Judgement Day (7 page)

Anyway, after
about a year and a half of being on these heavy drugs, the nurse
refused to give me any more injections because I was grinding my
teeth too much and she was worried it was going to become a
permanent side effect. Too late though, because I still grind my
teeth to this day. So I changed onto this stuff called Seroquel
(300mg). It was one of the greatest things that had ever happened.
Suddenly I didn’t have to sleep all day! I started working more,
and I was happier. I had thought that I was ruined, that my life
was over, that my brain was screwed and I’d never get out of bed
and back to work. Dr Pusic had told me that the drugs weren’t
sedating, so I believed that my brain was just ruined, that I was
ruined, that I would be a drooling vegetable forever, but I was
alive! Words cannot describe to you how amazing it felt to be out
of bed! This was a huge turning point in my life.

One day I won
about $1000 playing poker machines at the pub. Mum took the money
off me and put it in an envelope. The next day I grabbed $300 and
took it to the pub and lost it. Mum was really angry, she threw the
rest of the money at me and told me to move out and use the money
for bond. I took that money to the pub and I lost it all. So I had
to move out, but then I had no money for bond.

Luckily some
friends from church said I could stay with them until I saved up
enough money for my bond. They lived in Warrimoo in the lower Blue
Mountains, I stayed a few weeks until I had enough money saved. I
answered an ad in the paper for a guy named Tony who had a room in
Warrimoo, he just so happened to be the same guy Tim lived with
when he first moved out of home, and he let me move in, probably
because I was friends with Tim. Tony was this divorced guy who
worked for Telstra, he needed housemates to help cover his
mortgage. Another guy moved in soon after me, a guy named Pat.

It was good
living with those guys, it was the first time I didn’t have to
follow my mum’s rules. It was awesome, I had freedom! I liked that
I worked nights, I would see Tony and Pat for a few hours in the
afternoons, then I would go to work, and in the day time when I
woke up I had the place to myself.

Pat gave me
his old computer, which was one of the greatest presents I’ve ever
received, simply because of its usefulness. I was so grateful for
that computer, and I’ve always kept the hard drive, which has all
of the old versions of my theories as I developed them. I didn’t
save a new version every time I changed one little thing, but there
are probably a dozen different versions or so. I think it was three
separate papers at first, which I later combined. I’ve been hanging
on to that for all these years with the intention of one day giving
it back to him when it’s worth a lot of money. I’m sure that one
day science historians will be very interested about the genesis
and evolution of my ideas. I don’t know how to get in touch with
him, but if he’s reading this, you can have my old hard drive Pat.
I’ve kept it for all these years in a plastic baggy to one day
repay you. I couldn’t have done it without that computer.

Anyway, I keep
getting side tracked, but I had recently given up on my universe
theory when I found out that nothing can travel faster than the
speed of light. I didn’t really understand how nothing could move
faster than the speed of light, but according to my theory the
universe was moving infinitely fast through space in every
direction at once. Since our universe was at the end of an infinite
series of explosions, I believed that my theory could not work if
nothing could travel faster than the speed of light. I had also
picked up a few other bits and pieces of physics information since
the discovery of my universe theory, things people told me when
they were telling me why my theory didn’t work, or things I’d read
about in news articles or magazines, or on the internet.

One afternoon
I was sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette and wondering
how it’s possible that the speed of light could always be constant,
no matter what velocity the observer is moving at. It seemed so
strange, it didn’t make any physical sense to me. Something clicked
in my brain, I realised time must slow with velocity so that
nothing can break the speed of light! “Holy shit!” I said, “Planet
of the Apes was right!” I thought the thing about time slowing with
velocity was just some bullshit they made up for the movie, I
didn’t realise it was Einstein (they credit it to “Dr H
a
slov” in the movie). I realised
that if time slows with velocity, my universe theory still works! I
was back! My obsession with
‘The Planet of the Apes’ had actually paid off!

That
was weird, it's another of those instances of God putting
ideas inside my head without me actually realising it. You must
understand, in high school I spent many a lunch time reciting
monologues from ‘The Planet of the Apes’ with Charlton Heston. I
loved that movie, I'd always loved monologues in the old movies,
but that movie was particularly good for monologues because none of
the other humans can talk, so Charlton Heston spends most of the
movie doing monologues. I didn't realise it at the time of course,
but God had been trying to tell me about time dilation by making me
obsessed with ‘The Planet of the Apes.’ Just like how being in a
group called Team Tron kept reminding me of the black hole in the
3D Simpsons episode. That's pretty cool.

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Chapter 3

“
Behold, I will
create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be
remembered, nor will they come to mind”

[Isaiah 65:17]

I looked at my
life, and I realised that I had nothing left. I had given up on my
Messianic delusions, my engineering career was over. All I had was
this shitty job at Coles, but I did have a theory of the universe
that no one else has ever thought of. I decided it was time to
learn about physics, to teach myself about space. I realised that
the theory of Relativity was wrong because of this whole dark
matter thing I’d read about. So rather than using an incorrect
theory, I thought I should develop my own theory, and as a way of
beginning to learn about space I borrowed ‘A Brief History Of Time’
from the local library.

Just an aside,
dark matter does not exist, the entire concept is completely
ridiculous. Some decades ago the rotational velocities of galaxies
was first studied. When galactic rotation curves were studied it
was discovered that the stars on the outskirts of galaxies were
rotating faster than predicted by the theory of Relativity, or
Newton’s theory of gravity. Rather than coming to the proper
scientific conclusion, that since observations do not match the
theory being used
,
then
therefore there must be something wrong with the theory, scientists
instead decided that some 90-99% of the mass in the universe must
consist of some sort of unknown, undetectable type of matter. A
type of matter that although it is richly abundant in the universe
has never been detected experimentally, nor does anyone know what
it is. They called this new type of matter they had “discovered”
“dark matter” and they have been searching for it ever since, too
ridiculously stupid to even comprehend the possibility that
Einstein could have been wrong. Can you understand the craziness of
the situation? They say I’m delusional, but I’ve got news for you,
dark matter is the biggest scientific mass delusion in modern
times.

Anyway, so I
borrowed ‘A Brief History Of Time’ and began to read it. Not far
into the book I read the following...

Another
prediction of general relativity is that time should appear slower
near a massive body like the earth. This is because there is a
relation between the energy of light and its frequency (that is,
the number of waves of light per second): the greater the energy,
the higher the frequency. As light travels upward in the earth’s
gravitational field, it loses energy, and so its frequency goes
down. (This means that the length of time between one wave crest
and the next goes up.) To someone high up it would appear that
everything down below was taking longer to happen. This prediction
was tested in 1962, using a pair of very accurate clocks mounted at
the top and bottom of a water tower. The clock at the bottom, which
was nearer the earth, was found to run slower, in exact agreement
with general relativity.

As soon as I
read it I thought, “that’s not what’s happening, light is
accelerating!” I realised that light accelerates as it leaves the
earth, proportional to an increase in the speed of time. If time is
faster, everything moves faster, even light! Because time is also
faster, the only way the increase in the velocity of light would be
noticeable is by the increase in wavelength, i.e. the appearance of
the loss of energy. I had found a flaw in the theory of
Relativity!

So I was on my
way, and I became obsessed with gravity. My every waking thought
was spent deliberating over how time and gravity work. I had a
headache that seemed to last for months because I just couldn’t
stop thinking about space, but instead of slowing down, I would eat
Panadols for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I used to carry a
notebook around with me, and when I was at work or on the train I
would think about ideas and jot them down. I was making minor
discoveries about physics on an almost daily basis. “If this
happens, then this happens, then this happens,” cause & effect,
it was all about cause & effect. I sat on my computer
constantly, drawing diagrams, rewording sentences, and adding new
ideas. I was doing it, I was really developing my own theory of
time and gravity! I would think of a single sentence or paragraph
that I needed to change, turn on my computer, make the change, and
then go back outside and smoke more cigarettes. Then again I would
think of something that needs to be fixed or changed, I’d go back
inside, turn on my computer, make the changes, and
repeat
.
I did this f
or months on end.

Whenever I
thought I was finished I would send it to a journal, but then I
would come up with more ideas or find more mistakes, and I’d have
to change more things. I always got rejected from these journals,
but I always believed that when I finished, when I had filled every
gap, when I had ironed out every flaw, someone would publish it.
That was why they weren’t publishing it, I believed, because I
hadn’t yet ironed out all of the flaws, but I knew that I would
eventually.

I had owned a
book of Edgar Allan Poe’s short stories for some time, I’d bought
it from a second hand book shop. The last story in the book I
hadn’t read however, it was called ‘Eureka,’ and was a lot longer
than the rest of his stories, it was a theory of the universe. The
reason I didn’t read it was because I thought it would be just some
antiquated ideas about the universe, and what does Poe know about
the universe anyway, right? One day I decided to give it a read,
and I was amazed by what I found! Poe had not only talked about the
big bang theory a century before conventional science, but he had
also talked about the cyclical nature of the universe, and he had
even hinted at my theory of the infinite Universe, it was amazing!
Here are some brief excerpts from ‘Eureka’.

The big
bang.

The assumption
of absolute Unity in the primordial Particle includes that of
infinite divisibility. Let us conceive the Particle, then, to be
only not totally exhausted by diffusion into Space. From the one
Particle, as a centre, let us suppose to be irradiated spherically
– in all directions – to immeasurable but still to definite
distances in the previously vacant space – a certain inexpressibly
great yet limited number of unimaginably yet not infinitely minute
atoms.

…

Whether we
reach the idea of absolute Unity as the source of All Things, from
a consideration of Simplicity as the most probable characteristic
of the original action of God; – whether we arrive at it from an
inspection of the universality of relation in the gravitating
phaenomena; – or whether we attain it as a result of the mutual
corroboration afforded by both processes; – still, the idea itself,
if entertained at all, is entertained in inseparable connection
with another idea – that of the condition of the Universe of stars
as we now perceive it – that is to say, a condition of immeasurable
diffusion through space. Now a connection between these two ideas –
unity and diffusion – cannot be established unless through the
entertainment of a third idea – that of irradiation. Absolute Unity
being taken as a centre, then the existing Universe of stars is the
result of irradiation from that centre.

The cyclical
universe.

I repeat then
– Let us endeavor to comprehend that the final globe of globes will
instantaneously disappear, and that God will remain all in all.

But are we
here to pause? Not so. On the Universal agglomeration and
dissolution, we can readily conceive that a new and perhaps totally
different series of conditions may ensue – another creation and
irradiation, returning into itself – another action and reaction of
the Divine Will. Guiding our imaginations by that omniprevalent law
of laws, the law of periodicity, are we not, indeed, more than
justified in entertaining a belief – let us say, rather, in
indulging a hope – that the processes we have here ventured to
contemplate will be renewed forever, and forever, and forever; a
novel Universe swelling into existence, and then subsiding into
nothingness, at every throb of the Heart Divine?

The infinite
Universe.

Have we, or
have we not, an analogical right to the inference that this
perceptible Universe – that this cluster of clusters – is but one
of a series of clusters of clusters, the rest of which are
invisible through distance – through the diffusion of their light
being so excessive, ere it reaches us, as not to produce upon our
retinas a light-impression – or from there being no such emanation
as light at all, in these unspeakably distant worlds – or, lastly,
from the mere interval being so vast, that the electric tidings of
their presence in Space, have not yet – through the lapsing myriads
of years – been enabled to traverse that interval?