Joint Intentions (Book 9) (7 page)

"You realize if something happens to me, the portal will close. I know you can keep me from canceling the portal now that you've transformed it, but only if I'm still alive. If I die, the spell will fragment and the rift will close."

"Do not concern yourself with your own safety. I have other reasons to keep you alive. Do the things I ask of you, and you will have your core returned."

Neltus nodded and prepared to use the magic within his ring to send him to Connel. He knew what he needed to do, and he would use the emptiness within him as a ploy to regain what he had lost.

Ryson sat in Reader Rachael's small study. He appreciated Rachael's willingness to meet with him on such short notice, but he was still somewhat hesitant to discuss the matter which brought him to the Church of Godson. He didn't belong to the church, and he wished to make it clear he was not marginalizing Rachael's beliefs in any fashion. The uncertainty which plagued him revolved around his own experience, and he didn't want it to appear as if he was questioning
her
faith.

"I have to admit, this is a little uncomfortable for me," Ryson confessed.

"I hear that fairly often," Reader Rachael noted, "but there's no reason to worry."

"There might be. I'm trying to figure things out, which means I have some questions. When you hear what I'm questioning, I think you'll understand why I came here, but I don't want it to sound like I'm here to challenge you. I'm not trying to make you defend anything, but I believe you might be able to help me, or at least point me in the right direction."

"I've always noticed, and appreciated, your concern for others, but don't worry about me. You won't insult me. I encourage you to say whatever's on your mind."

"The first thing I want to do is thank you for seeing me," Ryson acknowledged.

"You are welcome here any time," Rachael offered with a warm smile. "You've done so much for us."

"It's not like I'm looking for a return favor. What I'm looking for are answers."

"That's what delvers do, am I right?"

"Yes, but the answers I'm looking for aren't going to be found in the forest, the desert, or the mountains."

"Don't be so sure. Answers can be anywhere."

"That's true, but first I actually have to figure out how to pose the question. At least, I think that's the first step. If I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I won't be able to find an answer no matter where I look. I have an idea of what I'm trying to find, but explaining it to someone else is part of the problem."

"What is it that's bothering you?"

Ryson decided to start from the most encouraging aspect of his experience as well as the most perplexing. While detailing certain aspects of his past excursion into Demonspawn, he explained how he had witnessed the entire composition of his being. He revealed how—in a reflection of his physical presence—he saw through the colorless magic which enabled his delver abilities and into the very essence of his soul. As he described the image of his eternal spirit, he wondered if he had sounded delusional.

"Does any of this surprise you?" the delver asked of the reader.

"It might have at an earlier time, but not now, not since the return of the magic. We have all seen many remarkable things."

"You think it was an illusion?"

"Not at all. Remember, I
believe
in the soul. You're a delver and you were in a place where the boundary between physical and spiritual existences can be blurred."

"Do you think I saw something I shouldn't have seen?"

"No. If anything, I believe quite the opposite. Personally, I think you were supposed to see your soul, and you saw it for a reason."

"What reason?"

"That, I'm afraid, is something you'll have to discover on your own. I'm just stating that you saw something of immense importance, and I don't think things like that happen by chance."

Ryson didn't wish to argue, but he felt as if they were dancing at the edges of a related issue as opposed to wading into the center of his real dilemma.

"Alright, let's leave that alone for now. I need to focus on what I saw. I don't think it was an illusion. Despite the fact I was in a place where deception was as common as evil, I think I saw a deeper truth. It also goes hand in hand with what's happening in Burbon. You've heard about Sy Fenden, right?"

"I have, as have many here in Connel. The members of my church view it as an affirmation of their faith."

"I appreciate that, and that's why I'm here. I'm hoping to gain a wider point of view on this, a perception I can't get at home."

"Are the people of Burbon disregarding Captain Fenden's return?"

"Not at all. Most have embraced the idea. They know Sy's there to protect them. And they've shown no reluctance to discuss his return, even with outsiders. Most people talk about it openly. Actually, Burbon is becoming somewhat of a tourist attraction. People call it the haunted town, and visitors want to see the so-called ghost captain."

"You find that surprising?"

"Not really... well, maybe a little. The people of Burbon have always appreciated structure. I guess it's a bit surprising they're even willing to acknowledge a ghost in their presence, but it's not just any spirit."

"It's their protector," Rachael acknowledged, "and they've also had to deal with magic on a rather large scale. They live at the borders of Dark Spruce Forest, and even Enin came from their midst. Before he came to Connel, he lived in Burbon. He's the most powerful wizard in the land, or at least he was."

"And maybe that's why they're willing to accept Sy's return," Ryson allowed. "They believe he's there to protect them, to maintain control and fight off chaos, but there seems to be something missing. I'm not sure if they're seeing beyond their own security, or if  they're attaching the real significance to Sy's return. And maybe that's because they haven't seen what I saw. Sy's existence didn't end at his death. I'm not sure how or why, but he was able to come back."

"Is that your question?"

"Not really. I'd love to know why he's here. There's got to be a reason, but I'm more concerned with how it reflects on me. I know that might sound selfish, but I saw my own spirit in the same way I now see Sy's. I can't ignore what I witnessed, which means I have to address it. In order to deal with it, I have to understand it."

Rachael considered what she had heard and wished to confirm one important aspect of Ryson's concerns.

"Are you willing to acknowledge you have a soul?"

Ryson hesitated slightly before responding. While not making a solid affirmation of his spiritual existence, he refused to discount what he had witnessed.

"I know what I saw."

"People see many things," Rachael countered, "but they learn to ignore things as well. You yourself said earlier you didn't
think
it was an illusion, but it sounds as if you might be keeping your options open. Maybe you'll change your mind, decide that what you saw had more to do with where you were as opposed to what's really inside of you... inside of us all."

"I guess that's part of my problem. If I completely accept what I saw, then I have to consider the implications. I can't just ignore how this is going to affect my perception of myself and everyone around me."

"I understand," Rachael revealed with an even greater smile. "It's not a bad thing, but it's a complex issue. On the positive side, the futility of a life culminating in death can be overcome by the knowledge of what waits beyond, and the fear inherent in our lives can be extinguished by the promise of a renewed existence. But that same concept—the acceptance of a soul—creates the need to look beyond this existence. It requires attention to matters of spiritual guidance. Suddenly, there is more to consider than the here and now. We have to reflect on circumstances before birth and after death. We also have to reflect upon the consequences of our actions and how they affect us in ways beyond our lives in this land. It's somewhat like the difference between the past, the present, and the future."

"That's a good way to put it, but it also leaves me unsure about what to do, and that's the heart of my question. I'm not saying I think I have to completely change my life, but I have to come to grips with what I saw."

Rachael nodded and then offered advice the best way she knew how.

"There's a passage in the Book of Godson which I think you might wish to consider. It's a story about a landowner who offered up his lands for others to tend. He divided his land up into separate farms and allowed tenants to work the parcels in a way that the entire land would thrive. He left the tenants to their own devices, did not give strict instructions on what to do. Essentially, it was up to them.

"After some time, he sent messengers to those tenants to check on their progress. But the tenants beat the messengers and sent them on their way empty handed. The landowner then sent his own son in order to get the tenants attention, but the tenants realized this was the landowner's sole heir. If they killed him, there would be no one to inherit the landowner's possessions and the land would be theirs. In hopes of getting their way, they killed the landowner's son. The question arises as to what will happen to those tenants who ignored the landowner, sent away his messengers, and even killed his son."

Ryson became confused. He saw no correlation between the tale he just heard and his desire to understand his spiritual existence.

"I'm not sure what this has to do with
my
question."

"Don't worry about that for now, just think about the story. What do you think will happen?"

"I imagine the landowner will seek justice against the tenants?"

"What kind of justice?"

"I guess it would depend on the laws of the land."

"That's the
safe
answer. You're letting other people decide for you what to do. Imagine you're the one responsible for creating the laws. What do you think the landowner should do?"

"At the very least, he should throw the tenants off his land."

"Anything else?"

"You mean should he seek revenge?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"It's a difficult question," Ryson confessed. "They killed his son. I don't think he can just let them walk away."

"So you believe there should be some additional punishment?"

"I do, but I'm not sure what punishment would satisfy the loss of someone's child. I also realize revenge is a difficult business. I don't know if there's a suitable answer to the question."

"There may not be," Rachael admitted, "but it is something to consider. The meaning and significance of the tale has been debated for... well, far longer than I've been alive. In all honesty, some believe the idea of punishment for the acts committed by the tenants is not even pertinent to the story. They think the focus should be placed solely upon the acts of the landowner and not on what will ultimately happen to the tenants. Others disagree. Trying to determine a definite meaning for the tale has caused some mixed feelings among members of the church."

Ryson was a bit surprised by the admission. He knew the Church of Godson had its detractors. Before the magic returned to the land, believers were viewed as a sect of lunatics with absurd ideas. The magic, however, forced many people to reconsider their opinion of those following the word of Godson. The church had grown substantially over the past few seasons.

Despite that growth, there were still many who scoffed at the beliefs of the followers. Those disbelievers would certainly debate the legitimacy of anything within the Book of Godson, but that's not what surprised the delver. Ryson found it difficult to imagine disagreement among the believers themselves.

The delver believed the followers had been offered a clear picture of the Book of Godson by a man of remarkable insight. An interpreter had visited many churches, and that man had unraveled many secrets within the passages. Ryson could not see how the followers of Godson would debate issues which had already been interpreted.

"I thought those questions had all been answered for you," Ryson admitted. "I thought the hidden meanings had all been explained."

It was Rachael's turn to be surprised.

"You don't really think that, do you?"

"You knew the interpreter, Stephen Clarin, didn't you?" Ryson asked.

"A very gifted soul."

"I was told he interpreted the mysteries, made them understandable. He came to this church. I know he did. I was here with him when we had to get Ingar's Sphere out of Sanctum Mountain. He was here before that as well. He understood things the way no one else did. I was told he explained things that were unclear, revealed the meaning of difficult passages in a way everyone could understand."

"Yes, he did, but he interpreted prophecies, not the entire Book of Godson."

"So he didn't explain the meaning of this story?"

"No. A great many mysteries remain just that... a mystery. We are left to our own considerations in determining the meaning of certain passages."

Ryson found the admission astonishing.

"So you're trying to answer my question with a story that no one understands?"

Rachael laughed.

"Actually, that's a very interesting way to put it. It's not that no one understands it. It's complicated. And that's the heart of your own problem. You have a very complicated question. You're trying to figure out what to do with the knowledge you've been given, trying to understand what you're supposed to do now that you've seen your own soul."

"And I'm not sure how this story helps me out. Other than it being
complicated
, I don't see a connection."