Jodi Thomas (36 page)

Walter bent in a mocking bow. “Certainly. I must leave you to your breeding.”

He started to say more, but the sound of metal sliding against leather silenced him. Walter disappeared even as the click of Chance’s gun snapped like a twig in the night.

They stood for a moment, listening to Walter’s footsteps moving away. Chance returned his gun to its holster and pulled Anna closer.

“Forget him,” he whispered, brushing his chin against her hair.

Anna was as stiff as a corpse. “I must go.” She hated being compared to her mother. All she could think about was how many men might have seen passion in her mother’s eyes, how many men had tasted her lips in the shadows.

Chance tried to kiss her but she turned her head away.

“Anna?”

“No!” Anna pushed at him. “I’m not like my mother. I need no man.”

“But, Anna, . . .”

“No!”

He released her with his hands spread wide as if in surrender. “Then go, but don’t come to me again at night unless you want me. I can’t take more of this game you play with loving. I want
you,
not your mother. I want to hold you and make love to you, but I can’t turn it off and on as fast as you can. How can you kiss me like you just did and still be so afraid of me?” His voice resounded with the frustration of all the long months of needing her—of all the months of loving her and always having her pull away.

Anna ran onto the porch. “I’m not afraid of you. I just don’t want to feel dirty.”

Chance thought of the one time in his life when he’d almost been with a woman and how dirty it had seemed to him. The vision of the barmaid lying on filthy sheets as she spread her dirty legs before him suddenly turned his stomach, just as it had before. Could Anna have that same feeling when she looked at him? Couldn’t she see that what he was offering was more, far more?

“It wouldn’t be dirty between us,” he snapped as the door closed. He’d dreamed a thousand times of how it would be with Anna, but in reality he could make no promises. He turned and walked toward the barn, forcing himself to whisper, “Good night, Anna.”

Anna leaned against the closed door, wrapping her arms around her and fighting back the tears. It had been so right before Walter had interrupted them. She’d felt like she belonged in Chance’s arms and she hadn’t been afraid. But then Walter had compared her to her mother, making her feel cheap.

Tears welled in her eyes, and she wanted to run away and never see another man again. She felt so alone, just as she had all the years she’d been growing up. There was never anyone to hold her when she woke from a nightmare. Her mother was always out with a man, or “entertaining,” as she called it, in her private chambers. There was never anyone to kiss away Anna’s fears.

Anna pushed the tears away roughly with her palm. There was someone who would hold her tonight and all she’d done was hurt him. He would kiss away the fears and he was an honest man. Nothing Chance had ever done had been dirty or cheap. She opened the door in time to see him vanish into the barn. He would make the nightmares go away. She would have one night of having someone care about her, one night that would have to last for a lifetime. All she had to do was cross the yard to him.

Chance closed his eyes and pushed his shoulders against the barn wall as though he could push his frustration into the wood. How he wanted her, needed her. The hunger for her even now was eating away at his gut like a pack of starved coyotes. When she’d pulled away, he’d wanted to crush her beneath him and smother her with his love. But he couldn’t. When she turned to ice in his arms, he couldn’t seem to warm her, and he couldn’t hold her knowing he was hurting her, no matter how great his own need.

For months now he had admired, respected, and loved Anna, yet he couldn’t touch her without bringing her pain. He pushed deeper into the shadows, hiding himself as he hid his need for her. He didn’t want her to know how great his hunger was, for that fact would surely frighten her away forever.

He rubbed his hands as though they were suddenly covered with mud. The knowledge that Anna thought his touch was something dirty twisted at his insides like a pair of newly sharpened bowie knives. Yet all he could think of every waking hour was holding her against him. Even now he must be going mad, for he could hear Anna’s soft steps coming toward him.

S
lipping between the open doors of the barn, Anna walked softly across the hay. She knew Chance could hear her coming, yet he said nothing as she moved hesitantly until she stood in the center of the floor. The first long rays of a full moon poured in from the barn door, spreading a silver beam along the hay.

Something rustled behind her, yet she remained still. She’d come this far; now he would have to cross the final few feet. Anna would not ask or beg. She was neither the predator nor the prey. His words had been simple:
Don’t come to me again at night unless you want me.
He would know why she was here, and she would make no pretense.

In the damp stillness Anna felt the warmth of his body inches from her own as he circled her. She wanted to cry out, to explain her actions, the fear she felt even now, but his nearness was flooding her senses. The feel of his warm breath against her hair and the scent that was his alone circled about her.

Touching her shoulder lightly, Chance slid his flat palm down her arm without allowing his fingers to curve. When his hand reached her fingers he intertwined their hands, bonding them in the darkness. Without allowing his body to touch hers, he leaned forward and brushed her lips with a kiss. The lightness of his kiss was counteracted by the tight grip he had on her hand.

His lips left hers with a low moan as his shadowy form knelt and shouldered his blanket.

When he stood he was so close that she could feel the moisture of his breath against her hair. “Anna, are you sure? Don’t play games with me. We’re heading into deep water. If we go much further, we’ll have to swim to the other side.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” she whispered, wanting to add,
Yes, just this once. I want to fill this need I have for you and store this one memory forever.
But her heart was pounding too hard in her throat to allow her to say more.

“Then come with me.” He pulled her close. “I’ll not love you in a barn. We should be under the stars, just like when we were married.”

Leading her into the yard and behind the row of houses, Chance walked in silence along the path that ran to the stream. Anna followed, feeling as if she were shedding layers of her past with each step. Soon she would be clean and free from all her memories. His hand was warm and firm around hers as they left the village behind and moved uphill.

The land was lush and green with late summer, yet fall crackled even now among the oak leaves already littering the soft grass. After several minutes they came to the end of the path. The town was behind them, a wilderness yet untamed before them. She felt like her civilized world lay behind and his wild world lay ahead. Anna hesitated as Chance stepped into the brush.

He stopped as her hand pulled back and his voice came low, blended with anger and sadness. “Have you changed your mind? Would you back away again?”

“No.” Anna swallowed her fears. “I want you to touch me.” She suddenly wanted to stop all the pain that had passed between them over the months. She’d always thought of herself and her needs and fears. With the impact of a thousand shattering stars, Anna saw his longing, his years of starvation for another’s touch. She felt honored that it was her touch alone that would satisfy his hunger.

Brushing his arm with a soft caress, Anna remembered how often he’d spoken of being alone. “I want to follow, but I have no shoes.”

Chance swung her up into his arms without a moment’s hesitation. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laid her head on his shoulder, memorizing the feeling of being surrounded with tenderness. He moved through the brush that grew thick next to the stream. Tall, waist-high grass swished in the warm breeze as he moved further away from the town.

Anna’s heart pounded as he carried her. The warmth of his chest excited her and she delighted in feeling the power of him so near.

The moon danced along behind them, peeping in and out from between the trees. “Where are we going?” Anna whispered as she played with the hair at his neck.

Chance smiled down at her. “Does it matter? You called me a savage once; well, now I’m taking you into my wilderness. Are you frightened of being lost in the wild with me?”

She felt his arm tighten just below her breasts. “No.”

His laughter started low in his chest and rumbled past his lips. “I want to be alone with you. Truly alone, without children, or friends, or neighbors.” He brushed a kiss past her ear. “God, how I want you all to myself. I want to crush you to me and hear you cry for joy. I want to be drunk on your nearness and drown in the smell of your hair before the sun rises.”

As he spoke he stepped into a tiny clearing, well hidden from town by a growth of century-old oak. The stream bubbled wide as it bent around a huge rock and pooled for a moment before continuing its journey. Just beneath the rock a small space of ground drifted flat and grassy into the water for several feet before another rock sent the stream on its way once more. The spot was perfect, blanketed in green and bathed in silver moonlight: a private paradise. A moon as bright as daylight shone above them, while thick trees and brush guarded the grassy earth like a fortress behind them.

Lowering her until her feet touched the soft grass, he kissed her forehead, then cupped her face in his hands as though he held a great treasure. Slowly, he kissed her eyelids and cheeks.

Anna closed her eyes and enjoyed the wonder of being touched so tenderly by such powerful hands. She felt the late summer breeze brush her hair as he released it from its pins. The quiet sounds of the night blended with the pounding of her heart.

“I’ve wanted your hair to be free like this so many times,” he whispered as he circled his hand in the long tresses. “Just as the only way I wanted you was if you came willingly. Many mornings I’ve cursed the sunrise knowing that you’d bind your hair with the light.” He tugged at her curls until she leaned back, her face turned up to him. He studied her pale skin in the light. As her eyes danced with anticipation and excitement, her lips parted, ready to be made his.

His kiss was light at first, like a stream dancing over rocks high in the mountains, but his passion grew and deepened until it was a mighty river pulling them both into a current of white-water desire.

Anna clung to him. He’d kissed her before but never as he did now. A lifetime of loneliness pulled her completely into his passion as her years of need answered his longing.

Tugging at the belt on her robe, he pulled it free from her waist. His powerful yet gentle insistence forced her arms from around his neck so that he could slide the garment free. Moments later, the blue wrapper fell silently to the grass as her arms returned to encircle him.

She watched him in the moonlight, his eyes dark with approval and a smile lifting his full lip. He pulled her hands to him and moved them down his shirt until every button was freed by her own fingers.

“What about your bruised ribs?” Anna parted his shirt with her fingertips and touched the sides of his chest.

“The pain is nothing compared to the ache I have to hold you.” His breath was against her ear. “Dear God, I’ve needed you for a lifetime.”

She touched his eye where the shadows hid the deep purple circle.

Turning his face into the palm of her hand, Chance kissed her fingers lightly. “Forget the bruises; they’ll heal. But this need I have for you may kill me.”

He covered her hands and guided them to his waist, then his strong fingers covered hers as he helped her unbuckle his gun belt. She realized how few times she’d seen him without the weapon strapped to his side. The simple act her fingers performed made her feel that she was opening up his very soul. For him to stand unarmed before her made Anna somehow closer to this strong, wild man.

The holster and gun joined her wrapper on the grass. Anna slid her fingers along his thigh where the gun had rested. His leg muscle seemed no less hard than the gun, but she could feel the warmth beneath the rough material of his pants. Suddenly, she wanted to be close, very close, to him.

“What is it you want, my love?” Laughter filled his voice, already low with passion.

Anna pulled at his shirt. “I want to feel you next to me.”

He smiled down at her without moving closer. “In all these months there have been many times when I would have given my very life to hear you say those words.”

He raised his hands to her shoulders and gently turned her around to face the stream. She stood with her back to him as she heard his boots fall and his pants slip from his legs. Anna smiled, touched by his modesty. She’d seen him naked before, but she knew this time would be different.