Jax (The Protectors Series) Book #8 (8 page)

Chapter 10

Jax stood on the porch staring at the door that separated them. At that very moment, he knew without a doubt he could never let Caroline Fitzpatrick go. He was a selfish fuck because of it, but he couldn't walk away. Hell, how many damn times had he tried and always found himself back, just to be near her? Searching her out, hoping for a glimpse of her? Every single fucking moment of his fucked-up days she was in the back of his mind.

Grabbing her beer off the railing, he downed the rest. She was right. He was a coward, but not because he was afraid of his brother. That son of a bitch was going to die, and soon. No, he was a coward because he had never had feelings like this for anyone in his long life and it scared the hell out of him.

He was set in his ways. He could be a bastard and he knew for a fact he was not easy to live with. He had enemies, few friends, and didn't know how to express his feelings. She deserved someone else, and yet, even the thought of another with her threatened to send him in a killing rage. The only reason he hadn't killed Sloan earlier was because he knew Sloan, that tricky bastard, was just trying to get under his skin to make him realize exactly what he would be losing.

Looking through the window, he watched as Caroline stood in the middle of the room, not moving. She was beautiful and hurt, well, maybe a little pissed, which he couldn't blame her for. He pissed a lot of people off on a daily basis and usually he didn't care, but with her, he did care. Her tears did something to him that nothing had in a long time: they made him feel.
She
made him feel and he was becoming addicted to it, to her.

Setting the beer bottle back down, he tried the doorknob. It was locked. "Caroline, let me in." He could see her through the window of the door. "Caroline," he said a little louder, but she remained completely still, her back to him.

Glancing at the window, he knew he could open it and crawl through, but he shot that idea down. Instead, he used his shoulder and nudged the door hard, but it didn't budge. Okay, well that was a good thing because honestly, he'd thought a strong breeze would blow the damn thing down, but it seemed sturdier than he had first thought.

"Caroline, open the door," he called out, giving her one last chance to open the door for him.

"Just go away, Jax." He heard the tears in her voice. He watched as she angrily swiped them away from her face.

"Shit," he cursed, then leaned further back and used more of his strength to hit the door, which burst open and dropped off its hinges.

"You broke my door!" Caroline spun with a frown, staring at her broken front door.

"I'll fix it." He walked up to her. "I wasn't done talking to you."

"Well, I was done talking to you." Caroline huffed, her face angry. "What else could you possibly have to say, Jax? Or do you just have to go over the list again of why you can't be around me? Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself? Because honestly, I get it. You don't want me, so using your brother is the best way to go about it."

When he attempted to speak, she held her hand up with a "'don't want to hear it"' attitude. "Save it." Caroline stopped him with a proud tilt of her head. "You need to fix my door and then leave."

Jax grabbed her hand, pulling her to him. Then, using his size and body to his advantage, he walked her backwards, plastering her to the wall and effectively boxing her in so she couldn't move. "I will fix your fucking door and I will leave when I'm damn good and ready, but first, you
will
hear me out."

"Why don't you just write it down, or better yet, I'll write it down since I know by heart what you're going to say," she hissed up at him, her face a beautiful shade of angry red.

"Oh, you think you know what I'm about to say?" Jax growled down at her.

"Yeah, I do." She narrowed her eyes at him, then lowered her voice, mocking his. "I'm no good for you. I need to stay away from you. You need to stay away from me. Blah, blah, blah."

A crooked smile tipped the corner of his mouth. "I don't sound like that and you have never heard me say blah, blah, blah."

She looked away from him, a tear escaping, sliding slowly down her cheek. "Let me go, Jax." Her voice sounded defeated.

"If only I could." Jax's voice deepened as he swiped the tear away.

"I can't keep doing this." Caroline's lip trembled, along with her voice. "I can't keep putting myself out there for you. You either want me or you don't."

Something inside Jax burned. It was a feeling he had never had and at that moment, he knew this woman meant more to him than his own life.

"That has never been the issue, Caroline," Jax whispered against her forehead. "The first time I laid eyes on you I wanted you, and that hasn't changed."

"Then why do you keep doing everything in your power to stay away from me?" Caroline asked, her eyes searching for the truth in his.

Jax struggled to keep his eyes off her lips, but at that question, he lifted his gaze to hers and he honestly didn't know how to respond.

"Is it really about your brother?" she probed, trying to get the truth. When he didn't answer, only stared at her, she sighed and tried to duck under his arm, but he stopped her. "Until you talk to me, Jax, this isn't going to work. I don't understand any of this, but I feel that this isn't just about your brother."

"I'm not one to talk about my feelings to anyone," Jax replied, knowing he sounded as uncomfortable as he felt. "Isn't it enough to know that I want you?"

Sadness flashed across her face before she bowed her head, hiding her features. "I wish it were, but I really don't know if it is."

This time, Jax let her go. Still standing with his arm against the wall, he stared blankly at where she had been, cursing himself. She was right. He was a coward.

******

Caroline put the food away as Jax fixed her front door. It was so quiet she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. She wished he would just leave so she could do just that. For a split second, she'd thought he was going to open up to her, but just as quickly, he shut down and closed up.

When he asked her 'if knowing he wanted her was enough,' she wanted to scream 'yes, it was enough,' and yet, she had held her ground. The truth was it wasn't enough. Not for her. Maybe for another woman it would be, but not her. She'd sworn after Rod that if she ever fell in love, it would be with the right man. Her eyes shifted toward Jax, knowing that he was the right man. Deep longing hit her, almost doubling her over. She loved him, that she knew, but the ass couldn't see it or did see it, yet just didn't love her back.

At least she gave him props for not lying just to get her into bed, because that was definitely where they would have ended up if he had lied. As she cleaned up, she watched him, the way his body moved, and wondered if she was a total idiot for not giving in. He took his jacket off, tossing it on the floor, and she had to bite her lip to stop the moan from escaping. He was a damn fine man. His shoulders were wide, his skin smooth and dark, not to mention the tribal tattoo that painted his back. Her fingers itched to trace each line.

Rolling her eyes at herself, she slammed the refrigerator door a little harder than necessary. Jax glanced over at her, but she averted her eyes from him. He had to go or she was going to cave.
Would that be such a bad thing?

"Yes, you idiot, it would," she hissed to herself.

"What?" Jax turned from the door to stare at her.

She cleared her throat and then shook her head. "Nothing." Her eyes got a load of his shirtless chest, and all she wanted to do was cry. Every single hormone she possessed in her body pinged to attention, making her cringe.

"Don't you have a shirt or something?" Popped out of her mouth, and the slow grin spreading across his lips pissed her off. The ass knew he affected her. Hell, who was she kidding? Hadn't she told him more than once in the past hour she wanted him?

"No," he replied, his grin gleaming at her. "Why?"

Oh, no way was she answering that question. Heading to what was to be her bedroom, she rifled through boxes trying to find a shirt for the ass to wear. New rule: no shirt, no entry. Hey, it was her house and she could have that rule if she wanted.

Finding a shirt that had actually been Rod's, she grabbed it. It would be a little small, but it would be better than nothing, plus he didn't need to know it was Rod's. She was surprised she had anything left of Rod's, but it must have been mixed in with her stuff.

Heading back downstairs, she walked up to Jax holding out the shirt. "Here."

"What's that?" Jax looked at the shirt in her hand, but didn't take it.

"A shirt." She kept her eyes above his neck. She was way too close to him and her itchy fingers were getting trigger happy, wanting nothing more than to touch his bare skin.

His eyes narrowed dangerously. "Whose shirt is that, Caroline?" He still didn't take the shirt as he asked her that loaded question. 

"It's… just a shirt." She'd hesitated, dammit. "You need a shirt, so here's a shirt."

Jax grabbed the shirt, still looking into her eyes. Ripping it in half with his bare hands, which was pretty impressive, he wadded it up and threw it out the door. The whole time, a muscle ticked in his cheek. Yeah, he was pissed.

"Didn't like the color?" she asked, trying to defuse the situation by being a smart-ass. Okay, so maybe handing him one of Rod's shirts to wear wasn't her brightest idea, but dammit, she was limited and he definitely wouldn't fit into one of her T-shirts. A half-naked Jax in her home was going to lead to her saying screw it and then screwing him, literally. It wasn't fair, dammit.

"Didn't like the motherfucker who wore the shirt," he replied, taking a step toward her.

"It's just a shirt, Jax." Caroline frowned, realizing that was probably a mistake and mean, if she wanted to be honest with herself.

"You have other shit of his here?" Jax demanded, his tone harsh.

"No." Was that jealousy she heard? "It must have been mixed in with my stuff when I packed to move."

"Don't play games with me." Jax loomed over her, the warning clear in his tone.

Caroline's head snapped back. "Well, that's calling the kettle black, now, isn't it?"

"What does that even mean?" Jax still loomed, his head tilted as he glared down at her.

"It means, you're the one playing games… not me." She huffed back at him.

"I'm not handing you other women's clothes to put on, now, am I?" Jax cocked one eyebrow at her, not giving an inch.

Okay, he got her there.
Think, Caroline, think.
"Well, no, but what do you care whose shirts I have hanging in my closet?" There, that should shut him up. "All you seem to do is want to get away from me. Oh, no… wait… you're back. Oops, no, there he goes again. Maybe he'll be back… maybe he won't. Tell me that's not a game."

"I told you I wanted you, dammit!" Jax shouted, then cursed again, obviously trying to keep his cool.

"So that should be good enough for me?" Caroline replied, wondering for a second if she wasn't being too hard on him, but why did she have to settle? Seriously, Jax settling between her legs would be heaven, but she wanted more from him. Not a 'wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am' moment before he took off again. Her heart and mind couldn't take it. She had settled once before just to have someone in her life, but not anymore. If he couldn't commit, he didn't get the goods. Screw that. "Well, it's not."

Jax opened his mouth to say something, but instead, a frustrated roar echoed throughout the room before he turned away, walking toward the door.

"Yeah, there he goes. Jax Wheeler, doing what he does best…. Exit left!" Caroline angrily yelled at his back, but then gasped when he slammed the newly fixed door with him on the inside.

Jax froze with his back to her, his shoulders tight. His whole body rigid. Then he turned around.

"I thought you were leaving… again." Caroline bit her lip as heat swept her body. "I, ah, thought…."

In three strides, he was in front of her and hauling her to him, his mouth smashing down on hers, successfully shutting her up. Pulling away, his lips inches from hers, he growled out, "You think too fucking much."

"Hey, I—"

He shut her up again, this time deepening the kiss as he tugged her body up against him. Her body relaxed into his, as if they were one. Again, he released her mouth and pulled away.

"What are you doing, Jax?" Her voice was a husky whisper.

"Do you ever shut up?" he hissed against her lips.

"Do you ever answer a question?" she shot back with a frown.

"I'm getting ready to show you exactly what Jax Wheeler is best at." The promise in Jax's voice was unmistakable.

Chapter 11

Okay, that did shut her up. Seriously, did she hear him right, and what exactly did that mean? The lower part of her body throbbed in a pleasant, painful tempo, clearly understanding his meaning better than her brain did.
Stay strong,
she told herself, trying to be her own cheerleader.
Don't give in.
But feeling his hard body against her softness, the other part of her, the "'naughty need to get laid by this man"' part of her, was clapping happily, shouting, '"do it… do it… do it!'" My God, this man was going to make her a sex-crazed psycho.

His hand on her waist slowly moved up her side, resting just under her breast. She surprised herself when the word, "No," slipped past her lips.

What?
Her mind screamed, but her mouth remained closed as she stood strong.

"No?" Jax actually grinned.

"I'm not a whore." That wiped the grin off his face, but she didn't care. "I've only been with one man, Jax. And that's because I knew he had feelings for me."

Jax took a step back from her, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Have I given you the impression I thought you were a whore?"

Caroline sighed in frustration. "No, but with Rod—"

"Let's get something straight, right now," Jax interrupted her. "If you mention that bastard one more time, I will hunt him down and kill him."

"I'm just trying to explain." Caroline was somewhat shocked by his anger, yet her insides twisted excitedly at his alpha response to her mentioning her ex.

"You do not need to explain anything to me that involves that piece of shit," Jax sneered angrily. "I'm nothing like him. I would never raise my hand to you."

"I know that, but…." She was screwing up this whole conversation and didn't know how to express her feelings to the point he would understand her. She had never dealt with anyone like this man, this Warrior. It stumped her, as well as excited her in a weird way.

They both stood silent, staring at each other as if trying to figure out how to talk to one another.

Jax finally moved, running his hand down his face. "I've never been in a relationship before," he blurted, dropping his hand from his face. "I'm a loner, have always been a loner. I don't know how to take care of anyone other than myself. The more I tell you to stay away from me, the more I find myself here, by your side. I don't understand it. I can't fight it and I'm tired of fighting it. I used my psychopath of a brother as an excuse to stay away from you, not that the danger isn't real, but I can keep you safe and I know that, but that seems easier to blame than my inability to commit to any type of a relationship."

The words, "'oh, wow!"' jumbled through her brain as she listened to Jax. He was finally opening up to her, yet those two words were the only things floating around in her brain.

"I don't know where this will lead, Caroline." Jax frowned, his eyes burning into hers. "I don't even know if I'm capable of having any sort of a relationship, but with you, I will try, because it's what I want. If that isn't enough for you, then I really don't know where that leaves us."

Her heart swelled, realizing she'd seen a side to Jax that no one else had before, so much so it hurt. Knowing how uncomfortable Jax was, she knew she had to do something to ease his tension.

"That was painful, wasn't it?" Caroline gave him a small smile.

"You have no idea," he responded with no expression on his face.

"Thank you." She took a step toward him, but didn't reach out. "I'm not wanting to force an 'I love you,' a marriage proposal, or anything other than 'I'm interested in you for more than sex.' That's all, and I don't think that's too much to ask."

The only response from Jax was a low mumble or grumble, some kind of noise she couldn't quite make out.

"It's just the way I'm made, Jax." Caroline took another step closer to him. "And yes, it is enough for me. But can you please answer me one question?"

This time his response was a hard nod, his eyes narrowing again.

"How is it that a man like you has never been in a relationship?" Caroline's eyes swept his body before making it back to his eyes.

His eyes darkened. "Because I've never met anyone I enjoyed being around longer than a half an hour who was female." His answer was honest and to the point. "I've had sex with thousands of women."

"Excuse—" Caroline choked. "Did you say… thousands?"

"Well, I didn't keep count, but…." Jax tried to hide a grin.

This time it was Caroline's eyes that narrowed at his grin. She decided to give him a little of what he was giving her. "And really… a half an hour?" She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Not real impressed with those stats, Wheeler."

Jax laughed the laugh of a confident man, not intimidated by her jab at his sexual prowess as other men might be, and wasn't that a turn-on. "Well, you're lucky that I can tolerate you more than a half an hour, aren't you?"

"Yeah, we'll see about that." Caroline purposely tuned her voice to the husky channel, and the heat in his eyes had her reaching for her shirt.

******

If it were any other woman standing in front of him asking him to spill his feelings, he would have walked out with a 'fuck you' and not thought twice about it. But this woman was different, and for being the badass he thought he was, it scared the hell out of him.

He was already semi hard just from kissing her, which seemed to be the state his cock was in anytime he was around her, but as she reached for her shirt, pulling it over her head, his jeans became damn uncomfortable. He couldn't keep his eyes on hers. They had a will of their own as they roamed over her full breasts to her stomach, that wasn't completely flat, but slightly rounded as a woman's body should be.

When she tugged her shirt, which was still in her hand, back up to cover her bra, his eyes snapped back to hers. "Take it off," he demanded, knowing it would be the best time to let her know what kind of lover he was going to be. When she hesitated, he frowned. "Now, or you'll be buying a new one."

Even though she reached around to do as he ordered, her mouth opened and the look on her face told him she had something to say about his demand and consequence.

"Do not argue with me." Jax growled the warning. "If you want me, then this is how it is."

"And I wouldn't want it any other way," Caroline shot back, surprising him. "But I was going to say, you would be the one buying me a new bra if you tore this one. They're not cheap."

Caroline continued to shock the hell out of him, but he kept his calm façade, which was about to fucking kill him. He wanted nothing more than to unleash his hunger for her, but used his control to be patient, so she could have the pleasure he knew he could deliver. If he ripped her clothes off, bent her over and fucked her like he wanted to do, then the pleasure would be all his. Another day, he would do just that, but not today. Not their first time.

He watched as she expertly unhooked her bra, sliding the straps down her arms until she was exposed to him. Her skin was smooth and pale, making her large dark nipples stand out. They puckered invitingly at his gaze.

"I know they're big." She cleared her throat self-consciously, but didn't cover her breasts as he expected. "I know most men like smaller women, but—"

"Shut up." His order wasn't spoken harshly. He used his thumb to touch one nipple before leaning down, taking it into his mouth for only a second, and then gave it a small pinch. "Most men are idiots and I'm not most men. From here on out, I'm the only man you need to please and, believe me, Caroline, when I say I'm more than pleased."

Jax took her hand, placing it on his cock through his jeans. He knew he was a big man, not that he compared himself to others, and when her eyes widened, he knew for a fact that any comparison between him and that bastard would be in his favor in this area and yeah, as a man, that made him harder than stone. His cock actually jerked, a miracle considering how snug he was in his jeans.

He removed his hand and was happy when she kept her palm on his hard bulge. Her tongue snaked out, wetting her lips, and she looked down, watching her own hand rubbing against him. Slowly, her hand made its way to his stomach, to his chest and back down, feeling her way back to his throbbing cock. Without asking, she knelt and unbuttoned his jeans, and he allowed it. In truth, he was afraid he was going to be seriously injured if his pants didn't get loosened. Once unbuttoned, she pulled his zipper down using extreme caution, which he was thankful for, but his eyes didn't leave her. The passion in her face was something he had never really seen on another woman's features, and it blew him away.

Almost all the women he could remember wanted him, and yet it was different. They would strip for him, but the way Caroline did it felt pure with no hidden agenda other than pleasing him. The women he had known were beautiful and knew it, but Caroline didn't see that in herself, though she was the most beautiful woman Jax had ever touched. During his musing, she had gently pulled out his cock, stroking before she stuck out her tongue, swiping the precum from his tip.

"Fuck, girl." He bent, lifting her. His jeans were up, yet the tip of his cock teased her stomach. "More of that later," he promised.

Caroline smiled eagerly before reaching out and running her fingers down his chest, over his tattoos. "They're beautiful."

"You damned them not fifteen minutes ago." His eyes and hands caressed her breasts, but a small smile tipped his lips.

"No, I love tattoos." Caroline moaned when he pinched her nipple, giving it a tug. "I was just angry because the first time I saw you at the compound without your shirt, I saw your tattoos and never stopped thinking about them, or you."

"Hmmm, really?" Jax worked his thumbs into the waist of her yoga pants, which fit her like a fucking dream, and as he worked them down, he kissed and licked across her skin, stopping for a long time to suck on her breast. The more she moaned, the harder he sucked. His hand worked around to the front of her panties, soaking wet from her need, which he could also smell. The smell of a woman's arousal had always turned him on, but Caroline had a special scent that drove him to the edge.

He hooked her underwear, pulling them down with her yoga pants until she stood in front of him totally naked. Her thighs were rounded and strong enough to squeeze. A man couldn't ask for more. His hands ran from her thighs to the ass he had stared at all day in those fucking yoga pants. Caroline's body was proportioned just right. Big tits and ass, with some beautiful flesh in between. She was womanly and beautiful. Jax knew he should tell her what he felt about her body, but he didn't know the right words for a woman like her, so his best bet was to show her. He was a harsh lover, a demanding lover, an honest lover, but one thing he knew for sure, she would never walk away from his bed disappointed.

He stood and picked her up, heading for the steps, but stopped. "Where's your bed?"

"In my bedroom, but it's not put up yet. I haven't had time yet." Her eyes were hooded as she looked up at him. "We don't need a bed."

Jax kissed her hard before looking around. "You need curtains," he mentioned as he spotted her mattress in the corner. He headed that way, laying her down, then checked to make sure they wouldn't be in view of prying eyes. Satisfied, he brought his attention back to her.

He couldn't stop looking at her, drinking her in. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She was ready for him.

"Your eyes are black," she whispered, her hands reaching up to caress his face.

"Does that bother you? That I'm different than a human man?" Jax let her hands roam, giving her time to adjust to the feel of his body, even though he was not inside her yet. His hands moved from her neck down her shoulder to caress her breasts as they slowly moved down the curve of her stomach to between her legs. With one thrust, he slipped a finger inside her, moving it gently before adding another.

"No, not at all." She moaned, her body rocking with the tempo he set as she tilted her neck in sweet offering. "You can have a taste if you feel the need. I've heard you guys like to do that when having—"

Jax growled at her words, cutting her off. He would love to sink his teeth into her soft flesh, but that would wait for another day. She was on the edge, as was he. Spreading her legs wider, he positioned himself, his cock poised at her sweet opening.

"Look at me, Caroline," Jax demanded. When she obeyed, he slowly pushed inside her, forcefully, but gently enough to allow her to accommodate his size. "Jesus, you're tight."

"Is that a compliment?" Caroline moaned the last word as he pushed, sheathing himself fully inside her warmth.

"Fuck, yes," he hissed, still staring down at her, wanting to see every expression on her beautiful face as he took her. He made damn sure that every thrust was pleasurable for her, with touching, kissing, licking, or sucking. Whatever it took he did, because that was the kind of lover he was, except never in his past had he been in complete awe of the woman who lay under him. Even though he made sure the women of his past left his bed satisfied, he forgot them as soon as the door closed. This was going to be much different.

With each thrust, Caroline met him with fierce determination to give him as much pleasure as he was intent on giving her; he could read it on her face, in every touch and the way she responded to him. She wrapped her legs around his waist, helping him sink deeper inside her, and that was all it took. He reached between her legs, pinching and caressing, because no way in hell was he going to ride this wave alone. She would be riding it with him.