Jessica's Journal: A THERAPY Book of Poetry (2 page)

So tired

Can’t let go

Can’t move on

Standing still

Running away

Can you still see me?

Am I fading away?

Back to that place

Darkness

Did I ever really leave?

Or am I poisoned at the core?

He will never understand

The storms that rage

His fingers slipping

Through my hands

For too long I’ve weathered

Violent thunder quaking

Losing him

Only means going under

Pain and regret

Oh, yes we’ve met

One I can live with

One I cannot

Pain you’re my friend

Regret you never bend

Pain I’ll take

I want you by my side

Because you, Pain, you tell my truths and magnify my lies

Regret, you’re only a reminder of mistakes I’ve made or risks I never took

I don’t want you, Regret, because you serve no purpose in this life I live

You, you’re no friend

Pain, I embrace, because you show me I’m living

You tell me that although I can break, every end is a new beginning

A heart can absorb only so much pain before it overflows into a puddle having

no river or lake to call home

It’s still pain only now all alone

A soul can only lose so much light before it darkens into the blackness of midnight

while settling into your bones

It’s still loss only now it has no hope

The mind can only hold so much fear before it morphs into pain

It’s still fear only now it occupies more than your mind and the two begin a dangerous game

Things that are once beautiful stay never forever and the things that give us hope forever linger

Two can’t be without one plus one

Just like hope will never be without our love plus our pain

I write

Yes, I write

Thoughts spilling from my mind

Words pouring onto paper with pen

I write to get the noise out of my head

With every word written the quieter it is beneath my skin

Pulling the monsters from my nightmares

Binding them between pages

Freeing myself

Purging from within

I write my pain

I write my fears

I scream the words onto the page

Expressing love or expressing rage

Yes, I write

Bleeding my words into the world

Words that empty me

Words complete me

Yes, I write

Because it’s me

My dreams have borrowed your reflection

It’s only you that I see

Awake or asleep

I’ve fallen into a void

Dreaming

Craving your touch

It’s only you I miss

This life journey leaving countless miles upon my heart

Needing you

Wanting you

Wishing we could delete the space keeping us apart

Echoes of your past

Sounds of your present

Creating a future

Effervescent

Feet on the ground

Moving on

Going too fast

I’ll draw a circle around you

You draw a circle around me

In this moment

Just you and me

Past, Present, Future

Together we float to that place

The place where nothing else matters

Nothing at all

But if it leaves

It will leave us faster than we

F

A

L

L

Taken over by the night

Clouds bleed out into the darkness

Fear creeps into midnight

Am I sleeping or awake?

Thoughts of you follow me

Everywhere infiltrating my dreams and days

Come to me

Show me where you are

I need you

I will be the near to your far

Two bodies coloring outside the lines

Breaking all the rules

Your push and my pull

Standing on the edge grasping for each other

Leaping into an ocean of fears

Suddenly your nevers become my forevers

Your hopes now my fears

Two bodies intertwining

Two hearts

Two souls

We are now combining

Ask me questions or tell me lies

Want me today or need me tomorrow

Your right or my wrong is of no matter

Because outside the lines we belong

Always together

Here

There

Everywhere

Here I see you

There I feel you

Everywhere I need you

Where will you be when I want you?

Up in the heavens awaiting my ascent or down below awaiting my fall?

Or are you here all around me?

Taunting and jeering me as I search for you

Leaves and trees

Grass and the breeze

The wind and the water

I look for you in everything never finding you there

Tell me where you are because my here needs to be with your there even if it’s nowhere