Jennifer's Garden (27 page)

“Very.  She’s all I have.”

“No other siblings?”

He shook his head.  “How about you?  Any brothers or sisters?”

“None,” she said, careless to the drop in her voice, no longer guarded around him.  “But Sam always had enough for both of us, with two sisters and three brothers.”

“Wow.  Sam’s the lucky woman again.”

Jennifer never thought of her friend in such terms. 
Lucky
?  Crowded, encumbered maybe—but
lucky
?  She dropped a hand to the back of the chair and zeroed in on Jax.  “Why no kids, Jax?  If Sam’s the lucky one, why wouldn’t you marry and have your own?  Don’t you like them?”

He chuckled, clearly amused.  “Oh, I love them, but like you and Sam, my sister has enough for both of us!”

“But that’s different than having your own...”

“I realize that, but I get my fill.  Believe me, Uncle Jax is a staple in the Bronson household.  Like peanut butter and jelly, I’m there on a regular basis.”

Jennifer cast an admonishing smile at his tease.  “And no Mrs. Right?” she asked, acutely aware of the instant bolt to her pulse.

“Haven’t met the woman who can fill those shoes.”

“
Never
?”

He shook his head again, but this time his demeanor fell a notch.  “That’s a hefty order.  The kind of love required to hold down a marriage, to weather the storms of life...”  His eyes averted her gaze, making a distinct dodge to the living room.  “No, I’ve never met that kind of woman.”

Jennifer took a sip of water and analyzed the evasion.  Really never, or was this the standard put-off from a man uninterested in sharing his private life.

“Besides,” Jax said, forcing a smile to swipe away the unwelcome brevity as he faced her once again.  “That’s a walk the plank proposition.”

She gaped at him.  “What?”

“In my book, marriage is for keeps.  Once you commit, there’s no turning back.  Sunny days, stormy nights...” A gleam entered his eyes as he glanced toward the backyard.  While the rain continued its cold wet assault outside, the mood indoors had distinctly heated.  Jax returned full board and secured her in his sights.  “A marriage swallows you whole.  From the inside out, two become one and a new journey is begun.  For better or for worse,” he added, a nip to his tone, a hitch up to his lips.  “Like I said, it’s an all or nothing proposition.  Rain or shine, you better be damn sure of your intentions before you make
that
dive.”

Jennifer liked what she heard.  He wasn’t a player.  For him, it was about love, partnership.

Much like it was for her.  “You’re quite a philosopher, Jackson Montgomery.”

He shrugged.  “I guess.  Life on the sea does that to a man.  Gives him plenty of time for thought.”

The reference gave her pause.  Life on the sea awaited him.  It would take him far away, their paths most probably never crossing again.  Once he was finished here, he would be gone.

The deluge continued overhead as Jennifer retreated into the quiet of her mind.  No place left to go with the subject, both seemed content with the silence.

Comforting.  Simple companionship, it demanded nothing, yet filled the space with warmth, friendship.  Jax was easy to be around, easy to look at—particularly so at the moment.  Beneath the soft lighting, brown eyes gazed at her.  Soft as suede, his laugh lines mellowed, he was private and reflective.  It was a different Jax than she was used to seeing.  More contemplative than usual, she felt a sense of depth, intensity.  It was clear this man was solid through and through.  No longer unnerving, she felt comfort in the privacy of his presence.  Calm.  Peaceful.

Except for his hair
.  It looked as though a bomb went off!  The comparison tugged a smile from her lips.

It caught his attention and he smiled in turn, breaking the silence between them.  “Can I ask you something?”

She nodded, eager to continue the intimacy, the warm connection running fluidly between them.

“Tell me if I’m out of line, but why don’t you have your mother here,” his eyes roamed about the room, “staying with you, instead of an assisted living facility?”

The question cut her in half.

Lightning exploded outside in several flashes of light, the expected round of thunder almost immediate.  Around her, the kitchen turned a shade darker, the room a degree cooler.

Caught within his scrutiny, Jennifer crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m sorry,” he said at once.  “That’s none of my business.”

With a shake of her head, she blurted, “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” he replied, eyes filling with remorse.

“She refused.”

The point-blank statement caught him on the chin.  “Refused?”

“My mom is a very independent woman, Jax.  She didn’t want to be a burden.  She refused the suggestion outright.  Short of taking her against her will, there was no way she’d agree.”  Jennifer sighed.  “She said she preferred Fairhaven, because she felt more comfortable there.  She’d have her own private room, grounds to stroll.  The physicians were professionals—fully equipped to deal with her daily needs.”  She hugged her arms more tightly to her chest. 
Where I wasn’t
.

Across the room, a hefty pile of patient folders sitting on the bureau caught her eye. 
I was too busy
.

“She wanted her own space,” he said.

The statement drew a slow nod from her head.  She peered at him more closely.  Jax always seemed to get it, always seemed to have his thumb square on the pulse of the situation.  “Yes, I imagine so...”  But Jennifer knew there was more to it than space.  Beatrice Hamilton wanted to maintain her dignity, her self-respect.  She knew her presence would be an intrusion on her daughter’s busy life.

“That must be hard on you,” Jax said.

“It is,” she murmured.  Glancing away, she cursed the tears that threatened to spill. 

“Parents get a little funny about their kids assuming the caregiver role.  They think they have a corner on the market.”

She shrugged.  Soon, it wouldn’t matter any more.  Her mother would be gone.  A fact neither could avoid.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Damn him
.  Standing rigid, Jennifer was no longer the capable can-do woman, but instead a helpless child, deathly afraid of her mother’s passing.  It was a devastating emotion to feel helpless—powerless—and one he remembered all too well.  If it hadn’t been for his sister, he would have immersed himself in the isolation of grief—gladly—because the thought of life without his mother was unthinkable.

Why did he have to go and ask such a stupid question, anyway?

Transfixed by her immobile body, he wanted to take her in his arms.  He wanted to chase away her fears, tell her everything would be all right.  He wanted to brush his hand over her hair, her face, give her the warmth of another human being, the connection he knew she so desperately needed right now.

But that would be strictly out-of-bounds.  It wasn’t his place to console her, yet it was his fault she was hurting.

Angry with himself but determined to fix it, he took a slow, deep breath and limited himself to the power of words; his only tools available.  They had worked for Delaney when she walked him off the ledge.  They could work for him.

“My mom used to tell me...look at the mother...you’ll learn a lot about the daughter.”

She turned, easing a wary gaze toward him.

“Your mom sounds like a strong and independent woman, Jennifer.  Bright as the sun, solid as the earth.  She has her own mind.  Like
you
.”

Her expression opened a sliver.

It was all the invitation he needed.  “You’re both doctors, right?  You both care
for
people and
about
people...  Both determined, you know what you want and how to get it.  I’ve seen that first hand.”

This earned him a small smile.

“I’ll bet your mom knows what she wants, too.  Probably knows what’s best for you, and everyone around you—appreciated by those of us still searching for direction.”

Her quiet chuckle relieved some of the pressure building in his chest.  It was working.  He was helping.  “She loves you, Jennifer.  She knows what’s right.  Moms generally do.”  He smiled, enjoying the sight of her relaxing, letting go.

Then he became serious.  “You know what’s right, too,” he said.  “And you’re doing it.  To the best of your ability, you’re doing it.”

Tears shone in her eyes, mixing vulnerability with gratitude.

Desire nearly leaped out of his skin—but he kept himself in check.  The last thing he wanted to do was send her scampering off like a scared fawn.  He wanted her with him, wanted her close.  “Forgive me for intruding on your privacy.”  Her gaze clung to him.  “I was a fool to even ask.”

She shook her head, then turned away.

Jax gave her time.  Speaking now would only be awkward and break the bond building between them.

Outside, the rain eased its battering, leaving pools of water hammered across dirt and grass.  It was a mess.  Finishing the arbor wasn’t going to happen.  Not today, anyway.

Settling his gaze on the structure, it was his rationalization for staying late.  A feeble excuse, he knew, but admitting there was no place he’d rather be than here, with her, was
not
going to happen.  Not aloud, anyway.

Dabbing her eyes with a finger, Jennifer returned to face him, her gaze as hard and direct as it was soft and knowing.  “Your mom must have been a very special woman.”

“She was.”  No question.  No hesitation.  “The best of the best.”

“And your father?”

He stiffened.  Though an innocent question, she might as well have kicked him in the gut.  “What about him.”

“Are you two close, as well?”

“No,” he shook his head, the muscles in his jaw jumping.

“Does he live in Miami?”

“North Miami.”

“Do you see each other often?”

“No,” he replied and reached for his bottle of water.

Although her questions were the natural extension of their personal discussion, he didn’t like the direction they were taking.  There was a wrong-way road sign up ahead and he didn’t want to drive over the cliff, simply because
she
didn’t know they were headed for one.

Confusion flickered in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jax, if I’ve said the wrong thing...”

Narrowing his gaze, emotion hardened.  “It’s not your fault.”

Blue eyes pleaded. 
What isn’t my fault
?

“We don’t get along.  Basically, the man is a corporate suck-up with a foul-smelling nose.”

She crinkled her nose at the depiction.

“The man never met an ass he didn’t like.”

“I got it,” she said, raising a hand to end his elaboration.  “Your description leaves little to the imagination.”

“I’m sorry.”  He shrugged it off.  “He never approved of my choices and I never approved of his.”

“Landscaping?”

Jax took satisfaction in her surprise.  “It would embarrass him to say his son was a landscape architect.”

She balked.  “Why?”

“Flowers are for sissies,” he said, a bitter edge curling his words.

“But that’s absurd!  You have such talent!”

Mildly warmed by her offense, he clarified.  “Because it’s not a high-powered corporate position.  Because I don’t have a college degree.  Because I don’t give a damn about stocks and bonds.  But mostly, he doesn’t think it’s respectable for a man to make his living planting daisies.  Make that,
his
son.”

Visions of their first meeting came rushing back to the forefront of his mind.  Like you, Jax silently accused. 
The woman who didn’t want to hire a bartender doing landscape on the side.  The woman who wouldn’t trust her lawn to the likes of me
.

“Jax, there’s more to success than a wall full of degrees.  Paper doesn’t matter.”

Jax took a step away from the table.  “It
matters
to some.”

“Not everyone.”

Though he detected no insincerity, he pushed back.  “It matters to you.”

Jennifer sucked in her breath.  “Jax, I—“

“Doesn’t it?  If I recall, you wanted a landscape architect—
not
a lawn guy.”  The admission made him feel cheap.  Resentful.

When she didn’t respond, his body quieted.  “I see.”

With an edge sharp enough to slice through bone, he cut back, “Thanks for the water, but I’ve got work to do.”  He turned to go, but she protested.

“Jackson, wait.”

He stopped.  Though part of him wanted to keep going, to walk out that door and never look back, a larger part couldn’t.  He needed to hear her denial.  Needed to see for himself where she stood.  Turning, he looked her straight in the eye and felt the blade close to his heart.