Jane Bonander (15 page)

It wasn’t fair, what he was doing to her, but God forgive him, he couldn’t help himself. Never in his life had he felt such helplessness with a woman. God forgive him again, but not even with Judith, whom he’d loved, had he felt the weakening sense of desire he’d felt with Susannah.

He slid into bed beside her, his root springing to life the moment her warm skin touched his. She rolled over and faced him, a smile on her face.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Didn’t want to. I’d rather watch you.”

She hiked herself onto an elbow and studied him, her eyes warm, her breasts bare to his gaze. “I was having a sweet dream, for a change.”

Caressing her breast, he watched the nipple change. “I’m sorry I woke you, then.”

She closed her eyes, her face dreamy. “Don’t be. It was about you, and as lovely as it was, I’d rather be awake when I’m with you.”

Touching her made him harder than ever. By her expression, he knew she could feel his length against her leg. They exchanged glances.

Her hand slid beneath the covers, her fingers touching him. “Do you mind?”

Whipping off the covers, he gave her a crooked smile and answered, “Please. Be my guest.”

Through a lust-filled haze, he watched her examine him. She moved the skin away from the bulbous tip and he steeled himself against the pleasure, lest he spend.

“What a clever little wrapping,” she said, only half in jest.

“My own invention,” he answered through clenched teeth.

She gave him a shy laugh, then continued to stroke him. “I’ve never wanted to look at a man’s . . . thing before.”

He chuckled, still floating on the sensual river. “‘Thing’?”

With shy fingers she reached below and fondled his balls. His mouth was dry, his throat tight with control.

“I know the real word, Nathan, I just can’t say it.”

Desire raged through him, and he loved it. He wanted it to last, but if she continued to stroke him, he knew he’d explode. “Why—” He swallowed hard. “Why can’t you say it, Susannah?”

To his relief and dismay, she stopped. “Ma Walker told me I’d go to hell if I said it.”

The hard ridge of his desire softened. “She said you’d go to hell if you said ‘penis’?”

Nodding, she answered, “That, and . . . and other words for it.”

He shook his head, filled with rage for such a witch. “They’re just words, Susannah. Words can’t send you to hell. In fact,” he added, “those very words can be very exciting, if shared with the right person.”

Her expression told him she didn’t believe him. He settled onto the bed, drew her into his arms and caressed her. With a deep sigh, she pressed her softness against him, throwing her leg over his.

He reached between them and touched the petals of her sex, drowning in her eager reaction. He stroked her until she shook, until she pleaded, until she was nearly at the edge. Then he bent and whispered naughty things in her ear, words that when spoken between lovers, only intensify the desire. She squirmed against him and sought his stiff root, guiding it eagerly into her fertile home.

They made love with wild abandon. When Susannah reached her orgasm, Nate reveled in her unbridled release.

Wearing only her camisole cover and drawers, Susannah ran across the cold, wet grass and into the warm water. “Last one in has to make supper!”

Nathan, in his long underwear with Corey riding on his shoulders, bounded in after her. “Not fair! You had a head start, woman.”

Susannah huddled down in the warm water, noting that steam rose from the surface as it hit the colder air. “
Brrr
. Do you really think this was such a good idea?” As she’d lain with him in the early hours of the morning, she’d agreed to take a brisk swim before it got too cold. After all, she’d thought, they could swim without desiring one another, for she was completely satisfied. That was then.

This was now. As the hard, muscled ridges of his body became evident beneath the wet fabric of his underwear, she realized that satisfaction was a baffling thing, for although they’d made love early in the morning, and he’d satisfied her, she wanted him again.

Nathan swung Corey from his shoulders and put him in the warm water. “Don’t look at me like that, Susannah.”

She scooted close, her buttocks floating just over the rocky bottom, only her head poking out of the water. “How am I looking at you?”

Over the weeks since he’d arrived, his rusty smile had vanished, replaced by a heart-stopping lopsided one. He used it now, and she felt her heart stop, midbeat, before it clattered away in her chest again.

“Like a cat, drooling in anticipation of being stroked.”

She swallowed a laugh. “I’m not drooling.”

He reached over and ran his thumb along the sides of her mouth, his touch electric. “You could have fooled me.”

With the back of her hand, she playfully swatted his away. “That’s not drool, that’s water.”

Corey bobbed in the water beside them; Nathan had tied a sash around Corey’s waist and attached it to his own so he would never be far from him.

She floated away, beyond Nathan’s reach, only to discover the toes of one of his feet between her legs, twitching against the slit in her drawers.

“Don’t you want to be stroked?” he asked, his voice like silk.

Shuddering at the wealth of her feelings, she decided that two could play the game. Riding his leg until her toes reached his groin, she touched him, desire thickening her blood when she discovered he was already hard. “Don’t . . . don’t you?”

Only his eyes changed. “I’ll give you an hour to stop that,” he threatened, his voice husky and compelling. He reached beneath the water and claimed her foot, rubbing the sole seductively. He then pulled her toward him and drew her legs on either side of his hips.

She floated just above the mass at his groin, knowing that if she touched it she’d be lost. He’d taught her that drawing out their pleasure made the pleasure that much more intense.

Beneath the surface of the water, one of his hands claimed her breast, and he rubbed the nipple through the wet fabric of her camisole cover. She felt the shock all the way to the place between her legs, and she bucked, accidentally pressing against his groin.

He groaned and returned the pressure. They sat together, their hunger mounting.

Unaware of their physical discomfort, Corey splashed beside them.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” She watched Corey tug on the sash as Max galloped toward them, sending water every which way.

“Don’t be so sure,” he answered, his smile raffish.

“But, we can’t
do
anything,” she argued, trying to quell the ache between her thighs.

He drew her close again, but this time he moved his hand down over her stomach to the slit in her drawers. “Oh, Nathan,” she said on a shudder, “don’t . . . don’t do that. I’m—”

“I know,” he said. “You’re already so hot down there the water’s boiling.”

She laughed, feeling a little embarrassed, for she knew it was true. “This isn’t fair,” she protested on a halfhearted whimper. The place between her legs
was
hot and insistent, craving his touch. She had no strength to push him away. With Corey and the dog splashing nearby, she clung to Nathan’s shoulders and gave in to his touch.

Desire built within her like a storm gathering strength. Then he pushed her away.

She stared at him. He was grinning like a fool.

“Oh,” she scolded, “you did that on purpose, you . . . you rat!”

His chest moved as he chuckled. “I couldn’t very well finish the job, could I?”

She was still on fire. “Then you shouldn’t have started it, you . . . you
worm
.” She splashed his face with a rush of water.

He laughed out loud. “Oh, Corey, we’d better watch out. Your mama’s on the warpath.”

“You bet I am,” she warned, unable to swallow her smile. She put her feet against his chest and shoved, laughing with glee when he fell backward into the water.

Nathan had untied the sash so Corey wouldn’t go under with him, and the boy sat in the water, clapping and laughing as Susannah and Nathan tussled.

Nathan’s head bobbed up and he gasped for breath, still laughing at Susannah’s attempts to drown him.

“You
beast!
Don’t you dare laugh at me!” She went at him again, pummeling him with her fists, lashing out with all her strength only to discover that the water softened her blows. And the fight did nothing to dissipate her desire. It only made her want him more.

After she’d flailed at him long enough, Nathan grabbed her wrists and stared at her, still smiling his heart-stopping smile.

“How do you feel now, Susannah?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Do you know how you look? You look like a woman who’s in such heat, if she doesn’t get satisfied, she’ll splinter into a thousand pieces.”

She was breathing hard, streamers of wet hair plastered to her face, neck and shoulders. And he was right. She was so hot she knew she’d die if he didn’t make love to her.

They bobbed together until they caught their breath.

“Now you know why we did this, don’t you?” His voice was seductive, sultry.

Still trying to hold onto a piece of her dignity, she said, “No. Why don’t you tell me?” Immediately she knew the question was a mistake.

He grinned, but his eyes were dark. “Because now we can go back to the cabin, put the little whistler man down for his nap and have some good, hot, sweaty sex.”

She shuddered and looked away. “I . . . I’m sorry I asked.”

He stroked her one last time, and she felt a twitching that drove her to the edge. “No you’re not,” he argued.

“Mama! Corey cold!”

Grateful for the interruption, Susannah took Corey’s hand, waded to the shore and wrapped him in a towel. Nathan followed them out of the water, but Susannah tried to ignore him as they made their way to the cabin.

“Hey, this is nice,” Nathan said. “I like the way you move, Susannah-love. Your butt jiggles real sweetly when you walk.”

Her cheeks flamed and she tried to stiffen her step and tighten her bottom. “You watch something else, you evil man,” she answered, her mouth twitching into a smile.

She fed Corey lunch and put him down for his nap, trying to tell herself that Nathan was wrong. But her body told her otherwise. As she stepped through the curtain that hung over Corey’s bedroom door, she found Nathan feeding the fire. He turned, his look heated and intimate.

“Was I wrong, Susannah?”

She wanted to tell him he was, but she couldn’t. She wanted him. She
needed
him. Lord help her, but she loved him. “No,” she whispered.

In two strides Nathan was beside her, pulling her toward the bedroom. Once inside, they tore at each other’s wet underthings, anxious to touch, to feel.

“You’re cold,” she said on a shaky whisper, hand stroking his firm buttocks.

“Not here,” he argued, drawing her hand around to the front.

She moaned as his lips claimed hers. The kiss was deep and wet as they shed the remainder of their clothes and toppled onto the bed.

He entered her, driving deep, and within moments they climaxed together. They lingered there, but soon crawled under the warm covers and explored each other until their desire for each other rose again.

He’d never had such great sex, yet he knew that with Susannah, it would only get better. He bent and kissed her and she responded with an open mouth, although she didn’t wake up.

He slipped from the bed with reluctance, found dry clothes, and went into the other room. After checking on Corey and finding him asleep, he pulled out paper and tobacco and rolled himself a cigarette. Checking his pocket, he found the ad he’d taken off the door of the mercantile the last time he was in Angel’s Valley.

Tilting the paper toward the light, he read the inquiry again:
Challengers needed! Meet the Moose! Big Moose McKay, the famous bare knuckle boxer, arrives in Sacramento on November 1st. Good money to the man who stays in the ring the longest.

Good money
. Those two words, more than any others, had drawn Nate’s attention. He folded the paper and returned it to his pocket. He’d made his decision. There was no way in hell he’d turn Susannah and Corey over to Sonny Walker. But he’d already sent the money on to Nub Watkins, his ranch foreman, to begin repairs. Before he could do anything else, he had to pay Sonny back. He didn’t want to owe the bastard anything.

He had another, more immediate, concern. He hadn’t kept in touch with Sonny Walker, which was his mistake. That meant that at any time, the man could appear himself. He’d wired Walker the day he’d learned for certain that Susannah was here. Once he’d gotten to know her, he wished to hell he’d waited. Sonny knew she was here.

Now Nate had to abandon her when he wasn’t sure it was safe to leave her alone. But in his mind, there was no other way. It was just the way he was. He had to wipe the slate clean before telling Susannah anything.

He stepped out onto the porch and lit the cigarette. The smoke lingered, dissipating in the hushed air. The snow was falling again, although it wasn’t as heavy as it had been the night of the dance. Being snowbound with Susannah would be a treat, but it was one he couldn’t afford, not now.

The door squeaked behind him. “Nathan?” She stepped outside, pulling her flannel wrapper around her. “What’s wrong?”

He flicked the cigarette away and caught her to him. She came to him, melting against him. She felt so damned good, all soft and warm and ripe. . . . “Nothing. I went to check on Corey, then had a cigarette.”

She snaked her arms inside his shirt, against his skin. “It’s strange, but I don’t like waking up alone anymore.” Nuzzling his chest hair with her nose, she murmured, “Come back to bed, just for a little while.” She gazed up at him. “Please?”

He bent and took her mouth, kissing her with deep, wet kisses. Picking her up in his arms, he took her back to bed, anxious to explore her further, yet regretting what he ultimately had to do.

S
usannah opened one eye and looked toward the door. It was barely dawn. The previous day was still vivid in her memory. It had been a perfect day. In her secret daydreams, she, Corey and Nathan were like a real family. Corey adored Nathan, and Nathan treated Corey like his own. And she loved them both.

Now, she was cold; she was alone in the bed. Turning toward the window, she found Nathan standing there, staring outside. Despite the warm memories of their day together, her stomach clenched, telling her something was happening. He had all the signs of a man on the move.

As if sensing she was awake, he turned, but said nothing.

She swallowed a fierce disappointment. “You’re leaving.”

He studied her. “It’s time.”

Realizing how awful she looked in the morning, she squirmed under his scrutiny. Her hair was all tangles. Harlan had told her that after she’d slept on it, it always looked like the back end of a horse, and that the freckles across her nose stood out like mouse shit.

“Corey . . . Corey will miss you.”

“And, will you?” He crossed to the bed and sat on the edge, tugging back the quilt she had tucked to her chin. He pulled it down, exposing her breasts. The cold air tightened them, pebbling her nipples.

She hoped he didn’t see the rampant pain in her heart. “I won’t lie. I don’t know how to be coy. Yes, I’ll miss you . . . very much.”

With a regretful sounding sigh, he flipped the quilt back over her bosom. “I have a job waiting for me, Susannah. I also have a lot of things to sort out.”

“About your wife?” She was certain he still thought about the family he’d lost. She often caught him staring off into space, his expression troubled and filled with pain.

“Yes,” he answered on a nod.

“And . . . and me?” she asked hopefully.

He sighed again, swearing under his breath. “Hell, yes.”

Whatever that meant. She couldn’t tell if it pleased him to think about her or not. She gazed at the window as faint streamers of light slanted through onto the floor.

“I’ll try to come back.”

She threw the bedding aside and stepped from the bed, naked. Aware that he watched her, she scrambled for her dressing gown. “Don’t make any promises you can’t keep, Nathan.”

“Susannah, I don’t know what to say.”

She tied the sash around her waist, pulling it tighter than was necessary. “Don’t say anything more.” She tried to ignore the knot in her throat. “You don’t owe us an explanation. You’ve . . . you’ve done more than I could have expected as it is.”

She walked briskly past him, pulled open the bedroom door and stopped. “Just tell me one thing.”

“What?”

Unable to face him, she asked, her gaze focused on the door, “If you knew you were going to leave anyway, why didn’t you go before . . . before the night of the party?”

The silence that hung between them was palpable, stretching to the point of pain. “I thought it would be best this way. For you, for Corey . . . for the gossip mongers in Angel’s Valley.”

She’d hoped he’d tell her it was because he’d wanted to make love to her, but she wasn’t really surprised at his pragmatic answer. She was a fool to let her feelings for him affect her. But she certainly couldn’t blame Nathan; he hadn’t forced her to fall in love with him.

Frowning, Louisa Washington rubbed her sore butt and watched the hay wagon clatter out of sight. But she wouldn’t complain; it had been a free ride from the remote train station. Huffing a sigh, she brushed the hay off her black linsey-woolsey skirt and straightened the neckline over her generous bosom. Well, she was here. Now what? Another wild-assed frontier town where she’d probably have to play the down guilty nigger in order to find out what she needed to know. Lord, she had to be crazy as a Mizzoura bedbug to come all the way out here. She’d just been blamed lucky she could talk her way out of trouble, because she’d found plenty of that between Missouri and California.

She straightened and looked around. Where in blazes was everybody? The town was nigh onto dead. Adjusting the brim of her straw hat to keep the morning sun from blinding her, she looked toward the livery. A tall, massively built man stood in the wide doorway, his hands in his back pockets. She studied his fine lines, feeling a thread of interest. Lord a’mighty, he was a big one. She focused on his limping walk as he moved about. No matter. Legs were nice, but they only got a person around.

Arching a curious brow, she checked her neckline once more and sauntered his way.

He turned, watching her approach with interest or so she wanted to believe.

She walked up to him, dropped her shabby valise to the ground and put her hands on her hips. Her gaze wandered up the length of him until she met his eyes. ’Course, she had to tilt her head back to do it, him being so tall and all. His face was mean, threatening. His black-coffee eyes were hard. He didn’t scare her; his menacing appearance only made him more interesting. She let her gaze flick over his chest and shoulders, drawing in a quick breath as she did so.

“This your place?”

He crossed his arms over his chest and studied her, taking in her generous bosom. “I’m the smith here, for the time bein’, anyway.”

My oh my, she thought, feeling a rush of pleasure. A voice that rumbled like thunder. “I’m lookin’ for someone. Think you can help me?”

He lifted a leather apron off a hook by the door, wrapped it around his hard, flat middle and tied the thongs in the back. “Not unless you tell me who it is.”

She swallowed a smile. A quick mind. She liked that. She appreciated a challenge. Most men didn’t leave an impression on her any stronger than a fart in a whirlwind. “Your woman know you talk to strangers?”

He met her brazen gaze. “Ain’t got no woman.”

Louisa warmed to the idea. “I can understan’ why,” she baited. “Who’d want a worthless cripple like you?”

Giving her a lazy grin, he answered, “An’ who’d want a mouthy bag o’ wind like you?”

Ignoring the remark, she smoothed her skirt, shaking the dust from the hem. “I’m askin’ after a white gal with a little boy.”

He snorted a laugh. “You might narrow it down a bit.”

“Name’s Susannah. The chile’s name is Corey.”

He turned away, straightening the latch on the door. “What you want them for?”

“That’s my business, not yours,” she answered tartly.

“An’ if I know her?”

She felt a twinge of excitement. “I’m a friend, come all the way from Mizzoura to visit.”

He laughed, a deep, quiet booming that washed over her, leaving her weak and a little breathless—a state she definitely was
not
accustomed to.

“Well, la-de-da. The fine lady’s come all the way from Mizzoura to visit.”

She bristled. Something else she wasn’t accustomed to doing, for usually nothing anyone said to her bothered her a whit. “Are you gonna take me to Susannah or not?”

“I got plenty of work to keep me busy. I don’ have time to haul you around.”

“All right. Jes’ point me in the right direction. I ain’t too proud to walk.”

His eyes glittered. “Ah, hell. See that buckboard?” He flung his steely arm sideways, exposing bulging muscles and veins.

“I see it,” she quipped, mesmerized by his body, “I ain’t blind, you fool.”

Continuing to stare at her, he shook his head. “How’d you get here all the way from Mizzoura with a mouth like that?”

She pulled a haughty face, picked up her valise and tromped to the buckboard. “What I do with my mouth ain’t none of your concern.”

Chuckling again, he followed her. “Hell, I jes’ might like it to be.”

She felt a glorious warmth whirl around inside her. Lord a’mighty, she could learn to live in a place like this with a man like that.

But as they started out of town, she glimpsed a man on horseback that she recognized, and any pleasure she’d felt was washed away by fear. Quietly urging the buckboard forward, she swore she’d kill any man who would hurt her sweet Honeybelle.

Susannah stood on the porch, staring at the trees through which Nathan had left an hour before. The snow had already begun to melt; there was little left anywhere. With both Nathan and the snow gone, the last few days hadn’t seemed real. Had it not been for the pain in her heart, she might have believed it had been.

Pulling her shawl around her, she leaned against one of the new pillars. Of course she wanted him to return to her. She loved him. And he’d given her the self-respect Harlan had robbed from her. Even if he never came back for her, she’d still have that.

Hugging herself, she thought about the night that had just passed. He’d made her feel . . . so much. She’d felt wanton and he’d encouraged it. They’d loved fiercely, openly. Now he was gone, leaving her with a new, turbulent need.

Her body still hummed as she recalled the many times he’d reached for her in the night. She’d gone willingly, even though she knew in her heart he would soon leave her. She was just happy that he’d left her with something.

What sleep she’d gotten had been dream-free. Nightmare-free. The first in months. And although she already missed Nathan, she felt whole.

Glancing at the nice new porch, she wondered how long she’d be able to enjoy it. Nathan had worked so hard. In some ways, she felt he hadn’t been real, but someone she’d dreamed up to save her from a life too dreadful to imagine. And now, she realized that without him, she was vulnerable again. She’d thought of him as her protector. Now, she had an urgent need to pack up and leave this place. Run again. But hadn’t she known it would eventually come to this?

A buckboard clattered over the rutted path toward the cabin, sending Max into yelping fits. She shaded her eyes to get a better look. “Kito?”

“Mornin’, Miz Susannah. Brought you company.”

Puzzled, Susannah peered at his passenger. Her heart leaped with joy. “Louisa! Oh, my darling dear!” She flew off the porch, meeting Louisa halfway. They embraced, clinging to one another, swaying from side to side.

Susannah pulled away, her eyes brimming. “I don’t believe it. Oh, I just don’t
believe
it.” She took off Louisa’s wide-brimmed hat and devoured her with her eyes.

Reaching up and touching Louisa’s soft black hair, she whispered, “How I’ve missed you!” Their eyes met, and they both smiled, albeit sadly, remembering how they’d parted.

“You are still the most magnificent woman I’ve ever known, Louisa Washington.” Susannah gazed into the black almond shaped eyes and felt a fierce tug of love. “You’re even more beautiful now than you were when I left.”

Although Louisa’s eyes were filled with love, she gave Susannah a skeptical glance. “Ain’t you looked in a mirror yet, Honeybelle?” she scolded softly.

Susannah hugged her again. “How did you get here? When did you leave?”

“There’s enough time for that,” Louisa answered, rubbing Susannah’s shoulders.

Susannah closed her eyes and clung to Louisa. “I’m so glad you found Kito.”

Louisa released her and turned to the buckboard. “Oh, that the no-account’s name?” she asked, her voice lacking any signs of interest.

Susannah felt a stab of disappointment. She’d so hoped—Well, it wasn’t the end of the world. At least Louisa was here with her.

As Kito made a turn in the yard, she said, “Kito, can you stay a few minutes?”

His gaze rested on Louisa. “Have to get to work, Miz Susannah. Gotta get everything done before nightfall. Tomorrow, I ain’t got a job.”

“Oh, Kito, I’m sorry. What happened?”

“One of the ranchers got me fired,” he answered without remorse.

“What will you do?” Susannah asked, concerned.

“Don’t worry ’bout me, Miz Susannah. I’ll find me somethin’. I always do.”

Louisa sized him up, then down, her hands on her hips. “Yessuh, you best git to work, then, you no-account cripple.”

Susannah gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. “Louisa!”

Kito snorted a caustic laugh. “If that mouth of yours don’t get you into trouble, I can’t think of anything that will.”

Susannah gaped at them. Why, they’d just met and they sniped at each other like . . . like . . . She couldn’t even think what. She was just
so
disappointed. . . .

As they stood quietly and watched Kito disappear through the trees, Susannah put her arm around Louisa’s waist. “He’s really a fine man, Louisa. You shouldn’t make fun of his limp.”

Louisa stifled a laugh. “I don’t give a damn about his legs, Honeybelle. Hell, legs don’t mean shit. It’s what’s hung between ’em that counts. And,” she said, tweaking Susannah’s cheek, “I think I just might like what’s between his.” She picked up her valise and moseyed toward the cabin. Reaching the porch steps, she turned and shook a finger at Susannah. “An’ you’d best close your mouth, Honeybelle, lest you catch yourself a mess of flies.” She stepped onto the porch. “Now, I gotta go in and see my li’l man.”

Susannah stared after her. And closed her mouth.

Louisa’s presence dredged up all of the memories Susannah had hoped to bury. Now, along with fresh fear, she felt remorse. There had always been a thread of guilt at what she’d done to Harlan, but she’d reminded herself she’d done it for Corey’s sake as well as hers. And she’d had no choice. Still, the fact that she ran had made her feel a bit like a coward. She often had to remind herself that in this case, the law was not on her side no matter what. She’d had no choice but to run.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened after Corey and I left, or do I have to drag it out of you?” Susannah stood at the stove, frying side pork. Louisa, finally agreeing to let Susannah cook the breakfast, sat at the table, Corey cuddled against her bosom.

“Strange things happened, Honeybelle.”

Susannah felt a wash of apprehension. “Strange? How?”

“Well, I swear that pissant Harlan was colder than a wagon tire when I went to find ol’ Andrew to help me haul the bastard’s body away.”

Susannah’s apprehension mushroomed. “What happened?”

“When we got to your place, he was gone, and—”

“He was gone? What . . . what do you mean, gone?” She carefully removed the crisp pieces of pork and put them on a plate, aware that her hands were shaking. Black thoughts of Harlan catching up with her at the train station, pointing an accusing finger at her, shouting “murderess!” at the top of his lungs . . . These were visions she couldn’t shake.