JOURNEY - on Mastering Ukemi (4 page)

“
Want to talk about it?”

“
I’m not sure what there is to say,” he said.

“
Okay.”

“
I mean, haven’t you ever felt that something just sucks in your life, but that you couldn’t name exactly what it was?” he asked.

“
Well, not since I was pretty young,” I said. “I understand that when a young person doesn’t know what he or she is feeling, it can be disquieting. I also know that indecision and uncertainty over your future can also be unsettling, but it happens to everyone. So normally when I see someone your age going through all this angst I assume that it is really what we used to call growing pains. I haven’t heard that expression in a while. It must not be politically correct in this age of youth worship.” I filled my glass and sat back again. “The thing I am concerned with is that you are sound. Not if you are uncertain about your future. I expect that. I am concerned about your direction. I already know you don’t know where you’re going. “

“
You’re right, Sensei. I don’t have a clue where I’m going.”

“
Having actually been somewhere significant always helps a person decide where he ought to go next. Or at least this is what I’ve found.” I waited, and when he didn’t take the bait I continued. “See, if you attack someone you set a course into motion. This is
ukemi
. We begin and then
nage
does something; either he moves out of the way and we continue our attack or he does something to dissipate our energy and guide us elsewhere. Oh, you know, a thousand possibilities. But it all begins with our initial movement of attack. We are someplace and decide to go someplace else.
Nage
is not an objective, you know. In the training process
nage
is not even a target. We attack because it is our job, or rather the nature of an
uke
, to attack. We move from the heart to the heart, relentless, unforgiving, unshakeable, totally focused until
nage
captures our energy and dissipates the force of it with a technique.

“
See, Christian, life is exactly like being an
uke
. Everyone wants to be
nage
. Most people don’t realize that being
nage
is not very interesting. They see it as fun, they get to throw
uke
around, and people watching are really impressed. It looks awesome to twitch and then someone flies through the air, but in all truth, if you really do it very well, you are merely moving with the force that
uke
gives you and directing it away until
uke
quits. It is the
uke
that runs the show in the practice of aikido, not
nage.

“
Without
uke
, you not only do not do aikido, you can’t do aikido. Aikido senseis are guilty of showboating, to be sure, and they tend to use people as their
ukes
who fly highest and farthest and then hit and look at them with awe and wonder in their eyes, but we both know that’s just plain bull. It’s like taking a break fall from
kote-gaieshi
, the wrist throw. Try throwing a serious
uke
into a breakfall and you’ll get killed if he decides he isn’t going that way.

“
And this is life, my young friend. If you don’t have a place to stand and move forward from, how in the world do you ever get anywhere? If you don’t know what your goal or objective is, how do you reach it? If you don’t move forward relentlessly from the heart into the heart of the world, how can you ever hope to discover what is in your own heart?”

I waited. He nodded and pointed to the pitcher of beer. “I’d like to start here and get that pitcher of beer in my hand and begin pouring beer into my glass. Then I intend to drink that glass of beer and then I’m going home. I’ll be leaving from Shoshin dojo and driving…”

“
Just get the hell out of here, wise guy.”

“
Sensei, I’m trying to start someplace.”

“
You’re going to start by being thrown off the deck if you keep that up.”

“
Okay, where do you suggest I start?” he asked.

“
Where have you been? I asked.

“
I’ve been in school.”

“
Have you gone on any trips? Have you ever been beyond these United States? Have you visited all fifty states? Have you ever seen Yellowstone? Have you hiked the Grand Canyon? Have you seen a play on Broadway in New York? Have you seen the Mona Lisa in the Louvre or Botticelli’s Venus in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence? Have you ever stood on the Acropolis in Athens and watched the sun rise over the Aegean Sea? Have you ever gone carpet hunting in the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul? Have you ever ridden off into the Anatolian Desert in the middle of the night to slip quietly in the back door of a thousand-year-old caravanserai and watch Whirling Dervishes perform their secret meditations?

“
Son, I’m asking you if you have ever done anything, been anywhere, or ever experienced life outside of your own skull. I don’t mean having a girlfriend, drinking a beer, going to class, getting a job, buying a cool car, or getting your first apartment. I mean closing the door and as you glance back, wondering if you will ever see it again. I mean going someplace that takes a little more effort than stepping off a bus or out of a taxi. I’m talking about leaving the tour and finding a taxi driver to take you every place in Istanbul where he has never, ever, taken a tourist, then bribing him to take you further just because you want to see. Getting out of the taxi and wandering around, meeting people, scary people that you meet as an equal and showing no fear. And by showing no fear you find new friends. I mean taking chances and sleeping on hard ground, and wondering what you are going to eat tomorrow. I’m talking about going where the road ends and where the nearest doctor is five days travel by foot over mountain passes so high you can’t believe the color of the sky.

“
This is what it means to be an
uke
. You go forward and damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. You meet life in the grips of the bear and live or die by the speed of your escape. Christian, you go for it.”

“
I know you’ve done all that and more, Sensei. But you need someplace to start. You need something to get you out the door. Remember in the Hobbit when Bilbo Baggins was so comfortable in his hole? It took Gandalf to get him up and running and then he needed a teacher along the way.”

“
I think you’ll find it is a lot easier than you believe. Get your passport, book a flight to Paris and go hang out in front of the Louvre. You might meet some people who are touring Europe on a shoestring. They might ask you to tag along, if you don’t act like a jerk or try to impress them with the fact that you are an American. Try to understand their languages. Then you go where the road leads you. Or try Greece if you like it warmer. Or try Bosnia if you don’t mind food poisoning. Just kidding. Go to the Middle East if you want to show some hair and don’t mind the idea of dying by explosion. Or if you really want an adventure hike over the Himalayan Mountains and visit the Tengboche Monastery and meditate there for a day with the monks.

“
The world is full of amazing peoples and places and once you have seen it and experienced it you will never see your life the same again. This kind of thing gives you perspective. It allows you to go on with your life despite having to deal with the day-to-day crap everyone has to deal with.

“
Life is very long and yet very short. We spend so much of it trading our time for money to live in the style we feel we need that without those memories of adventures we have experienced, life can just be long. That’s one of the reasons people practice aikido, you know. It puts a little perceived adventure in their lives without the danger of karate or the hard work of judo. The ones that stay do so because they perceive the truths and wonders and the ones that quit go back to writing reports.”

“
Do you still want to travel?” Christian asked.

“
Yeah. I still do. When Curtis and I took off and traveled around Europe after I taught those seminars in Frankfurt, we had no itinerary, no real plans, no reservations; we just took off and we had a wonderful time. We got caught in an early season blizzard up in the Alps. We got to spend the morning after Swarzenegger was elected as Governor of California celebrating in the streets; we were, ironically, in Austria that morning when the news spread. Oh, we had a fine time.

Later we cracked open bottles of good German white wine and had wild stag sausage on an overlook above the castle in Liechtenstein. It’s funny how the simple memories can often bring the most pleasure. The jokes and friendship, the dinners with people along the way; they are the soul of travel.”

“
Where would you go if you could go anywhere? I mean if money and time and inconvenience were not issues, or if Mrs. Linden wouldn’t mind you going?

“
We’re planning a trip to Morocco later this year or perhaps next year. The trouble is my wife still works and only has access to a certain amount of time off, so we need to decide how best to use it.”

“
Where would you go if it was just you?” Christian asked.

“
I’d have to think about that.” I said.

“
Is there any place you’d like to go back to?” he asked.

“
Well, I’ve always wanted to go back to Nepal and hike the long road from Jiri, again. That was the old route that the early trekkers took to prepare them for the assault on Mt. Everest. It takes about two weeks and you start where the road ends and then head east over one pass after the next. It’s brutal, but when you get to Lukla and see the clean, fresh trekkers flying in from Kathmandu, well, it’s a feeling. That’s all I can tell you. You’ve been to places that are only rarely visited by people from the outside world. Of course, then I’d like to go on to the bazaar at Namche and from there up to the Tengboche Monastery. That’s a trip I’d like to do again.” I poured the rest of the beer into my glass and held up the pitcher towards Christian along with an eyebrow, but he declined and I set it back down on the tabletop. “Yeah, I think that would be an interesting trip to do again. Especially now that the Maoist rebels have been making trekking in Nepal so dangerous. Those villages are perched on the sides of the hills and the rebels come in and simply assume control. They rob and threaten the tourists and trekkers with death, and torture and all, but mostly they steal from them in the name of the revolution.

“
I don’t know. Maybe I wouldn’t want to put myself in that kind of situation. I’ve been in one war with communists and it was really unpleasant. Maybe I don’t really want to put myself in that kind of situation again. You know, after you do a trip like that you forget the hours and hours of climbing switchbacks straight up out of mountain valleys. You forget how you need to take one breath for each step you take and then as you get higher and higher you need to take two breaths for each step. Once you get to the pass and start down the way gets even harder because your knees and calves have to fight gravity that wants to pull you down the slippery clay and rock paths. You need to constantly lean on your poles and be really careful you don’t lose your balance because a sprained ankle or broken leg is at least five days trek away from a doctor.

“
Maybe I’m just too old to go through all that again. What about you, Christian? Anyplace that you’ve ever wanted to go?”

“
I don’t know. You see all the National Geographic magazines lying around and think about all the places in the world that might be cool to visit, but most people just don’t know how. You know? I mean, take Bali, for instance. That would be great, as long as the Muslims don’t kill you. And Africa is pretty cool, too. I think seeing Mount Kilimanjaro would be great. But Muslims are trying to kill people there, too. Not to mention all the tribal unrest and the white and black thing in South Africa and in Somalia and what not. And you talked about Turkey; Istanbul must be amazing as long as the Muslims there don’t kill you. Israel or Damascus are really ancient and there has to be a lot of great things to see as long as you don’t get killed by the Muslims while riding a bus or eating in a restaurant or walking down the street.”

“
Christian, I’m detecting a theme here.”

“
What, that I don’t want to get killed?”

“
Well, yeah.”

“
You don’t see me visiting New York either, even though I’m sure it’s a great place to visit as long…”

“…
As the Muslims don’t blow up the building you are in.” I finished.

“
Right.”

“
Christian, you can’t live your life trying not to get killed.”

“
Well, you’re the one who brought it up.”

“
I know, I’m sorry.”

“
There are a lot of places you can visit without worrying about dying.”