Jenna Petersen - [Lady Spies] (23 page)

G
rant faced his mother with what he hoped was a smile. He wasn’t certain the expression was very warm, though. He was still reeling from Emily’s confession, her refusal to accept his proposal and now all her cryptic statements about his mother. His brother was right. Women were infinitely frustrating.

As he stepped forward to greet his mother, she pressed a kiss against his cheek, but her attention was focused only on Emily.

The women locked eyes and Grant was struck, just as he had been at breakfast the morning after Emily’s injury, that the two of them had a connection he didn’t fully comprehend. If anything, it seemed stronger now.

“Emily,” she said softly.

“My lady.”

“Will one of you be kind enough to tell me what is going on here?” Grant finally asked, looking back and forth between them. “Mother, what are you doing here? And why do you and Emily seem to be sharing communications I’m not privy to?”

Again the two women exchanged a glance. To Grant’s surprise, his mother shifted nervously. He’d never seen her like this in his entire life. She was always so calm, so secure.

“What is it?” he asked, softening his tone. “Are you well?”

She nodded. “Yes. I actually came here to congratulate you both on a job well done,” his mother said, her voice cracking a fraction.

He met her eyes and saw a plethora of emotion within. And something else. Something he had never recognized there before. A strength very much like Emily’s. A determination.

“Congratulate us?” he repeated, measuring his tone. He shot a glance at Emily, but she had backed into the corner of the room and stood, hands clasped in front of her. She seemed to be waiting for something.

His heart rate increased.

“Grant, I have not been entirely honest with you and perhaps that was wrong of me. You see, I know what you are,” his mother said softly. “I’ve known you were a spy, a very decorated, very good spy, for a long time. I have been so proud of your work, even though I couldn’t say anything.”

Grant jolted back. She knew? No, that wasn’t possible. He had been so careful. Ben was the only person who knew his secret and his brother would never endanger their mother by telling her the truth.

Did that mean Emily had told her? She wouldn’t do that, would she?

“What are you talking about?” he asked weakly, knowing this denial was anything but believable. But he was too astonished to know what to say.

His mother moved toward him and caught his hands. “My darling,” she hesitated. “When your father died, I was at a loss. I was so very empty. You know my family history. But I saw a place for me to protect my country. My family. I formed a group of spies. Female spies.”

Her words sunk in and Grant yanked his hands away. Shock hit him in ever growing waves until the whole room swam around him.

“Female spies,” he repeated.

He looked over his shoulder. Emily’s hand was covering her mouth and she was staring at his mother. But she didn’t seem surprised by the news.

“That isn’t possible,” he said, backing away.

His mother nodded slowly. “It is. I know your War Department chatters about them from time to time. You all wonder if they are real, perhaps even mock their ability—but then you met one in the flesh.”

She motioned to Emily. Grant looked at her and found she was nodding.

“Emily’s group,” he whispered as the truth slipped into place. “How can that be?”

A smile tilted his mother’s lips. “It is amazing what one can do with ingenuity, connections, and a great deal of money. But the longer this went on, the more difficult it became to keep the secret. This family has never made it a habit to lie to each other. And
someone
made me realize that I could no longer protect you by keeping you in the dark about my work.”

Grant spun on Emily and she flinched. “You? You knew and told her to confess?”

Emily jerked out a nod.

His mother touched his arm. “Emily has only known a short time.”

“How long?”

Emily jolted away from the accusation in his tone, but he could not temper it. He wouldn’t. Here Emily had gone on about trust, lies, and she had been keeping something so huge from him.

She cleared her throat, refusing to meet his stare. “I began to suspect after I was injured. You told me her name was Lady M. That is the moniker of my group’s spymaster.”

“Lady M,” he repeated, his dull tone not at all reflective of the betrayal he felt. “That was why you asked for her that night you were hurt. That was why you were so quiet after I told you my father called my mother by that name when he lived.”

She nodded. “I suspected the truth that afternoon, but I didn’t ask her. We were so enmeshed in our investigation, I wanted to resolve it before I attempted to discover if my intuition was correct. I suppose I was afraid, as well.”

“And why didn’t you tell me?” Grant shook his head. “Why didn’t you confide what you thought in me?”

“It was ludicrous!” Emily cried, throwing her hands in the air. “Madness to accuse a woman of your mother’s caliber, of her respectability, of something so shocking. If I was wrong, I didn’t want to tell you that kind of thing about your mother. If I was right—” She broke off. “I was too terrified and exhilarated by the idea that I could
be
right. Lady M has been a woman I adored, loved, respected for so long.”

Grant drew in a harsh breath. Her explanations rang true and some of his betrayal and anger dissipated. “When did you know for certain?”

“Tonight,” she admitted. “I was at her home before I found you waiting here for me.”

Grant nodded. At least she hadn’t duped him for days or weeks. Or months or years. He turned to his mother and examined her face carefully. She still looked the same, but everything had changed in an instant. Now he didn’t know how to handle her. What to say.

“How could you go behind my back for so long?” he finally asked.

His mother pursed her lips. “Did I miss the day when you came to me and confessed that you were a spy for the War Department?”

He shook his head. “That is different!”

A step forward brought her closer and Grant could see the incredulous expression on her face.

“Different?” she repeated with sarcasm. “How? It is the same lie, and given for the same reason. We each wanted to protect the other from worry.”

He opened his mouth, but could think of no good retort. She was right, blast her.

“Grant, you are my eldest child and I love you so very much for the responsible, strong man you’ve become.” She touched his hand. “But you sometimes live in a world of black and white, of double standards.”

He scrunched his brow in disbelief. “How so?”

She smiled. “You believe only you can endanger yourself, no one else. That only you know best to protect everyone around you. From the world and from themselves. But the weight of the world isn’t yours to bear. Not in life.” She cast a glance at Emily. “And not in love. I shall continue on as spymaster of my group, and Emily will work for me. If you love her, you’ll find a way to accept even the things that you don’t agree with.”

Grant pursed his lips. “I already have, Mother. If you want to lecture someone, lecture your spy.
She
is the one who claims she has no interest in marrying me.”

His mother’s gaze grew sharp and she turned on Emily suddenly. “Is this true?”

Emily hesitated a fraction, then nodded. “Yes.”

“And did you follow through with our bargain? Did you hear Grant out and then tell him your own feelings?”

Grant arched a brow. They had made a
bargain
on such a thing? He wasn’t certain whether to be humiliated or amused by his mother’s interference. He stared at Emily, waiting for her response.

She halted, her face twisting. “Well—”

“I came here and admitted the truth to Grant about my role as Lady M. Now I ask that you live up to your end of our agreement,” his mother said in stern tones.

Emily moved forward, eyes wide. “I never promised—”

“Emily!”

Grant drew back at the sharp, commanding tone his mother took. She really was a spymaster. A general. And Emily was an insubordinate troop at present.

Emily’s breath shook as she struggled to regain her composure. But finally she turned on him.

“More secrets?” he asked. “More confessions?”

She shook her head and he saw her fighting her emotions. The battle gave him hope, even if it was just a flicker. If she was trying so hard to deny him, didn’t that mean there was something to deny? Perhaps she did care after all.

“No more secrets, Grant. You mother wants me to admit something that I am loath to do. Because nothing good can come of it.”

“Admit what?” He could hardly breathe as he waited.

She shivered. “I—I am in love with you.”

“Emily,” Grant breathed. He stared at her, his beautiful warrior. The strongest woman he had ever known, the only one he wanted by his side for the rest of his life. And she loved him. “Then why did you turn away from me the night Leary died? Why deny me now when I poured my heart out to you?”

She pursed her lips. “Because everything I said to you tonight remains the same, whether you love me or I love you. Nothing has changed.”

Grant opened his mouth to protest, but Emily had already turned to his mother. “Lady Westfield, I cannot marry your son, even though I do love him with every part of myself. I am not who you believe me to be. I’m only the illegitimate daughter of some lowly farmer or music instructor or any of a dozen other men my mother took to her bed to amuse herself. You must know what kind of damage that information could do if it came out. I couldn’t be responsible for that.”

Grant turned to his mother and their eyes locked. For a long moment, only silence hung in the air and then she nodded slowly. “Tell her, Grant.”

He sucked in a breath and smiled at his mother before he returned his attention to the woman he loved. “Emily, all your denials are based on a lie. You think you would hurt my family if the truth came out about your past, or that we would somehow turn on you at some point in the faraway future. But you would not be the first bastard to carry the Westfield name.”

Emily gasped. She couldn’t have understood Grant correctly. Everyone knew the Westfields had one of the oldest, most established family trees in the history of the Empire. Their blood was pure as ivory.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered, staring from mother to son.

Grant stepped closer. His body heat wrapped around her like a tempting cloak and she found herself wanting to sway into it, sway into him. This temptation was so unfair. To long for something so much, have it dangled before her, and yet know it was impossible.

He smiled. “Look at my mother, this woman you claim to love and respect so deeply.”

Reaching out, he touched Emily’s shoulders and gently maneuvered her to face Lady M. Grant’s mother was smiling, looking at Emily with anything but shame or shock.

“Would you love her any less or respect her any less if you knew she was illegitimate?” Grant asked.

Emily stared. Lady M stepped forward to take her hands gently.

“That cannot be,” Emily whispered.

“And yet it is,” Lady M said just as softly. “My dearest, why do you think I asked for you to join the Society? You are the most like me…in every way. I knew of the circumstances of your birth from the very beginning. What you do not know is that they are very like my own. My mother engaged in an affair, as well, and I was a product of that indiscretion.”

Emily blinked in disbelief. “You?”

The other woman nodded. “I am the first child of the King, though he is too mad to remember. Even if he could, I would never be acknowledged.
That
is why I formed our group of spies. My younger siblings squander their fortunes and create situations that endanger the Crown. You and Meredith and Anastasia were my way of protecting the family that does not know of my existence.” She touched Emily’s cheek. “And your actions, your heart, and your spirit mean more to me than any drop of your blood.”

She pressed a kiss to Emily’s cheek, then did the same for Grant. “I will leave you two alone, now that all my confessions have been made. I have already intruded upon your privacy for far too long. I hope you’ll come to me tomorrow with good news that we can celebrate. I am in the mood for a ball. And engagement balls are always the best kind.”

Emily was too stunned to reply or even say good-bye as Lady M slipped from the room and left her alone with Grant. He turned back to her, cupping her cheeks gently.

“I don’t care about your blood, Emily,” he insisted. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

She felt herself weakening, but it was so hard to let go of the past. Of her mistrust.

“How can you be sure that you’ll always feel that way? How can you be certain you won’t regret your choice if my past somehow becomes public knowledge? After all, when I married Seth, I thought we could find our own kind of happiness. And yet he grew hateful and resentful of me when the truth came out. It put an ugliness between us that never went away. And it unleashed a cruelty in him that I had to endure for many years.”

Grant released her with a look of incredulous pain. “You know me. You say you love me. Do you truly think I could turn on you? Betray your trust and your love?”

Emily dipped her chin. Trust had always been so difficult for her. But when she looked at Grant, she knew he couldn’t be so harsh.

“I do not think you are capable of hurting me like that,” she admitted softly. “But that still doesn’t guarantee that you won’t one day regret your choice like he did.”

Grant reached for her, his hand caressing her cheek before he tilted her chin up. “Listen to me. You and I have both lived far too long in the past. I know you are not Davina—foolish and headstrong and needing my protection. But you must also realize I am
not
Seth Redgrave. My love for you and for any children we one day create is not dependent on whose bed your mother lay in. It isn’t dependent on whether you were descended from kings or paupers.”