JOSS: A Standalone Romance (Gray Wolf Security) (13 page)

Carrington

“Careful,” I called to McKelty, as I watched her prance ahead of us on the mountain trail.

“She’s so full of energy,” Joss said.

“She likes it here. I’d forgotten just how much.”

“This place belongs to your family?”

“Yeah,” I said. “My mom doesn’t come up here much though. She’s pretty content with her life down in Florida.”

“A Florida retiree?”

I laughed. “Yeah, well, Mom’s life is busier down there than it ever was up here. She’s got bridge twice a week and swimming lessons and golf lessons. She even attends rock concerts at Universal several times a month like she’s a teenager or something.”

Joss’s smile was sad, but full of admiration.

“That stuff you said to McKelty on the plane the other day,” I said, stealing her hand, “that was better than I could ever have explained to her.”

“I just tried to say what I wished someone had said to me.”

That brought up questions I was afraid to ask. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know much more about Joss’ past.

I’d been on the phone almost since we got here, trying to straighten things out back at the office. There was no damage to the shipping crates in the attack by the Bazarovs, but they were still part of the investigation, so they were being held up. My clients weren’t thrilled. One of my ships was down for maintenance, and that was causing a backlog. And another was delayed getting out of port because of the Bazarov mess, so that was causing troubles all down the line. I should be there. I should be straightening things out in person. However, leaving McKelty alone, even with Joss, scared the crap out of me.

Joss’ shoulder was slowly healing, but I helped her change the bandages each morning and that only served as a reminder of what had happened and how bad it could have been. If my daughter’s head had just been a few inches to the right or the left…I couldn’t understand how Joss could live this life day in and day out, month after month, year after year. No wonder Kirkland was so possessive of her.

I just couldn’t tell her that I felt that way.

Every time her phone buzzed, I was convinced they had found us and were coming for us. But they were just updates from David and that police detective. There had been no more arrests, but it looked like they were going to be able to put nine of the dozen they’d arrested the other night behind bars for a significant amount of time. Not even the high-powered lawyers the cartel had hired could stop that. And, the real kicker, was that one of the men they were sending away was the son of the man who ran the drug ring.

Let him see how it felt to have his own child become a pawn in this dangerous game he was playing.

“McKelty!” I called again. “Not too far ahead.”

“She’s fine,” Joss said.

“Yes, well, when you have a child of your own, you can let her get as far ahead as she likes. But this is my kid, and I want her close.”

“Of course,” Joss said, pulling her hand from mine. She walked a little faster, moving ahead of me. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized what I’d said.

“Joss, I’m sorry.”

But she was already calling out to McKelty, daring her to a race. I watched as they chased each other up the trail, laughing at each other as they pushed at each other, honestly trying to get the best of the other. When I finally caught up to them, they were both breathless, McKelty still laughing. But Joss wouldn’t meet my eye.

We cooked steaks on the grill when we got back to the house, the ladies wrapped up in blankets as the temperatures plummeted the moment the sun went down. October in Oregon could be quite warm, but it could also be quite cold. The temps were about average this year, dipping into the low forties. But my companions were California babes. Forty was like twenty-below to their sensitive skin.

“Can we go to Portland while we’re here, Daddy?” McKelty asked.

“You want to?”

“I told Joss about the diner we always go to, and she said she’d like to go.”

I met Joss’ eye. “It’s a great place to eat. They have a bakery right there on the premises.”

She looked away, not so much as a gesture or a smile. She’d been ignoring me all day, and it was beginning to get on my nerves. This was worse than the refusal to talk. This was the silent treatment, and it was downright childish.

“We’ll try to get over there.”

McKelty smiled. “Can we go to that art museum, too? And the crater. We haven’t been to Crater Lake in a long time.”

I shook my head as I checked the steaks. “We’ve opened a can of worms, haven’t we?”

McKelty just laughed. She liked little clichés like that.

Joss’ phone rang, and she pulled it out of her pocket, reading the display with narrowed eyes. She was immediately on her feet, ducking into the living room without a word.

Those icy fingers that were growing so familiar wrapped themselves around my heart.

“I wonder who that was.”

McKelty glanced at the door, then at me. “Kirkland,” she said, making something of a face.

“What do you know about it?”

“I saw his picture on the screen. He calls her a lot.”

“Does he?”

“Yeah. He called twice yesterday. Him and that other one, the one with the dark, curly hair.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded.

“You are a nosy little thing, aren’t you?”

I pinched her nose, making her laugh. But I was grateful for her powers of observation. At least, I thought I was.

Kirkland had no reason to be the one calling her. Didn’t he have his own cases to work? I was beginning to wonder if Joss was the only one who did any real work around that office. Three operatives, and they all seemed to be around too often to be working a case the way she did.

They steaks were ready. I pulled them off the grill and shut the lid tight, cutting off the oxygen to the hotly burning fire. We went inside, cutting through the back hall to the kitchen. McKelty got the potato salad out of the refrigerator, and I got down the plates, setting everything in the center of the kitchen table.

It was a few minutes before Joss joined us.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“It’s getting cold,” McKelty said in that tone she often used with me when she was annoyed.

“Sorry,” Joss repeated, sliding into her chair without looking at me.

“Who’s Kirkland?” McKelty popped off before I’d managed to choke down my first piece of meat. Joss made a noise, as if her own meat wasn’t going down properly.

“What?”

“Who’s Kirkland? I saw his name on your phone.”

“He’s a friend.”

“Your boyfriend?”

It was like déjà vu, a repetition of a conversation we’d already had.

“No,” Joss said, her eyes finally flitting over my face. “I work with him. He called to tell me that a friend of ours just got engaged.”

“Really?” I asked, my eyebrows rising.

“David,” she said, her eyes on her food, as she pushed her potato salad around with her fork. “The girlfriend he was with before his surgery, Ricki Dennison.”

“I’ve heard of her. She’s CEO of Friend or Foe, right?”

She nodded. “They were dating when he had his surgery, but there was some misunderstanding and she left. But David planned this big proposal with Kirkland’s help and she said yes.”

“That’s great.”

“A wedding,” McKelty said sort of dreamily. “I like weddings.”

“What do you know about them?”

She shot me a dirty look. “I watch television.”

She said it so haughtily that I had to laugh. “Well, alright,” I said.

Joss cracked a smile, and I felt hope that she might warm back up to me. But then she went off with McKelty to help her get ready for bed, leaving me alone to do the dishes. It didn’t seem fair. The cook shouldn’t have to do the cleanup, but McKelty insisted that Joss should be the one to help her with her bath.

“She’s a girl,” she’d whispered to me.

I couldn’t argue with that.

I was just setting the last dish in the dishwasher when Joss came back into the room.

“Can I ask you something?”

Words. Did that mean I was forgiven?

“Where do you see this going?” she asked before I answered her.

My heart sank.

“I mean,” she continued, “I know we were pretty clear about things when this first started, but, with everything that’s happened, I was just wondering…”

“Where do you want it to go?”

She pulled herself up to the counter, sitting there watching as I wiped down the sink and dried my hands.

“Emily told Ash that she doesn’t think there’ll be any more trouble from the cartel. She says they’ve come under scrutiny by Homeland Security for attacking the Port of Los Angeles. She doesn’t think they’ll have time to worry about you and McKelty any time soon.”

“Then it’s over.”

“Not over. But on hiatus.”

I nodded, turning to face her as I leaned back against the counter several feet away.

“Then we can go home.”

“It that’s what you want. Ash feels that the case is officially over, unless you want to continue for a few more weeks just to make sure.”

“You’ve been having all these conversations without speaking to me about them?”

She tilted her head slightly. “I’ve been waiting until we had a few moments alone.”

“And your secret series of phone calls from Kirkland?”

“It was about David. Mostly.”

“Mostly.”

It was that “mostly” that bothered me.

I pushed away from the counter and crossed the room, pushing a chair under the table and picking up a discarded toy McKelty had forgotten. I needed to be busy.

“Carrington…” I heard her jump down from the counter, her sneakers slapping against the tiles. “Why did you say what you did this afternoon?”

I set the toy—a small, plastic doll—on the table for McKelty to find in the morning.

“I wasn’t thinking.”

“Or you were trying to hurt me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me.”

Our eyes met across the room. She looked deceptively vulnerable, her blue eyes as intense as ever. Looking at her was like looking at a mirage. She was tiny and sexy, a petite little thing whose hip fit in the palm of my hand. But it was all an illusion. She was stronger than anyone I’d ever known. Stronger than me.

How could I hurt someone like that?

“You should go, Joss,” I said. “The job’s over and I have nothing to offer you.”

“Nothing?”

“If you’re having dreams of a family, you’re looking in the wrong place. This isn’t your family.”

“Why?”

“Because…” I shook my head, not sure what she wanted me to say. “I made it clear when this began that it wasn’t anything more than physical. Did I ever do anything to make you think I’d changed my mind?”

“I wanted a family once,” she said slowly. “I wanted a family so badly that I jumped at the first opportunity that came along. And when it ended, I thought I’d lost my chance. But I found another family. I have a family. I don’t need yours.”

“Then why are we having this conversation?”

“Because there’s more to life than need. Haven’t you ever wanted anything, Carrington?”

I closed my eyes, laughter bubbling up in my throat. It was hysterical laughter, the kind that overwhelms you when you don’t know what else to say or do. I crossed the room and pressed her up against the stove.

“I want you,” I said. “But I can’t give you what you want. I can’t love you. I can’t let you love me. That only leads to tragedy, and I don’t think either of us can survive any more of that.”

“It’s a dangerous world,” she whispered. “How can we avoid it?”

I groaned, my mouth on hers before I could talk myself out of it. How could we avoid it? How could I avoid the way I felt when I touched her? How could I avoid the need that built inside of me when I just looked at her from across the room? I thought about her all the time, my chest actually hurting when I saw pain in her eyes or fear. I wanted to be the one she came to when she needed someone to talk to, the one she turned to when she needed a shoulder. I wanted her to put my number in place of Kirkland’s in her phone, to turn to me, not him.

But that wasn’t fair to either of us.

We kissed for a long time, our bodies melting against each other’s. She moaned softly, her lips parting to welcome me, her breath coming in quickening little puffs. She pressed herself against me, her hand sliding over my chest, the pounding of my heart just inches from her flesh. I couldn’t stop wanting her. It simply wasn’t possible.

I let her go, stepping back as I did.

“Please, go,” I said. “You can take the Jeep. I’ll order a car when McKelty and I are ready to leave.”

I couldn’t see her face. Her eyes were in a shadow. But I could see the tension come into her shoulders.