JOINED (The Joined Series) (16 page)

“
R
ed wine, champagne sometimes. I don’t care for beer anymore.”

“I like red wine too. But I am scotch or rum man,” he offered and I inwardly smiled because we were having a simple conversation.

“How’s the food?”

“Yummy.” I placed the silverware down. “You’re not hungry?” I
wondered
, considering earlier.

Mateja shot me a knowing glance. “I ate before you came. I knew I would break a sweat.”
He wickedly grinned at me.
“You’ve sated me, for now.”

I almost choked on my food. Re-directing the focus of the conversation, I reminded him, “There was something you said we needed to talk about at the hotel.”

“Yes, Rebecca,” he said implacably. “I
want to talk about us.”

“Us?” I liked the sound of that but
I inwardly bristled at the reminder. It wasn’t like he broached the subject with care before at his room in the yoga studio.
“‘Under my command”” I pursed my lips at him with mirth. “What does that entail? About to dish out another serving for myself, Mateja took the plate from me.

Mateja chuckled as I reminded him what he told me.
“The same?”

I nodded, sitting down again.
He served me a second portion.

“So, what—you’re like a Dominant or something?
Am I supposed
to be your submissive?
I feel like I am being selfish. And I have a problem with being selfish.”

He chortled. “
I am not a dominant. I just like things done my way
sometimes
.
There’s more to being a Dom than wanting to have control
, a much greater responsibility
. The BDSM culture has been
stigmatized for far too long. It
’s
been applied incorrectly…to the poi
nt of comprising one physically and
mentally
.” H
e paused, his voice was raw and he frowned. “the complete opposite intention of the lifestyle. As for being a Submissive, it’s humorous to give you to that title.”—I stopped eating and
I
crossed my arms—“And don’t even dare try to look affronted.
About your struggle with selfishness
, work on it.”

I ignored how he red
uced my vices to a “work on it”
and I was proud that he respected the BDSM lifestyle and wasn’t close-minded about it
.
I knew that his control during sex and talking dirty helped me maintain my libido.
“So
, do
you get off on tending to every woman you’re attracted to?” The tension was palpable again. I intentionally asked him, knowing that I sounded petulant, not sincerely curious
with this question
.

“
Not ‘till I met you.
”
He finally took
a seat on a stool. “Look, I’ve
been with
many women. I can get laid whenever
I want
. I never got off on that and I still don’t. Just isn’t my gig. Okay?”

“Hear you loud and clear.”

“Good. I don’t think of you as my latest walking and breathing fuck.
We owe each other this:
to be safe, responsible and inform each other of any pertinent changes in status, including place of residence, occupational status, relationship status, physical and me
dical
health. Agreed?”

“I agree but—“

“But? The only butt you should concern yourself with is that luscious one cushioning you on my stool.
”

I crossed my
arms at that very truth and he
look
ed at me amusingly. “I figured
as
much. Does that mean that we don’t have to be monogamous?”

“I
don’t want to share
you with anyone
.”
His voice came out strong and he paused
.
“However, I am not unreasonable.” He finger combed his hair.

“I don’t want to have sex with other people.” I quirked the side of my face at him. “
If we continue to have sex, I am not going to share you.”

“I am glad you feel the same way.
Because quite honestly, if I see you touch another guy, I’ll have to fight my impulse to break his face in
.
” He sighed.
“Let’s do this for
one to two months.”

The corner of my lips started to curl up and I pinched them.
After a long stretch of silence, I said, “Sounds good.”

Mateja got up and leaned into me, chastely kissing me on my forehead. Everything about his touch and the way he looked at me felt different. “Stay with me tonight,” he said softly
and my breath halted
.
I was shocked.
He still sounded strong, but there was no disguising the tenderness in his face.
“We won’t have
sex. I know I don’t deserve you.
I just need you with me, at least for tonight.
Let me be your lover.
”

I placed my hand on his heart and felt it thumping hard.
I was so proud that
I
didn’t unleash
th
e water works. I knew this was
major
for
him; even though I had a relationship before this was a big deal for me. I wanted to be his lover too.
“I
am not going to settle for having
you
r body next to mine for a night
. I need more. Can you give me what’s locked up
in
here?” I made circles around his heart. I already wanted too much from him as it was.

“God…Rebecca what are you doing to me?” He whispered and
he
held my face in his hands.

“
You need to get to the point where you know that you deserve to connect with someone else, Mateja. And not just by having amazing sex.” He waggled his eyebrows for a slight moment and I crossed my arms. “
Being with you
make
s
me want more
too and that has to count for something. But
I need to know that I can say no to you.” I brushed my finger on his soft lips. “Because I know we
deserve it
, because I value what can
develop
between us. I am not giving in
anymore
tonight.”

Mateja nodded and his reverent expression didn’t change. He pressed his nose against mine and linked our hands together. He left t
he kitchen and didn’t look back.
Freezing in the robe I wore, I shimmied into the dark blouse, sweater, and jeans arranged for me. I slipped into my heels, my peacot in one arm and I clanked my feet into the hallway, where Benjamin politely waited for me in fro
nt of his c
ondominium
and drove me to Brayden’s.

             
             
             
             
***

When Benjamin dropped me off, I entered the lobby and stayed there for ten minutes until I knew he’d gone.
Luego
kept me company and I decided to go for a stroll at two in the morning. Wired, I
knew I wouldn’t be able to rest.
My anxiety tapered off to a manageabl
e level where I could reflect about
Mateja
and
I
. Was there
any way I’d have the strength to resist him again?
Even though I knew him for a short period of time, I felt a strong connection to him.

I didn’t walk far. Seated on a bench
a few blocks from away
, I watched couples and a few groups
walk by
. An hour and a half later, I returned to the apartment.
Luego
handed me a bag with a dry cleaners label on it; my clothes from earlier tonight were
laundered
,
the six bras that the store had to order,
and a
doggie bag of food. Missing him and adoring the fact that he cooked the tasty meal for me, I ate each bite, slowly enjoying a tangible part of him
and
waiting
to be joined to him again
.

             
             
             
             
             
***