January Dawn (9 page)

“I’m ready…to talk.” I said, wondering if his offer still stood. Maybe I had already caused too much damage between us. Irreparable damage.
Either way, I owed him an explanation.

“You don’t owe me an explanation. I understand now, why you are the way you are,” he said.

“You’re my friend and you deserve to know the truth.”

We continued walking.

“I grew up a slave. I spent my whole life working for a man named John Stephens. He owned me. He forced me to work on his farm and that was the only world I knew for eighteen years. I ran away back in January and never looked back. I thought I was safe here in the Army, but the other day in General Gammon’s office he came for me.”

“Who did?”

“Mr. Stephens.” Just saying his name put a bitter taste in my mouth. “He tried to claim me as his own. He said he was my legal guardian, which was a lie.”

“And your parents?” He asked, clearly trying to wrap his head around what I was telling him.

“I don’t remember’em. I don’t even know their names, or where I came from. All I can remember is my life on that plantation. Mr. Jeffries became my family.” Alex glanced at me from the corner of his eye, asking: who? “He was the other slave that Mr. Stephens owned. He took care of me. Hell, he practically raised me. He showed me how to work the fields. The tricks of the trade and such. Taught me how to be a man, you know, like honesty and chivalry and patience and hard work, things like that. Without him, I wouldn’t be here right now. Joining the Army was his idea.”

We rounded the backside of the barracks and Alex did a cursory scan with his flashlight. Nothing. We continued on.

“And where is this Mr. Jeffries now?”

“Dead,” I said flatly. “Mr. Stephens killed him. And he wants me dead too for burning down his house. I don’t know how he found me, but seeing him in that office scared the daylights out of me. It brought back memories I would prefer to have forgotten.”

“What did Gammon do?” Alex asked.

“Gammon wouldn’t have none of it. He had the MPs put him in some deep dark hole somewhere.” It was such a good feeling knowing that I would never see Mr. Stephens again. This time for good. I would no longer have to look over my shoulder in fear. “You have no idea what it feels like to live in fear your entire life. I broke down in Gammon’s office because I thought I had left my past behind me. The Army gave me a choice of freedom and I took it. When Mr. Stephens showed up I thought my freedom would be taken from me again.”

Mr. Stephens’ face flashed in my mind. That cracked, jagged-toothed smile. Those dark, callous eyes. And his sweaty, matted hair.

“And those scars on your back are from?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

“Mr. Stephens, yes. He would always find some excuse to whip us. He had a switch hooked on his hip all the time, but if he was feeling especially mean he’d go for the bull whip hanging up by the screen door on the porch. He’d stumble out of the house, drunk most of the time, and order me to strip down. I’d sit there, my hands clawing at the ground as he cracked the whip on my back ten, twenty, thirty times.”

Alex shook his head in disgust.

“That’s a helluva story. I’ve heard about people like you on the news before, but I never really thought much of it. Maybe I refused to believe it. I don’t know. There are cranky, old racist bastards that live out in the country, who refuse to accept change, yeah, but slave owners? That’s crazy. This is the twenty-first century for Christ’s sake. Slavery was outlawed a hundred years ago.”

We stopped again at the front entrance of the barracks. Everything looked normal so we took a seat on the cold concrete steps.

“Before he was killed, Mr. Jeffries told me to keep my mouth shut and my ears open and don’t trust no one. He had been a father to me. Everything he had ever taught me was for my own good. He’d never been wrong before. Until now. I tried to do what he said. I tried not to trust anyone, but I found that to be easier said than done. I met you, and Shannon and Carrigan and the other guys, and at first I kept my distance, but something inside me kept telling me to trust. I want to make a new life for myself and forget the past, but I can’t do that alone. I realize that now. I need help. So, can you forgive me?”

Alex nodded and said, “There’s nothing to forgive. Besides, it’s me that should be apologizing. This afternoon you saved my stupid ass from getting beat by Teague and I should have thanked you. But when I saw you standing there, I stared at you with some foolish look on my face. I hated myself for doing it, but I stared like everyone else. I’m sorry. I’ve just never seen anything like it before.”

“You did nothing I wouldn’t have expected you to do.”

“Yeah, but I insulted you and I shouldn’t have.”

The surrounding buildings were dark and nothing stirred within their halls. Outside the barracks across the courtyard we could see a flashlight appear at the front door. The dark figure disappeared around the corner to scan the area around his barracks like we had done.

Alex had me thinking about my parents.
What were their names? Did they love me? Did they give me up knowingly? If only I could meet them. I wouldn’t be mad at them if I did. I just wanted to know them and understand the reason behind my unusual life.

“What’s it like to have brothers and sisters?” I asked after the long silence.
What if I had a brother or a sister somewhere out there in the world?

“They’re a pain in the ass.” Alex laughed. “No, they’re great. I love them to death. I have a twin, did I tell you that? My sister Tessa. We’re fraternal twins. People say were basically the same person. She likes to say she’s the oldest, but she was born three minutes after me. And then there’s Sam, he’s fifteen and Sarah, fourteen, I think. Benjamin is ten and little Lucas is seven. I’ll introduce them to you someday. They’ll love you.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

We watched as the flashlight came into view across the way and disappeared back into the barracks.

“I need to thank you,” Alex said.

“For what?”

“You’ve really humbled me, Colt. Listening to your story has really put my life into perspective. I say that I love my family, but I haven’t shown them that I love them. I was too focused on myself and wanting to get out there that I neglected the most important people in my life. I took everything for granted. Being raised a Redman was like being raised in royalty and I took advantage of that. I lived in a big house, ate upscale, full course meals, and went to the best schools. I took it all for what it was and didn’t question it. The world outside of Savannah mattered little to me. I drank, I smoked, I partied and I didn’t care. Man, I can’t believe I was so pompous.”

“What’s pompous?”

“Arrogant. Entitled. I thought I deserved everything that I got. These past eight weeks have really opened my eyes and meeting you has opened up the world to me. Hearing your story has made me believe in something other than myself. I’ve lived a life blind to everything that matters the most. But you were robbed of your life. I want to give you everything I had, because I know that you of all people will appreciate and be thankful for every little thing. You say you need help starting a new life, well, I’m right here. Ready when you are.” Alex stood and extended his hand to me.

I couldn’t imagine a future without Alex. He pulled me to my feet and our hands stayed locked as we embraced each other.

It was graduation day.

The culmination of those long eight weeks had me feeling like a new man. I didn’t realize how much living on the plantation had stunted my growth, not only physically, but emotionally as well. Being fed three meals a day had helped my body get the nutrition that it had been deprived of for so many years. I felt healthy. I felt focused. I felt strong. I still couldn’t sleep much at night, but I woke up every morning feeling great.

My way of thinking, I noticed, worked differently than it did before I enlisted. I wasn’t the same mindless, scatterbrained working machine I was before. I was now master of my own body and mind. The great burden of holding on to my past had been lifted from my shoulders, allowing me to take hold of a new direction in life. I was ready to move on.

After setting things straight with Alex, I felt confident enough in myself to apologize to my other friends for my behavior. They said they took it in stride and didn’t blame me for anything.

The barracks was buzzing with excitement. There were smiles and hugs and congratulations being passed around between the recruits, who had been mere strangers to each other only a few weeks earlier. We didn’t know what laid ahead of us, but we celebrated this milestone anyway, because it was the only thing to do. Dwelling on an uncertain future was a quick way to diminish your spirits. I knew that firsthand.

Army Dress Uniforms looked to me like the single greatest wardrobe ever created. It looked regal. And I had my very own. My uniform was a white collared shirt with a black tie over charcoal gray trousers and a midnight black double-breasted suit jacket buttoned up with twelve brightly shining silver buttons.

Alex had to tie my tie for me. I had never seen one before in my life, let alone tied one. He got annoyed when I untied his work and tried to redo it exactly the way he did it. I nailed it on the first try. His anger quickly dissipated into a smile.

Printed masterfully on a golden nametag sewed onto my right breast pocket was my last name. But the pride and glory of our uniforms were our dress shoes. Elroy had us shining them for three hours the night before. We had them sparkling and looking smoother than glass.

I walked into the bathroom to look myself over in the mirror. I hardly recognized myself. Never in my life would I imagine I’d come so far. The uniform felt stiff, but it didn’t bother me. I looked important and that made me feel good. This was a happy day. The first one in a long while.

You look good Colton.

I slipped my red beret under my arm, smoothed out the creases on my jacket, smiled at myself and walked back out to check on Alex.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Carrigan said, nearly hitting me with the door. She was adorned in an identical uniform.

“It’s alright,” I said, trying to slip past her in the door way.

“Hey, Colton?”

“Yes”

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks, Leah. Congrats to you too. You made it.” Leah had kept true to her promise to her herself. She was the only woman in the company to make it all the way through Basic Training.

“I wouldn’t have made it without you. You and the other guys.” She paused. “I never really thanked you for rescuing me that night. I guess I’ve been too ashamed.” She paused again, looked up at me, stood up on her toes and kissed me softly on the cheek. It was warm and innocent. “Thank you.”

She smiled and continued on into the bathroom. I was stunned to see such benevolence and timidity in her.

The barracks was alive with the exaltations of cheers. We congratulated and cheered each other over and over again and we’d do it a hundred more times that day.

Alex stood by our bunk chatting with Hayes and Beauregard. “Colton, my man, look at you.” Hayes said as I approached. We shook hands.

“Today’s the day man, we made it,” Beauregard said, also shaking my hand.

“We sure polished you up good now, didn’t we?” Hayes said, picking a piece of fuzz of my shoulder.

It felt like old times back in the first couple weeks of Basic Training, back before Teague became a menace, before Mr. Stephens showed back up, and before I had my meltdown. All was good. All was right in the world again.

“I’m excited to see my family,” Beauregard said.

“Me too, man. I can’t wait to get home and see my dogs,” Hayes said.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m getting a little sick of y’all’s faces. I can’t wait to get home,” Alex said.

“I can’t wait to see my Ma. Y’all will know which one she is, she’ll be the big black woman in the front row screaming at the top of her lungs. That’s my baby! That’s my baby!’”

“Good luck to anyone who gets in the way of Mrs. Hayes and her baby boy,” Beauregard retorted.

Hayes almost walloped Beauregard. “You want me to beat your ass, because I will. Don’t talk about my momma.” He looked intently at Beauregard for a few seconds until he couldn’t hold back his smile any longer. “You probably right though. She’ll trample over anybody that gets in her way to hug me after the ceremony. Even Gammon would be no match for her.”

We laughed.

I hope I get stationed with these guys. I can’t imagine myself starting all over again with another unit
.

I spotted Shannon walking back to his bunk and decided to go congratulate him. He had one leg kicked up on his bunk to check for scuff marks on his shoes. The dress uniform hung a little loose on his boyish frame, but oddly, made him look older than he actually was. He was so very young. But to the Army it didn’t matter. As long as they can have more bodies to throw at the enemy.

“Tennpenny,” he said, straightening up with a big grin on his face.

“Shannon, we made it buddy.” We shook hands.

“I can’t tell you how excited I am right now. When my friends back home see me in this uniform they’re gonna flip.”

“Where’s home for you?”

“Fort Worth, Texas. I was…”

Alex, Hayes, and Beauregard cut him short. “Hey, Pre-School, you got a girlfriend waiting for you back in Texas?” Beauregard and Alex sat down on his bunk and Hayes teasingly put his arm around Shannon. He hated being called Pre-School. All the guys in the Platoon called him that, because of how young he was. I always called him Shannon. In fact, I didn’t even know his first name at the time.

“That’s none of your business,” Shannon remarked.

“Well damn, don’t get your panties in wad. That was uncalled for. It was a simple question. Wasn’t that uncalled for Beau?” Hayes asked.

“Totally.” They never ceased to take advantage of an opportunity to poke fun at someone.

“What do you want, Hayes?” Shannon was visibly annoyed. But when Hayes flashes his trademark grin at you, you can’t stay mad at him very long.

“Nothing. We just came over to give you a gift. That’s all.”

“What gift?”

Hayes dug something up from his pocket and placed it in Shannon’s hand.

“A condom?” He asked, blushing.

The guys roared with laughter.

“Yup. When you show up with that uniform on, there’s going to be a lot of girls lining up at your door trying to get in your pants. We want you to be prepared the first time you get a girl between the sheets.”

Shannon was embarrassed, but he always took their ribbings like a champ.

The door to the barracks swung open. Elroy and the other drill sergeants came barreling in. They too were smartly dressed in their finest uniforms.
I didn’t know they could spruce up that nice.

“First Platoon. Ah-tenn-shun!”

We hustled to our bunks and snapped to attention. Elroy paced the center aisle looking at each and every one of us like he did on the very first day.

“At ease. I’m not here to bust your balls or anything like that, so relax. This is your day to shine. In half an hour we will march out across that parade field. First Platoon will lead the way,” he said to a roar of cheering and rebel yells. “We’ll enter the field directly across from the podium. At center field, First and Second Platoon will break right and Third and Fourth will break left. With my command, you all will turn and salute the General and accompanying guests. Your family and friends will be in the stands behind him. You are required to maintain attention at all times. There will be time for celebration later.”

Elroy reached into a box that Drill Sergeant Hamilton was holding behind him. He pulled out a handful of dog tags.

“Now don’t go thinking you are real soldiers yet. Just because I give you your tags and your infantry cord doesn’t mean you can be called an infantryman.” That same old look of deep mental agitation showed up on Elroy’s face once more. “Only when you experience combat for the first time will you no longer be boys. Only then will you become soldiers. Only then will you realize what it means to be called a Confederate infantryman, the best of the best.

“Combat is unlike anything you can ever imagine. It is something that cannot be taught. Nothing I say can prepare you mentally for what you will experience the first time someone shoots at you in anger. I’ve done all I can for you. I’ve given you the tools to survive and now it’s your job to utilize those tools.”

“Way to dampen the mood,” Alex whispered.

“Approach when I call your name. You’ll receive your dog tags, your infantry cord and your assignment.” Elroy read names one by one from a clipboard. Each soldier took three steps forward, did a quarter turn and approached Elroy.

Rodriguez.

Daniels.

Marston.

Freeman.

Jones.

The list went on and on. I wondered if I’d ever see these people again.

Tennpenny.

I approached with a heap of hearty cheers from my friends. Elroy placed my dog tags over my head and proceeded to attach the red infantry cord to my right shoulder epaulette.

“Ninth Infantry Battalion. Fort Hampton. Savannah, Georgia. Congratulations, Tennpenny.”

I snapped my heels and threw up a salute. “Thank you, Drill Sergeant.”

Elroy did the same, withdrew his salute and dismissed me. I made my way back to my bunk in time to watch Alex receive his decorations. Alex also got Ninth Infantry Battalion, which was a huge relief.

“What the hell is the Ninth Infantry?” Alex asked when he got back.

I shook my head. I had never heard of the Ninth Infantry.

Much to our elation, our good friends were assigned to the same unit as us. Hayes, Beauregard, Carrigan, Shannon, Junior and a few others all were assigned to the Ninth Infantry Battalion. The rest of the platoon was divvied out to well-known frontline units in Tennessee, Missouri and Virginia. Those unlucky few would be doled out as replacements to plug the holes of units decimated by the frontline meat grinder.

I was the only one not surprised when Elroy called Teague’s name and announced his deployment.

“Special Assignment. Montgomery, Alabama.”

He would be going to the capital to train for some higher agency like Gammon had said.
Good riddance
.

Elroy finished out the list of names, gave us one last verbal pat on the back and told us to line up in formation outside. It was graduation time.

*

We had entered as Elroy had instructed us to. First and Second Platoon broke right and Third and Fourth broke left. We marched with gleeful enthusiasm under the vibrant sound of bellowing trumpets. When we got the signal, we turned as one unit, snapped our heels together and stood at attention in front of the podium.

We were welcomed with a standing ovation from the crowd.

The podium sat center stage, enlivened with the Southern Cross, the Blood-Stained Banner, and the Bonnie Blue Flag. A windswept red, white and blue curtain masked the front of the hollow stage.

There were over two dozen officers in attendance, each one wearing a crisp uniform blazoned with dozens medals and ribbons. They sat in their fold-out chairs eyeing the parading soldiers. Gammon sat in the middle, chin raised, looking every bit the man of legend he was. After ordering us into positon, the drill instructors took their places in front of the platoons.

The opening introductions and customary congratulatory acknowledgements from the numerous high ranking officials, whose names I would never hear of again, took up what seemed like hours. My knees started to ache and the sun burned my neck. The speakers talked in monotones and their speeches felt forced and scripted, leaving me bored.

I tuned them all out, and peered off into the crowd behind the podium. There were hundreds of men, women, and children. All of the fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles, cousins, they all were there to watch their loved one’s official inauguration into the Confederate Armed Forces.

All the fathers had that blank, yet emotional look of being proud. All the mothers had tears in their eyes quietly wishing for the speakers to hurry up so that they can go hug their babies. All the siblings, too young to realize the importance of such an event, sat bored, bashfully sitting off to the sides of their parents. They waved little Confederate flags in the air, ones similar to mine, I noticed.