Judy Moody, M.D. (4 page)

“Like what?”

“Like Einstein’s brain. A hair from Abraham Lincoln’s beard. Or Grandma Lou’s kidney stone, if only she had saved it.”

“Put a kidney bean in a jar and say it’s Einstein’s brain. You could say it’s a human bean, get it?”

“Hardee-har-har, Stink.”

“I have some baby teeth. Teeth are human.”

“Everybody’s seen baby teeth, Stink.”

“I have a toenail collection.”

“Bor-ing.”

“Wait! I
do
have a body part.”

“What? What is it? Can I have it?”

“Nope. I’m not showing you ’cause you’ll want it bad.”

“Is it a finger? Or an ear?”

“NO!”

“A bone?”

“Nope.”

“Is it skin? Like you peel off when you get sunburned?”

“Nope.”

“Is it a cavity? You know, like in a tooth?”

“Nope.”

“C’mon, Stinker. You HAVE to show me.”

“Okay, but promise you won’t SHOW or TELL anybody, and you can’t take it to school, okay?”

“Cross-my-heart promise,” said Judy. Stink went over to his closet. He pulled down a dusty box from the shelf. A box with all his baby stuff.

“Hurry up. I can’t stand it!” said Judy. Stink opened the box and took out a baby-food jar. There was something in the jar. Something that looked like a shriveled-up, shrunken dead worm.

“Yee-uck. What is it? A petrified worm? Or one-hundred-year-old burnt spaghetti?”

“No, Einstein. It’s my bellybutton!”

“Your bellybutton?”

“You know. That thing that falls off your bellybutton when you’re born.”

“For real and true?”

“Yes, for real. When Mom brought me home from the hospital —”

“But you were born in a Jeep!”

“You know what I mean. When I came home, I had a thing on my bellybutton. You have to wait for it to fall off. Mom said you wanted to keep it.”

“Me? So, then, really it’s mine?”

“NO! It’s
my
body part. I used to be an outie. Now I’m an innie.” Stink lifted up his shirt. “See?”

“RARE!” said Judy. “I can’t wait for my class”— Stink gave her a starey, glarey look —“to NOT know about this. Ever.”

Stink put the jar with his wormy old burnt-spaghetti bellybutton on the desk. “You know what’s so great about this bellybutton?”

“What?” asked Judy.

“That you don’t have one!” said Stink. He laughed himself silly. “But if you give me a million dollars, I’ll let you take my bellybutton to school.”

“How about five dollars?”

“A million dollars or you’ll never, not ever, touch my bellybutton!” said Stink.

Wednesday. Wednesday was her Sharing Day! Judy was going to have the best share ever. She couldn’t wait two weeks until her Human Body project was due. She, Judy Moody, would Show and Tell about Stink’s bellybutton. To-day. All she had to do was steal it.

Judy waited for Stink to go downstairs for breakfast. She tiptoed into his room, took down the box of baby stuff, grabbed Stink’s bellybutton jar, and hid it in the secret inside pocket of her backpack.

As soon as the bell rang, Mr. Todd asked Class 3T to form a Sharing Circle. It was Rocky’s day to share, too. And Jessica Finch. Jessica said she’d brought an especially special share. But Judy just knew her bellybutton had to be the specialest!

Rocky went first. His share was a Lego. Judy thought one Lego was boring, until Rocky conducted an experiment on it. He put it in a petri dish and poured some stuff on it. The Lego turned black-as-dirt from all the germs on it.

“Eee-yew!” said Jessica Finch. “Germs!” Germs made her squirm.

“There’s a fungus among us,” said Frank.

“I had lice before,” said Bradley. “In my hair!”

“Me too!” said Alison S.

“Ick,” said Dylan, backing away from the circle.

“Millions of bacteria are on us all the time,” said Rocky. “On our heads, up our noses, between our toes.”

“That’s right,” said Mr. Todd. “Each one of us is our own ecosystem. We carry around millions of critters too tiny to see.”

“Like a human rain forest?” asked Judy.

“Exactly,” said Mr. Todd. “Now do you see why I’m always after all of you to wash your hands?”

“I have something that’s not germs,” Jessica said. “My guinea pig, Chester, was a boy, but he turned out to be a girl and had babies.” Jessica Finch held up a picture. “Nutmeg, Jasmine, Coco, and Cindy, short for Cinnamon. The Spice Girls!”

“Aww!” everybody said. “Cute!” Judy took a look. All she could see were hairballs. Bellybuttons were way more scientific than hairballs!

“Judy, did you bring anything to share?” asked Mr. Todd.

“Yes,” said Judy. She held the baby-food jar behind her back. “See, when you’re a baby and you first come out, there’s a thingy attached to your bellybutton. Then it falls off and your mom and dad find out if you’re an innie or an outie.”

“I’m an innie!” said Frank.

“Ooh. I’m a way-outie!” said Bradley, showing off his bellybutton.

“Okay, 3T! Keep your shirts on,” said Mr. Todd. “Let’s let Judy finish.”

“In this jar, I have a real live bellybutton thingy. No lie. I call it
Mucus Dermis
. It’s Latin.
Dermis
means skin and
mucus
means yucky. Yucky skin.”

“Where’d you get it?” asked Rocky.

“Actually, it’s from my very own brother, Stink Moody.”

“Double yuck,” said Jessica Finch, squirming in a wormy way.

“Let me see!” said Frank Pearl. Judy passed Stink’s bellybutton to Frank Pearl. Everybody crowded around to see.

“Take your seats and Judy will pass it around,” said Mr. Todd.

“Bellybuttons are also called navels,” said Judy. “Everybody has one, but no two are alike. Just like snowflakes. Sometimes bellybuttons collect lint, and in Japan, they have bellybutton cleaners. My dad told me. No lie!”

“Thank you, Judy,” said Mr. Todd. “I think we’ve all learned more than we ever imagined about bellybuttons.”

“Bellybuttons are better than bones,” said Rocky.

“Better than lice!” said Frank.

“Better than hairballs!” said Judy.

“Does your brother know you have his bellybutton?” asked Jessica.

After Sharing, Judy went out in the hall to put away her backpack. Stink was there, listening right outside the classroom.

“Give it,” said Stink, holding out his hand.

“Give what?”

“I know you have it. I came to tell you . . . I just saw you! I overheard. . . . You stole it, didn’t you? You showed the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD my bellybutton!”

“Nah-uh! Only half of the third grade.”

“You owe me a million dollars.”

“Stink, we can fight later. Go back to second grade.”

“I can’t. I’m sick. My throat hurts. I think I have mumps.”

“Made-up mumps?”

“No. For real.” Stink held his neck like it really hurt.

“Would you say that the pain is in your
larynx
or your
pharynx
?” Judy asked.

“Huh?”

“Just go to the nurse,” said Judy.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what? Mrs. Bell?”

“No.”

“A shot?”

“No.”

“Getting lost?”

“No.”

“For-real mumps? A pill? Throwing up?”

“No. No. And not really.”

“What? What are you scared of?”

“The skeleton! In the nurse’s office.”

“Stink! It’s not even real!”

Stink’s face crumpled like he was going to cry. “The office lady told me to wait till Mrs. Bell gets here, but I was in there all by myself. With
it
.”

“I’ll take you, if you promise not to be mad about the bellybutton.”

Judy got a pass from Mr. Todd, then walked Stink down the hall and around the corner to the nurse’s office. Stink pointed to the skeleton in the corner.

“Pretend he’s not there, Stink. Sit on the edge of the bed. I’ll be the doctor while we wait for Mrs. Bell. So, what seems to be the problem?”

“When I woke up this morning, I just had hiccups and a loose tooth. Now my throat hurts.”

Judy picked up a flashlight from the desk and shined it in Stink’s eyes.

“Hey, now my eyes hurt, too!”

“Does your face hurt?”

“Nope.”

“It’s killing me!” Judy cracked herself up. “Let’s see your throat.” She shined the light down his throat. “Say
ahh!
”