Jilted (30 page)

‘Thanks.’ She appreciated his positivity – he’d always been a glass-half-full kind of guy. ‘And thanks for coming. But don’t you have anything better to do on a Saturday night than sit around with a Moaning Myrtle like me?’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘I thought we already established that I don’t?’ As she laughed, he gestured to the television, paused on the opening scene of
Mary Poppins
. ‘If you’re still going to watch that, do you want some company?’

‘That’d be nice,’ she replied. On the one hand, it was surreal to be sitting here with Flynn – hanging out, chatting, offering each other support – but on the other, it felt like they’d always been like this. The few weeks where he’d avoided her now seemed insignificant. She needed him to be here tonight, and she was too tired to reason otherwise.

So she didn’t. They sat alongside each other, not touching but not too far apart. They watched the children’s classic for the umpteenth time, and for a little while Ellie was able to forget her concerns and simply relax. Then they watched
Sister Act 2
, which was playing late on Channel Seven. Somewhere in the middle, Flynn got up to make hot chocolate and microwave popcorn. When it was almost midnight, Ellie yawned, knowing she was now tired enough to fall asleep without tossing and turning in worry.

‘I’d better go,’ Flynn said, slipping on his boots. ‘Will you be okay?’

‘Yes,’ she nodded and stood up. ‘I’ll get some sleep so I can get back to Mat first thing. Thanks.’

‘No worries.’

There was a meaningful silence as they walked to the door. Like soldiers they marched in time, accidentally but with their backs straight, arms swinging close but not close enough to touch. Heat emanated from Flynn’s body. She’d felt it all night, had been trying to ignore it as it raged like an inferno within her as well.

They reached the door. As he opened it and stepped outside, she licked her lips. He turned on the mat and stared into her eyes. It felt as if he were drilling into her soul, as if he saw every need and desire playing across her pupils. She couldn’t hide anything in her heightened state. She rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, desperate to feel his lips against hers. This was when the guy usually leaned in and kissed his date goodnight, Ellie thought. But she was all too aware that this wasn’t a date, no matter how much
her tingling body disagreed. Yet still he stood there, staring at her. Usually at ease and confident in his actions, Flynn now hesitated, kindling a hope she’d been terrified to contemplate before. Her pulse raced. If this went on any longer, someone was going to have to acknowledge the situation.

‘Ellie.’ He leaned towards her.

Her stomach flipped, her legs trembled, and an inebriated feeling rushed to her head. This was it. He was really going to kiss her.

But then he sighed, heavily, and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at her, remorse and sadness filling his big green eyes. Tucking his hands back inside his pockets, he said, ‘If you need anything, just call me.’

Chapter Twenty-seven

‘She’s refusing the antibiotics.’

‘What?’ Ellie looked into the eyes of Bonnie – an agency nurse on the morning shift – and wished someone she knew better was around. Someone other than Lauren, of course.

‘Dr Bates was in this morning,’ Bonnie continued. ‘The patient’s condition has worsened overnight, but she’s asked to forgo all forms of treatment.’

‘I’ll talk to her,’ Ellie announced.

‘It’s better if you leave that discussion to me, Ellie,’ said Dr Bates, appearing behind her. She wore a sympathetic expression but her tone was unyielding. ‘I’ve tried to convince her otherwise but she’s quite adamant. I don’t want you upsetting her in these last few days.’

‘Days?’
Ellie’s knees threatened to fail her. She stepped back and collapsed onto a plastic chair. ‘Yes, Ellie. Days.’

Those words were her undoing. Her hands and legs began to quiver and she bit her lip to stop the flood of tears. It didn’t work. Ugly sobs escaped and saltwater streamed down her cheeks just as Lauren turned up. Ellie fled to the bathroom.

The one-toilet visitor bathroom was a tiny cubicle that didn’t smell quite as disinfected as the rest of the hospital. Ellie flicked the lid down and sat. Once again, toilet paper became her tissue as she swiped at her eyes.

Anger burned within her, making her feel sick. She couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe it was going to happen, couldn’t believe Mat was going to let it happen. How could she? How could she just pick and choose when to die without a thought for those left behind? If she took the antibiotics and let the nurses look after her, she could recover from the pneumonia, maybe have another couple of months. They could go on a road trip, sort through her things properly, even write that play they’d always joked about. Wiping her eyes again, Ellie decided she couldn’t just leave things as they were. She’d never forgive herself if she didn’t try to make her godmother see sense.

She blew her nose and splashed water on her face. She didn’t want to use emotional blackmail by going to Mat looking like a wreck, she wanted to present reasoned and sincere arguments. Yet when she entered Mat’s room a moment later, all thoughts of these evaporated.

Ellie swallowed at the sight before her. Mat looked even greyer and more listless than yesterday. The scene tore at Ellie’s heart. She forced herself to breathe, to try to act as normal as possible as she approached the bed.

‘Morning gorgeous,’ Matilda managed, reaching out for Ellie’s hand.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘On top of the world,’ she joked, sounding surprisingly chirpy.

‘Good.’ Ellie took the chair next to the bed. She didn’t quite know what to say. If she wasn’t going to confront Mat, should she just pretend everything was peachy?

‘I’m sorry, Els.’ Mat looked deep into her eyes.

‘It’s your decision, my darling.’ She sniffed but amazingly held back the tears.

‘You’ve always been such a sweet thing,’ Mat said, stroking Ellie’s hair. ‘I remember this time when you were five years old. We were at a Christmas party.’

Ellie knew the story well – not so much through her own memory, as by Matilda’s recounting of it – but settled back to listen to Matilda reminisce. It was much better than contemplating the inevitable, and she wanted to hoard as many memories as she could.

‘You were so in tune with animals, you wanted to help them even if they didn’t need helping.’

‘I vaguely remember,’ Ellie said. ‘Mum had just broken up with Dad Number Two, and was looking to get back in contact with everyone.’

‘That’s right. Rhiannon had brought you to see us all. What a cherub you were. It broke my heart to see how roughly she treated you.’ There was a meaningful pause. ‘Anyway, the people who were having the party had just gotten a kitten and you were besotted with it. But no sooner had you caught it than you walked straight into the swimming pool. Everyone was screaming – one man even jumped in to save you.’ Matilda’s chuckle was hoarse and weak. ‘All you were worried about was the poor, bedraggled cat.’

‘I always wanted a cat,’ Ellie mused.

‘You could have one in your flat, couldn’t you?’

‘Probably, but it never seemed fair getting one. I’m out all the time. Maybe one day.’

‘If you moved back here you could have fifty cats.’

Ellie laughed. ‘One, what would I do with fifty cats, and two, what would I do here?’ She was glad she hadn’t mentioned to anyone the idea of staying to teach acting. When Mat was gone, she wouldn’t have any reason to hang around, even if she wished, more than anything, that things were different. Changing the subject, she said, ‘Tell me about that time you went to Mumbai and auditioned for a Bollywood film.’

Ellie thought Matilda would have been a great hit in the world of showbiz – she was sure of it – but as her godmother then recounted, she’d missed out on the part, moving on to other creative pursuits.

Over the next few days, more memories and stories were exchanged between the two. Matilda’s closest friends came to visit, but nothing like the stream of visitors she’d had when people first found out about her illness. This relieved Ellie, giving them more quality time together. Joyce and Eileen took turns giving Ellie breaks – even though Mat slept much of the time, they didn’t want her to be alone, and she seemed content to have them by her side even if she were too tired to converse. Ellie only left the hospital to go home, wash and change her clothes. She lived on cheese sandwiches made by the kitchen staff at the hospital. That and cheap hospital coffee. She hadn’t checked her email or Facebook for days, and she asked Dwayne and her Sydney friends to give her some space. She didn’t know what was happening in Hope Junction, never mind the world outside it. She didn’t care.

Somehow Ellie managed to stay strong while Matilda went rapidly downhill. Without antibiotics, Mat went into heart failure more quickly than she would have with only the cancer. The nurses did their best to keep her comfortable, but she stopped eating, and even with the morphine, she was sometimes overwrought with
pain. Every time Mat tried to cover a wince or a cringe, Ellie’s own bones ached. This woman had done everything for her and now she could do nothing to ease her suffering.

She knew Mat’s torment wouldn’t be for long, though. The nurses were careful not to pinpoint an exact date, but everyone accepted its imminence. Their focus now was simply letting her die in peace.

Ellie spent the final day sitting next to Matilda, holding her hand and stroking her hair. Mat managed a few jumbled words here and there, but was basically out of it due to the high dosage of painkillers. Despite this, and despite knowing how little time they had, Ellie was still shocked when that last breath was taken.

Her fingers, linked as they were with Mat’s, stilled. Her own breathing stopped momentarily, and a cold crept to the ends of her limbs. She’d not seen a dead person before, much less witnessed someone die. It was strangely peaceful. Surreal. Swallowing, she looked down at Mat, feeling a bone-deep sadness that she’d never experienced before.

She didn’t get up and tell the nurse right away. She wanted some time with the best stand-in mother a girl could ever have, before she was finally taken away from her. Ellie kissed Mat’s cheek, and both her hands, and then leaned over and hugged her.

‘I love you, Matilda Thompson. I’ll always love you.’

She stayed like that until Lauren found her.

Chapter Twenty-eight

Tapping out an email at the computer, Flynn started a little when his mobile rang. He glanced down at the caller ID and rolled his eyes.

Lauren
.

He thought he’d been quite clear that nothing could happen between them. Why did she insist on prolonging the agony? He toyed with ignoring the call, but then decided it might be easier to just answer.

‘Flynn Quartermaine.’

‘Hi Flynn.’ Lauren sounded subdued. ‘How are you?’

‘Not bad, just doing some books. You?’ The small talk was inane, and he wondered when she’d get to the point.

‘I’m okay, but I’m not calling for me.’ She paused a moment. ‘Matilda just passed away.’

‘Oh. Fuck.’ He should have been expecting the news, not that it would have lessened the shock.

‘I won’t pretend Ellie’s my favourite person,’ Lauren continued, ‘and this might confuse things, but in a professional capacity, I’m worried about her. I don’t think she’s got anyone else.’

Flynn was already out of his seat, tugging on his boots. ‘How’s she coping?’ he asked, the phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder.

‘Not sure.’ Lauren lowered her voice, as if she didn’t want other people to hear. ‘On the surface she seems totally fine – hasn’t shed a single tear and is acting very matter-of-factly, talking about arrangements and so forth. But I’m not buying it.’

‘Yeah, she’s not a professional actress for nothing,’ Flynn said. ‘I’ll be there in ten.’ That would be driving fast, but some things were more important than speed limits.

When Flynn entered the hospital, a sombre mood hung in the air. The receptionist gave him a regretful smile and nodded down the corridor. He started along it just as a stretcher, covered in a white sheet, was wheeled out of one of the rooms. His breath hitched in his throat and a chill scuttled down his spine. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he saw that Lauren was at one end of the stretcher and an orderly was at the other. He stepped back to let them ease Matilda past, and then noticed Ellie in the doorway.

She stood there, frozen like a beautiful ice sculpture, her arms hugging her body as she stared after the stretcher. Although her eyes were trained in his general direction, they appeared vacant. He understood. Ellie’s whole world had just shifted. He could only imagine the paralysis he’d have felt if he’d actually seen his dad off. He didn’t know whether or not he should feel anything for her, but he had to admit he did. When she ached, dammit, so did he.

Joyce came out of the room and stopped alongside Ellie. She placed her hand on Ellie’s arm and murmured something to her,
but Ellie didn’t respond. Noticing Flynn, Joyce shrugged at him, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

He nodded back. Joyce made herself scarce and he walked over to Ellie. He put an arm around her shoulders and led her into the visitor room, closing the door behind them. Ellie was in a daze, seemingly confused, glancing around and blinking a few times. Then her eyes landed on Flynn. He saw the first sign of recognition there. And a vulnerability few souls ever glimpsed.

‘I can’t believe it’s true,’ she whispered.

He wished he could tell her it wasn’t. His mum always teased him about his protective side (and Lucy called it stifling), but in moments like these, he just followed his instinct.

‘I know,’ he said. Then, unable to offer any words that would hold true comfort, he pulled her into a hug. She was warm and soft, all the things he remembered from that night outside the pub and their many times together in the past. As her head fell onto his shoulder, he breathed in the sweet scent of her hair. It wasn’t silky or freshly washed, and it didn’t smell of floral or citrus shampoo – it simply smelled of Ellie. And he couldn’t help but like it.