Joshua and the Cowgirl (17 page)

Joshua rolled his eyes. “You know, one of those events where people get together, eat a lot of food, dance a little, tell jokes, put lampshades on their heads.”

Mrs. Mac grimaced at Joshua’s description. “My lampshades will remain precisely where they are,” she warned.

“Don’t tell me,” he said. “I would never dream of doing anything so juvenile.” His gaze shifted to Garrett. “But some of your guests might.”

“Sometimes, you are thoroughly obnoxious,” Garrett pointed out. It didn’t seem to faze him. “Why are you having the party?”

“I told you, dear. It’s for your birthday. It was Joshua’s idea.”

She regarded him suspiciously. “Why?”

His expression suddenly turned serious. The intensity of his gaze pinned her like a doe caught in headlights. His voice dropped to a husky whisper. “So I can get you into my arms on a dance floor and make love to you to the music all night long.”

The provocative image ripped through her and left her knees trembling.

“Joshua,” she objected weakly. She shot a look at Mrs. Mac to see how she was taking this blatantly sexual announcement. Instead of outright shock, she saw an unfamiliar dreaminess in those bright blue eyes.

“Oh, my,” Mrs. Mac said finally. “Young man, you certainly know how to bring back memories.”

She watched as Joshua reached over and gently squeezed a gnarled hand. “I expect you to save a dance for me, too,” he told the older woman.

A spark of pure devilment crept into those old eyes. “Just watch where you put those wicked hands of yours, young man.”

Garrett was able to pry very little additional information out of the two of them. Not even Elena, who was back to bustling about in the kitchen again, would reveal much. That night at dinner in her own house again, Garrett decided to see how much her daughter knew about the upcoming event.

“Casey, what have you heard about this party that Mrs. Mac is planning?”

Casey looked startled. “You know?”

“I know they’re planning it. They wouldn’t tell me any of the details.”

“Did you tell them you wouldn’t come?”

“No. Why would I do that?”

“I thought you didn’t want to spend time with Joshua.”

Garrett listened as her own advice came back to haunt her. “Sweetie, there’s a big difference between going to a party and being involved with someone.”

“What about the sleigh ride?”

“How on earth did you know about that?”

“Elena told me. I saddled up Bright Lightning and went for a ride to see if it was true.” Accusing eyes glared at her. “Mom, you were kissing him.”

She couldn’t very well deny what Casey had seen with her own eyes, though she very much wanted to. “I know. I can’t explain it, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

A faint spark of hope flickered in Casey’s eyes. “Does that mean you’re going to date him, after all?”

Dating seemed an innocuous term for what had been happening lately between her and Joshua. Too cautious to label it more, she simply nodded. “While he’s here,” she was quick to point out. “I don’t expect it to last once he’s gone home again.”

Although Garrett had made the claim aloud, she believed it the way an eight-year-old denied a belief in Santa Claus, with more hope of being wrong than certainty of being right. She did want it to last. She was beginning to dream of happily ever afters. She just wasn’t going to admit it. If nothing else, she would salvage her pride when he’d gone.

Disappointment written on her face, Casey pushed her plate away. “May I be excused?”

“When you’ve finished your dinner.”

“I’m not hungry. If I have to sit here a week, I still won’t be hungry.”

Since Casey was perfectly capable of making good on her claim through sheer stubbornness, Garrett sighed and waved her off. “See that your homework’s done before you watch any TV.”

Just then the back door opened simultaneously with a knock. Heart galloping, Garrett met Joshua’s gaze. “Afraid to risk waiting for me to let you in?”

“Just saving your bad ankle. Hi, Casey, how are you? You haven’t been around much the last few days.”

Casey shrugged and stared at her uneaten meat loaf. “I’ve had homework.”

“Want to take a break tonight and play a little chess with me?”

She shook her head and edged toward the door. “Too much homework,” she mumbled and took off.

Joshua watched her go with troubled eyes. “Have you talked to her about this?” he asked Garrett.

“It’ll pass.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think it’s gone on long enough.”

“Where are you going?”

“To talk to her.”

“Joshua!” The protest was wasted. He was already through the door. She could hear his footsteps taking the stairs two at a time and winced. If Casey actually answered his questions, they would probably hear his roar of fury halfway to Montana. In fact, she wondered if there was any way to get safely across the state line in the next half hour.

Lines from
King Lear
about the sharp tongues of thankless children came to mind. She had a feeling she was about to discover exactly what Shakespeare had had in mind when he’d written them.

* * *

Joshua tapped lightly on Casey’s bedroom door and waited. Finally he heard a very reluctant “Come in.”

He cracked the door and saw that she was sitting at her desk, a wary expression on her face.

“Could we talk, kiddo?”

“About what?”

“Why you seem to be so mad at me?”

A sigh shuddered through her and her shoulders sagged. The look she directed at him was filled with guilt. “I’m not mad exactly.”

“Then let’s talk about what you are exactly.” He sat down on the edge of her bed, faintly intimidated by the ruffled canopy and collection of dolls. He wasn’t used to all these feminine frills. “Want to sit over here by me?”

Casey approached him cautiously and picked a spot near the head of the bed. She picked up one of the dolls, a well-worn baby doll with faded clothes and skimpy hair. Clutching it to her chest, she waited patiently. Joshua could see a whole ton of emotions in her demeanor—anxiety, caution, and an oddly grown-up calm. If she hadn’t been clinging so desperately to that ragged doll or if he hadn’t seen the storm raging in her eyes, he might have bought her serene facade. Suddenly faced with this girl, who was part child, part woman, Joshua grew nervous. He wasn’t at all sure where to start.

“What’s been happening with you lately?” he began innocuously enough.

She seemed relieved not to be asked a direct question about the cause of her anger. “You know, school, chores, stuff like that.”

“You haven’t been around the house much. I gather you’ve been eating your meals with the hands.”

“Mom said it would be okay,” she said defensively.

“Of course, it is. I just wondered why you didn’t want to eat up at the house with us.”

She shrugged and gazed at the floor.

“Okay, let’s back up a minute. This goes back to that morning in the hospital, doesn’t it?”

Her gaze shot to his, then skittered away. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I think you do. You and your mother argued about something that day, didn’t you? Was it about me?”

Joshua could hear the ticking of the huge, old-fashioned alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. It seemed an eternity passed before she nodded.

Biting back anger, he asked calmly, “Want to tell me about it?”

“Mom says you’re going back to Florida,” she mumbled.

With that single revelation, Joshua understood it all. Garrett had planted her own seeds of doubt in her daughter’s fertile imagination. “You’re afraid I’ll leave you.”

“And Mom.”

“Casey, at some point, I will go back. I can’t deny that. I have a business there.”

A tear trickled down her cheek. With fingers that suddenly seemed all thumbs, he reached over and brushed it away. “No tears, okay. Casey, look at me.”

Eyes shimmering with tears, she glanced up finally.

“Honey, I will always,
always
, come back.”

“But you told me you wanted to marry Mom. You can’t marry her and be gone all the time, can you? What kind of family would that be?”

He sighed and took her hand between his. “I don’t have all the answers yet. I’m still not even certain if your mother wants me around on a permanent basis. Once she and I have worked that part out, I promise you, if it is within my power, we will be a family, all in the same place.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Are you going to ask her to marry you at the party?”

He grinned. “That is between your mother and me.”

“Oh,” she said, clearly disappointed.

“But I could use a little help in picking out her present. Want to go into Cheyenne with me on Saturday to find something?”

Her eyes lit up. “Really? You mean it? Just the two of us?”

“Just the two of us. We’ll make a day of it. Shopping, lunch, the works.”

“A movie?”

He grinned at her enthusiasm. “Why not?”

He reached across then and hugged her. “That’s my girl. The next time you’re worried about what’s going on with me, you just ask, okay?”

“I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“I’m just glad we worked it out. I’ve missed our chess games. You’re the only competition around. Mrs. Mac really is lousy,” he confided. “Just don’t tell her I said so.”

Giggling, she hugged him back. “I won’t. I promise.”

On his way downstairs it took everything in Joshua to keep his temper under control. The way Garrett had managed to twist things for Casey infuriated him. It was bad enough that she hadn’t allowed any of his efforts to make a dent in her distrust, but to destroy Casey’s faith in him was unconscionable.

He found her pacing the kitchen, limping back and forth on her walking cast and casting nervous glances toward the doorway. “You should be scared,” he said mildly.

“What did she tell you?”

“The truth. She said you’d told her I was leaving, that she shouldn’t count on me for anything.”

Garrett’s jaw set stubbornly. “I told her that for her own good. She can’t count on anyone except herself.”

“And me,” he said furiously. “And Mrs. Mac and you. Or don’t you believe you all qualify, either?”

“Of course, it’s just that…”

“Just what? That I’m a man? That I don’t live here? That I’m not her real father? Is that what this is really all about, Garrett? Are you still in love with the man who got you pregnant and then deserted you?”

“No-o-o.” Her eyes wide with shock, she stammered over the too quick denial. “Of course not.”

He shook his head. “I’m not so sure. There’s a mighty fine line between love and hate. Maybe you ought to take a good, hard look and see which side your feelings for that man fall on. While you’re at it, take a look at what you’re feeling for me. I’m not a patient man, Garrett. You’ve stretched me just about to my limit. You sit on the fence much longer and I just might not be around when you decide to jump down.”

On his way to the door he stopped just long enough to place a hard, bruising kiss on her suddenly vulnerable mouth. He wanted her to remember what was real, what was lasting.

He wanted her to remember him.

Chapter Thirteen

G
arrett had never seen the house in such a state of chaos. Mrs. Mac had hired extra help to shine the floors, polish the chandeliers and help Elena in the kitchen in preparation for what seemed to be turning into an extraordinarily lavish birthday party.

All of the feverish activity only underscored Garrett’s own restlessness. She couldn’t concentrate. Memories of Joshua’s warning taunted her day and night. He had been amazingly tolerant of her uncertainties. He’d even seemed to forgive her, if only barely, for upsetting Casey with dire predictions about his departure. The man was a saint, she thought crankily. All that generosity of spirit was tough to ignore, though she was certainly trying. The fact that her blood sizzled when he came into a room only compounded the problem she seemed to be having with her common sense.

Just then her pulse skipped a beat and she knew intuitively that Joshua had entered the room. Her whole body came alive in his presence, tingling, anticipating.

“Ready?” he asked, and again her heartbeat accelerated, though she knew rationally that the question was perfectly innocuous. The man was only taking her to the doctor to get her cast removed.

She should have been thrilled. She would finally be able to get around easily on her own again. Instead she had these crazy mixed feelings. Over the last weeks she’d grown accustomed to Joshua’s gentleness. Though she’d fought him tooth and nail, deep down she’d enjoyed being taken care of. The breakfast and lunch trays in bed, the sleigh ride, the long quiet talks, all had finally bewitched her. She’d been able to justify her response by reminding herself repeatedly that it was just temporary, only until the cast came off. Now, perversely, she discovered she didn’t want that incredible, cherished feeling to end. That was a dangerous, dismaying discovery for a woman who prided herself on needing no one.

“I’m ready,” she said, turning around finally, praying that he couldn’t read her confusion in her eyes.

“What is it?” he asked at once.

“What is what?”

“There’s something wrong. You’re crying.”

Her fingers flew to her cheek. To her astonishment, she realized he was right. She really was coming unglued. Wiping the dampness away, she said, “Sorry, I didn’t even realize.”

At the tiny catch in her voice, he was across the room in three strides, pulling her into his arms. Nestled against his chest, that cherished sensation flooded through her again. Joshua represented strength and caring, two of the things most lacking throughout her entire life. Listening to the steady rhythm of his heart, feeling the power of its beat, a surprising reassurance swept over her. This wasn’t Casey’s father. This wasn’t an immature boy who would walk out on her, leaving her heart in tatters. This was a man she could love through all eternity…if only she dared.

A sigh whispered through her and Joshua’s arms tightened. “Garrett?”

“I’m okay,” she said finally, stepping back. She saw the damage her tears had done to his shirt. “You, on the other hand, are a mess. Let me have that shirt and I’ll get Elena to dry it and iron it for you.”