JORDAN Nicole (43 page)

Constance raised her gaze to Winifred, her look full of gratitude. “I cannot thank you enough, my lady. I think you must be an angel in disguise.”

From the doorway, Winifred flushed with embarrassed pleasure but shook her head. “’Tis only fitting they should make their home here. And you, too, my dear. You are all very welcome at Freemantle Park.”

Tears welled up in Constance’s eyes as she returned Winifred’s smile.

Watching them, Roslyn felt her heart warm at the bittersweet moment. The two woman shared a common bond, caring for the children of the man they had each loved.

Such love would have to be profoundly strong and deep to be so accepting, Roslyn reflected. The thought brought an ache to her throat. She wondered if she could be as magnanimous were she to learn that Drew had a second family. It would be devastatingly painful, but she believed she could—

But then there was no point in indulging in such distressing speculation, Roslyn scolded herself. Instead she ought simply to feel glad for her friend.

And there was more reason for gladness. This morning it seemed less likely that Constance would die from her grave illness.

Winifred broke the tender moment just then by clearing her throat, as if the display of emotion flustered her. “Now, then,” she said with a return of her usual pragmatism as she addressed Constance. “You should have a few moments alone with your daughters, but afterward they must let you rest. I will send a maid to sit with you, but you know to ring the bell if you need anything at all.”

“Thank you, my lady,” Constance murmured again.

“And you must call me by my given name,” Winifred added briskly. “This ‘lady’ business will not do if we are to be friends.”

Constance laughed softly at that. “I should very much like to be friends, Winifred.”

“Very well then, Constance….”

Beaming, Winifred turned and left the bedchamber. Roslyn followed her out to the corridor and shut the door quietly behind her.

“It was the right decision to bring them here,” Winifred declared, her face suffused with pleasure. “The girls will be happy here, and so will I. They are the children I never had,” she added softly.

“And I am very happyfor you,” Roslyn murmured with affection.

Her friend shot her a penetrating glance. “I trust you and Arden will be blessed with children someday, so you can know the same happiness, my dear.”

Roslyn hesitated to reply. With Constance’s fate hanging in the balance, she hadn’t wanted to burden Winifred with the news of her dissolved engagement to Drew. So she merely smiled and squeezed her friend’s hand. “You are indeed an angel, Winifred. Now if only you would cease prying in my affairs, I would be as grateful as Constance.”

Winifred gave a raucous laugh, clearly delighted by the remark, but Roslyn couldn’t share her laughter. Not when her heart was so heavy. At the moment she felt as if she would never know happiness again.

Yet for the next hour until she took her leave of Winifred and the children, Roslyn hid her despondency well. When she returned to Danvers Hall, however, she was required to continue the charade, for she discovered that Earl of Haviland had just called upon her.

Finding him waiting in the entranceway for her, Roslyn forced herself to paste a welcoming smile on her lips as she moved forward to greet him.

“I beg your pardon?” Roslyn said five minutes later, blinking at her noble caller. Surely she wasn’t hearing correctly. Had the earl just proposed marriage to her?

Haviland’s handsome mouth curved in a wry grin. “Did I not express myself correctly, Miss Loring? Perhaps not, since this is my first proposal. But regardless of how I should phrase my offer, I would be highly honored if you would grant me your hand in marriage.”

Managing to stop staring so impolitely, Roslyn returned an uncertain smile. “Your proposal was entirely correct, my lord. I am just astonished you made it. I had no idea you wished to wed me.”

One heavy dark eyebrow rose. “Surely it doesn’t come as a total surprise. You know I have long admired you.”

“But it is a long step between admiration and suddenly contemplating marriage.”

Haviland shrugged his broad shoulders. “It isn’t all that sudden. I never wanted the earldom, but when I inherited the title at my father’s death last year, I assumed all the obligations of the role. In fact, I returned to England with the intention of settling down with a wife and begetting heirs. I thought I should wait until a proper period of mourning had passed, of course, but now that it is over, my grandmother has been after me to find a bride.”

Lowering her gaze to give herself time to think, Roslyn shook her head at the irony of Haviland’s timing. What she wouldn’t have given to have received his offer three weeks ago, before she had come to know Drew so intimately!

“It is still quite unexpected, my lord,” she said lamely, at a loss for words.

“I can see I have caught you off guard,” Haviland observed. “But I hold you in very high esteem, Miss Loring, and think you would make an admirable countess. I would have approached you sooner had you not become engaged to Arden. But now that your betrothal is at an end, I thought I would try my luck.”

Roslyn’s gaze lifted abruptly to meet his. “Where did you hear about our betrothal ending?”

“From Arden himself, last night.”

She felt a strange jolt to her heart. Drew had told Lord Haviland about their parting? But she didn’t want to think about Drew just now. Especially when the earl was standing before her, awaiting her answer. And now that her initial astonishment had subsided, she could give him one.

Swallowing the dryness in her throat, Roslyn clasped her hands before her as she politely replied, “I am very honored by your offer, my lord, but I fear I must decline.”

He hesitated a long moment. “I suppose it would be rude to ask the reason for your refusal. Do you have an objection to me personally?”

“No…of course not.”

“Then why?”

Roslyn found it hard to meet his searching gaze. She couldn’t bring herself to come right out and baldly confess losing her innocence to Drew, but she couldn’t marry Haviland without telling him about it. And even if he was willing to accept an unchaste bride, she didn’t love him—and she was now less willing than ever to settle for a loveless marriage.

Before she could form a reply, though, Haviland went on. “I think we would deal well together, Miss Loring. We could have very comfortable union of convenience.”

“But you see, my lord,” Roslyn finally said, “I have never been a fan of convenient marriages. On the contrary, I always hoped I would make a love match someday.”

Haviland took a step closer to her. His look was surprisingly gentle, almost tender. “We don’t love each other now, true, but there is always the possibility love will grow between us.”

“No. I don’t believe itis possible.”

“Because your affections are still engaged by Arden?”

Roslyn found herself flushing. “Why would they be? I was the one who broke our engagement.”

“Which seems a very good reason to consider my offer. If you accept, you will have the protection of my name. You know the way of the world as well as I do. A broken engagement to a duke will not be easy for you to overcome.”

Roslyn felt herself warm at Lord Haviland’s generosity. “I am honored, truly, but I cannot marry you.”

“Because you have feelings for Arden,” he pressed.

Mutely, Roslyn glanced down at her clasped fingers, not wanting to answer. For days now she’d struggled to deny the truth to herself. She’d tried desperately to keep her heart safe from Drew, to no avail. Shedid harbor feelings for him. Powerful, fervent, irrefutable feelings. She loved him.

A wave of despair washed over her as she acknowledged how utterly foolish she’d been. She loved Drew.

Which made agreeing to Haviland’s proposal of marriage impossible. She couldn’t marry one man when she loved another.

Her fingers clenched even more tightly. She couldn’t pinpoint the first moment when her heart had been irrevocably captured. Perhaps it was at Arden Castle, when she’d seen Drew’s devotion to his old governess. Or perhaps it was before that, when he’d shown her the kind of passion most women could only dream of.

Or perhaps even sooner, when he first began instructing her in how to kindle a man’s ardor. At the start of their lessons, she had never dreamed she would be opening her heart to unexpected love with her arousing tutor.

“Yes,” she murmured finally. “I have feelings for him.”

“If so, then why did you end your engagement?”

“Because he could never love me in return.”

Haviland gave her an odd look. “Are you sure about that?”

“Quite sure.”

“Does Arden know how you feel about him?”

“No,” she said despondently.

“Then you should tell him.”

Roslyn shook her head. “There would be no point.”

“Loath as I am to aid a rival,” Haviland said, an edge of amusement lacing his voice, “I suppose I must. I think you’re gravely mistaken about Arden’s feelings for you, Miss Loring. In fact, I would guess that he loves you a good deal.”

She jerked her head up again. “Why would you think so?”

“Because he sent me here to propose to you.”

Her heart wrenched, while her stomach suddenly felt filled with lead. Fighting a sick, hollow sensation, Roslyn could barely form a rasping reply. “He told you to propose to me? I should think that would prove just the opposite—that he doesnot love me.”

“No, sweetheart,” Haviland said gently. “Arden was willing to give you up to ensure your happiness. He’s making a noble sacrifice on your behalf. I think that shows exactly how much he loves you.” Haviland’s mouth curved. “In truth, he threatened my life if I failed to make you happy after we were wed. But I can see now that I never stood a chance. Your happiness lies with Arden, not with me.”

She stared at him in disbelief. How could Drew love her if he had given up any claim to her? Was he truly trying to be noble, hoping to make her happy?Was it possible that Drew loved her?

“You should tell him how you feel,” the earl repeated.

Roslyn could barely hear for her chaotic thoughts. What if she told Drew of her love? What then? Would he still want to marry her? And if so, what would her answer be? Did she dare risk wedding him?

She could wind up facing the same kind of pain Winifred had endured all the years of her marriage. She and Drew could end up battling bitterly with each other, destroying whatever tender feelings they shared now and turning passion to hate.

Yet did she really have a choice? If she hoped to achieve her heart’s desire, she had to risk having it shattered. If she hoped to have a chance at happiness with Drew, she had to be willing to give up her impossible notions of a perfect, idealistic marriage for something that was real and honest and strong and lasting.

She had no choice. Because she had no future without Drew. No possibility of happiness. He filled the emptiness inside her, made her feel complete.

She didn’t know if she could ever mean that much to him. Didn’t know if he could return her love, but she knew she had to take the risk.

The thought that Drew might never love her the way she did him left Roslyn shaken, but she had to try. If he didn’t love her yet, she would have tomake him love her. She could use the tricks of seduction he had taught her, which she had never really employed—

Realizing that Haviland was watching her silent debate, Roslyn suddenly shook herself. It was beyond rude to be plotting her pursuit of Drew when the earl stood before her.

“Thank you, my lord,” Roslyn said, her voice uneven. “I will take your advice and tell Arden how I feel.”

Haviland’s smile held regret as he took her hand and brought it to his lips. “It will be my great loss.”

Warmth rose to her cheeks at the compliment. “I’m certain you will find a bride who can make you happy.”

“I trust so. I need a wife if I’m to have any hope of stopping my grandmother from hounding me into an early grave.”

There was a glimmer of humor in his eyes, which told Roslyn that she hadn’t wounded him too deeply with her refusal. But of course, she hadn’t, since his heart wasn’t engaged—just as hers was not with him.

Haviland gave her a considering look. “I might be more successful if you would aid my search.”

“You want my help in finding you a bride?” Roslyn asked in surprise.

He grinned that charming, rueful grin of his. “In all honesty, I do. I obviously haven’t managed very well on my own.”

She returned a self-conscious laugh. “I will be happy to consider it, Lord Haviland. But now…if you will please excuse me? I must go to London at once.”

“To see Arden?”

“No, to see a friend.”

She had to speak to Fanny immediately and seek her counsel. Fanny would know how she should proceed in trying to win Drew’s heart—or so Roslyn tried to reassure herself as she went to the bellpull to order the gig readied.

She only prayed she wasn’t too late.

Chapter Twenty

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I will do whatever it takes to make Arden love me. I shall begin by employing every trick of seduction I have ever learned.

—Roslyn to Fanny

When Drew woke to find himself sprawled on the sofa, a host of drums pounded inside his skull, while his roiling stomach chimed a chorus of protest at the abuse it had suffered.

Sitting up gingerly, Drew held his throbbing head in his hands. The stench of whiskey permeating the library was no doubt ruining his priceless collection of rare books, but he couldn’t bring himself to give a bloody damn.

He had lost Roslyn. Given her up to his rival. Which explained why the agony in his heart pained him even more than the agony in his head.

What an utter imbecile he’d been, encouraging Haviland to go after her. Now that he was marginally sober, he could only lament his insane moment of magnanimity.

Had Haviland proposed to her by now? If so, had she accepted?

Drew clutched his head harder. He couldn’t bear to think of it. And yet he could think of nothing else.