my chest as my hands cupped her supple, creamy white breasts, and she sighed as if she were releasing the tension of a thousand years. She leaned down and unbuttoned my shirt slowly and sensually before climbing off me and unzipping my pants. This was really happening.

“Do you want this?” she panted, looking up to make eye contact with me.

I nodded, unable to contain my arousal any longer as her hands worked to free me from the confines below. She stood up and slipped her pants down, kicking them across the room and crawling back on the bed.

I leaned on my side, my hands traveling the length of her soft flesh, taking in every inch of her. I couldn’t get enough. She laid flat on her back and I climbed on top of her, slipping my fingers down between her thighs and touching her for the first time. Her warmth was inviting and her wetness told me she wanted this just as much as I did.

“You sure you want this?” she breathed into my ear.

I used my legs to spread her thighs as we touched, unsheathed, below. Skin to skin and heartbeat to heartbeat—this was happening.

I positioned myself at her entrance and gently pushed myself in. Warm and wet, it was everything I imagined it to be, and then some. I thrust, slowly at first, and then building. I couldn’t get enough of her. I wanted to be inside of her forever. I’d never felt so connected to anyone in my life.

“Julian,” she sighed, tossing her head to the side as her hair splayed out behind her. “Oh, my God. You’re really good at this.”

I continued thrusting, gently cupping her face with my hand and turning her gaze toward mine. I wanted to look at her. I wanted her to be present. “Look at me, Evie.”

Her blue eyes locked onto mine.

“Relax,” I said to her as I continued plunging into her depths. “Be here with me.”

She nodded, and I felt her body uncoil a bit underneath me. I was quite certain a million worries were crossing through her mind and pulling her out of the moment, but I refused to let that happen. I leaned down and kissed her mouth, hard. I felt it coming. I couldn’t fight it much longer.

“Come with me, Evie,” I whispered. Her hips began to buck against mine as gentle sighs escaped from her lips. I watched as her face tensed and then released and her lips parted into a silent “O” until she couldn’t take it any longer.

I pulled myself out of her and released myself onto her stomach before collapsing on the bed next to her, our bodies hot and sticky.

She stood up and walked to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

“Will you sleep in here tonight?” she asked when she returned. “With me?”