Jane's Gift (15 page)

Chapter Sixteen

“Where are you?” Mac asked.

Jane frowned as she held Mindy’s cell phone to her ear. “I’m with Mindy. We’re headed over to Mom and Dad’s to pick up the kids. What’s going on?”

Her little brother did not sound good. And that scared her. “Eric just called me. He was looking for you.”

“Why was Eric looking for me?” Fear trickled down her spine, making her sit up straighter in her seat. She glanced at Mindy, saw the questioning in her sister’s eyes.

“He tried to call your cell. Don’t you have it with you?”

“The battery’s dead.” She’d left it on all night at Chris’s house and didn’t have her charger with her.

“Jane.” Mac took a deep breath, as if fortifying himself. “It’s Chris. He’s been hurt.”

“What?” She felt as if she’d been sucker punched, socked so hard in the stomach all the breath left her in one big whoosh. She tried to inhale, found she couldn’t, and she jerked out the words as best she could. “Wh—what happened?”

“The old church burned down, Saint Elizabeth’s.”

“Right, I know.” She watched as Mindy pulled into their parents’ driveway and turned off the car engine.

“Want me to stay or go?” Mindy whispered and Jane shook her head, mouthing the word
stay
.

She needed as much support as she could get.

“Well, there was an accident. He’s been hurt pretty badly.”

“H-how bad?” Oh, God. She couldn’t take this, she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. Memories assaulted her yet again, sudden and furious. The roar of the fire in her ears, how the thick smoke choked her, and the smell of flesh burning. Her flesh. How she’d searched everywhere for Stephen but couldn’t find him.

Jane gasped, her throat dry, tears streaming down her face at the sudden, overwhelming images. She’d never remembered any of that before, not in the two years since it happened. But it came back to her now in a horrific rush, one moment after another, like little pieces of a puzzle all fitting together and finally making sense.

The EMT who found her in the backyard, who held her in his lap and let her know her children were safe. The relief she’d felt, how she’d cried and asked for her husband. The EMT’s somber expression, how he refused to answer, and she’d known. She’d known then Stephen was dead.

She’d screamed. Again and again, she’d screamed. Her voice had grown hoarse with it, the acrid stench of smoke everywhere. The flames so bright they turned the night sky into day.

And her life was forever changed. Stephen was gone.

Dead.

“Jane. Jane, are you there?”

She heard Mac’s voice in her ear, felt Mindy’s hand touch her arm, and she shook herself. All of the memories had slammed into her until she couldn’t separate the past from the present. She couldn’t remember if they were talking about Stephen or Chris.

It’s Chris
, she reminded herself.
Chris
.

“Jane, he’s out of it now but he asked for you earlier.” Mac was quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in. “He’s at the hospital in Oakwood. I’ll come get you and take you there.”

“Why haven’t they sent him to Sacramento?” If his injuries were severe enough, they would’ve sent him to a hospital in Sacramento, she knew it. So that meant maybe he was okay.

He was okay. He had to be.

“I don’t know, Janey. I’m hoping because his injuries aren’t that bad. Eric didn’t go into details, just told me to find you fast because Chris wants you.”

“Then come get me, Mac. Hurry,” Jane urged, wanting to see Christian.
Not
wanting to see him, too. The idea of going to a hospital, seeing him lying there in a bed, injured, broken, maybe even—oh, God—burned, she knew she would lose it.

She was already close to losing it.

“I’ll be there in less than five minutes. I’m already headed in that direction.” Mac ended the call and Jane handed the phone back to Mindy.

“What’s going on?” Mindy’s eyes were wide. “What happened to Chris?”

“There was an accident. At the fire.” Jane felt unusually still, frozen, unable to move, barely able to think. “Mac didn’t know how bad it was. I guess Eric’s been looking for me. Christian asked for me.”

“You’re going to the hospital, then, right?”

Jane stared at her hands, her gaze zeroing in on her scarred fingers. Could she do this? She had to. She had to be there for Christian. For everyone. She was always there for everyone; it was her job. “Of course I am.”

“Jane.” Mindy nudged her shoulder. “Are you all right? You want to go inside and see the kids before you go?”

“No.” She couldn’t see them, not right now. Couldn’t deal with their endless chatter and their questions and how could she explain to them that her world was slowly falling apart all over again?

She couldn’t.

“I’ll tell them you had to go with Uncle Mac and that you’ll be back later.” Mindy squeezed her shoulder, trying to offer comfort. “Are you going to be all right?”

“Of course.” Jane still couldn’t move, couldn’t even get out of the car.

“You keep saying
of course
,” Mindy pointed out, her voice gentle, and Jane finally looked at her, really looked at her.

Mindy watched her, sympathy clouding her eyes, a frown on her face. She tried to smile, but Jane saw it wasn’t sincere. Which meant Mindy was worried. Well, great. Jane was worried, too.

A screech of tires sounded in the distance and Jane caught sight of Mac’s car zooming toward them. Somehow, she found the strength to pick up her purse and get out of Mindy’s car. She stood in the driveway, watching as Mac jerked to a stop on the side of the road and waved at her to hurry up.

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Mindy called from behind her and Jane wanted to agree. Tried to believe everything was going to be just fine. But it was hard, so hard, when the memories continued to slam into her brain, one after the other like some sort of bizarre super-fast slideshow. She’d thought of their children losing their parents. Of her not even hitting thirty yet and already dying. She hadn’t really lived, hadn’t done nearly everything she’d wanted to.

A sob welled up in her chest and she choked it down, refusing to cry, needing to be strong. She needed to keep a clear head. For herself and for Chris.

She could do this.

Mac peeled off like a maniac, and Jane told him to slow down. Last thing they needed was to get in an accident themselves before they even arrived.

As they got closer to the small local hospital, she felt a sense of calm wash over her, keeping her hands steady and her mind clear. The memories had faded—she’d pushed them out—and she focused ahead. Focused on Christian.

Mac pulled into the hospital parking lot and her heart skipped a beat, then another. He found a space at the end of the lot and they started the long walk to the main entrance, her footsteps faltering as they got closer.

“Are you okay?” Mac had respected her quietness. Hadn’t said a word to her during the entire drive, but he’d seen her stumble, and she tried to put on a brave face.

“I’m fine. Let’s go.”

His expression said he didn’t quite believe her, but he stayed quiet, took her by the arm, and escorted her toward the sliding glass doors that led into the main lobby of the small hospital. After some questioning, they found out Chris’s room number and went to the second floor.

The familiar antiseptic hospital scent made her stomach turn. Jane pressed her lips together, tried to hold her breath, but it was no use. Her stomach roiled, her vision hazy.

Oh, God, she thought she might faint. Blindly, she reached out, grabbed at Mac who grabbed her back, supporting her with his arm around her waist.

“Are you okay?” He sounded panicked, and she remembered her brother had never been good with upset women. Jane shook her head and leaned into him, grasping at the front of his shirt.

“I think—I think I’m going to faint.” Her words came out slurred and the rapid pounding of her heart beat an accelerated rhythm in her ears, making her head ring.

“Oh, crap. Are you serious?”

She leaned against him even more, rested her forehead on his shoulder, and breathed deeply once, twice, three times. Her head leveled out, as did her stomach, and when she opened her eyes, she could see the cream and gray speckled linoleum floor below. Cool and shiny with not a scuff in sight.

“Do you want me to get a nurse?”

“No, I feel better. I’m okay.” Slowly she lifted her head, thankful it had quit spinning. She stared at her poor, flustered brother, expelling a soft breath. “I think I had a minor panic attack.”

“It’s the hospital.” His green eyes, so similar to hers, went soft with sympathy and Jane stood straighter, told herself to knock it off.

“Probably. Let’s find Christian.”

With every step that brought them closer to Chris’s room, Jane told herself everything would be all right. She could get through this. She was tough. Accidents were rare in Chris’s profession; he’d just used up that one off-chance. He’d be fine now.

But niggling doubt stayed with her. It was a nagging little voice that whispered in her ear over and over. She’d worried before about Chris’s job as a firefighter, found it ironic she was interested in a man who fought fires for a living when she herself was deathly afraid of fire. She’d been burned, damaged by fire, scarred for life.

Fire was scary. Dangerous. Deadly. And Chris dealt with it every time he went to work. Could she handle this, being a firefighter’s girlfriend? Being a firefighter’s
wife
? Maybe she was jumping ahead of the game, but she had to look to her future.

And if her future consisted of this—visiting hospitals and constantly fearing for her man’s safety—well, she didn’t think she could take it. She’d already suffered once, and suffered mightily. She didn’t think she deserved to go through something like that again, no matter how much she cared about this man.

They entered his room, found him lying in bed, his eyes closed. He was hooked up to an IV, his head was wrapped tightly with a snowy white bandage, and a smudge of soot was slashed across his cheek.

He looked wonderful, terrible, and so beautifully alive.

Jane stared at him, the shock of mussed dark hair standing straight up above the bandage and the gash at his eyebrow. His left wrist was wrapped.

She and Mac both turned when they heard someone enter the room. It was Eric. “Glad you guys got here.”

“How is he?” Mac asked before Jane could. Her throat was too thick with emotion to speak anyway.

“He’s good, better than they thought. They’ve got the IV in him just in case of dehydration. He showed signs. He broke his wrist in the fall, cracked a rib or two, and he’s got a couple of gashes on his head, one of them they had to staple. He’s sedated right now. Pain meds knocked him out.”

“How long does he have to stay?” Jane croaked, then cleared her throat, feeling foolish. But she couldn’t stop the rush of emotions that flooded her at being here, at the thought of almost losing Chris.

“They’re keeping him overnight for observation because of the hit to the head, but they’ll release him tomorrow morning.” Eric nodded toward Jane. “He really wanted to see you. Maybe you should try talking to him.”

Jane’s mouth went dry. What would she say?
Thank God you’re alive. I don’t think I can go through this again. I love you but I can’t stand the thought of losing you like this, so I’d rather walk away now.

How could she say any of that? How could she
mean
any of it?

But the thoughts wouldn’t stop tumbling through her mind, no matter how much she wished them away.

“We’ll leave you two alone,” Mac mumbled, squeezing her hand before he walked out with Eric.

Jane took a couple of steps closer to the bed and reached out to brush at his hair. She whispered his name, her voice cracking, and she said it louder, firmer, wanting to wake him up. Then again, she
didn’t
want to wake him up. Then she’d have to face him. Face her fears.

His eyes slowly cracked open, bloodshot and oh, so weary. Unfocused for a moment, he squinted, his mouth curving into the smallest of smiles when he caught sight of her.

“Jane.” His voice was raw, scratchy, and he coughed. “You’re here.”

“Of course I am.”

“I, uh, I lied.” He coughed again, harder this time, and she waited, smoothed her hand over his shoulder until he finished.

“You lied about what?”

“I told you I was always careful. I guess I wasn’t this time. Got taken out by a beam.” He was trying to make light of it, but she saw the seriousness in his expression, the grim line of his mouth.

What happened had scared him, too.

“You didn’t know, Christian.” She let her hand drop away from his shoulder, wondered if it would be the last time she touched him.

God.
She couldn’t believe she just thought that. But the protective shield was coming up, like a dome of glass slowly sliding over her, cocooning her from anything and everything that would hurt.

“I screwed up. I wasn’t paying attention; I was tired, distracted.”

Tired and distracted by her, she bet. They’d stayed up most of last night making love. He’d been exhausted. Yet another reason she needed to stay away from him. She contributed to putting his life at risk.

“Christian.” She sighed, the sound of it sad even to her own ears. “This is crazy.”

“I’m fine, though. Or I will be. I’ll be off duty for a little while, since I’ll need to recover. But hey, this guarantees I’ll be off for Christmas, right?” He chuckled and then groaned, his good hand reaching across his stomach. “Forgot about the ribs.”

“I can’t do this,” she whispered.

“You can’t do what?” His eyes opened wider, confusion dawning over his handsome features.

“The hospital. And seeing you like this.” She waved a hand toward the bed. “All of it. I can’t do it.”

“Baby, why don’t you go home, come visit me tomorrow at my place. I’ll be out of here by then.” He smiled, the sight of it cracking her heart in two. “I know you don’t like hospitals. I can’t blame you for that.”

“I don’t like the fact that you put your life in danger every day,” she admitted, feeling like a soulless, heartless woman for even
thinking
what she was about to say. “I don’t know if this is something I can deal with. I’ve already lost once.”