Jess Michaels (2 page)

Cassandra paused for a long moment before she set her scissors aside and sucked in a breath. A man who refused to leave when asked? Who demanded an audience as if he owned her time? A man with enough power to worry her butler?

Well, that could only be one person, couldn’t it?

She smoothed her skirt and fought to remain calm. “Send this ‘gentleman’ in, Wilkes, if he is so insistent.”

The servant nodded and departed to collect the intruder. As she waited, Cassandra took up the fabric she had just fin
ished cutting and examined it. The soft swish of silk against her skin soothed her. Sewing had always had that effect. She needed that calm now more than ever if her guess as to who had invaded her home was correct.

“Good afternoon, Miss Willows,” Nathan said, as he walked through the door.

Cassandra set the fabric aside as she got to her feet. She moved a step toward him before she could stop herself.

“Nathan,” she whispered. Now that they were alone, she was unable to muster the control she had managed to wield when she first saw him.

He smirked in response to her use of his given name. His eyes—so bright and almost impossibly blue when compared to his dark, tanned skin and black hair—were hard. They weren’t anything like they had been when she saw him last four years before. Then they had been illuminated by what she thought was love.

She shook her head, composing herself with difficulty. It was her only choice. “I assumed you would come here at some point, my lord.”

“You thought I couldn’t stay away?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest. His tone was as icy as his gaze.

Cassandra blinked, still mesmerized by the sight of him standing in the midst of her home, her sanctuary. She had dreamed many dreams over the years that were so similar, but normally those ended with something far more passionate than his expression boded. Not that she wanted his touch in reality. That had ended long ago.

“Obviously you are well able to stay away,” she said softly. “You have been gone nearly four years.”

“And you have been very busy during that time, haven’t you?” he said, moving forward one long step and closing the door firmly behind him.

Cassandra couldn’t help but let her gaze fall on the now-closed door. A hundred shocking images filled her mind. They were alone, no one would invade upon her privacy. Her servants were well-trained on that score. Despite the impropriety of the situation, a shiver she couldn’t suppress worked its way along her spine.

“I have done reasonably well for myself, yes,” she answered, chewing her lip nervously.

“Come now, Miss Willows.” He moved toward her again, rapidly closing the distance between them. “Let us not have false modesty.”

He stopped just inches away from her and Cassandra was forced to tilt her head to look up at him. And look she did. The previous day in the hallway she hadn’t dared to stare, but now she could look to her heart’s content.

Dear God, but he was still handsome. He always had been, but the years away had made him fully into a man. Hardened him in all the right places, put an edge to his gaze, a harshness to his jaw. But his lips were the same—full and abundantly kissable.

Hot images of every kiss they had ever shared darted through her mind, making her dizzy and achy. With a start, she turned away. There was no use thinking of those things.

“I have been fortunate,” she whispered, willing her hands to stop shaking.

She felt him move even closer. He was just behind her now, his hot, hard chest brushing her back, his breath against her neck as he leaned down over her.

“You used your talents well, Cassandra.”

Steeling herself to her ragged emotions, Cassandra forced herself to pivot slowly and face the man who had haunted her dreams—her life—for so many years. She stifled a moan as they stood chest to chest, almost touching, but not quite. It was torment to be so close to him—a stark reminder that all her hottest fantasies still starred him.

“Why are you here, Nathan?” she whispered, staring directly into his startling blue eyes, even when she wanted to turn away from his stark disdain.

One corner of his mouth tilted up and she noticed a tiny scar there that stood out faintly against his dark skin. That was new, and she briefly wondered how he had gotten it—a fight, an accident, or maybe some grand adventure?

“Perhaps I wish to order one of your specialties,” he said, his voice impossibly hard and rough with anger, but also with what she fully recognized as desire. In some way she was relieved that he felt the same sexual connection that she still did. Even if neither of them wanted it, at least it put them on equal ground.

“You wish to order a gown?” she asked with a smirk of her own. “I think blue would be your color, but I’m not certain you will like this Season’s cuts.”

Years ago, her comment would have made Nathan smile, but now he didn’t react at all. Cassandra felt her heart sink. Things had changed irrevocably. Truly, he did hate her. She had known that for a long time, but seeing the final evidence still stung.

“I don’t mean a gown, my dear,” he said, his eyes narrowing. “I mean your
real
specialty—those interesting little toys you design for men of the
ton,
their mistresses, and the more adventurous wives.”

Cassandra’s lips parted in shock. If he knew of her quiet side business, the one that brought in nearly twice as much money as her services as a seamstress, he truly had been watching over her all these years. Her toy designs were done very discreetly, through specific channels in order to protect her precarious reputation.

But now she felt naked and vulnerable. And when Nathan stared at her, a sneer of disdain on his handsome face, she almost felt shameful.

No. She shook away that emotion. In four years, she had never felt ashamed of the work she did, of the fact that she had taken lovers, or of the way she had used her abilities to protect herself and better her situation. She wouldn’t allow Nathan Manning to stride into her life and make her feel less worthy because of the things she had done. He had no idea of her life since his departure, no matter how many spies he had hired or accusatory comments he made.

Pushing past him, Cassandra paced back to her worktable and picked up the silk she had been cutting. Pretending to be
bored with him, she began to drape the fabric over the model beside her table.

“My schedule is quite full at present, my lord. I have no time for any additional work.” She refused to look at him, even though she wanted desperately to see his reaction. “Now, you have seen me and vented some of your anger. I don’t think we have anything else to discuss. Please go.”

“No.”

His answer was so quiet that Cassandra couldn’t help but turn back toward him. He stood exactly where she had left him, his arms folded across his muscular chest, his bright eyes piercing through her as though she were the only person in the world.

She shook her head in disbelief. This dark and angry man was nothing like the one she had known four years ago. Nathan didn’t even resemble the lovesick boy who had declared he would give up anything to be with her. He wasn’t the gentle lover who had carefully introduced her body to pleasure.

And despite herself, she was even more attracted to him now than she had been before. Her body reacted to his overpowering presence of its own accord; her nipples tightening to almost painful sensitivity beneath her fitted bodice, her thighs wet with her arousal.

Suddenly a small smile quirked his lips again, almost like he could read her desires as plainly as she could detect his. And it was clear that her undeniable attraction was a triumph to him, as much as his was to her.

The air between them grew even more sexually charged
and she gasped for breath as her thoughts spun out of control. Even though it was utterly foolish and inappropriate, every part of her wanted to bare her body to him and dare him not to touch her. If she did, would he surrender to his own desire, to the lust that was nearly as obvious as his anger?

“You won’t leave?” she asked, hating the tremble in her voice.

He shook his head slowly.

She gripped her hands into fists at her sides. “Why not?”

“Because I am not finished ‘venting my anger,’ as you called it, not by a long run. No, I’m not going to leave here—leave
you
alone—until I have every question answered to my satisfaction. The first of which being, is
this
what you left me for? This life, is it why you threw me aside like I was garbage? Truly, I want to know.”

T
he moment he asked the question, Nathan wished he could take the words back. Oh, he did want to know the answer to his query, there was no denying that even to himself, but asking Cassandra so bluntly about her reasons for leaving him only made him seem desperate and needy. The fact that those out-of-control emotions were exactly what he felt was not something he wished to examine too closely.

And there she stood like an ice queen, her expression totally unmoved by him. That made everything he felt all the worse. He so wanted to move her, to make her quake, to make her show him the emotions she had when he first entered her chamber. He wanted to make her hurt and long the same way he did.

“I have no idea what you mean, my lord,” she said softly.

He frowned. “Yes you do. Of course you do. Did you abandon our plans to marry so that you could go to London and become the whore of a few rich men? Did you so desperately want to work in trade as a seamstress? Or were the depraved little toys you design your real goal? Was all this,” he made a jerky motion around the room with one hand, “worth giving up becoming a countess, and eventually a marchioness?”

“I wasn’t with you so that I could be a countess or a marchioness,” she hissed. The anger he had been craving lit up her eyes for an all-too-brief moment, and then she stuffed it down, shooed it away. “What is the point of this, Nathan? You shall believe exactly what you wish, you always have.”

Nathan frowned, confused by her turn of phrase, but before he could address that, she shook her head.

“It is best to leave the past in the past.” She let out an exhausted sigh like she couldn’t be bothered by him anymore. “Please, just go away.”

Without a further word, Cassandra turned to leave the room—to walk away from him just as she had done all those years ago. Only this time he had the power to stop her. Without stopping to think, Nathan crossed the room to her in a few long steps, caught her elbow, and yanked her around, forcing her to look at him.

There was no resistance in her frame, no stiffening of her body. Her soft curves molded to his as if this embrace were perfectly natural and cordial. Her scent wafted up to him, a heady lilac that made him want to breathe her in.

But that wasn’t what broke his last shred of self-control. When he looked down into her eyes, he finally got a glimpse of her soul. No matter what she said or how she tried to dismiss and deny him, burning hot lust boiled in her green stare.

So he took it. Dropping his mouth to hers, he branded her with a kiss that matched the heat of their connection. Without finesse or gentleness, he breached the barrier of her lips and drank in her taste. Fresh mint and orange citrus melded on his tongue and he uttered a groan into her mouth.

She echoed the wanton sound, gripping his lapels in fists as she opened wider, thrusting her tongue to duel with his. He drew her closer, her breasts flattening against his chest, his legs tangling in her skirts as he rocked his body to hers. Beneath his trousers his cock pushed hard, ready and randy to join with her, as if he hadn’t had a woman in all the time they’d been apart.

Only one thing marred the experience of touching her again. This wasn’t the kiss of the woman he remembered, who had been so shy, so innocent in her passions. This kiss was a reminder that Cassandra had been far from innocent since she threw him over. He
knew
she had been with several men. He’d wager she’d done many a wild and passionate thing with those men.

He pushed her backward toward the chamber wall, his anger at that realization making him rougher, more demanding in his embrace. But it didn’t dull the desire he felt. Not in the slightest.

Before he could reach the barrier, before he could lift her
skirts and have what he so craved, Cassandra pressed her palms against his chest and shoved. She staggered away from him a few steps, her breath coming in pants, but she didn’t look away. She didn’t blush with embarrassment. She just stared at him.

“That is enough,” she whispered between gasping breaths.

He shook his head, in no mood for denials—not after so many years. “No, it’s not. It’s not enough, Cassandra, I want more.”

She tried to keep her face stony, he saw her fighting to remain stoic, but she failed. The blood drained from her cheeks and her lips, swollen red from his passionate, rough kisses, parted on a gasp.

“More?” she said, her voice no more than a broken whisper.

Nathan shut his eyes briefly. What he was about to say was utter folly, but it didn’t matter. He had been deprived of his desire for too many years, and soon he would not be at liberty to pursue his needs. This was his one chance to purge this woman from his memory. To make sure she knew what she had thrown away. To get retribution in the most pleasurable sense of the word.

When he opened his eyes again, he knew how cold he appeared and how cruel he sounded. “Yes. You see, I am here to find a wife.”

An almost imperceptible twitch marred the corner of her lips. So she was thinking about how once she had been his chosen mate, just as he was. Well, those days were long gone.

“Someone from a titled and appropriate family this time,
as the last time my foolishness led to nothing good,” he continued with a sneer.

To her credit, she did not react to his taunting. “Well, I wish you luck with that endeavor. But I see no reason why it should have anything to do with me, my lord.”

“It doesn’t, not this time.” He shook his head. “But I do need someone to warm my bed until the time comes for me to make my decision. And that person will be you, Cassandra.”

She stepped back, her gaze flitting to his face with pure terror and utter confusion. “What?”

“You know what I said.”

“You cannot mean that…
want
that!” she cried.

He smiled at her outburst. “You and I have unfinished business. And until I find a proper wife, I demand we settle it. In my bed, until I am bored of you.”

Cassandra could scarcely hear over the sudden roar of blood rushing to her ears. She could not speak for the lump that had formed in her throat.

She had to be wrong! To have misunderstood. After everything they had been through, everything that Nathan believed about her, there was no way he could want to have some kind of long-term affair with her.

And yet, when he kissed her it was more than apparent that his desire had just as much heat and desperation to it as her own. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block thoughts of that kiss away. It had reminded her so much of all those years ago when she had believed him to be a shining
prince who loved her. Now he was more tempting devil than fairytale hero. And his demand that she come to his bed had nothing to do with love.

Rather, his crass command was all about vengeance. His desire for her was equaled only by his disdain. Both radiated from him as he stood staring at her, awaiting her reply to his shocking directive.

Cassandra ignored his impatient stance and drew in a few long breaths. In the time they had been apart, she had faced a great deal and she’d done it all alone. From experience she realized she had to remain calm and be rational, or she would reveal even more weakness than he had already seen and he could use it against her.

She folded her hands in front of her. “After everything that has happened, you
cannot
be serious in this request.”

He laughed, but it wasn’t the rich, sensual sound she remembered. It was bitter and hard, lacking in all warmth and true humor. She fought the urge to wince.

“When it comes to sex, I am always serious, my dear,” he said with an arched brow. “And it wasn’t a request, it was a statement. You
will
be in my bed. For as long as I desire you to be there.”

The façade of her calm couldn’t help but be chipped by his arrogance. She folded her arms tighter and clung to control with everything she had.

“How can you make such an assumption that I would simply bow to your will, my lord?” she asked through clenched
teeth. “Certainly, I have proven that I am my own woman in the past.”

His nostrils flared and she felt a small flash of triumph that her words had cut him. He had no idea of the truth of what had sent her away from him, but that mattered very little. It hadn’t for a long time.

“Yes, you are willful, that is true. But you are also a savvy businesswoman. You wouldn’t allow your livelihood and reputation to be damaged, especially if you could prevent it by doing exactly what you’ve done with so many other men before.” He smiled, but like his laugh, there was nothing friendly about it. “You may be many things, but you are not a fool.”

Cassandra hesitated. What he was saying sounded like…blackmail. But what could he hold over her head?

“You are right that I wouldn’t threaten my business, but I don’t see how denying you could cause damage to me at all.” She cocked her head, her heart beating faster as she waited for him to explain.

“Your toys, my dear.” He leaned closer with an ugly smile. “You must know they are the key to your undoing.”

She laughed. “Please, I would wager most if not all of the most influential people in the
ton
know about my side business. Half of them indulge in my wares from time to time.”

What she said was purely a bluff. In truth, a very select few knew the truth about her toys. Men who wanted her special creations most often requested them through those
third parties. This protected both her and the gentlemen she serviced.

“Please!” he barked. “Give me a small bit of credit.
Some
may know what you really do, what you really
are
. More may even suspect that you do something unsavory on the side, but it is hardly an open secret.”

Cassandra swallowed hard. He knew so much of what she had hidden all these years. She was too shocked to deny the truth of his words.

But he didn’t seem to require her response, for he continued, “What if someone were to prove to some of these stuffy matrons who so adore your gowns that you were contributing to their husbands’ torrid affairs with mistresses? What if a person was to send a version of one of your toys to them directly? Would they want you to design clothing for them…for their innocent daughters?”

Cassandra’s lips parted in horror. She had always danced along a delicate edge by designing erotic toys for distinguished, and she thought discreet, clients. But they had added enormously to her wealth, in fact, that portion of what she did was a mainstay of her survival.

But the sewing also paid her bills. And it exposed her to clients for both her businesses, even as it fed her creative soul. If she lost one, she would surely lose the other.

“Are you willing to risk that I am wrong?” Nathan said with a tilt of his head. “Are you willing to take a chance that the matrons will forgive you when your sinful side activities are thrown in their faces?”

“You wouldn’t do that,” she whispered, thinking again of the young man who had lain with her on the grassy hillsides of his country home and laughed as they compared shapes in the clouds.

“You don’t know me anymore, Cassandra,” he murmured.

She stared at him. “No. I never did.”

His mouth twisted faintly in an expression of pain, but then he turned away from her. “I will expect a decision from you, Cassandra. Very soon. I do hope it will be the right one.”

Without waiting for a response, Nathan strode to the door and out into her hallway. Cassandra did not make a sound until she heard the butler close the front door behind him with a smart click, and even then she waited until she was certain Nathan’s carriage had departed her circular drive.

Only then did she cross to the parlor door, shut it and rest her head against the cool wooden surface with a moan. She fisted her hands against the door and pounded a few times, she even stomped her foot in a childish display of utter frustration.

But then she shook her head, smoothed her gown around her hips and began to think. She needed help in dealing with her current circumstance, and luckily she already had a caller coming this afternoon who might be the perfect adviser.

Until that time, all she could do was return to her mountain of work and try to pretend that she couldn’t still taste Nathan on her lips. Try to pretend she didn’t
like
tasting him there after all these years.

Stephan Undercliffe had always been a handsome man, with a tall, lanky body rippled with coils of lean muscle, dark hair that was almost black, and brown eyes that almost matched his hair, especially when he was aroused. Cassandra had certainly enjoyed their time together when she had been his mistress for nearly a year.

Stephan had been a marvelous lover, skilled with his mouth, his hands, his cock, and his words. Her very first erotic toy had been for their personal pleasure, and he had been so taken with the design that he had convinced her that others would desire such a thing as well. He had invested in her secondary business and even assisted her in soliciting her first few clients.

Their physical affiliation had long since ended, and he had slowly become her friend and business adviser. He hadn’t been her last lover, but he had been a favorite. In truth, he still was.

And yet, even now she recognized that no moment of passion she had ever shared with Stephan compared to that one angry kiss with Nathan a few hours before.