Jeremy Stone (11 page)

The Bird

The bird outside my window

was not a red-tailed hawk

or a white owl.

It was a small

brown

sparrow

with a

very

ambitious

song.

Saturday: Caitlan Day

Think of it as a quest, I told her.

She looked sullen, a little crazy, pale

but she still had those

beautiful Indian eyes.

There is a petroglyph not far from here, I said.

A what?

A drawing in stone. Put there by ancient peoples.

Jeremy, you've been playing

too many video games.

I don't play video games.

Then what is this?

A quest.

We are searching for something.

I don't know. I don't feel good.

I know. But trust me.

I held her hand.

She looked scared.

I felt the scars on her hands,

an unhealed cut deep in the palm of one hand.

Jeremy, what about Jenson?

We'll talk about Jenson.

We took a bus

that went almost all the way

to my old community.

When we got off

Old Man was there

sitting on a bench

reading a newspaper.

I hadn't expected that.

He smiled at us.

You know him? Caitlan asked.

Yep. That's my grandfather.

Caitlan understood.

I wasn't sure how we would find the trail to the petroglyph, I said. (This was true. I was waiting for guidance. But here it was.)

He'll show us the way.

Old Man smiled some more.

I could tell he wasn't going to speak, though.

I saw the doubt

in Caitlan's eyes.

It's okay, I said. I think he's here to help us find Jenson. (Don't know for sure why I said that, but I did.)

We hiked through some dense bush on a trail that didn't seem much like a trail. It had been overgrown with alders and maple saplings. And then we came to a bare ridge of rock that led higher up the hill until there were no trees at all. Just a bare ridge of bedrock running north and south.

I was breathing hard.

Caitlan was breathing hard.

Old Man had kept walking faster and faster, getting farther and farther ahead of us.

And then he was far away and we couldn't see him.

Maybe he was gone.

I heard a sparrow singing.

And then I looked down.

It was faint, hard to make out at first, worn down by a thousand years of weather, covered with lichen.

But I'd been there before as a boy

with my grandfather

when he was alive.

I brushed away some lichen and moss.

I see it, she said.

A star.

North, south, east, and west.

What does it mean?

I'm not sure, I said.

But it was put here a long time ago

because this is a sacred place

of spirits.

Caitlan traced the lines

in the rocks with her finger.

And that's when we heard someone

walking our way.

What the Sparrow Saw

The sparrow was still singing.

I saw him now on the prickly limb

of a low, scrubby pine tree.

He flew off to the south

when Jenson walked by.

Caitlan swallowed hard.

Jenson?

I don't know if I should be here, he said

But I followed you.

I was wide-eyed but said nothing.

I pretended I was not afraid.

I thought of Geronimo coaxing the sun to come up later,

Crazy Horse understanding the real world behind the shadow world of the living.

I silently said, Holy Fuck, Old Man, you are really messing with us now.

Old Man only said, “Shush” inside my head.

Jenson Speaks

I wanted to sort this all out in my head and make sense of what was going on but realized it was way beyond my control or my full understanding or any of that shit.

Sit back and let things roll.

Caitlan walked right up to Jenson

and I expected him to vanish like Old Man had.

I thought it was all some kind of trick,

some kind of weird dream

but it wasn't like that.

Caitlan turned to me. Jeremy, she said,

would you mind leaving us here

alone for a bit?

I looked at Jenson, tried to fathom who he was, what he was, what his intentions were, tried to figure out if Caitlan was in danger, if we were both complete psychos, if it had really been Old Man leading us, and worst of all, wondering how could Jenson be here if he never existed in the first place?

Shush, Old Man told me.

I nodded, walked north in the direction Old Man had gone, followed the ridge of granite into the bush on what I knew was once a well-travelled path of my ancestors, expecting any minute to see a hawk or an owl, but there was nothing.

Only black flies and a few mosquitoes that attacked me

because they knew a truly confused boy

was no warrior but just easy prey

and a good source

of blood.

I sat down on an outcropping of rock

and looked down at the valley below—

my old community.

I saw the house I had been born in,

thought of my childhood,

my family,

and how

so much had changed,

how much I had lost,

thought maybe I was

in some kind of stupor again

like the night before,

wondered why Old Man

wasn't there

to comfort me,

to tell me it was all

going to be okay.

I waited for a sign,

some signal,

some voice inside my head,

some image in the sky

but I got nothing.

I felt small

and insignificant

and left behind.

I lost my courage and slipped into a dark place

where I was all

alone.

And then I heard hurried footsteps

and shallow, fast breathing.

Jeremy.

I stood up and Caitlan fell into me, wrapped her arms around me.

She was crying.

Jenson explained everything,

she said.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean

to put you through all this.

To drag you in.

You okay?

Not yet, she said.

But I will be

soon.

I wanted to ask about what happened

back there at the petroglyph.

I wanted to know the whole story.

But my grandfather's gentle, invisible hand

was over my mouth

and he was shushing me again

and assuring me

that words

didn't always

work.

Language

I stopped speaking again after that.

Like Old Man had said,

words don't always work .

So, Mr. Silence, what is it this time?

my mom asked.

Everything, I wanted to say,

Everything and nothing.

Guess everyone has a right

to clam up sometimes.

Maybe we should go see that shrink again?

I shook my head, no.

How about Jack the sideburned psychic?

Sure, I nodded, why not.

When we got to the office an hour later

JTSBP took one look at me and said, Oh boy, this kid has been through the wringer.

Maybe he got into some bad drugs,

my mom offered.

I shook my head no but Jack jumped in and said, This one has been traveling through dimensions.

What kind of dementia? my mom asked.

Dimensions, Jack repeated. Other realms.

He was looking in my eyes

and seemed to be reading my thoughts.

Sometimes people go silent like this, he explained. Can't quite put all the pieces together and they are waiting for everything to make sense again. Is that right?

I nodded.

Jack closed his eyes. Now I see the old man, he said, just like the other time. But he's kinda faint. I see two other shapes of something but they're very fuzzy. All I can tell is that they are young, but I can barely make them out. Do you know who they might be?

I didn't want to go there yet.

No, I said out loud. I don't.

Jack opened his eyes. You found your voice, he said. So you had some encounters … out there. (He spread his hands outward in the air.) And it threw you for a bit. Now you are starting to come back.

I guess you could say that, I said.

My mom was crying now.

Jack said, What do you want to happen next?

I want

my father

home,

I said.

Jack looked at my mom.

She stopped crying

and opened her purse.

She looked at her cell phone,

hit a programmed number

and gave it

to me.

Far Away

It rang more than five times and I thought he wouldn't pick up. It was earlier out there and maybe he was still asleep. Or maybe he was awake and knew who was calling. Maybe he didn't want to talk to his wife or his son. Maybe he was out of minutes.

But then he answered.

Hello.

Dad?

Jeremy.

JTSBP closed his eyes. I knew he was asking angels or spirits or somebody to help out here.

Hey, Dad, I said,

I was thinking.

In that slow, funny way he had,

my dad said,

Thinking is a good thing.

I was thinking

maybe

Maybe what?

Maybe

you could

come home.

That's what you were thinking?

Yeah.

Oh boy.

Silence on the line.

But something was happening. I could feel it. Like electricity in the room. I felt like a little boy again who missed his father. I wanted to plead with him, beg him if need be.

But I didn't.

Oh shit, he said.

Oh shit, what?

Oh shit, you won't believe

who just came into the room.

Who?

Your grandfather.

Old Man.

Yep. Haven't seen him

in a dog's age.

Why do you think he's there?

He says because I need strength.

He's giving me

some kind of lecture.

He does that a lot these days.

He been hanging out with you?

Sometimes.

Old Man is smart but

he can be a pain

in the butt.

He can get you in trouble.

Tell me about it, I said.

He's telling me

I should go home.

I dunno.

Dad.

If I lose you, it's 'cause

I'll be out of minutes.

I gotta pay for both

outgoing and incoming calls.

Dad?

Yeah?

Old Man might really mess with you if you don't do what he wants. You know what he's like.

Oh, I know that. It's just …

Silence.

Just what?

I'm embarrassed to say

I don't have any money.

What about the job?

The job was crap. Real crap.

Cleaning up on the oil rigs

and back at the yard.

I quit. Now I'm broke.

I guess my mom was following the conversation.

Guess you didn't have to be psychic to figure out what

was being said on the other end.

She reached into her purse again, fiddled with

her wallet

then started waving her credit card

in the air

like a magic wand.

I'm gonna put Mom on the phone, I said.

He began to say, No, don't do that.

But

I had already handed Mom the phone and Jack was nodding that he and I should leave the room.

Once we had closed the door behind us, Jack handed me a stick of chewing gum and said,

Don't worry about anything.

I can already see him on the flight.

He's on the red eye from out West,

seat 11B, it looks like.

He's watching a really silly movie

about cowboys and Indians,

only

the Indians are the good guys

in this one.