Jaq With a Q (Kismet) (7 page)

I scanned the room, calculating square footage in my head and turned to Silas. “The bunk beds have to go.”

Silas wasn’t even paying attention. “Remember how obsessed I was with these things?”

“How could anyone forget? You took that shit serious.”

Silas laughed and placed the stack of Yugio cards back into an old shoe box. “Yeah, but you don’t know the secret big XY breakpoint.”

My phone and Jaq calling for the third time kept me from commenting on the dumb card collection. I figured that shit out six months before he did. I just didn’t tell him because I didn’t want to ruin it for him. “Hello.”

“I don’t have measuring spoons.”

“What?”

“Measuring spoons. I don’t have any. You told me to cook. I need them.”

My eyes slowly looked up to Silas staring at me with content while I searched my mind for something to say. Something that didn’t make her look like a total crazy.

“You can guess, it’s a recipe. It doesn’t have to be exact.”

“But I don’t know how to guess what a half tablespoon is.”

I narrowed my eyes and walked out of our bedroom to the bathroom with crusted orange in the toilet, the shower, and the sink. Jaq didn’t need to call me for that. There was something hidden going on here, I just didn’t know what.

“Just use a teaspoon, Jaq.”

“I don’t have measuring spoons. Hello, didn’t you hear me?”

Yup, there was definitely an underlining reason for the call. “Use the same spoon you eat oatmeal with. What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Jaq didn’t say a word, her quietness surrendering to my suspicion. “Jaq?”

“I feel like something’s wrong.”

I turned right into Silas, and ignored his stern look, stepping around him and continuing to calm her down. “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

“Like, I don’t know. My fingers are numb, my chest hurts, and—and, I can’t breathe.”

“Jaq, listen to me. Slow you’re breathing, your fingers are numb because you’re hyperventilating.”

“No, it’s not that. This is different.”

“No, it’s not. Listen to me. Breathe in,” I coaxed, “Think about a bowl full of Skittles.”

“What? I’m dying of a heart attack and you want me to think about Skittles?”

“You’re not dying, and yes. Think about the candy. Tell me what color you see.”

Jaq’s breathing was too quick, her tone panicked, and her words raspy. “This is dumb and I can’t. I can barely even talk.”

“What color Skittles do you see? Breathe in. What color, Jaq?”

“I don’t see Skittles.”

“What color?”

“Red. There’s red ones.”

“Yes, breathe out. What else?”

“Yellow?” she questioned.

“Yes, yellow. What else?”

“Orange.”

“Good, girl. Breath in, what else? What other colors?”

“Green.”

“Right. Breath out.”

Jaq and I played this game until we made it all the way through the candy colors, breathing in and out, slowly. “See, you’re fine. What triggered this? What happened?”

“I don’t know—I was.”

“You’re fine.”

“I think someone’s in the hall.”

“Maybe there is. That doesn’t mean they’re there for you. I bet your neighbor has company or something. What are you cooking?”

“Well, I was going to make your favorite, but it called for broccoli.”

“I bought you broccoli.”

“Yeah, I threw it away. I don’t like it.”

I laughed, an instant smile taking over my lips, but only for a second. Silas was right behind me, arms crossed, wearing a condescending glare, intense green eyes on me. “Are you okay now? I’m a little busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Just checking out the house. It needs some work, but I think we can have it in ship-shape condition in no time. You have your own little sitting area, maybe you can plant some flowers or something.”

“I can’t.”

I didn’t go into that with her. There was no sense in even touching on it. Besides, I had Silas breathing down my neck. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“When? When are you going to call again?”

“Later, after supper.”

“What if—.”

“No, Jaq, no what if’s. There are no what if’s. Go watch a movie. A happy one.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. How about something with Adam Sandler? He’s hilarious. Log onto Netflix and find something.”

Jaq took a deep breath and agreed, speaking her words through a long sigh. “Okay. Bye, Ollie.”

“Goodbye, Jaq.”

Silas didn’t even give me time to turn around before he began reading me my rights. “I mean; doesn’t this feel pedophilic to you?”

My concentrated expression changed to that of confusion, my brows curving inward. “What?”

“She sounds like a kid.”

“You’re an idiot. It’s not like that. Not everyone only wants girls for their vagina.”

“Vagina? Seriously? What are you, a doctor? It’s a pussy. I chase pussy, not mentally challenged girls.”

I walked away, across the open hardwood floors to the other side of the house, Jaq’s room. “Actually, I am a doctor. Sc.D. That’s a doctor of science in case you weren’t aware,” I said, eyes gazing around the room, ideas bouncing through my mind. White. That’s what I pictured. I would do it all in white. Pink and white. Her favorite color was pink, and I approved. The spring light colors was just what she needed. “You’ve got it all wrong, Silas. I’m not after pussy. It’s not like that with her.”

Silas followed me into the bathroom, a reflection of a wagging finger staring at me from the mirror. “I know what this is all about. You’re bored with your job again. You’re looking for something new. You can’t keep doing this Oliver. You’re going to be twenty-eight soon, and you’re still walking around in circles with no direction. What are you going to do next? You planning on going back to school again? Oh, I know. How about music? You could go waste another four years on a music degree, play in a symphony for few months. There you go. Do that.”

Again, I refrained from telling him I was awarded my bachelor of music degree two years ago. Night classes, a full time job as a researcher, and a weekend gig as a piano player. Been there, done that. It didn’t matter. Nothing worked. Learning something new became old to me very quickly. What Silas accused me of was the truth. I got bored. But not with Jaq. Jaq had been the only intellectually stimulating thing I had ever come in contact with, and for the life of me, I didn’t know why.

I looked inside the claw foot tub, thinking about how much Jaq would love it, stepping around Silas’s pompous ass. “Where do you think the box of composition notebooks are?”

“What? Are you listening to me, Oliver? I’m not going to let you do this. You’re not thinking clearly. Hey, I know. Come into business with me. It’s very easy to appreciate, extremely gratifying. You get to travel all over the world, eat the most erotic food, and the chicks. I can get you all the pussy in the world.”

My first response was to skew my expression, matching it with sarcastic words, but I caught myself. No point in feeding a fire that would only exculpate more negative conversation. It didn’t support the situation at all. “Yeah, we both know I’m not getting on a plane, and we both know this isn’t about pussy. If you can’t trust me and back me up, then there’s no need discussing it,” I explained in a calm, nonchalant tone as I moved about the room, opening drawers, closet doors, and then the French doors, a deep breath of country air filling my lungs.

Silas stepped out with me, his hands holding his weight on the banister while he, too, breathed in a deep fresh breath. The only difference being the expression behind it. Silas’s deep breath was edgy, full of exasperation. “What are you plans here, Oliver?”

Without much thought, I clarified my ideas, hearing them for the first time myself. “I’m going to live here. I’m going to sell my condo, and bring Jaq here. I think I’ll build a new lab. Fire proof this time. I’m going to teach her to be happy instead of afraid.”

“Why?” Silas questioned, the word dragged out in frustration.

I shrugged and answered with the truth. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t.”

“Why her?”

Again, I shrugged, but my words didn’t come out the way I had planned. They sort of just fell out. “Nobody will miss her.”

Of course Silas took it out of context. I knew he would. “What the fuck does that mean? What are you going to do, Oliver?”

“I meant that she doesn’t have anyone else. I’m all she has.”

“No. No, that’s not what you meant. What are you doing, Oliver?”

“I’m going to take her.”

Chapter Six

Silas dropped it, but only until dinner. We sat on whisky barrel stools at a local bar, eating ribeye’s and drinking beer. The argument about me trying some dish that started with a Q with vegetables I had never heard of carried on until Jaq called. In a synopsis, it started the exact same way as it had the first time. I could tell Silas was just waiting to say something. Jaq had another panic attack, this time because of a pain in her right side. She’d already had her appendix removed, and made it a point to tell me, assuring me that it had to be a tumor. Silas sat there and stared at me with a blank glare, once in a while shaking his head.

“You good now? I need to go. I’m having supper with my brother,” I questioned, a quick glance his way.

“Are you going to call later?”

“Yes, I’ll call later. I promise.”

“What time?”

“I don’t know, Jaq? Do you have a date?”

Jaq blew out a puff of air, an almost nonexistent giggle escaping her lips. “Bye, Ollie.”

My mind went to the smile on her face, and I said goodbye.

“She calls you Ollie? Seriously, Oliver?”

“Steak’s delicious,” I said around food in my mouth, trying like hell not to talk about it again. He wasn’t on the same page, he wasn’t about to give an inch, and I saw zero reasons to continue speaking with him about it.

“You know those books burned up in the lab if that’s what you’re thinking, and if it is you need to stop. There’s no miracle drug, Oliver. She needs to be seeing a regular doctor, taking prescribed medicine from a qualified professional. Not you. You’re doing more harm than good.”

I dipped a fry in ketchup and omitted the words I wanted to say. Defending myself from his intelligence insulting wouldn’t lead anywhere good. “I don’t think they burned up in the lab. They’re in that house somewhere. The attic,” I said, a curly potato dangling from my fingers, thinking about it out loud.

Silas didn’t care about my plans to fix Jaq anymore. A cute little blonde in shorts and cowboy boots walked by, smiling right at him. His meddling mind left my business at the same time his eyes followed her ass. “Yeah, I might not be staying at the cabin tonight. I’m going to go buy that young lady a beer.”

A rush of guilt hit me when I got excited about the new idea. I wanted to do things. Search for the notebooks, pack up my dad’s room, and call Jaq. Silas leaving with a girl was the best news I’d heard all day. “I’m not staying here while you chase a piece of ass, Silas. I’m leaving.”

Silas patted my back with one slap, pausing to squeeze my shoulder before leaving me alone. “Relax little brother. You can go. I’m an expert at this. Don’t wait up.”

Silas never came back, and I never found the notebooks. I did bag up all the clothes, packed away accumulated junk my dad had hung on to, carried them to the back patio in boxes, and I called Jaq.

I tested my weight, easing onto the wooden swing with my finger on my number one favorite, Jaq. The creaking chains and her ringing phone sang in unison while the loyal old swing kept me from falling. Hearing the neglected chimes at the end of the porch brought me back to so many memories. Three hollow tubes clanked together, two of them missing, one on the ground and one on the porch. Silas and I sat on this swing to eat our lunch, to read, to listen to cosmic stories and adventures our dad told, to still our thoughts while listening to the sounds of nature, the chimes hanging at the end of the porch a part of that peace.

“Hello, Ollie. Are you home now?”

I smiled hearing her voice, a warm and strange sensation felt deep in my chest as my eyes met the majestic moon. “No, but if you’ll go look out your window, we’ll both be looking up at the same moon. Go look, Jaq. It’s beautiful, like you could reach out and touch it.”

“What am I, Fievel Goes West?”

“Huh?”

“You know, the song, sleeping underneath the same big sky?”

“Um, yeah, no idea.”

“Seriously? You’ve never seen Fievel Goes West?”

“No, but we’ll talk about that later. I really want you to go look out the window,” I beckoned, my eyes staring out at the moon, smears of deep purples, yellows, and reds just over the lake, the full moon right behind.

“I’m already in bed and besides, I’m in New York. The moon’s all blurry here.”

I dropped it when I realized I’d forgotten that it was after dark and she’d already locked herself in her bathroom for the night. “Well, let me tell you about it. It’s a giant, shimmering disk. One way you look at it, it looks silver, and the next pearl white. It’s hanging all alone in the sky, but it’s not lonely. There’s millions of twinkling stars all around, and the colors lingering from the sun and the lake, they’re art worthy, Jaq. I can’t wait until you see it.

“Why do you keep saying that? I’m not coming there.”

“Okay, but how about you let me bring supper to you when I get home Sunday. I’ll even stay and watch Fievel Goes East.”

“It’s West, and no. I don’t want to do that.”

“Come on, Jaq. Why not? We talk all the time. You told me you trusted me, remember?”

“I can’t eat with you, Ollie. I can’t.”

If this was ever going to work, I needed to get closer. I needed her to get closer to me. As long as I did this, kept this up with her, she’d take it. I’d never get her in the car. “Why? Okay, how about this. I’ll bring supper, you let me bring it up, and I’ll eat in the hall, right outside your door, and then maybe the next time, I can come in.”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on. Don’t you want to see how handsome I am?”

“You’re not my boyfriend.”

Well, shit. That’s not what I meant to portray. “No, no. I didn’t mean it that way. I was teasing. I—I never mind.”

“I’ll just let Wallace bring it. I’m kind of hungry for those eggrolls you got the other day, the ones with the cheese and sausage. We could watch the movie now. I brought my laptop to the bath—to bed with me. You’ll like it, but we need to watch ‘
An American Tail’
first. That’s the first one.”

With a deep sigh, I went into retrieve my laptop, bringing it back to the porch. Already, I knew Jaq well enough to know I wouldn’t win. She wouldn’t let me come into her apartment, but she didn’t have a bit of problem using my money for movies or food. Regardless, I knew without a doubt I would play along for as long as I had to, for as long as it took.

Jaq and I watched the movie, barely speaking. She watched, and I researched stores in the area, a vison of how I wanted her room to look playing out in my head. As much as I loved Silas and as much as I wanted to spend some time with him, I really wished it wasn’t this weekend. I had things to do. So many things to do. Her room, the porch, I needed to get a contractor there to start on the new garage, the yard needed mowed, the windows and roof replaced, the lane graveled. So much to do, so little time. Deciding to focus on her room, I picked out pretty things I thought she would like, a photographic image implanting in my mind. That would make it easy the following day when I went to the local department store.

Silas popped into my mind when I thought about shopping for Jaq with him. He would want to tag along, and I would have to hear it all over again.

“Did you like it?”

I switched the camera over to Jaq, the remnants of the catchy tune and scrolling credits the only thing left of the movie. “Yes, you were right. I did like it, and we’re both sleeping under the same big sky.”

“Well, I still don’t like it. You shouldn’t go there anymore. Are you coming home tomorrow?”

“No. Sunday, I told you already. I have a lot of work to do here.”

“But why? Your job is here. You should do work here.”

I thought about how much I should tell her, ready to spit it out, let her in on all of it, and then changed my mind. She didn’t need to know my premeditated ideas, or that I would be giving my two weeks’ notice first thing Monday morning. She didn’t need to know that I planned on coming back to work the following weekend to get ready.

For her.

“I’ll be back on Sunday. We talked about this. I have things to do here, remember?”

Her tone was sad; like she was saying one thing and thinking another. She wanted to come, she just didn’t think she could do it. “You know I’m never going to go there, right? I hope you know that.”

I stood from the swing, the chains creaking as I lifted my weight, and walked off the porch. Had I been the thirteen-year-old boy who’d left there, I would have walked right down to the dock, but a hint of fear stopped me, and I wondered why. When did I become afraid of what’s out there? When did Jaq become afraid of what’s out there? A plethora of stars twinkled above, the moon had changed positions, and heavy dew had covered everything.

“Yeah, I know. I’m going to help you with that.”

“You can’t. Goodnight, Ollie.”

“Night, Jaq.”

I walked as far as the cracked sidewalk and stopped. Maybe it was how grown up everything was. Once I had the land cleared off, I’d walk out there in the middle of the night. The thought of Jaq doing that with me crossed my mind, yet it felt foreign, like a dream that would never come true. With that thought, I frowned, checking my intentions with confusion. Silas was absolutely right. Jaq had come into my life from out of nowhere, hitting me with the perfect kind of crazy. Jaq was my kind of crazy. I craved her, she consumed me, and I wanted her. But why? Why her?

Silas never came home, not that I thought he would or anything. I spent the entire night clearing out Jaq’s room, scrubbing the hardwood floors, cleaning the bathroom, and trying to make it new. That’s what she needed. New, fresh, and clean. Pretty. Jaq didn’t have anything pretty. I wanted her to have pretty things, things nobody had given her before. A pink vase for the flowers I would plant around the cabin was added to my mental note, along with white sheers for the French doors.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Oh, Jesus Criminy, Silas. What the hell is wrong with you? Announce yourself before you do that.”

“You can’t kidnap a girl, Oliver. She’s not even right in the head. You’re not right in the head. What the hell? Stop this nonsense.”

“The mattress is pretty old. I’m going to a mattress store tomorrow. It looks good, huh? I’m going with all white. Pink here and there, but mostly white.”

Silas wagged a finger my way and walked out of the room. “Whatever, man. You do whatever you want, but leave me out of it. I don’t want any part of this shit. You’re whacked. You’re crazy and nothing good will come of this. You watch and see, little brother. You can have the top bunk.”

I stayed in Jaq’s room. A quick shower and clean warm sheets from the dryer is about the last thing I remembered. A deep sleep hit me quickly and happily, taking over my hard work; my mental exhaustion finally finding solace and peace.

The smoke filled my lungs, burning chemicals branded my eyes and I choked, coughing and gagging on thick smoldering air. Silas’s matching scream caught my attention, his face as terrified as I felt. Two police officers held him back just like they had me, and everyone watched. They just watched.

So much for the clean sheets, not that it mattered. The elastic was all dry rotted and they would have been off the corners by morning anyway. Everything was soaked, the sheets, my shirt, my body, and my hair. I breathed in a deep breath and sat up, realizing how long it had been since I’d had that dream. That was only the second time since I had met Jaq. The thought of them dwindling to a couple in the past few weeks to two, was sort of astounding to me. I’d been too busy to even notice, but it was fact. I hadn’t been having the nightmare much at all.

Fighting the urge to see if Jaq’s laptop was still open, I slipped out of my damp shirt, and laid back. My eyes closed as my hand reached for my phone, doing the opposite of what my brain had instructed. I sat up again when I saw her. She was leaned against the tub, her arms hugging her naked body.

Jaq was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she was chanting something that made no sense at all. Turning up the volume, I ran for my notebook. “He was bleeding a whole bunch. It wouldn’t stop.”

I didn’t write that. I froze. Maybe Silas was right. Maybe I needed to get out while I still could. Did she kill someone? Did someone hurt her? Is that why she did it? Is that why she’s so afraid? Question after question filled my mind, but not one answer. Blood. A lot of blood, and it wouldn’t stop. What the fuck did that mean? I jotted the sentence down in a section labeled as bewildered, meaning I had no idea. It was like trying to figure out what came before the big bang. With my pen to the paper, I listened for more, but I didn’t get it. Jaq just cried, her face skewed and full of pain.

I couldn’t help it, and honestly, I didn’t even try. With everything in me, I wanted to take that away from her. Even after learning that she may be this way because of what she’d done. If Jaq hurt someone, they deserved it. That was a fact. Multitasking, I scrolled for her number and set up my laptop at the same time. Once I saw her there, still sad and crying, I dialed her number.

Jaq had her phone close to her chest, between her knees and her body. “Hello, why are you calling me? It’s the middle of the night.”