Janet (17 page)

“Harvey, you old son of a gun.” Dan was
grinning when he said it. “Might as well take that walk without
him.”

The streets were Sunday-morning empty, and
the air was clear and crisp in a way that happens only in January.
Dan ambled down Church Street, not walking for exercise but
meandering along to the jumbled tune that was playing in his
head.

Without consciously planning it, he soon
found himself standing at Janet’s front door. He did the next
natural thing: he knocked. She didn’t come immediately to the door,
so he knocked again. When she didn’t answer that summons, he
decided she was either at church or at the hospital on an emergency
call.

He was just turning to leave when he heard
his name being called.

“Dan!” Janet was across the street,
waving.

He crossed over quickly. She was dressed in
wool slacks and jacket, and her cheeks were pink from cold. Seeing
her so unexpectedly made him feel almost shy. He gazed down at her
as if he hadn’t seen her in years. Finally she broke the
silence.

“How’s Butch?”

“He’s fine. There were no more problems.”

“That’s good.”

There was another awkward pause.

“I thought you would be in church,” he
said.

“I had to get out this morning. Somehow I
couldn’t bring myself to be cooped up inside with a crowd of
people.”

“Neither could I.” They looked at each other
for a long while, their eyes searching, their breaths making small
cloud puffs in the air. “I went for a walk and I ended up at your
front door.”

“We always end up at each other’s front
doors. Don’t we, Dan?”

“Yes. It must be significant.”

“That’s one of the things I’m trying to sort
out this morning.” She lifted her hand as if she would touch him,
then slowly withdrew it.

“Have you come to any conclusions?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no
easy solution to our problem. There might even be no solution.”

“I won’t accept that.” He reached for her
hands. “No gloves? Doctor, you need somebody to take care of you.”
He blew on her cold hands, then rubbed them between his warm ones.
Finally, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pair of
fur-lined leather gloves. “Wear these, Doc.”

“I’m just going across the street.”

“Back home?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll escort you.” Putting one arm around her
waist and holding one of her cold hands in his, he led her back
across the street. Standing in her parking lot, still holding on,
he said, “Have you seen Harvey today?”

“No. I thought he was still at your
house.”

“So did I. But he’s missing again.”

“You don’t sound too distraught.”

“I’m not. I suspect he’s courting. There’s a
big hole under the fence between my yard and the one next door, and
the back gate is open.”

“How does that add up to a courtship?”

“Didn’t I tell you? Harvey seems to have
taken a shine to the fancy big poodle next door. Gwendolyn.”

Janet laughed. “Romance is so simple for
dogs.”

Dan looked wistful. “If I tried barking and
wagging my tail, would you disappear with me?”

She considered all the possibilities of
disappearing with Dan. The prospect made her cheeks burn. “I would
probably take it as a symptom of mental disorder and recommend a
good psychiatrist.”

“What if I throw in sitting up and
begging?”

She laughed. “In that case, I might invite
you in for a cup of hot chocolate.”

As they entered her apartment she reflected
on how easy it was to laugh with Dan. In that way he had added a
rare dimension to her life. It was something she couldn’t dismiss
without thought.

They hung their coats in the hall closet and
went into the kitchen. Dan helped her measure cocoa and sugar and
milk. When she started to zap it in the microwave, he stopped
her.

“Let’s do it the old-fashioned way.” Digging
around in the cabinets, he came up with a pan. He put the pan on
the stove, poured the mixture in and turned on the gas. “It stays
hot longer this way.”

“It also takes longer to prepare.”

“Some things are worth waiting for.”

“Are they, Dan?”

They faced each other in the small kitchen.
It would be so easy to move forward without considering what might
lie ahead. It would be so easy to forget their differences. She
whirled to the stove, grabbed an insulated glove and took the hot
pan off. “Chocolate’s ready,” she said.

“I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Well, I haven’t.” She jerked a teacup out of
the cabinet and poured the steaming liquid. It sloshed over the
side of the cup and spattered on her wrist.

“You’ve burned yourself.”

Still holding the hot pan, she faced him.
“I’m a doctor. I can take care of it.”

His jaw clenched. Stalking across the kitchen
he got a dishcloth, wrapped it around the hot handle and lifted the
pot from her hands. It clanked as he banged it back down onto the
stove. Then he took Janet’s arm and examined it.

All their differences seemed bound in that
small red wound.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll make it better.” He lifted her wrist to
his lips and kissed it.

“I’m afraid that’s not the solution, Dan.”
She pulled her hand out of his grasp, went into her den got a tube
of ointment from her medical bag.

“Here. At least let me do that.” He took the
ointment from her. “This should never have happened, Janet. I’m
sorry.”

“I was careless. It’s not your fault.”

“In a way it is. I keep baiting you without
really saying what’s on my mind.”

“What’s on your mind, Dan?”

“You. I want you in a way that is totally
selfish. I want your respect, your time, your passion, your body. I
want you to be unconditionally mine.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“I know it.” Unconsciously he rubbed the
small wound on her arm. “I keep hurting you.”

“I’ll get over it.”

“I’m not talking about the burn.”

“I know that, too, Dan. And I’m sure that in
many ways I hurt you.” She could see in his face that she was
right, and the knowledge saddened her. Quietly she pulled her hand
out of his grasp. “Next week is going to be very busy for me.”

“It will be busy for me, as well. The Eagles
have two games, which means some long, hard practice sessions.”

“This is the best way, Dan. I think we both
need some time to think.”

“Perhaps you’re right.” He gazed at her a
moment longer, then lifted his hand in a small salute. “I’ll see
you, Doc.”

“Let me get your coat.”

“There’s no need for you to bother. I know
the way out.”

The door banging shut behind him had such a
ring of finality, something inside Janet snapped.

“Dan!” she called. But it was too late. He
had already gone.

o0o

After Dan left Janet’s condo, he jogged and
then ran toward home. He needed activity, hard activity. He had a
strong hunch that he had just made a severe tactical error with
Janet, and that he was very close to losing the entire game.

Once he got home, he hopped into his truck
and went to the school where he taught. Taking his key, he let
himself into the gymnasium. He worked with the weights until he was
exhausted. Only then did he sit down on one of the benches to
think.

He supposed the trouble with the relationship
was that he had approached it as he would any game. He had expected
the entire courtship to play by the rules. Too late, he had
discovered that there were no rules. But was it too late?

He refused to believe that. He would figure
out a solution, and when he did he’d go back on the field and
win.

Feeling better, he got into his truck and
went home. A quick check showed that Harvey had not come home.

“You must be doing better than I am, old
man,” Dan muttered to himself. Still, he walked around the block
calling Harvey.

When he got home, he gathered an armful of
firewood and built a big fire in his den. When it was crackling
nicely, he sat down in a rocker. A faint scent of jasmine drifted
to him. He reached onto the table and picked up Janet’s scarf.
Holding it to his face he inhaled her fragrance. It was like
reading a sad poem of love lost.

Late Monday evening, while the glow of the
setting sun was still in the sky, Harvey returned to Church Street.
Dan, just home from soccer practice, looked out the kitchen window
and saw him prance through the back gate that had been left open
for his return. Close behind him was Gwendolyn, looking smug and
self-satisfied.

Dan filled Harvey’s dish with dog food and
went outside. He set the dish beside the back door and waited for
Harvey’s usual exuberant greeting. All he got was a gentlemanly wag
of the tail.

“I guess you’re pretty hungry after being
gone for two days.”

Harvey came up and sniffed the food and then
went back to his shy lover. They had a brief communication in dog
language, and then they both came forward to share the supper
dish.

“Is this your new girlfriend, Harvey? Or is
she your fiancée now?”

Harvey thumped his tail and grinned.

“I suppose it will be up to me to ask for her
hand in marriage.”

Harvey whined his agreement.

Chuckling, Dan fastened the back gate and
went back inside. He couldn’t wait to tell Janet.

He was halfway into his coat when he
remembered that they were supposed to be taking time to think.
Telling her about Harvey wouldn’t count, of course. She’d want to
hear news of him. After all, he was her dog, too.

“Who are you kidding, Coach?” He paced the
hall, totally unaware of one jacket sleeve dragging along behind
him. “You can’t stay away from the woman. Admit it.”

Suddenly the truth hit him: he was in love
with Dr. Janet Hall. He stopped dead still in the middle of his
hallway. A huge smile spread over his face.

“I’m in love with her.” He was so pleased
with the sound of the words that he tried them out again. “I love
Dr. Janet Hall.”

He hurried down the hall, and only when his
sleeve got caught in the front door did he realize that his jacket
was half on and half off. Shrugging into the other sleeve, he
headed for his pickup truck.

Jubilation filled him as he drove along. By
the time he got to her apartment he was fairly singing with
joy.

She didn’t answer the doorbell until the
fourth ring. If he hadn’t seen her car in the driveway he’d have
thought she was not at home.

He knew she would be surprised to see him,
and he thought she might even be upset; but when she opened the
door she was quiet and reserved, even subdued.

“Dan.” She stood almost uncertainly in the
doorway, then she opened the door wider. “Come in.”

His first instinct was to sweep her into his
arms and say, “I love you.” But on second thought he decided to
take his time, to set the stage and pick the right moment. It was
almost like setting up a soccer goal and waiting for the perfect
time to kick the ball.

He stepped into her entry hall. “I know it’s
late, but I wanted to tell you the good news about Harvey.”

It seemed to take a moment for Janet to focus
her thoughts on Harvey. Then she gave him a small smile. “Come in.
You can tell me while we sit in comfortable chairs.”

He followed her into the den. As she turned
to face him he noticed that she was extremely pale. She still wore
high heels and a dark green wool suit that made her skin look like
translucent ivory by contrast. Gone were the rose and gold tones of
a Rubens painting.

She obviously hadn’t been home long enough to
change, and she was probably very tired. He’d tell her about
Harvey, then make a real date to tell her that he loved her—a
dinner date with candlelight and wine and roses.

He settled into the chair beside her
fireplace and she sat on the sofa.

“Harvey came home today—with his
girlfriend.”

“The poodle.”

“Yes. Gwendolyn. From the looks of things I
believe I’m going to have to ask for her hand in marriage so Harvey
can make an honest woman of her.”

“That’s good news. I’m glad to hear it.” Her
smile was somewhat shaky and so were her hands. She picked up two
long needles and a skein of navy blue wool.

“Are you knitting?”

“I’m trying. Eleanor gave me the wool today.
She even got me started on this sweater at lunch break.” She held
the unfinished sweater up for his inspection. Her lips trembled
slightly.

“It looks great to me.”

“It’s not great. It’s awful.” A tear trickled
down her cheek.

Dan bolted from his chair in alarm. Crossing
the room, he knelt beside the sofa and patted her hand. “It takes a
while to learn. Betty June took four months to knit her first
sweater. You’ll get the hang of it.”

“No, I won’t. Just look at that.” She pulled
up a section of knitting that faintly resembled a sleeve. “It will
reach clear to Kansas and ba...ack.” The tears began to rain down
her cheeks in earnest.

“Hey, now.” Dan quickly sat on the sofa and
pulled her into his arms, putting her head against his chest and
smoothing her hair with his big hands. “There now, Doc. Don’t cry,
baby. It’s not important. I don’t care if you never pick up another
knitting needle as long as you live.”

She sobbed against his shirt. “I wanted... to
do...it. Not just... for you. For me... to re-e-ela-a-ax.”

He’d never seen Janet anything but composed.
He guessed he had thought she wasn’t even capable of tears. The
thought shamed him. Being a doctor didn’t make her any less human;
it just made her more controlled.

“There, now, sweetheart. There now.” He
rocked her in his arms, soothing and stroking. But her sobs got
harsher. Her shudders were hard against him, and he suddenly
realized that she would never grieve so over failure to knit a
sweater. “Tell me what’s wrong, Doc.”