Je Suis a Toi (Monsters in the Dark Book 4) (18 page)

I quickly pulled up my knickers and jeans before fluffing my hair and joining her. “How long will it take to know what’s wrong with me?”

“That’s the incorrect mindset to have. There is nothing wrong with you, Mrs. Mercer.” Softening her voice, she added, “A few days for the blood-work to come in. However, in the physical examination, I didn’t see anything wrong.” Holding up a plastic cup, she grinned. “Whoops. Almost forgot. Go pee, please. I’ll do a final test before you leave.”

Eww.

Dutifully, I took the little container and left her office to head to the ladies’ room at the end of the corridor. After doing what I needed, I returned and tried to fight my embarrassment at handing over such a disgusting thing.

Slipping more gloves on, Dr. Fellows pulled out a litmus stick and a few other medical paraphernalia and performed the tests right in front of me.

I watched silently.

Growing up, I hadn’t had much experience with doctors. I rarely got sick, and if I did, my parents didn’t bother taking me to the GP. I wasn’t sure if I liked having someone looking after me or uncomfortable to be so investigated.

While waiting for whatever tests to show results, Dr. Fellows typed up a script and handed it to me. “Here are a few vitamins to boost your system to better enable your system to get pregnant. I’ll also refer you to a family planning expert do discuss fertility options if it comes to that.”

“Thanks.”

Her eyes drifted to the test. Her face tightened as a smile lifted her lips. “Mrs. Mercer…I have some news for you.”

“Already?” I strained my neck, trying to see what she did. “What is it? Am I sterile? It’s me, isn’t it? I’m missing something. Well, at least Q can stop beating himself up about it.”
And start beating me again.
“I’m so sorry for wasting your time. Thanks for your help.”

Standing, I trembled with a mixture of relief to finally have an answer and terrible sadness that I would never be a mother. I would never be able to give Q what he suddenly desperately wanted.

Dr. Fellows laughed. “Don’t jump to conclusions. I hadn’t finished.” Pointing at the chair, she commanded, “Please, sit. You might need to when I tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

She cocked her chin at the chair, waiting until I sank back down again. “It gives me great pleasure to be the first to tell you this, Mrs. Mercer.”

Anticipation scraped along my skin as Dr. Fellows held up a stick with two blue lines. “You’re pregnant.”

* * * * *

“So? How did it go?” Suzette asked after we’d walked the streets of Paris in silence for half an hour.

How did it go?

I was pregnant.

I’m pregnant.

Q was right. It was our violent lovemaking stopping us.

No, that’s wrong.

Once Dr. Fellows recorded the positive test, she reexamined me, doing a vaginal ultrasound and taking educated guesses.

Five to six weeks.

Not four weeks or one week.

And what had we done five weeks ago?

Q had come home obliterated and gone rogue. He’d strangled me, bit me, fucked me like the animal he was. And I’d adored every delicious debased second.

He’d knocked me up while doing the one thing he thought was stopping me from getting pregnant. The past few weeks of tame vanilla had been for nothing. He’d ruined our happy coexistence all because of some pigheaded idiocy.

Damn man.

My heart growled all while it bubbled with happiness.

Suzette pinched my forearm. “Are you going to tell me? Either you’re dying, and that’s why you can’t tell me or…” Her face lit up. “Oh, my God. Are you?” She yanked me to a stop on the streets of Paris. “You’re pregnant?”

Tears swam in my eyes, making her dance. “I—I—”

“Oh, you are. You
are!
” She grabbed me in a massive hug. “Wow, this is…wait until Q knows. Oh my God, Tess, he was right. What he’s done the past few weeks.” Her face fell. She knew how tame my love life had become. And I understood her conclusion. “This will kill him. He’ll never touch you how you want again. He’ll think everything he needs is even more wrong.” She squeezed my hand in consolation. “I’m sorry,
mon amie
.”

My face split into a large smile. “I’m not. He had it wrong.”

He was wrong when he said it was his fault. Wrong that his savage love meant he wasn’t a worthy father.

I’d proven him otherwise and couldn’t wait to tell him.

And this time, I’d win and get my beast back.

She frowned. “What?”

“Five weeks, Suzette. I’m five or six weeks pregnant. I’m going to say five because it fits better with my story.” I laughed. “What happened five weeks ago?”

Her forehead furrowed, doing her best to think back that far. “Um…” She shrugged. “No idea.”

“Q came home drunk…”

Realisation entered her gaze. “Oh…you guys left the pool room in a mess. Clothes everywhere…your sliced-up yoga band. When I went in the next day, it looked like a water polo fight had happened in there.”

“Exactly.” Smugness filled me. “The one night he thought he was hurting me so he could protect me from himself was the night he got exactly what he wanted.”

Happiness blossomed on her face. “So… the past few weeks of boringness are over?”

I took her hand; full of ideas of how I would tell Q and what I would make him do to me to make up for the past few weeks. “They are. And thank God for that.”

Happiness I’d never felt before blossomed.

I’m pregnant!

With Q’s child.

We’re a family.

I’d been pregnant for weeks and not known.

According to Dr. Fellows, my system had become fertile far sooner than most women who’d been on the injection. She said the blood-work would give an exact conception date but anywhere from seven to five weeks was a good guestimate. It was great news all around. For me, Q, and our marriage.

There wouldn’t have to be tests or consultations. We’d conceived naturally, and Q could finally have something of his very own.

Including me, of course
.

The healthy meals Mrs. Sucre had plied us with had given my body a great foundation to form our little monster. And I no longer had to bore myself stupid with vanilla.

I was surprised Q hadn’t noticed anything different about me.

Then again, I hadn’t noticed, and I was the one changing. Q wasn’t that observant when it came to my time of the month. He wasn’t a husband to count my days and inform me that any second now I could start bleeding. So my secret would be all the more precious to share.

“I’m the first to know,” Suzette said. “I’m honoured.”

“Second.” I smiled. “I was the first. Now, go home. I’m going to stay and plan something in order to tell Q. I’ll be safe.”

“Can I tell Mrs. Sucre?” Suzette hugged herself. “She’ll burst into tears, I guarantee it. Our master is finally getting a family.”

I shook my head. “He’s always had a family…you guys.”

Suzette blushed.

Clapping my hands, my head raced with ideas for tonight. “Anyway, hold the secret…for now. I want to tell.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t dare.” Suzette pecked my cheek. “Let me know if you need any help with tonight.”

“I won’t. I’ll call Q and tell him I’m alone in Paris. He’ll come running.”

Unfortunately, today was Monday, and that meant a big day at work, even though Q was supposed to hand most of the operation to Frederick. He was tied to his business, and I doubted he’d ever be totally free.

A small wash of nausea rolled through me, reminding me I was lucky to avoid morning sickness up till now. When would that start? Would I have a hard pregnancy or easy?

So many questions and so much to learn.

But Q would be there with me every step.

“WHERE THE FUCK are you?”

Her voice echoed down the line. “Don’t have a heart attack, Q.”

I’d worry about my heart while she worried about her backside because once I caught her, she’d be punished. Hard.

You’re not allowed to touch her like that.

An oath was an oath, no matter how fucking difficult it was to keep. “I asked you a question, Tess. Where abouts in goddamn Paris are you?”

“I’m safe if that’s what you’re asking. I had an errand to run.”

Tess never went to Paris without telling me first. She was safe now after I’d slaughtered the bastards from her past, but I never relaxed. Shadows and devils lurked everywhere, and Tess was such an enticement. I hated the fact she’d gone on the train without me. I loathed that she’d enlisted Suzette’s care rather than my own.

We’d had a few problems the last few weeks.

But I was still her fucking husband.

My body vibrated with rage as I clutched the phone. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“I had my reasons.” Traffic noise honked in the distance. “I’ll tell you but only face to face. I’m calling to see if you want to meet here. Have the night with me in the city?”

I rubbed a hand over my eyes. My desk was littered with business mergers and recent acquisitions along with expanding more heavily into the orphanage and homeless children charity. I had so much on my plate; my mind had been foggy for weeks. Ever since I started treating Tess with kid gloves, I hadn’t been able to concentrate.

For the first time since welcoming her into my bed, I wanted to orgasm while away from her. I was tempted to lock myself in the bathroom and squeeze my cock while fantasizing about what I used to do to her. It killed me to touch her so gently. And getting hard while stroking her rather than biting her was a non-winnable mission.

I loved her. I found her beyond attractive. But not being able to give in to the madness inside screwed me up.

“You want a night in Paris?” My voice dropped to a growl. Images of kinky pain, pressed against the hotel window, and furious sex in a foreign bed filled my mind.

Christ, I want to.

“I can’t.” If I did, I’d fuck her rather than make love to her. I’d hurt her. I’d ruin everything that we’d tried to make. I’d given myself two months since the night in the pool. If she wasn’t knocked up by then, I would submit to doctor’s tests and opinions. I had three more weeks before that happened. I wouldn’t jeopardize it by giving in to what I wanted more than anything. “I have too much work to do.”

The lie percolated in my chest when what I really wanted to say was
you’re not safe with me
. Not right now.

Tess dropped her voice. “Too bad,
maître.
I’ve already reserved the pent-house at the Ritz. I’ll be there all night. It’s your call if you want to join me. Either way, I’m not coming home.”

Ferocity filtered into my muscles, shooting me upward from my desk chair. “
Esclave,
don’t you dare threaten—”

The phone call cut off, hanging dead in my hand.

Fuck!

Everything inside wanted to teach her a goddamn lesson. Remind her that she couldn’t get away with such rebellion. But in order to punish her, I had to hurt her, and I wouldn’t do that. Not anymore.

Resentment billowed. I wanted to be furious at Tess, but mainly, I directed it at myself. Every day of my existence, I prided myself on having ultimate control over my darkness and fucked-up desires. However, Tess had shredded my restraint, given me freedom to be who I truly was, and then made me fall in love knowing she loved me back.

She’d given me so much.

And I was the one who’d changed the rules between us. I was the one who’d hurt her by pulling away. And I didn’t know how to fix it.

I wanted her to carry our future. I wanted to keep her safe like I’d always done. Was that so bad? Didn’t the gift of what we
could
have outweigh the intolerable payment in our present?

She’d kept my beast alive and in control of me. And now that I’d shackled that part, she acted as if I’d broken something perfect between us.

Daily, she tried to undermine my control, doing her best to coerce me into letting go. She couldn’t be trusted anymore, and if I couldn’t trust her, how the hell could I trust myself?

I wanted more. I wanted to drive deep inside her and do what I hadn’t been able to do. That animalistic craving of making her pregnant consumed my thoughts. She made me feel less like a man. Unworthy. Not the man I knew. And I hated it.

If she wanted to talk about our issues on unknown territory in Paris, then fine.

Maybe it was for the best.

Pressing the intercom to my secretary outside, I snarled, “Call the helicopter.
Je veux être au Ritz immédiatement.”
I want to be at the Ritz immediately.

* * * * *

“Welcome to the Ritz, Mr. Mercer.”

My temper was about to snap. I couldn’t be around anyone other than my wife. And even then, I needed a room between us, so I didn’t raise my hand in discipline. What if she’d been taken from me again? What if any number of things happened while I was at work and not able to protect her?

Damn her.

Fuck her.

She was going to get a spanking. Multiple. Screw my vow to keep her safe from me.

“The key to the presidential suite.”

The manager handed it over, well trained in recognizing the needs of clients and knowing when to shut the hell up. The moment the key hit my palm, I strode toward the bank of elevators and the private one reserved for the suite on the top floor.

Stepping inside the silver box, I punched the button to ascend.

I had no luggage. No belongings.

But I didn’t need anything because my wife was waiting for me and I would cart her home even if it meant the public saw me dragging her by her hair.

I wouldn’t tolerate such things.

Not when it made me so fucking worried about her.

The elevator opened. I stormed out, slamming the keycard into the ornate double-breasted door, and entering the suite.

Stalking through the opulent space with marbled living room, kitchen, and games room, I found Tess coming out of the bathroom.

A towel wrapped around her head showed off her swan neck with the silvery brand. Her willowy body was covered with an oversized hotel towel, hiding so much of her from view.

The moment her eyes met mine, she froze. “Wow, that was fast.”

Instead of doing what I wanted—bolting toward her and slamming her on the bed—I took a step back, locking my hands on the doorjamb of the bedroom. “You’re coming home with me. Now.”

Her chin tilted. “No, I’m not. I want to spend the night with you here. I miss you, Q. I want what we used to share.” Her fingers went to the towel on her head, unwrapping it and letting damp blonde curls cascade over her milky skin. Boldly, she tugged at the knot on her chest, stepping from the second towel and revealing her stunningly naked figure.

My fingernails stabbed into the doorframe, holding me back with strained willpower. “Tess, put some fucking clothes on.”

Her lips curved. “Make me.”

“I’m not coming near you.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

Her gaze hooded as she stepped toward me, bringing temptation directly to my door. “I do know why and I want it. I want it so much, Q. I need you. Please, we both know vanilla isn’t working. It’s not satisfying either of us.”

“Reste loin.”
Stay away.

Tess ignored me. Her hands landed on my belt, quickly undoing it and yanking it from the belt loops.

I saw red. I saw pleasure. I saw damnation.

“Tess…”

“Yes,
maître
.”

“Get away from me.”

Instead of obeying, she kneeled at my feet, holding my belt in outstretched hands. “Make me.”

Oh, my fucking God.

I swayed as the animal inside sprang and snarled, demanding to maul her and take what I’d wanted to take for weeks.

My teeth almost cracked I clenched so hard. “I can’t.”

“You can.” Her eyes narrowed with grey-blue fire. “And do you know why?”

I didn’t reply, focusing too much on fighting her temptation.

“Because that night five weeks ago, when you took me drunk and bare, was the night you achieved what you wanted. The past month of mollycoddling and chaste kisses have been for nothing.”

I froze.

I couldn’t speak.

But Tess didn’t need prompting. Swatting her own thigh with my belt, I hissed at the pink welt left on her perfect skin. “I have a secret.”

My frustration deepened as she ran the belt between her thighs. “I’ve been keeping something from you.”

The insane need to punish her for such a thing overtook me. I struggled to bite the words. “What? What have you been keeping secret?”

Was she sick?

Unhappy?

Because right now, I was both those things. Sick with want and desperately unhappy for not having the freedom I adored between us.

She smiled coyly. “I’m fine. However, I do have some information you might want to know.”

I trembled in place. “Spit it out, Tess.”

Raising her eyebrow, she whispered, “I’m pregnant.”

My knees gave out, depositing me before her. “
What
did you just say?”

Her lips stretched into a blinding smile. “You knocked me up when you let yourself fully go. That was what I needed. What
we
needed. We come alive when we’re together with no cages or locks between us.”

I shook my head. “Again. Tell me again.”

Her gaze melted with adoration. “I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant?”
I couldn’t compute. “Pregnant…as in…
pregnant?”

She nodded with a wide smile. “And for our child’s sake, I hope it’s a boy.”

I couldn’t…I didn’t believe her. “You’re—you’re—”

Tess touched my cheek with all the love in the world. “Congratulations, Q. You’re going to be a father.”

“And you think it’s a boy?”

“No, I don’t know what it is yet. I just hope it is so you don’t die of a heart attack trying to protect a daughter. You don’t need to go to war to protect a baby girl just yet.” She chuckled softly. “Maybe once you’ve learned to relax a bit more…then we could try for a daughter.”

First, she told me she was pregnant. The one thing I wanted more than anything else. Then, she said she wanted more with me. A family of our own.
Multiple
children.

I couldn’t do it.

Grabbing her, I lashed my arms around her naked form. My lips landed on her throat as I kissed and nipped and thanked her.

“Fuck, is this true?”

She giggled. “Yes, it’s true.”

I wasn’t a man who cried. I’d seen a lot in my life and never shed a tear.

No, that wasn’t right.

I’d let a few escape when Tess had strapped me to the bed, and I screamed for mercy before she killed me. Even now, the faint scars from that day still graced my face and body.

I’d given Tess what she needed to break her past and finally be free. And she’d just done exactly the same for me.

We’d both learned so much from each other.

And soon, we would learn so much more.

But that was life.

A never-ceasing evolution to our perfect happiness.

My gaze landed on her flat stomach. “How can you be pregnant? You’re not showing.”

“I’m too early to show. And I’m pregnant because of the usual way.” Unable to stop her good mood, she added, “I booked a private meeting with a gynecologist here in Paris. I was going out of my mind with your incessant need not to touch me. I needed to know either way.”

She shrugged, growing shy. “The test showed I’m pregnant. And the timeline puts conception at that night in the pool, or even a couple weeks earlier.” She raised my belt once again. “So you see, Q. You have no reason not to be yourself. Come back to me. I’m begging you.”