Jake's War, Book Two of Wizards (16 page)

“I never did get my birthday wish.” Urda's hands lifted to the straps on her nightdress and a second later it slid around her to the floor.

“Urda … I can't.”

She looked down to where my hands were struggling to cover my embarrassment.

“From where I'm standing I see you can.”

“Got to go. Talk later.”

I hopped to my Palace room and mopped my brow. I never used to have this kind of problem with girls. I looked at the cloth in my hands and realized I'd been wiping my brow with a pair of girls knickers. I threw them across the room in horror. I would have to settle for a bath in the Palace. Showers didn't exist in Salice though the indoor plumbing was otherwise excellent.

I looked down at my groin.

“And you didn't help either.”

My wizard clothes were laid out on the bed when I returned from my bath. It was Anna's fake funeral today. I glanced at the clock. It was nearly ten o'clock and the funeral service would begin at noon.

Putting on my clothes reminded me about Fluffy's request for a bowtie. I thought a black bowtie would look silly on an orange and gold dragon. Perhaps the best way to put him off was to get him one and let him discover it for himself. I'd never get one big enough in Wales, but I could ask Grimaldi to make him one.

Grimaldi didn't live in the Palace. He owned a shop in the town with his living quarters above it. At least the old Grimaldi did, so I supposed the new one did too. I resolved to get to the bottom of that particular mystery if I ever found a spare moment. However, Grimaldi spent a lot of time in the Palace and there was a room set aside for him. I decided to try that room first before hopping into town.

As I got closer to the room in question it became clear that it was occupied. Apparently the new Grimaldi was as stern a taskmaster as his predecessor and hadn't paid any attention to the reason for his brother's recent demise.

I knocked and the sound of hairbrush hitting flesh stopped, though not the sobs of its victim.

“Wait one minute,” Grimaldi called.

“Enter, enter,” he said less than a minute later and I stepped into the tailor's room.

A superb jacket hung on a dummy. It was decorated with gold thread and the lapels had initials embroidered over them. Pretty cool if you were into 1960's over the top clothing. Mind you, I was wearing my Zorro impersonator's costume so who was I to criticize?

Helda, one of Grimaldi's pretty young assistants stood against the far wall. Her eyes were red and she was trying hard not to cry. I smiled sympathetically at her and she turned her head away.

“Jake, how good to see you again. I see you are dressed for the funeral. What a terrible waste for a girl to die so young. What can the Great Grimaldi do for you today?”

“My dragon wants to wear a bowtie to the wedding.”

Grimaldi looked puzzled.

“And what exactly is a
bowtie
?”

The men of Salice wore cravats, basically fancy scarves, and it occurred to me I'd never seen them wear anything remotely like a normal tie, let alone a bowtie. I knew what one looked like unfolded so I drew before and after pictures on his pad. Grimaldi always carried a pad to sketch his latest creations.

“But your dragon is enormous. If I make one big enough for him to wear it will lack the stiffness to stay in shape.”

“Let me worry about the stiffness, I'm the wizard.”

Grimaldi looked deeply offended. “I do not tell you how to do your magic; do not tell me how to make clothes. When I finish this bowtie it will stay in shape all on its own.”

He turned to Helda.

“Come here, girl. I have a task for you that should be within even your limited skills.” Helda shuffled painfully over to look at the drawing Grimaldi was making.

“Helda has always done excellent work in the past.”

Grimaldi broke his pencil tip he pressed down too hard.

“She has ruined me. People will start to talk.
This Grimaldi is not as good as the last one
, they will say. I promised that jacket would be ready for Sir Danth Yard this morning and look at it! He will be furious.”

I knew Danth and it seemed highly unlikely he had ever been furious about anything in his life.

“It looks fantastic to me. That embroidery is a work of art.”

For some reason Helda burst into tears.

“Yes and it will all have to be unpicked and done again. Hours of work wasted.”

I looked closer and still couldn't see anything wrong. “Are they the wrong initials? They look fine to me.”

Grimaldi bounced up and down in rage. “The color, Jake.” He picked up two reels of almost identical colored thread and waved them at me. “Sir Danth's color is Blood Red, not Dark Crimson.”

“I picked up the wrong one,” Helda said between sobs.

All this fuss over a color difference you would have to be an expert to spot. Typical of Grimaldi though, he was always the perfectionist.

“It should be this color?” I asked holding up one of the reels.

“Precisely,” Grimaldi stamped his foot and sat down. “My reputation is ruined.”

I moved the reel over the embroidery and changed the color of the thread on the lapel. Then I did the other lapel.

“All fixed,” I said cheerfully, throwing the jacket at him. He looked at it grudgingly and smiled.

“I knew a wizard would turn out to be good for something eventually. Helda, go clean your face. Wizard Morrissey has saved your bottom from further chastisement.”

Helda fled the room, curtseying to me repeatedly as she backed to the door.

“You're very hard on your apprentices. That's wonderful work.”

Grimaldi dismissed my comment with a wave of his hand. “Why do you think her work is so good in the first place?”

He looked at the clock on the wall. “I must get this to Sir Danth at once. He will be wondering where I am. Is your dragon coming to the funeral? I would like to take his neck measurements if I can.”

That was a good question. I had failed to tell either Jenny or Fluffy about the upcoming funeral. Jenny would be furious. As Grimaldi was waiting for an answer I invented one.

“Probably, Jenny and … Retnor are in Wales and busy with preparations for the wedding, but if they can I'm sure they will attend.”

Grimaldi nodded and took the jacket with him to the door. When he opened it he bumped into Helda coming the other way. After a bit of swaying from side to side he pushed his way past the girl and slammed the door behind him. Helda came up to me and looked into my eyes.

“Thank you, Lord Wizard, for saving me from my trials.”

“Err … yes, well, it was such beautiful work.”

Helda sprang at me and trapped me in her arms, kissing the side of my face as though there was no tomorrow. I attempted to get free by stepping back, but she came with me.

“Take me if I please you, Jake. Take me now.”

I was seriously beginning to wonder if Bronwyn had put something in the water. Or maybe they have a mating season in Salice and nobody told me about it. I pushed Helda back and shook my head.

“I'm sorry, Helda. But would you really want to make enemies out of Jenny and Esmeralda?”

Helda slumped as my words got through to her. She hung her head and whispered, “Forgive me, Lord Wizard. Being punished arouses my base desires.” She let me go and tried to step back. I pulled her close to me and brushed my hands against her bottom, healing her bruises as much as I could. Then I stepped away from her.

Helda touched her bottom in wonder and smiled with delight. She curtsied so low she nearly touched the ground.

“Thank you once again, Lord Wizard.”

I hopped to Jenny's parent's house.

I rang the bell and waited. Of all the people to answer the door it had to be her father.

“Ah, the prodigal son-in-law to be. I've been wanting to talk to you.”

“Yes, well, no time. I have to speak to Jenny urgently.”

“She's not here. She's with your dragon. And that's another thing I want to talk to…”

I hopped to the Bat Cave leaving him waving his finger at me. I knew we needed to talk and I hoped to set aside time for it sometime in the next decade or so. If I ever ran out of excuses, that is.

“Fluffy, Jenny!” My voice echoed through the empty cave. I went to the entrance in the side of the cliff and looked out across the mountains of Wales.

There was a speck moving in the sky. To an untrained eye it might look like an eagle, but I had a better sense of scale and recognized my dragon on the wing. I waved frantically before remembering there was a magic shield in front of the entrance. All Fluffy would see was the cliff.

There was nothing for it. I hopped alongside my dragon and girlfriend.

“In the Bat Cave!” I shouted as I dropped like a stone. I hopped back to the cave.

Fluffy stalled in mid-flight. I watched him plummet through the air before righting himself and heading in towards the cave.

“Never do that to me again!” Jenny shouted as she got down from Fluffy. He sent the exact same words into my head at the same time, loud enough to make me stagger.

“I needed to get your attention.”

Jenny waved something in her hand at me. “You could have called my mobile.”

As I've said before, sometimes I'm a little stupid. It never occurred to me to phone them.

“And what could be so important, anyway?”

“We have to attend Anna's funeral.”

Jenny looked horrified. “Anna's dead? What happened?”

“No, well yes and no. It's complicated.”

There followed a somewhat confusing few minutes as I explained to them exactly what had happened.

[And when is this funeral?]

“Right about now.”

I ducked as Jenny threw something at me. Her mobile broke into three or four pieces as it hit the cavern wall. Calling it wouldn't do me any good from now on.

“You'd better be able to fix that, Jake Morrissey. Hop us to my room in Salice. Retnor, follow us and we'll meet up at the cathedral. I have to get changed.”

Chapter Twenty-Four: Anna's Funeral

I fixed Jenny's phone somewhat reluctantly. It occurred to me that if she suffered no consequences for her actions she could throw it at me again and next time might even hit me. Mysteriously, all her friends' numbers got mixed up during the repair. Well, magic is never perfect, is it?

We hopped to Jenny's room and I retired to the room next door. I've found that the best place to be when your girlfriend is preparing herself to go out is anywhere else. This avoids having to find answers to questions that the greatest philosophers of the ages have failed to resolve.
Do these two things go together? Is my hair straight at the back?
and so on and so forth.

I lay on my bed and contemplated the coming funeral.
Would Bronwyn show up?
It seemed to me she might, especially if she had been the one that attacked Anna. I would have to keep an eye out. On a whim, I went to the window and sent out another wave of protection against the eating death in the general direction of the town. I had visions of Bronwyn stalking the streets killing random citizens for no other reason than she could.

Urda better remember to attend. It would look strange if she didn't show for her own sister's funeral. Damn, she'd looked good naked.
I indulged in a bit of instant recall. I have an excellent visual memory and it always works best when naked women are involved. That reminded me that I needed to get her knickers out of my room. Lord knows what conclusions Jenny would come to if she found them there.

I searched my floor, then the cupboards and finally the wardrobe. Someone had stolen Urda's knickers. Then I noticed my bed was made. The maids must have taken them. They'd probably recognize them as Urda's as they looked nothing like the thongs Jenny wore. Ah well, my reputation has never been that good with the Palace workforce. I'm sure they would get them back to Urda eventually.

“Are you ready?” Jenny asked. She wore a tight black skirt, black tights, and a black jacket over a white shirt, topped off with a small black hat with silk veil. It all looked very business woman about town.

“I've not seen you wear those before.”

“I wore them for Grimaldi's funeral. You were off trying to get yourself killed at the time.”

“It's not something I do on purpose.”

Jenny made me face her, tidied up my cravat, and straightened my jacket. I suppose I should be grateful she didn't get a handkerchief out to wipe my face.

“There, you'll do, I suppose.” Jenny took my arm in hers. “Now hop us to outside the cathedral and let's hope we're there in time.” She gave my arm a squeeze. “And do try harder not to get yourself hurt. I've no wish to wear this outfit to your funeral.”

The sun shone brightly while a light breeze stopped it from being too hot. A large crowd lined the road. By some happy fluke I landed us some distance behind the black horse-drawn hearse carrying Anna's coffin and a few yards behind Urda who leaned against Esmeralda as they followed it on foot. Urda wore a black cloak with a hood covering her face. It's impossible to run to catch people up with any dignity, so we began walking after them, keeping pace.

Our sudden appearance brought a few gasps from the crowd and a little finger pointing from the younger children. Seconds later a shadow covered us and there were major gasps and even the odd scream from one or two of the people watching.

[I love making a good entrance.] Fluffy said. He flew silently above us at walking speed, his wings outstretched. As I've said before, dragons fly by magic and the wings are more for show than use.

“Have you been waiting long?” I whispered at him.

[I've been in Glim following Urda and Esmeralda since the coffin left the Palace. I was beginning to wonder if you two would ever show up.]

“Women and clothes,” I whispered back. Jenny's elbow slammed into my ribs taking my breath away.

The hearse pulled to a halt in front of the cathedral and we managed to catch up with the others as they waited for the pallbearers to carry the coffin into the church. The crowd formed a semicircle around us, keeping a respectful distance. Fluffy did a slow motion landing keeping his wings outstretched.