Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side (36 page)

"Sorry." I stepped backward, seeing how flinty his eyes were. "I just made some hot chocolate, and I thought—

"I don't like chocolate."

"You just finished another carton of Dad's carob tofu ice cream," I said. "So don't pretend you don't like chocolate. Just have some."

Lucius pushed my hand away, spilling some on the floor. "Jessica, it's late. Go to bed."

I ignored him and sat down cross-legged next to him, sipping the cocoa. "What are you listening to?"

"German metal. Richthofen."

Setting down the mug, I waved for the headphones. "Can I listen, please?"

He ground his teeth, but agreed. "As you wish."

Clamping the headphones over my ears, my heart sank. It sounded like elevator music for tormented souls on the way to hell. Guttural German lyrics, synthesizers growling, no melody. Just howling and groaning. Scary stuff. "What happened to the Black Eyed Peas?" I made an effort at a joke, removing the headphones.

"I find this is more in tune with my psyche."

"Lucius—"

"Jess, go."

"Stop pushing me away."

"Stop trying to pull me close!"

I hugged my knees to my chest. "I'm worried about you."

"The time for worry is past."

"No, that's not true. We can still fix things."

"Jessica, in a few weeks, I will return to Romania to face the punishment for my defiance. Just leave me in peace for a short time. The time I have left. That's all I ask."

"But Lucius, I want to help you."

He laughed, a short, bitter laugh. "You? You want to help me?

"It's not funny. I can help you. I might be the only person who can help you."

"How?"

"I can marry you, that's how."

His eyes softened for just a second, and then he rubbed them with his palms, grinding against the bruises, as if he was punishing himself. "Jessica . .."

I leaned forward, taking advantage, grabbing his hand. "We could do it. I would do it."

Lucius yanked his hand away. "You don't even know what you offer, Jessica. All you know is that you feel sorry for me. I will not be married out of pity. To be saved like an ailing mongrel about to be euthanized who is adopted at the pound by some too-kind soul. I would rather be destroyed with dignity."

"I don't pity you."

"No?"

"No." Tears pricked at my eyes. "I love you, Lucius."

I couldn't believe the words had slipped out of my mouth. I had always thought the first time I said them, the moment would be perfect. Not desperate and sick, like this.

There was a long silence, and Lucius's eyes grew hard again.

"Mores the pity, Jess," he replied. Then he lay back down, rolling onto his side, as if to sleep.

I ran out of the room, smack into my mom, crashing into her arms. She led me into her bedroom and closed the door with a soft click.

"What were you doing with Lucius?" she asked, pulling some tissues from a box and handing them to me.

"Just talking." I wiped at my eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop.

"And what did he say to you? Why are you crying?"

"I told Lucius that I love him," I admitted, clutching the soggy tissues. "That I want to marry him."

My mother's eyes flew open. Her usual calm demeanor cracked completely. "And what did he say?" she asked. Her voice was low, deliberately even, but scared.

"He said no. That he'd rather be destroyed than have me marry him out of what he believes is pity."

My mom exhaled visibly. She closed her eyes, clasped her hands, raising her fingertips to her lips, and I heard her whisper, "Good man, Lucius. Good man."

Chapter
47

"JESS, WE'RE GOING to be late for calculus," Mindy said, practically dragging me down the hall.

I tugged back. "I'm not going. I think I'll just skip."

"Again?" There was concern in Mindy's voice. "Jess, you never used to skip class. Now you hardly ever go. And this is
math,
Jess. Your favorite!"

"I just don't feel like it, Min."

"What is up with you, Jessica?" she demanded. "Is it Lucius? Because you two have
both
changed. And he had those bruises . . . What is going on at your house?"

"It's nothing, Mindy. I swear."

"You're cutting classes, Jake is history, Lucius looks like he's always on the edge of committing murder and nothing's going on?"

I wandered toward the restroom. "Just go to class, okay? I'm going to hang out in here until the halls clear so I can get out of here."

"I'm worried about you, Jess," Mindy said, clutching her books to her chest. "Really worried."

"It's nothing," I promised her.
Nothing but a broken heart and a broken pact and a looming war.
How could I concentrate on dull textbooks and pointless homework and tedious lectures when everything was falling apart? When lives were at stake? "I'll call you later, all right?"

Mindy was still standing there looking scared when I slipped into the restroom and ducked into a stall. But misery couldn't even leave me alone in the bathroom. As I stood there next to the rust-ringed toilet, waiting for the bell to ring, Faith Crosse came in with her friend Lisa Clay. Through the crack between the wall and the stall door, I watched as they assumed their places at the altar of the mirror, ready for some self-worship.

"So what's with you and Luscious Lucius?" Lisa asked, rummaging in her purse and pulling out some lip gloss. She slicked a slimy trail across her lips. "And who gave him the black eye?"

"He won't say." Faith shrugged, brushing her hair. "You know Lucius. He keeps his secrets. But ever since it happened, he's been, like, totally crazy."

Lisa dabbed some cream blush on her cheeks. "Crazy good or crazy bad?"

"Crazy
after
me," Faith complained, rolling her big blue eyes. "It's like he won't leave me alone. He just wants to fool around, all the time. And it's so intense."

Lisa turned her head to and fro, checking her cheeks for streaks. "Guys. They're so horny."

"Yeah, but this is, like, extra horny. Like he can't get enough. We go up to his apartment behind the Packwoods' place, and he practically drags me to the bed."

He is having sex with Faith.

My teeth ached so sharply, so jarringly, that I thought for a second my fangs really might pierce right through my gums, and I stifled a cry, clapping my hand over my mouth, bending double in pain. And my thirst... I needed blood, so desperately ... I had to have it.
Lucius is having sex with Faith Crosse behind my house. My betrothed betraying me, his princess . . .

"But I keep telling him," Faith continued, oblivious to my silent torment in the corner stall, "I'm not throwing away my whole future to have sex—not until my mom lets me get on the pill. I mean, I'm not getting knocked up before Stanford."

So it isn't sex. It isn't full-blown intercourse.
I tried to quell my jealousy and rage. But still my teeth pulsed with pain at the thought of Lucius on the velvet blanket with Faith. I placed one hand against the cool tile wall, shaken and suffering, trying to steady myself.

"Yeah," Lisa agreed. "I don't know why guys can't just be content with a . . ." She cupped a hand around Faith's ear and whispered something I couldn't hear. But I could guess from the giggles.

"I know." Faith laughed. "I mean, that's practically the same as going all the way. And then there's this thing that Lucius does that's almost better than—" She paused like she realized she'd revealed too much.

My heart stopped, and I became oblivious even to my throbbing mouth, my desperate craving.

What thing? WHAT THING?

"Well, don't leave me hanging," Lisa cried, shaking her friend's arm. "What does he do?"

"It's just. . ." Faith hesitated one more second, and then couldn't bear to keep it to herself one minute longer. She turned to Lisa. "This thing with his mouth. On my neck."

My heart didn't just stop. It seized up, like a huge hand had clenched the muscle in my chest, trying to rip it out.
No, Lucius. Don't do it. Don't betray us any more than you already have. And don't risk more punishment by
irreparably
breaking the pact. Not
yet. I need time to fix things.

"What?" Lisa squealed. "Like a hickey? That's so junior high. Who cares about a hickey?"

"No." Faith shook her head, turning back to her reflection. She got a little thoughtful, staring into her own eyes. "It's not a hickey. It's ... I can't describe it. It feels amazing, though. Like, dangerous, or something. Like we're doing something really
bad."
Digging in her purse, she located a hair band and swept her blond cascade of hair into a high ponytail. "Like, I like it, but I know I shouldn't."

"God, I wish Lucius could teach my boyfriend. Allen has
no
moves."

"I don't know if this is something you can teach. It's just something Luc
does."

Lisa pointed to her friend's neck, frowning. "Well, whatever it is, it leaves scratches. You want some makeup for that?"

Faith twisted to look at the side of her neck, close to her ear. She ran her fingers along fine red marks, smiling, remembering. "Oh, Lees . . . you should feel it when he's doing it."

"You are so lucky to have a European guy," Lisa pouted. "So, so lucky."

When they left, I collapsed against the stall wall, breathing hard, waiting for the aches and appetites inside me to subside. Waiting for the vampire side of myself, so desperate to fully emerge, to calm down and hide again.

Lucius . . . What are you doing?

Chapter
48

"HE'S GOING TO BITE Faith Crosse," I informed Dorin.

"No, no, no," Dorin objected. He stirred cinnamon into his cappuccino. "That wouldn't do. I just don't think our boy would do it."

"Dorin, I saw his girlfriend, Faith, in the bathroom at school. She said Lucius is doing weird things to her neck. With his mouth. And she had scratches."