Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One (5 page)

“Jessica,
what’s wrong?” he called out after me.

He
really was clueless sometimes.

The
weekend didn’t get much better. Blake spent Sunday on a fifty-mile bike ride in
the mountains with Easton, his one and only friend in this town. I liked Easton
Cole, he was the best family practice doctor in town, but he was married to an
awful woman, Kathryn. Over the years we had done a couple of things with them,
but it was awkward. You see, I was still friends with his ex-wife, Taylor, who
now lived in Birmingham, Alabama. I had gone to high school with Kathryn, and
we were anything but friends. When Easton and Taylor divorced several years ago
I couldn’t understand why. Taylor was beautiful and kind and they seemed to be
really in love. Then all of sudden Taylor was gone and they were divorced and
Easton married his nurse. Boy, did this town have a heyday with that.

I
don’t know if Easton had an affair—it was none of my business—but I always got
the feeling he regretted marrying Kathryn. I think if they didn’t have Emmy,
their eight-year-old daughter, they would probably be divorced, too. And then
lately there were rumors swirling about Kathryn and her personal trainer.
Again, who knew if they were true? For Easton and Emmy’s sake I hoped not. 

When
Taylor and I communicated we never spoke about it. We mostly talked about her
daughter, Ashley, whom she shared with Easton. She was fifteen now and
beautiful like her mother. Easton rarely saw Ashley and she and Emmy had never
met. How does life end up getting so messed up? How do good people make such
stupid mistakes? I counted myself as one of those people. I’d throw Blake in there,
too. 

I,
on the other hand, spent Sunday at church and then at my parents’ home for
dinner. I only went to church now because I taught the teen Sunday school
class. My heart really hadn’t been in it for a long while now, but when I told our
pastor he should find someone to replace me, he politely declined. I think he
knew it was what kept me coming. Besides, the kids in my class loved my
homemade cinnamon rolls and I loved my twenty rambunctious students.

Several
of them frequently stopped by the café after school. I handed out milk and
cookies and homework help to any kid that needed it. It was the one thing I
felt like I did that was worthwhile anymore.

Sunday
night I spent in my bed, alone. I used the time to write out some possible
recipes for a graham cookie and a cannoli shell. When Monday dawned I actually
felt a little anticipation. I was looking forward to getting back into the
kitchen at Jessie Belle’s and creating. I was also planning to hit the gym.
Apparently, per Cheyenne’s intel, there was a new Zumba instructor and he was
amazing. I didn’t need to lose any weight; I just needed to feel alive.

I
ran into Blake and stumbled some as I came out of the bedroom. I was more than
surprised—I thought he would have been long gone. I didn’t have to go into the
café early anymore, so I rarely saw him in the mornings. I had hired an amazing
manager last year in anticipation of staying home with the baby, and though
that didn’t happen, I still kept Aaron on. I should probably let him do more of
my job, and maybe I would someday, but sometimes Jessie Belle’s was my
lifeline.

“Jessica,”
he said as he steadied me. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure.”

He
cautiously took my hand and led me to the couch in the great room. It was kind
of sweet, but odd. We sat down next to each other and he continued to hold my
hand with his thumb gently gliding across it. I looked into his gray eyes and
they were still troubled and tired. It looked like he hadn’t bothered to shave
either, but I liked it that way. I almost reached up and touched his rough
cheek, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know why I was having
problems showing him physical affection. When we were first married, I couldn’t
keep my hands off him. Maybe I was afraid of rejection, or maybe I was looking
for a deeper emotional connection first. I wasn’t sure, but this I did know: I
missed it.

“Jess,
I know how hard all of this is on you and I’m sorry for that. I don’t want to
cause you any pain, but I want to be above board with you about what’s going on
with Madeline.”

I
looked up briefly at the ceiling. I had been trying not to think about it.

He
lightly ran his finger down my cheek. “I know. I’m sorry.”

I
took a deep breath and tried to be a big girl about it. “Do you think she’s
yours?”

He
let go of my hand and reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone. He pulled
up a picture and showed it to me.

I
did my best not to cry as I looked at the beautiful girl with dark blond hair
and gray eyes like my husband, and a nose to match his, too. My best wasn’t
good enough. Tears trailed down my cheeks.

He
quickly put the phone away and took up my hand again. “Sabrina’s lawyer is
having a lab send me a paternity test kit.”

We
both knew that was just a formality. That girl was his.

“Is
she suing you for child support?”

“No,
but when paternity is determined, I’m sure she will request it. I’ve already
offered it if she’s mine.”

“Of
course. You should.”

“Don’t
worry about the money. I have it covered.”

“Money
is the very least of my concerns in this situation.”

He
leaned in and rested his forehead against mine. “Don’t you know how much I wish
she was ours?” he whispered.

“That
doesn’t change the fact that she isn’t.”

He
sighed heavily. I could smell his minty breath.

“Why
did she wait so long to tell you?”

“I’m
not sure. I’m not even sure she would have told me if it weren’t for the fact
she was so sick. I think she’s scared and wants to make sure Madeline is taken
care of, just in case.”

I
pulled back so I could look at him more clearly. “Just in case what?”

“I
got the feeling they don’t have any other family support and her diagnosis
isn’t promising.”

“Are
you saying that Madeline might come live with you?”

“Us,”
he corrected.

I
stood up, not sure how to process that information. I don’t know why that
didn’t cross my mind as a possibility, but it was hitting me like a wrecking
ball. I clasped my hands together and paced the wood floors of our home. Blake
watched me carefully. He was smart not to speak right away.

“I
didn’t sign up for this,” I said to myself out loud. “This wasn’t the way my
life was supposed to turn out. I should be home now with my baby and—”

Blake
took me up in his arms before I could finish my rant and pulled me close. I
tried to fight him, but he refused to let me go.

“Why
wasn’t I enough for you and why did you sleep with Sabrina and why do you get
to have a child when I never can? Just tell me why,” I cried against him. I
knew how selfish it all sounded, but I felt overwhelming anger and jealously
boiling within me. I wasn’t a jealous person, but the green-eyed monster
consumed me.

“Is
that what you’ve thought all this time?” he asked quietly against my ear. “That
I broke things off with you because I didn’t think you were enough? It was the
exact opposite. I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. I worked in construction
without a degree of any kind and you came from affluence and education.”

“That
has never mattered to me.”

“It
mattered to me. Jessica, I’m not going to keep apologizing for something I did
over thirteen years ago. I can’t change the past. And hell, Jess, don’t you
think it kills me to hurt you like this? Don’t you know how much I wanted a
child with you?”

“I
don’t know anything anymore,” I said quietly against his chest through my
shuddering. “I only want the pain to go away.”

He
held me tighter. “Me, too.”

My
enthusiasm for Monday went out the door along with my husband. I knew he was
worried and even nervous, and part of me wanted to make him feel better about
the whole situation. I felt so empty and lost. I had conflicting thoughts going
through my head—I knew you’re supposed to put on your own oxygen mask first,
but I’d also heard that helping someone else would make your own problems not
look so bad.

My
issues with both of those thoughts was that we were part of each other’s
problems.

I
don’t know how that happened. We really were in love once upon a time. We were
never one of those couples that felt the need to shout it to the world. It was
more like we had quiet confidence in each other and as a couple. Somewhere
along the way, though, that had been lost. I don’t know if I could pinpoint
where or how it happened. I wished I could say it was just the trauma and
turmoil over losing our son that had caused it, but we’d had problems before
that. We only masked them better. But after we lost Carter, all bets were off.
We stopped trying to pretend we were okay. This new revelation was just icing
on the cake that was getting harder and harder to swallow.

I
almost didn’t go to work, but I knew staying at home alone would only make me
more miserable. When I arrived at the café I decided going in the back door
would be best for my mental health. I swear the people in this town were like barometers;
they could sense when a storm was brewing. I already knew people were talking
about us. I knew I needed to gear up for when they found out my husband had a
child. I was serious about moving, or at least taking a very long vacation.

I
did love this town, but the tabloids had nothing on the people of Merryton. If
given the chance they could probably solve the secret of Stonehenge and the
Bermuda Triangle. The town motto could be “inquiring minds want to know and we
will find out.”

I
sneaked into my office and settled in at my desk. While my laptop booted up I
picked up the wedding photo of Blake and me that I kept next to my phone. The
photographer caught this perfect moment at our reception where we were looking
at one another like no one else existed. When we were first together we did
that often. It was so easy to get lost in him. We didn’t even need to speak; we
just knew what the other was thinking and we were content with that. Now we
barely noticed each other, or we stayed out of each other’s way.

I
held back the tears. I had already redone my makeup twice before I left the
house.

I
spent the morning working on payroll and scheduling, then my stomach growled. I
supposed I should try and eat something. After talking to Blake that morning I
had lost my appetite. Besides, I really needed to quit closing myself off. I
never used to spend this much time in my office. My favorite place was out
among our customers. I even liked taking orders. I had just gotten tired of
people feeling sorry for me, so I did what I could to protect myself.

No
more, I decided. I stood up, took a deep breath, and walked out to the main
area that was bustling with the lunchtime crowd. As soon as I came around the
corner it was like the whole café turned and looked my way. Instead of
retreating like I wanted to do, I smiled. Several patrons smiled back and then
returned to their food, papers, phones, or people. All except one person,
Easton Cole. I was surprised to see him there for lunch. He frequently stopped
by in the morning on his way to his practice, but I never saw him for lunch. In
the morning he always ordered the same thing, an orange roll and herbal tea to
go. The orange rolls were to die for, if I did say so myself. They were the
reason I originally took up Zumba and kickboxing.

As
Easton kept looking at me thoughtfully I made my way to his table near the
unlit fireplace. Looking at the fireplace reminded me of my husband. A few
years ago when I took over the café from my mom, I had wanted to redesign the
interior. I wanted Summers Construction to do the job, but Blake insisted I get
several other bids besides his before he would agree to do it. I couldn’t
understand his thought process. He was my husband and he was the best. I knew I
would never choose anyone else. His bid ended up being the best and he did a
beautiful job, but he never did explain to me why he made me go through the
motions. I’d asked several times and all he would say was it was a good
business practice—I just wanted him to be my husband.

I
guess in way he ended up being more than a contractor. He took my original
designs and budget and went above and beyond what I could afford. The fireplace
was a testament to that. I wanted something simple, but he ended up building a
circular stone fireplace with stone benches coming out of it. It looked like
something out of an upscale ski lodge. It was breathtaking and it totally
transformed my café. I couldn’t tell you how many people inquired who the
builder was. I know he has had requests to replicate his handiwork, but as far
as I know he’s declined.

“Jessie,”
Easton said as I drew near.

“Hey,
Easton. How are you?”

Unexpectedly,
he stood up and pulled the chair across from him out for me. “Do you have a
minute to talk?”

“Sure.”
I was more than curious. I sat down and he quickly took his seat. I studied him
for a moment and he, like my husband, looked worn. It wasn’t from just being a
busy doctor, either. It made me wonder if the rumors about his wife were true.