John's Story (11 page)

“Jesus was not even there.”

“Yes! The man met us on the road and told us his son was dying in Capernaum. We were twenty miles away! For all he knew, his son had already died. I have long admired that man for his devotion to his family, that he would make a forty-mile walk to us and back for the sake of his son. And while the Master at first chided the crowd, through the man, because it seemed they needed to see miracles in order to believe, in truth the man’s faith made his son whole, and Jesus accomplished this from that far away. This is a sign that Jesus is God, because He is not bound by distance. He is the Master of distance and time.”

J
ohn believed he was too old, past the time when he could be shocked or even amazed by anything temporal. Hardly anything surprised him anymore. Even encountering Cerinthus, while agitating him to no end, did not surprise. Some news that Wednesday evening did, however, and he felt it where he wanted to feel it the least. In his chest.

This concern over his health was new to John, despite that he had outlived most of his contemporaries. Men and women in their seventies were considered ancient, and yet he still felt like a Son of Thunder at nearly ninety. He suffered the expected aches and pains, but other than expecting that one day Rome would come calling—as it had to nearly every other bold proclaimer of the gospel of Christ—John rarely allowed himself to dwell upon his own mortality. But chest pains—even he could not ignore those. And there was so much more to do.

Again Polycarp joined the evening teaching session, and again John had to decline. He admitted to exhaustion and fatigue, but he was determined not to reveal his growing concern over his health. Polycarp would tell Ignatius, Ignatius would tell the elders and deacons, and surely someone would urge the ceasing of his work. That must not happen.

But the task became all the more urgent when Polycarp returned from the meeting to report that Ignatius would not be able to join them that evening but wished to review the day’s work if Polycarp could deliver it.

“Certainly,” John said. “In time I will wish even more eyes on the project.”

“Well, rabbi,” Polycarp said, refusing to sit, “we have discovered Cerinthus’s purpose in Ephesus.”

“And?”

“He is founding a Gnostic church.”

John swallowed a sharp retort as pain stabbed behind his ribs and made him sit to catch his breath. The news surprised and angered him, but John was more concerned about hiding his pain from Polycarp. The deep throbbing had been with him longer than he cared to remember. John had never been a complainer, and for years he had labored despite all sorts of illnesses, diseases, and ailments. But this, he feared, would eventually be the end of him. It was not getting better. And it was not remaining the same. It was growing worse, and alarm was the last thing his ailing body needed.

“We simply must not allow this,” John said finally. “We must marshal our resources, our people, and fight it to the death. This city is already replete with evidences of the enemy, from the worship of Greek and Roman gods to the celebration of the sensual and the profane and the pagan. Do you see why this would be even worse, son?”

“I do, because this false doctrine has already proven attractive to believers. It would deny God and Christ the power of salvation and make the sinner believe he could accomplish it on his own.”

“Exactly. Our flock knows to stay away from the pagan idols, but look how they respond to a poison that tastes so refreshing at first. Polycarp, we must finish our work and publicize it far and wide before this so-called church is able to gain purchase. Let us work day and night.”

“I am at your service, sir, as you know. I have the endurance for it. Do you?”

“I have no choice.”

Polycarp leaned close and moved his head out of the way of the oil lamp so it illuminated the old man. “You do not look well, if you don’t mind my saying so.”

John turned his face away. “I do mind! You are not my physician, and I do not appreciate being examined like an animal.”

Polycarp’s face fell and John felt immediately repentant.

“Forgive me, lad. I did not mean to lash out at you.”

“No, forgive
me,
rabbi. You know how I revere you. I had no right to treat you as a patient. Would you like me to send for your physician?”

“I am fine, Polycarp. I will tell you when I need to rest, and if I need medical care, you will be the first to know.”

“First I must have your forgiveness.”

“Of course you have it. And I would like yours.”

The men embraced, then set about to work in the low light of the lamp during a starless night. During this session John recalled a miracle that made him wish he were back in the Holy City of David with the Master and could come under that healing touch himself.

And yet it was the day of that very miracle that finally touched off the firestorm among religious leaders concerning Jesus. He could no longer minister without coming under their watchful and condemning eyes. Starkest to John as he reflected was how bold Jesus had been in speaking of Himself and about His Father to the men who believed they were the only authorities on the subject of God. He risked His life speaking to them in that manner, and yet no one without true authority could have said what He did.

“We were at the Pool of Siloam near the Sheep Gate in the north wall. Springs fed this vast pool, causing the waters to move at random and become colored with minerals. Many believed there was some medicinal value in it, and legend said that the first to immerse himself when the water stirred would be cured. We arrived there on a Saturday, and the five great porches at the edges of the water were crowded with people bearing all sorts of afflictions—the sick, the blind, the lame, the paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water.

“When Jesus saw a certain man there, He knew the man had borne an infirmity thirty-eight years, thus afflicted since before Jesus was born. You should have seen how wasted were his muscles as he lay there. Jesus said to the man, ‘Do you want to be made well?’

“The man said, ‘Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.’”

John closed his eyes and turned his face toward the ceiling. He could not stifle a shudder at this memory. “Jesus said to him, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk.’ And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked. I believe the Master purposely chose a man so debilitated that there would be no doubt in the mind of anyone who had ever seen him that a miracle had occurred and that he had indeed been fully healed.”

John fell silent and wished he could sleep. Yet it was stories like these he had to recount to put to shame the blasphemy of men like Cerinthus. How the common man loved to believe that in himself, in his intellect, lay salvation. And what a dangerous belief!

“That happened on the Sabbath, Polycarp. The Jews said to the cured man, ‘It is not lawful for you to carry your bed today.’

“The man said, ‘He who made me well said to me, “Take up your bed and walk.” ’

“They asked him, ‘Who is the Man who said this to you?’ But the one who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, because of the crowds.

“Later we came upon the same man in the temple, and Jesus said, ‘See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.’

“The man departed and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well. This was why the Jewish leaders persecuted Jesus, and sought to kill Him, because He had done these things on the Sabbath. But Jesus answered them, ‘My Father has been working until now, and I have been working.’

“What He was saying here, Polycarp, was that He and His Father are One, and that just as God works constantly, so does He as the Son. There is no real day of rest for God, and certainly no law against doing good on the Sabbath. Even the laws the Pharisees cited were not in the Scripture but were rather oral traditions that seemed to grow and become more complex with the years. But, oh, this infuriated the religious leaders! Listen to what Jesus tells them about Himself and see if you can detect all the ways He compares Himself to the Father. The Gnostics would never be able to even begin to refute the claims of Christ.

“The Jewish leaders sought all the more to kill Him, because He not only broke the Sabbath, but also said that God was His Father, making Himself equal with God. Jesus said, ‘Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner. For the Father loves the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself does; and He will show Him greater works than these, that you may marvel. For as the Father raises the dead and gives life to them, even so the Son gives life to whom He will. For the Father judges no one, but has committed all judgment to the Son, that all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.

“‘Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life. Most assuredly, I say to you, the hour is coming, and now is, when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God; and those who hear will live. For as the Father has life in Himself, so He has granted the Son to have life in Himself, and has given Him authority to execute judgment also, because He is the Son of Man. Do not marvel at this; for the hour is coming in which all who are in the graves will hear His voice and come forth—those who have done good, to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of condemnation. I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me.

“‘If I bear witness of Myself, My witness is not true. There is another who bears witness of Me, and I know that the witness which He witnesses of Me is true. You have sent to John, and he has borne witness to the truth. Yet I do not receive testimony from man, but I say these things that you may be saved. He was the burning and shining lamp, and you were willing for a time to rejoice in his light. But I have a greater witness than John’s; for the works which the Father has given Me to finish—the very works that I do—bear witness of Me, that the Father has sent Me. And the Father Himself, who sent Me, has testified of Me. You have neither heard His voice at any time, nor seen His form. But you do not have His word abiding in you, because whom He sent, Him you do not believe. You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.

“‘I do not receive honor from men. But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you. I have come in My Father’s name, and you do not receive Me; if another comes in his own name, him you will receive. How can you believe, who receive honor from one another, and do not seek the honor that comes from the only God? Do not think that I shall accuse you to the Father; there is one who accuses you—Moses, in whom you trust. For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me; for he wrote about Me. But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?’”

“It is hard to fathom,” Polycarp said, “Jesus saying anything more offensive to Jewish leaders than to accuse them of not believing what Moses had written.”

“Everyone who heard this exchange was astonished. But a careful reading of the ancient texts shows that they all point to the coming Messiah. And yet these men rejected Him when He appeared.”

J
ohn woke before dawn Thursday, clutching his chest and desperately thirsty. Not wanting to awaken and alarm anyone, he forced himself out of bed and painfully made his way down the stairs to a waterpot, where he poured himself a cup. While it satisfied his thirst, the trip down and then up the stairs made his pain only worse.

He tried to sleep, but the fear of death overtook him and he prayed, pleading for healing. He longed to be with Christ in heaven, but the thought of not finishing this sacred task tormented him. “Lord, I am desperate to believe you will spare me long enough to finish what You have given me to do. Forgive my lack of faith. Cure my unbelief.”

All the while God was putting on John’s heart that he should confide in his protégés and seek treatment, but John’s mind whirled with the task at hand. There was so much more he had to tell Polycarp. He wanted his entire treatise penned before he dared take any time away. A week from the Monday following the coming Lord’s Day, Ignatius would embark on the rest of his trip to each of the other six churches in Asia. John and Polycarp had to finish their work before that or risk leaving their fellow believers without a shepherd.

John needed Polycarp to also start copying his account of the miracles of Jesus. The message had to be circulated to the churches, but even more important, it had to be made public right there in Ephesus—first in the church and then in the city itself. John believed he could cut the heretical cult’s beliefs off at the knees if he could document Jesus’ claims of His own deity.

The problem was that he was simply not well enough to work that day. He told Polycarp that he had not slept well and had to rest. While this was not the entire truth, it was true, and John pacified his conscience by telling himself that he merely didn’t want to be a nuisance.

By late afternoon, John had slept the better part of the day, and the pain in his chest had subsided enough to make working bearable. He summoned his young charge and they continued, leaving with Ignatius the whole responsibility of running the meeting that night, despite the largest attendance so far.

“People have so benefited from the writings of Paul,” Polycarp said. “And Ignatius is a gifted teacher. I hope only they are as receptive to this history.”

“History sometimes seems more interesting than doctrine,” John said. “But I would be at a loss to say which is more crucial and timely.”

Polycarp seemed to be studying John, and the old man sighed. “What is it now, young friend?”

“At least you call me friend. I am only concerned about you, master. I left you to rest for the entire day and yet you appear no more refreshed than when I saw you this morning. Now, don’t look at me that way and do not be vexed with me. You are God’s gift to this church, and I would not want to be responsible for sending you to heaven before your time.”

“Nothing happens outside of God’s timing.” Even as he said it John realized how shallow this platitude sounded. There was no question he had spoken the truth, but should he have admitted that while he pined for heaven, he dreaded the passage from one life to the next?

“It was just a figure of speech, teacher. How can you be annoyed with me when my concern is earnest?”

“I appreciate it and you, Polycarp, truly I do. But we must not waste time discussing me. You know the urgency of the matter at hand and the few days we have to finish the task. Let us get on with it. I want to pick up the story a year later, again near the time of Passover. Are you ready?”

“Of course.”

“This is a story you have read or heard from the accounts of my colleagues, one of the most thrilling episodes in the life of our Lord.”

“The feeding of the multitudes?”

“That is the one. And while there may not seem a need for me to repeat it, I feel compelled to, as it again supports my thesis. If the healing of the paralyzed man at the Pool of Bethesda was yet another sign of Jesus’ deity, what did it portray?”

“Ah, I am now the student again, and not just the secretary?”

“Consider yourself studying with me every day.”

“That is how it feels. Well, Jesus was not subject to the law. Specifically the law of the Sabbath.”

“Excellent. By now we have shown that He is the provider of life, the master over distance, and now the master over time. With what He accomplishes here we will have to acknowledge that He is, as He said, the Bread of Life. Do you not find it interesting that two of His signs have to do with wine and bread, the very elements He would eventually use to symbolize his body and blood?”

“Interesting? Rabbi, sitting under your teaching all these years and now being privileged to record your account have been the apexes of my life. I cannot imagine anything that could hope to compare.”

“I just pray these have been laying for you a foundation for your ministry, because, as I have said, the greater church has need of you. Pray that you will remain pure of heart and close to Christ.”

“I will.”

John scrutinized the young man. “You love children, do you not?”

Polycarp nodded, clearly puzzled.

“I ask only because they are the lifeblood, the future, of the church. The Master Himself was particularly fond of youngsters. Everywhere we went He sought them out, but usually He didn’t have to. They were drawn to Him. They could see in His eyes, in His smile, that He loved them. They would gather about Him and climb into His lap as He spoke. And though He was speaking to their parents of things far beyond their comprehension, they seemed settled and quiet in His presence. They sensed His care, perhaps sensed His importance. And when He was finished telling the mysteries of heaven and the kingdom and often parables confusing even to those of us who knew Him best, He would then turn His attention to the children. He told them stories from the Scriptures, stories of the heroes and miraculous events of generations past.

“That affected me, Polycarp, and while I had long since lost touch with people less than half my age, I found myself drawn to them anew. That is what happened the day of the miraculous feeding. It was near the time of Passover again, and we had gone with Jesus across the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberias. By now huge crowds were trying to follow Him everywhere He went, because they had seen the miracles He had performed on those who were diseased. We tried to give Him some peace away from the people and so we led Him up on the mountain where He sat to rest.

“Well, it wasn’t long before we began to hear voices and the sound of many people milling about. Thousands of them. I’ll never forget Jesus looking up and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him. He said to Philip, ‘Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?’ I know now, of course, that Jesus was only testing Philip, for He Himself knew what He would do.

“Philip said, ‘Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little.’”

“A denarius is a whole day’s wage now,” Polycarp said.

“It was nearly the same then. Yes, Philip was right. Seven months’ wages would not have bought enough bread. Jesus had assigned us—and by now we disciples were many—to see that the people were directed to areas where they could hear Him. Imagine His speaking to such a throng. He was soft-spoken with us, but when need be, His voice would ring out clear and powerful.

“Well, Andrew and I spied a young lad carrying a leather bag. I was intrigued with him because he appeared to be alone. ‘Have you lost your parents?’ I said.

“‘No,’ he replied, shaking my hand. ‘My name is Nathanael. You may call me Nathan. I came to hear and see the miracle worker.’

“Andrew said, ‘You know we have one among us with your name?’

“‘Truly?’ the boy said, scowling playfully as if he thought Andrew was teasing.

“‘Verily,’ Andrew said. ‘Perhaps later you can meet him. For now we are all busy.’

“And the engaging boy said, ‘Well, if you get hungry, I have plenty of food. I believe my mother feared I would be gone the entire day. Look.’

“He opened the leather bag slung over his shoulder, and we could smell immediately that the fish was local and fresh. I peered in. He had two undersized but meaty beauties. I told him I was a fisherman and asked if he had caught these himself. He shook his head. ‘But I caught these, right out of my mother’s oven this morning.’ He showed five small loaves of golden brown bread.

“‘A veritable feast!’ I teased him. ‘At least for me. But what would you eat?’

“‘You couldn’t eat all of this,’ he said, laughing. ‘But if you or your friends or the Teacher need it, you can have it.’

“Later, when Jesus was asking how we would possibly feed nearly twenty thousand people—there were about five thousand men alone, and nearly all had their families with them—Andrew went looking for the boy again. When Andrew returned, he reported that the boy gladly gave his entire lunch, ‘of five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are they among so many?’

“Then Jesus said, ‘Make the people sit down.’ So the people sat in the grass. And Jesus took the loaves, and when He had given thanks He distributed them to the disciples, and the disciples to those sitting down; and likewise of the fish, as much as they wanted. You can only imagine, I had never seen anything like it. No one had. My mates and I kept giving one another wondering looks as people ate and ate and ate. And when they were filled, Jesus told us, ‘Gather up the fragments that remain, so that nothing is lost.’ Polycarp, we filled twelve baskets with the fragments of the five barley loaves that were left over by those who had eaten.

“I went looking for the lad Nathan, but I never saw him again and so was never able to ask if he realized that it was his gift the Lord had miraculously multiplied to feed that whole crowd and leave leftovers for us disciples to enjoy later that evening. No doubt the boy ate his fill that afternoon as well.”

“What must the people have thought?” Polycarp said.

“I am not certain all knew what had happened. But many did, and the word spread quickly. Some said, ‘This is truly the Prophet who is to come into the world.’

“Jesus told us He perceived they were about to come and take Him by force to make Him king, so He departed again to the mountain by Himself alone. When we were certain He was safe, we headed down to the sea. By the dark of the evening, He still had not joined us. We knew better than to wait for Him. He did not report to us, after all. We crowded into the boat and went over the sea toward Capernaum. Suddenly the sea arose with great waves under a huge wind. We must have rowed three or four miles. I wondered if we would ever reach the shore at Capernaum.

“Squinting into the darkness, I fell back, grabbing Peter’s shoulder and pointing. What was that on the water? A ghost? It was the form of a man! He was walking on the sea and drawing near the boat! We were terrified.

“Jesus said, ‘It is I; do not be afraid.’ I nearly wept from relief as we eagerly helped Him into the boat. Instantly we were at the shore.”

“What? But you said you had rowed a few miles in the storm.”

“I’m telling you,” John said, “that we were there just like that,” and he snapped his fingers. “In an instant.”

“A miracle in itself.”

“True, but it was His walking on the water that was the fifth major sign proving His deity.”

“He was master over nature.”

“Every day we were with Him, Polycarp, we witnessed such things. He knew the hearts of the multitude and that they were actually of a mind to make Him their king. Imagine if He had not known that. His hour had not yet come, and so He was able to steal away alone until they had left. He told us later He was disappointed that despite what they had seen and heard that day—and despite that they had been fed both physically and spiritually—it seemed all they cared about was themselves. They wanted Him to be their victorious leader, delivering them from the tyranny of the Romans. That’s what they thought the Messiah was all about.”

“Teacher, did you ever wake up wondering if you had dreamt all this?”

“More than once. Every morning I found it reassuring to look about me and see my brother and old and new friends, but especially to see Jesus. Not a day passed in which He did not tell me that He loved me. I knew it. He showed it in so many ways, not just to me, but to all of us, of course. And all this might still seem like a dream had it not been for His resurrection. That so burned itself into my mind and soul that I recall every detail of it, and it brings back to me all the events of the previous three years too.”