John Masters (26 page)

October 30:
Isaac Toledano has fallen ill of the smallpox. Captain Witham says it would be a Jew because we never wash. Then he apologized, admitting that we wash a great deal.... Such a pestilence can be more dangerous than the Dons. General Eliott cannot overawe a disease, though he does his best. The soldiers were all drunk this evening. Only two or three were sober enough to go to Emily and couple like dogs behind the gun. She looks sadly at me. They all drink hard and die fast here.

November 10:
A child died last night in New Jerusalem, of starvation, it is said. The soldiers mutter that they will break into the food stores, damn them if they don't; but they don't. Captain Witham says the Governor has been living on nothing but 4 ounces of rice a day for the past week. He is as robust as ever, but the sergeant cries, "Let Old Von B. try feeding
me
that....!" but he would obey if it were ordered, though with much blasphemy. He, indeed all the soldiers, take a strange delight in obeying the orders of an officer, however dangerous or stupid.

November 15:
Great excitement as many in the town and garrison saw a British cutter, the
Buck,
fight her way into harbor through many superior Spanish ships.... We are ordered not to powder our queues, since the flour is needed for food.

December 28:
The Spanish fired on us today for the first time. Captain Witham lost £20 over it in a bet with Lieutenant Burleigh of the infantry, for he thought the Spanish would never fire. There was a great storm the day before yesterday, and today the bay is full of wreckage and tree trunks and muddy with the swollen waters of the Guadarranque. Miriam's marriage has been arranged for next February 15.

January 13:
Went home in the afternoon and fell asleep on a couch. When I awoke it was dark and my uncle had gone to bed. Abigail brought me food and warm mulled wine. She began to cry and begged my pardon. She said she is very unhappy and does not know what to do. I tried to comfort her, and she said she was so lonely. Daniel, my uncle, is 20 years older than she and no longer cares for her as a man should care for his wife. Every night she goes to bed but cannot sleep. Other men cast lascivious eyes on her, and that makes her more miserable yet. I tried to comfort her but about midnight thought it wiser, she was so overwrought, to return to the battery, though I have a permit till today. A redcoat sentry nearly bayoneted me.

Our weekly rations have been lessened by 1/2 lb. beef, 1/4 lb. pork, and 1 pint pease. There is much robbery, not only of food, among civilians and soldiers alike.

January 19
: I was asleep when the Rock Gun was fired (that is what we now call the gun we dragged up to Wolf Leap) to signal the arrival of a relieving fleet under Lord Rodney. All the soldiers except me are drunk, and they have forced me to drink toasts to King George III and Admiral Rodney. It is the first time strong liquor has passed my lips, and I do not feel very clear in the head. The sergeant says it will get worse before it gets better.

February 13:
The fleet has sailed away but without the 73rd Foot, which was intended for Minorca, but our governor thought our need was greater than theirs. They are Scotchmen and wear colored wool skirts called kilts. Two have spoken to me, and I did not understand a word. Many civilians sailed with the fleet, for the Governor again advised all "useless mouths" to leave. Admiral Duff has gone, too, and my uncle says Good riddance,
he
was a useless mouth indeed!

February 16:
My sister married yesterday. Much wine afterwards. Cousin Abraham looked strange in red coat and yarmulka. In the evening Abigail embraced me fiercely in a darkened room, everyone else gone or talking upstairs, and kissed me so that her tongue searched my mouth. She talked wildly, her cheeks glowing in the dusk, of what Nahum Conquy would be doing to Miriam now, breaking the glass of her virginity even as she shattered the glass under the awning. Then she cried passionately, "It never happens so to me now!" I know little of women, yet it is obvious she wants me to betray my uncle with her. It is vile even to think of, but I cannot put the thought out of my mind. I wish I could go to Lisbon.

February 27:
Twelve more cases of scurvy in the artillery. Many more sick of smallpox, especially children, who are dying of it. The Governor will not allow the inoculation against it, as it is against his principles. What of ours? The Empress Catherine of Russia has joined our enemies. I am miserable and dare not go home. Should I try to injure myself in such a way that I will be sent away? But she would say she could look after me better than anyone else and keep me at home. Perhaps I should get drunk like the others. Emily says, "You are very handsome. I like Jews. They are so passionate." She calls me Pretty Boy and strokes my arm. The sergeant says, "It is not because you are tall and dark but because your family's rich, and you have a p**** a yard long, like all Jews, I'll be bound."

March 19:
Captain Witham says that Mrs. Mainprice told him the Governor thinks the death of the children a good thing. They are useless mouths to him and nothing more. I fear that I cannot bring myself to like him, though without him we would all be lost here. Many civilians are suffering from putrid fever. A soldier of the 72nd hanged on the Red Sands this morning for attempted desertion. A year ago I would have thought him mad. Now I am not sure. Who is sane in this world?

April 5:
No leather to repair my boots. I have made shoes out of an old coat, bound with twine. The sergeant asked me to read him a letter from England. It was from the vicar of his village. His mother is dead. The sergeant cried like a child but refused rum and went to sleep in my arms. Smallpox continues, especially among the children.

May 1:
Visited home today, but at noon. My uncle says that his associates in Tangier report that the British government have opened secret negotiations with Spain about the cession of Gibraltar. The Dons will not negotiate very seriously as long as they think they can get it for nothing, by conquest. The Tangier people think that the French will see to it there is no agreement.

May 19
: I can scarce bring myself to write what passed today, even in the privacy of my diary. Abigail was so quiet and proper when I visited earlier in the month that I thought she must have given up her unworthy passion for me; but she came to my bedroom where I was sleeping, and under her robe she was wearing nothing. She took it off and standing there, then kneeling, begged me to take pity on her as a woman. If I did not, she would be forced to go to the soldiers and sailors in the streets, and what would the scandal be then? She is a beautiful woman, the first I have seen quite unclothed, and I had the utmost difficulty in escaping without betraying my uncle. I could not sleep for visions of her and of hell.

May 20:
She must be a wicked and licentious woman to act as she does. If all women were like her, what would happen to civilization? She is not worthy of my concern. Someone should tell my uncle. His son Abraham? But that would make my uncle hate him.

June 8:
The Spanish Admiral Barcello sent fire ships into the harbor last night. The wind changed in the nick of time or his ruse would have burned most of our vessels and perhaps blown up a main magazine. Even the wind blows to General Eliott's will.

June 9:
Captain Witham says that Mr. Logie sent word from Tangier some days ago that Admiral Barcello would try the fire ships. Now the admiral will doubtless think of some other deviltry. Captain Witham says Lieutenant Burleigh is a coxcomb. Lieutenant Burleigh is as handsome and as dashing as Captain Witham, and the Governor thinks highly of him. That is perhaps the trouble.

June 15:
Admiral Barcello has come out with his new deviltry. They are boats about 60 feet long and 20 feet in beam, with a large cannon in the bow. They have a lateen sail, but they are usually driven by oars, which makes them independent of the wind. They can move as easily by night as by day. Yesterday they bombarded South Barracks and the night before, the town. No one fired back, as no one could see them. I spoke to a sailor, and he said they are dirty, unseamanlike, cowardly inventions, beneath the notice of British tars.

July 3:
The gunboats bombarded Europa Point, killing several women and children. Very hot. One soldier dead of heartstroke and rum. The riots agitated by Lord George Gordon in England will much cheer our enemies, making them think the nation is at the point of revolution. My gun did good practice this morning. Captain Witham says we are the best in the battery. Thoughts of Abigail as I last saw her cannot be put away. Spoke sharply to Emily when she approached me, smiling. She, poor thing, looked hurt.

July 24:
Served bad meat today. The sergeant took a piece to show to Captain Witham. Two accidents in another battery, a man lost his leg, not expected to live. He is married, with 3 children. A soldier of the commissary tried to poison himself. Four deserters—one found drowned, the other three vanished without trace but probably dead at the back of the rock and being eaten by the apes.

August 24:
Colonel Ross has called General Boyd, the lieutenant governor, a storekeeper general on a public parade of Ms regiment. General Boyd has let it be known that he did serve in the commissary, where the German Count Scharlberg said of him, "The British send us commissaries fit to be generals and generals fit only to be commissaries." It is pitiful that elderly men of such position should be guilty of backbiting like women. It is the military life responsible. Also our being beleaguered here, with no escape from each other's company or from our circumstances even for a moment.

September 1:
Another hot day, with a levanter. One of the soldiers tried to shoot himself. Another desertion. The Emperor of Morocco must think we are going to lose the war, for he has announced that the warring nations can continue their operations against each other even in his very harbors—which means that the Spanish are now free to prevent our Moorish supply vessels from ever sailing.

September 7:
The officers have rioted in the town, breaking Jews' windows and doors because, I suppose, the Jews asked for payment owed to them for goods or loans. Captain Witham says it was only "a little," but what would happen to us if we rioted even "a little"? Three more of the 72nd deserted yesterday by trying to go down the back of the Rock. They all fell. I saw one corpse being carried past, uncovered—this by the Governor's order. A horrible sight. What is more astonishing is that two Spanish deserters came in through the infantry outpost below our battery last night.

September 27:
The Emperor of Morocco has now leased his ports opposite here to the Spanish, so that door is finally closed.... The Governor inspected our battery today. He looked grim but smiled at me. The sergeant said, "Moses, why don't you volunteer to be Von. B.'s batman? He might marry you." We are at barely 30 men in the battery from 50, from scurvy. The Spanish deserters were Walloon mercenaries from Holland. I wonder the Spanish employ them here.

October 2:
The Dons raided the gardens we have been cultivating in the neutral ground last night. My uncle came and told me I should visit home more often, because Abigail thinks I dislike her. She is very fond of you, my uncle said, and is unhappy when you make her think you don't care for her. What am I to do? She is advancing against me by parallels.

October 9:
Yom Kippur. Many Jewish women at the cemetery, wailing and praying for peace.

October 13:
The sick of scurvy are being given a medicine of lemon juice mixed with brandy (to preserve it). Captain Witham says that the navy seized a Dutch boat loaded with lemons a few days ago. What luck the Governor has—but he deserves it.

November 20:
The Governor has ordered all lights out in the town and New Jerusalem at 7 of the evening so the gunboats will have nothing to aim at. The sailors say the gunboats are unseaworthy tubs. The Dons are firing at our fishing boats for the first time. They are determined to starve us. Miriam is pregnant, the child expected in April.

December 20:
A terrible flood last night. Gunner Tomkins washed clean out of his battery, next to mine, and drowned. The mud is three feet deep round our gun, and in parts of the town it is over a man's head. Many streets are blocked and houses full to the second floor. England has declared war on Holland and Morocco on England. That puts us in arms against all the world except Portugal.

January 12:
Mr. Logie and 110 others have arrived from Tangier, whence they have been driven by the war with Morocco. Captain Witham talked to me a long time today because, he says, I am the only
other
civilized person on the Rock. He told me that the siege is famous all over the world, but service here is not benefiting the officers professionally, and they are discontented. The army is expanding everywhere for the war, he said, and elsewhere officers are being posted and promoted rapidly for new batteries and regiments; but as no one can leave Gibraltar, officers here are not considered for these posts and promotions, however well qualified. "And some of us are very well qualified indeed," he said, stroking his chin. The officers' pay is given to them in Spanish dollars at an unfavorable rate of exchange. Old Von. B. should act to better our lot, he said, or there would be trouble.

February 26:
Many Jewish women sailed to Genoa. Abigail did not go although my uncle suggested she should. Saw Cousin Abraham today. He told me that Abigail is very hurt that I have not been to visit them on my leaves. I thought to tell him the truth but did not dare. He has made me promise to go with him next time he has leave.

March 21:
The officers rioted in town again, throwing stones at windows. They also broke into a house and pummeled two merchants. Fortunately they did not bother us. I was at home with Abraham. Abigail was very subdued, kind, gentle. I was not alone with her but a second, when she whispered, "Forgive me, I am only a weak and wicked woman." I was sorry for her. Miriam very heavy with child.

March 25:
The merchants the officers attacked were Jews, Israel and David Serruya, who had asked payment of old debts. The Serruyas complained to the Governor, who heard the case and summarily fined the officers 30 guineas each. It is the first time Jews have ever found protection in this place, and that not because they are Jews but because General Eliott will not tolerate indiscipline anywhere. The Spanish fire on us very little. It is hard to believe we are at war.

April 6:
Lieutenant Burleigh of the 39th took a few boatloads of sailors last night and tried to cut out some Spanish warships becalmed under Point Cabrita across the bay; but the moon came out and they were seen but managed to return without loss. Captain Witham says Lieutenant Burleigh was only trying to puff himself up in the Governor's eyes.

April 13:
A large relieving fleet arrived yesterday. The Dons seemed to take it as a sign that they will have to do something more than wait for us to starve, for as the fleet sailed in they began a tremendous bombardment—not at our batteries but at the town itself. It is still going on. Houses are being struck as I watch. The old Benoliel house was hit and knocked to pieces by the first shot, but I believe there was no one in it. Captain Witham says the naval hospital is being opened to civilians while the need lasts.

April 14:
Miriam was safely delivered of a boy early this morning. She started labor the day before, when the bombardment began. They sent for me soon after I had written the above words, as she was in pain and many drunken soldiers were threatening to break into the house. The sergeant would not let me go till midnight when the battery was ordered to stand down. The town was a scene of madness, lurid flames rising to the sky, cannonballs and shells whistling in the night and bursting with terrible roars against the walls still standing. I found three drunken redcoats in the passage of our house, Abigail facing them alone and Miriam moaning upstairs. With my help we persuaded the soldiers we had nothing, and they left. More came later, but I stayed upstairs with Nahum and the midwife with Miriam while Abigail dealt with them all by herself. She was like a queen—brave, careful, never hysterical, never even rude. She must have reminded them, many of them so young, of their mothers. She certainly did to me.... I am back at the battery now, to find half the gunners drunk. One just tried to kill me with his ramrod.