Juked (21 page)

“He’s getting big so fast.” I can see her watching me out of the corner of my eye. “He’s changed so much, even just in the last couple of weeks.”

“He’s working on crawling now, so I’m sure he’s slimming down.” Blanca’s two youngest kids are skipping up and down the street with their friends. “Won’t be long until he’s running around with all the other children.”

“Don’t I know it,” she says wistfully, watching her kids play. “It seems like Vanessa was born last week, and now she’s five. It blows my mind.”

Just then, Vanessa and her older brother, Julio, come racing up. “Mama, mama!” Vanessa yells. “Is it almost time? Are they gonna throw us candy?”

“Speak quieter, mija,” Blanca says, holding Vanessa around the waist. “It’ll start in a couple of minutes, and then it will come allllllll the way down this street.” She points from one end to the other, accentuating how long the parade is going to be. “You’ll get to pick up lots of candy.”

The little girl jumps up and down, brown curls bouncing all over her head. “And we’ll see Tio Daniel? And Nicky?”

“Yep,” Blanca says. “Nicky is going to be with all the football players, and Tio will be riding in the very last car.”

“I’m gonna yell real loud, so they throw me all their candy!”

I remember when Sarah and I used to go to parades just for the candy. Dad used to tell us we were gonna get run over if we didn’t stop darting into the street. Sarah argued no one looks both ways when diving for candy at a parade. You miss out on half the loot that way.

I find myself smiling at the memory. It’s a strange feeling. For so long, when I would have memories of my childhood with Sarah, or even about my dad, it would come with a deep sense of grief and sometimes the remaining guilt. But this time… this time it actually felt nice.

Knowing I’m healing makes me smile even more.

“Vanessa,” Blanca says. “This is Tio’s friend, Quincy, and her baby, Chance. Can you say hi?”

“Hi,” she says. She’s missing a tooth right in front. “Are you the lady that was in the newspaper with Tio?”

I laugh, knowing that article is responsible for making this situation uncomfortable.

Blanca sighs and shakes her head in resignation. “You’re too smart for your own good. Go play with your brother.” She swats Vanessa on the bottom as the little girl skips away.

“I’m sorry about that,” she says.

“She didn’t say anything wrong. I
am
the lady from the article.”

“Not about Vanessa,” she says carefully. “I’m sorry about the way my family handled Eduardo the other day at my mama’s house. It should never have happened in the first place, but we certainly should have spoken up when it did. I hope you’ll be able to forgive us. Me especially. I know better.”

I think about how to phrase my words. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, but she needs to know I’m not a doormat either. I have no problem never seeing any of them again if that’s what it comes to.

“Daniel and I have a very interesting relationship,” I start.

“I’ve noticed.” She tucks one leg under. “Daniel’s never brought a girl home to meet the family. Well, maybe once in high school, but that was high school. I mean as an adult.”

“He’s my friend, first and foremost. Will it become something more? I think it already has. But I just enjoy hanging out with him. If all we remain is good friends, that’s good enough for me.”

As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I know I’m lying to her. I want to believe what I just said, but I’m lying to myself, too. Yes, I love Daniel as my friend, but the way he makes me feel… I’ve never felt so safe and happy and loved before. Not by anyone other than my family and Geni.

Blanca glances at her kids again, like mothers do when they keep tabs on them in a crowd. “I don’t know if Daniel will ever be able to commit to anything more than what you’re doing right now.”

I stay silent as my heart drops. I’m not asking for anything right now. It’s too soon. We both have fears, but to hear someone he’s close to say he may never be ready for something more is jarring.

“When my dad left my mom, what, ten years ago? Eleven? Wow. I didn’t realize it had been that long.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, it threw our family into this weird chaos, especially the boys. They all looked up to my dad. Thought he was practically a god among men. So him revealing he was a lying, deceiving, cheating human the whole time, well, you can imagine how well that went over.”

“I’m sure.”

“Add onto that, my mother is really close to her boys.” She twirls her ponytail around her finger. “She’s close to all of us, but Daniel and Geovany the most. They’re her babies, ya know? Ever since then, Daniel has made it very clear over the years he has zero interest in commitments, says he refuses to settle down until he is one hundred percent sure he’s got the right person because he’ll
never
do what dad did.”

“Shouldn’t he be one hundred percent sure anyway?” I ask as I stand Chance up on his feet.

“Can you ever be one hundred percent sure of anything? Life happens. I think everyone sort of has a default mode, if you will. When the hardest things in life hit, they throw you back into your default.”

I look at her. I’d never thought about it that way before.

“For my dad, it was to lie and cheat. For my mama, it was to push her own hurt aside and focus on caring for others. For Daniel, it was to go into self-protection mode. And for Eduardo….” She pauses, like she’s making sure I’m listening. “For Eduardo it was to go into protection mode of everyone else. Not himself.”

“What’s your default?” I ask, genuinely curious.

She smiles at me. “To cling to my loved ones and refuse to let go.”

“That sounds like a good default mode.”

“It can be.” She puts her leg down and shifts on her chair, reaching for Chance. “It’s also how I ended up staying with a man who never loved me and having two more babies to try and make the marriage work. Can I hold him?”

I hand him over to her. “So what are you trying to say by telling me all this?”

She smiles at Chance, making him smile and reach for her cheeks. “Just to please understand that I come from a really wonderful family, but we have our issues and dysfunctions like everyone else. Don’t take Lalo personally. Frankly, I was really impressed with the way you stood up to him.” She sits Chance down facing the street as the first of the floats start rolling by. “Quite a few of us said we were glad someone finally had the cajones to stand up to him. They also said we should have done it years ago. For not doing that, I’m really sorry.”

She looks at me with such sincerity, I can’t not forgive her. And them. “I really appreciate that,” I say, giving her the first genuine smile I’ve felt since I’ve been here. “I wasn’t mad or anything. I understand this desire to protect your baby brother. I do. I was the oldest. I know. But it’s just not like that for me.” I rummage through the cooler for a bottle so Chance can have a drink. He’s not hungry, but I can already see beads of sweat on his little brow. “When my mom left when I was a kid, we struggled for money. But my dad, he was fantastic. We never felt like we were missing out on anything. He always found a way to make things special for us, so money isn’t that important to me.”

“Good, because you know soccer players don’t make that much, right?” she asks.

I laugh. “Eduardo made me curious that night so I did a little googling.”

“And what did you find?”

“That if I’m looking to trap a man for his money, I’m hanging out in the wrong sport.”

Blanca barks a laugh then shifts her attention to her kids when the first candy gets thrown to the crowd, and they start squealing. Chance bounces again, a big, slobbery grin on his face as he observes the delighted looks on all the kids’ faces.

“I like you,” Blanca says a few minutes later after the marching band goes by. “I see why Daniel is attracted to you.” I look away in embarrassment. “I hope you stick around. Daniel needs someone down to earth like you. Too many people blow smoke up his ass.”

My thoughts are far from the festivities. I realize I need to prepare myself or be prepared to deal with heartbreak. Because if life has proven anything to me, stressful situations come out of nowhere, and I have serious doubts that Daniel’s default mode can handle stress and me at the same time.

W
e played a shitty game. Really shitty. Not only did our sweeper get hurt again, Mack Shivel decided to be a dick and taunt a forward from the other team. Finally the ref had enough of his shit, and he ended up with a yellow card. Several times.

Pissed me off and pretty much ruined the flow we had going, which led to the loss. I’d say we went down in a blaze of glory, but it wasn’t even that good.

Not to mention I’m still struggling with my corner kick. Christian is having trouble with his back and it’s becoming clear to the rest of the team the rookie is being set up to be a starter. That’s probably part of what made Shivel act out in the first place.

So yeah, no matter where I turned, today’s game was just shitty. Add that to the fact that my family still hasn’t apologized, and to say I’m pissed off is an understatement.

“A bunch of us are going out for drinks to cool off if you wanna come with us,” Christian says.

I walk over to my locker from the showers, towel wrapped around my waist. Everyone else is almost dressed. But me, I took an extra-long shower as I tried to get my anger under control. I really want to blame today’s loss on Shivel, but that won’t be helpful to anyone. The reality is we could have ignored him and risen above his douchebaggery, but we didn’t.

“Quincy and the baby are here,” I respond, snatching up my deodorant and swiping some on. “Not sure I’d be good company. I’m not in the best mood.”

“None of us are,” he says, lacing up his shoes. “We played like shit. I’m pretty sure we’ll either be talking shop the whole time we’re drinking or end up at a titty bar, trying to get our mind off it.”

I grimace. “I’m guessing the titty bar is more likely.”

Sporting a shit-eating grin, he stands and smooths his shirt. “You know us too well. I think the bar is only a first stop to see who’s coming to the strip club. You sure you’re not interested?”

“Nah.” I drop the towel and pull on my boxer briefs. “I think I wanna go home, sit on my couch with a beer, and watch some mindless television.”

“You know mindless television doesn’t work on you, right? As long as I’ve known you, all you do is stare at the screen and stew.”

I chuckle. “It’s not that different than what you guys will be doing, except I get to sleep with the woman in the room. You guys get to go home hard.”

“Spoken like a true pussy-whipped fellow.” He slaps me on the shoulder and strolls out the door. “See you in a couple days.”

“Be careful tonight,” I call after him. “I don’t wanna see your ugly mug in the paper tomorrow morning!”

He gives me the one finger-salute over his shoulder, not bothering to turn around.

Quincy is still waiting for me when I join her in the box seat. Most of the WAGs wait for their person there. It’s easier than having them brave the crowds and mess with security to get to the tunnel. By now almost everyone has cleared out of the stadium anyway, with the exception of a fan or two. The baby is with her. It’s just easier to meet her in the box.

Quincy and I had talked about ordering take out somewhere and heading over to her place. She tries to be understanding that I’m usually a little sore after a game, and that works fine with me.

“Hey! I was just starting to worry about you!” she says when I walk into the box. “You’re the last one.”

“Sorry,” I say, kissing her on the lips. “After a game like that, I like to take my time leaving so I don’t run into any fans while I’m in a bad mood.”

“Aw. That’s really considerate of you.” I drop my bag on the floor when she wraps her arms around my waist and smiles up at me. “But it really wasn’t that bad a game, from this viewpoint anyway.”

I huff in disagreement. “Well, from the viewpoint down there, we were off our game completely. We didn’t lose because the other team was better. We lost because we fucking gave it to them.”