Joanna (9 page)

Geoffrey released her lips; his eyes were black in the moonlight staring down. Joanna uttered a tremulous sigh; her eyes closed, her head dropped forward onto his shoulder, and she wavered where she stood. Geoffrey’s grip on her waist tightened still more. He took a step backward and then another, almost carrying her. Her limpness frightened him a little.

“Joanna?” he whispered, “Joanna?”

She did not reply but, eyes still closed, raised her face in a mute invitation. It was so open an invitation that a man might have taken it as a practiced gesture. At the moment Geoffrey was in no condition for thinking at all. He sank backward onto the seat he had risen from, turning Joanna so that she came down into his lap. The movement roused her a little; her eyes fluttered open, but Geoffrey closed her mouth before she could speak and she sank back into her cocoon of pure sensation.

Although he was no very practiced lover, Geoffrey had some experience. He was a nice looking young man; he had challenged four men for insulting him and had beaten three and killed the fourthwhich gave him a modest but firm reputation as a fighter. Also important, he was Salisbury’s favorite, darling son and, as such, considered to have a direct line to the king’s ear. The combination of attractions had brought him more frequent and more intimate attention from the ladies of the court than most young men of his age could boast, especially before they learned he never asked Salisbury for anything.   One lady, at least, had been of more use to Geoffrey than he had been to heralthough she had desired least from him. She taught him a good deal about the physical side of women and about the techniques of sexual love. Techniques, of course, need considerable practice before they come to perfection and Geoffrey was not very old. However, Lady Elizabeth had been a determined teacher and Geoffrey had learned very thoroughly the two most important facts about lovemaking, facts few men learn from whores or serf girls hurriedly coupled in ditches. He had learned that a woman must be handled before coupling to make her ready and that a man must delay his own satisfaction until his partner has achieved hers. He had also learned that the torment of delay was a very sweet thing, that the longer the play, the more seemingly unendurable the waiting, the greater was the final joy, the richer its fulfillment.

Now, suppressing his instinctive desire to lay Joanna down on the soft, sweet-smelling turf, throw himself atop her, and take his pleasure, Geoffrey played with her lips, sucking and biting them gently. Joanna still made no move. If it had not been for her quick breath, fluttering against his cheek, Geoffrey could have believed her unconscious. One hand lay limp in her lap; the other still rested on his, for he retained his gentle grip on her hair, but did not hold him. Geoffrey shifted the arm around Joanna’s waist, raising it so that his open hand could cup her breast. A little catch in her breathing betrayed her response and that she was not indifferent. Geoffrey opened his hand a trifle more, ran the thumb over the breast to touch the nipple. Under the caress it budded out hard against the confining layers of cloth.

Very soft, soft as a sigh, a tiny whimper of pleasure rose in Joanna’s throat. Geoffrey felt her tense just a trifle, shift her body in his lap. Now was the moment for the next gentle assault, but to reach what he desired to touch, Geoffrey had to free his other hand. Gently he opened his fingers, releasing Joanna’s hair. She did not stir and her hand slipped off his, sliding down his arm in what, surely, was a caress. Slowly Geoffrey began to move his hand downward.   Unfortunatelyor fortunatelyhe had begun to tremble and sweat a little. The hand was damp; the long, strong hairs clung to it. Geoffrey, all unintentionally, pulled Joanna’s hair.

The pain was not severe, but it was sharp and sudden. On the instant, she was out of his arms, off his lap, standing before him, panting like a hunted doe. That was a piece of good luck that Geoffrey did not appreciate at all at the moment. Had Joanna’s move been less sudden, he would instinctively have tried to hold her; she would have struggled; irreparable damage might have been done. Now, although she had left him and her eyes were wide with shock, she did not run away.

“Joanna,” Geoffrey whispered, realizing that if he moved a finger she
would
run, “beloved, I did not mean to hurt you. I will never hurt you if I can help it.”

“So that is what you meant!” she exclaimed. Her breathing was slowing, but she licked her lips as if seeking the taste of his mouth.

“Come back, Joanna,” Geoffrey pleaded softly.

“Oh no,” she replied, gathering up her hair and throwing it behind her as if she was afraid he would seize it again. Then, blindingly, she smiled at him. “Oh no. You were quite right, Geoffrey. I think we had both better hide from the devil.”

“Love is not of the devil,” Geoffrey urged.

She laughed softly. “I do not think it is eitherdespite what the priests say. It isit is a great pleasure.”

“Then come back to me. I will do you no hurt. I willI will let you go if you bid me.”

That made her laugh again. “But I do not think I
could
bid you let me go if I came back. You know that!” She put out a hand to fend him off and backed away as he rose. “No, Geoffrey. It would be very wrong, I am sure.”

“How can it be wrong? We are betrothed. We are man and wife except for the final blessing.”

“There you have said it,” Joanna replied seriously. “We are only betrothed. I know that Ian and my mother intended   at first that we be married. I do not know why they changed their minds” Her voice faltered. It seemed to Joanna that they had told her something of their purpose, but she had been so disturbed in her mindshe knew not whythat she had not really listened or understood. “But it must have been for some good reason. I would not cause the failure of some plan of theirsand of your father’s too, for he agreed we should be betrothed instead of marriedfor a few minutes of pleasure. You know this is true, Geoffrey,” she added pleadingly. “It was you who first said you were ‘hiding from the devil.’ ”

The conversation had cooled him. Geoffrey let the hand he had stretched toward Joanna drop. He knew quite well why Ian and Alinor had proposed a betrothal instead of a marriage and why his father had agreed. However, it was not a reason he could proffer at this moment because Joanna would never believe him. Besides, now that the urgent demands of his body were under control again, he realized that to mate with Joanna at this time would be a mistake. He felt that the decision Ian and Alinor had made was wrong; he and Joanna would have been better off abed together. Nonetheless, it was true that to bed her without the sanction of the Church would raise a guilt in hera feeling of sinthat would end in unhappiness. That was indeed why he had spent three days riding aimlessly from place to place, until his troop thought he was crazed, and why he had taken to the whores in Bosham town the previous night with such energy that young Bosham thought he was an insatiable sexual giant.

“Very well,” Geoffrey said, “I will not press you, but”

Joanna giggled. “I was very angry because you would not stay at home. I thoughtI do not know what I thought, but now I understand. Oh, Geoffrey, I am very sorry you are going tomorrow. Stillit is safer, much safer.”

He did not answer that. His mind was back with the filthy, coarse whores of Bosham and the fine, high-bred whores of the court, and Joanna was so great a contrast to   them all that his bowels knotted. Meanwhile Joanna heard her own words. Safer? Geoffrey was going to war. He might be dead before she ever touched him again. Suddenly, a pain stabbed her breast and she was frightened, more frightened than she had ever been in her life. Stop it! her mind ordered. Geoffrey is a manonly a man. What you felt was sweet, but
any
decent young man can rouse that in you. If it is not Geoffrey, it will be another.

The pain and terror would subside. She would make them subside, Joanna thought. She would not grow like her mother, laughing with terror-haunted eyes that had lids polished and heavy with much weeping. To be a good wife to Geoffreythat was right. To take pleasure in him abedthat was right also. But all good men were alike good men and equally suitable as partners. Nonetheless… .

“Geoffrey,” she said urgently. “Be careful. Do not permit yourself to be thrust into the forefront of the fighting.”

Those were the sweetest words Joanna had said to him since they were betrothed. Geoffrey flushed a little with pleasure. Perhaps she did not think so little of him. She had been willing enough in his armsbut he had known she would be willing; that was her duty. Duty? To say she
could
not bid him let her be? Geoffrey let his eyes rest on her face, colorless in the colorless moonlight, framed in the red-gold of her hair almost like a picture an artist had forgotten to color. Perhaps in spite of all the men that followed her Joanna was innocent. Perhaps she believed her mother when Alinor said they followed the gold in her purse rather than her person. If so, his mother-by-marriage had done him an immeasurable good. A little wooing, now that the gold was already his, should convince her that he, at least, desired her person and should win a priceless prize. Or was Joanna, like Alinor, thinking of damage to her property right in her men?

“I will take every care that my men are as safe as may be consistent with their duty and honor.”

“I know that,” Joanna responded, “butbut I do not trust your uncle, Geoffrey. Mayhap I wrong him”   “I do not trust him either,” Geoffrey assured her, “but you need not worry about me. It is more likely I will be overprotected by my father than thrust forward by my uncle.”

“I cannot be sorry for that,” Joanna whispered.

It was true that Salisbury doted on his boy and would shield him if he could. Joanna’s distress abated, leaving only a slight sensation of anxiety because there had been impatience mixed with the amused fondness in Geoffrey’s reply. If he felt he was overwatched, he might do something foolish to prove his valor. Men were such idiots! Geoffrey had moved closer as Joanna spoke and she looked up at him.

“Do not quarrel with your father, Geoffrey, I pray you. Remember that however much he loves you he will do nothing that could bring shame upon you. Andand he is very wise in the making of war.”

That grave judgmentabout as valuable, in Geoffrey’s opinion as a bird’s comment on a treatise by Boethiusmade him smile. He was about to assure Joannaquite mendaciouslythat he would be a meek and obedient son when a bark as loud as the bellow of an enraged bull tore the air. Joanna took to her heels with such swiftness that Geoffrey was left staring stupidly at the empty spot where she had been. He heard her order the dog to be quiet as he drew near the gate.

“Joanna,” he remonstrated, “you treat that creature like a spoiled and ailing child. Nothing would have happened if you let him wait another few minutes.”

“Nothing except that he would have wakened the whole keep,” Joanna replied tartly. “If I do not tell him to ‘stay’ he expects to be able to come to me, and, if he cannot, first he begins to bark. Then, if that does not bring me to him, he runs to fetch someone he knows.”

“That is ridiculous. You must break him of that habit, Joanna. ReallyThere are times when a little privacy is desirable.” Joanna looked perfectly uncomprehending, and Geoffrey cleared his throat. “Sometimes in moments ofergreat pleasure, oneahcries out.”   A brief stunned silence was followed by a burst of unmaidenly laughter. “I am sorry,” Joanna choked, when she had mastered herself. She had had a vision of Brian’s great bulk landing on them right in the middle of lovemaking. “I can see that something will have to be arranged. It is just as well you mentioned it.” She began to giggle helplessly again. “He learns so slowly, and it would be a trifle distracting to have him howling outside the door or dragging half the castle folk to the door to open it for him.”

“Joanna!” Geoffrey said repressively. He knew her puckish sense of humor and was well aware that her public modesty of speech and manner did not result from any prudery of mind. “If you teach that dog any silly tricks”

“No, no, I will not,” she assured him, laughing, and then more soberly. “It is very funny to think about, but I do not believe I would enjoy being interrupted any more than you would.”

The sincerity in her voice gave Geoffrey enormous pleasure. He was proud of having awakened her enough so that she would look forward to their union with anticipation. It was also well done to let her go.

“I hope so,” he replied, stroking her hair and her arm. “I will do my best to please youalways.” Then, seeing she did not tense or flinch away, he took her gently into his arms to kiss again. This time, however, his embrace was planned, not a result of the desire that had seized him when he saw her unexpectedly in the moonlight, and his kiss had more tenderness than passion. “Do not rise to bid me farewell,” he said softly when their lips parted. “I will leave before lauds, and it will be hard enough for medo not come down, Joanna.’’

Joanna did not answer at first, merely bid Brian “stay” and opened the gate so they could come through. Finally she said, “If that is your desire, I will obey you, my lord, butGod go with you then, Geoffrey. God keep you.”

In the shadow of the forebuilding he kissed her again, not quite so tenderly as before, but he broke the embrace quickly. “Farewell, then, beloved. God keep you also,” he   murmured. “Go up now, Joanna. Go up quickly.”

Obediently, Joanna went in and up the stairs. She realized it was very late, but she pinched her maids awake and ordered them to ready her for bed. There was something very important she had to think about, and she did not wish to be distracted from her thoughts by the need to unbutton buttons and untie laces and fold her clothes and brush her hair. While she was being attended, however, she did not “think” at all. She drifted into a sea of sensation again, remembering acutely how she had felt in Geoffrey’s arms. That was not the point, she told herself firmly, as the tugging of the brush in her hair ended her dreaming, just as Geoffrey’s pull on her hair had ended her previous quiescence.