Jake Undone (13 page)

held his hand for the first time and when our fingers intertwined. There was no comparison and it was

irking me right now.

Stop thinking about Jake.

We had a reservation, so they seated us as soon as we arrived at Porcello’s. The restaurant was beautiful

with dim lighting, candlelit tables and pictures on the walls of famous patrons. That song
Mambo Italiano

played in the background.

Maddie, our waitress, poured two glasses of water and read the specials at warp speed before we each

ordered a class of cabernet sauvignon.

“They’re supposed to have the best Penne a la Vodka,” Alistair said.

Vodka. That’s all I took from that.

“Mmm. I was thinking of the Shrimp Scampi. I wonder if I can get that without the Scampi?”

Alistair put down his water and covered his face in laughter. “Nina…you don’t get out to eat much do

you?”

“What do you mean?”

“There is no such thing as Scampi. Shrimp Scampi is shrimp with pasta in like a garlic and olive oil

sauce. So, Scampi is just the name of the dish. It’s like—”

“Bananas Foster?”

There he was again.

“Yeah. Exactly.” He paused looking at me like I was three. “You’re adorable, Nina.”

I felt like an idiot. “Well, then…I’ll get the Shrimp Scampi. Sounds delicious.”

Alistair flashed his signature thousand-watt smile. “How about we get an appetizer? What sounds good

to you?”

“How about the Jerk Chicken skewers?”

“You got it.” Alistair closed his menu then said, “Speaking of jerks, your roommate is a bit of a dick.”

My stomach sank, and I wracked my brain for a response. “Jake? He’s not that bad. He’s a bit of a ball-

buster, that’s all,” I said immediately downing my water.

“He seems like a loser.”

Excuse me?

Hearing him call Jake a loser really pissed me off. There were many words I could use to describe my

roommate: sarcastic, intimidating, wiseass, even dick fit the bill sometimes. But “loser” certainly wasn’t one

of them.

“Why do you say that?”

“I mean, look at him. His fucking eyebrow is pierced? He just seems like a loser.”

Okay, now I was really getting angry.

“So, you are judging him because he has piercings and tattoos?”

“Yeah…among other things. I’m sure his mother is real proud.”

“A lot of people don’t view things like that as negative. Many find them quite interesting, even

attractive, particularly women.”

Particularly me.

“Well, I think he just looks dumb.”

“He’s actually an engineer, and he is really smart.” I looked down at the napkin on my lap and sighed

before saying, “Let’s drop the subject.”

I decided it was best to just end that conversation before I said something I would regret. I was

expecting the fire alarm any minute because I was sure there was enough smoke coming out of my ears to

set it off.

Alistair nodded. I think he could tell he had upset me. “Sounds good.”

Maddie came back over to take our order. On the outside, I put on a cheerful front, but on the inside, I

was disappointed at how close-minded and judgmental Alistair really was. There was no doubt that Jake

was a total jerk to him. If he had just called him a dick and ended it, I might have been fine. But to attack

someone based on looks, was just ignorant and unacceptable to me.

Our dinner conversation fell flat, as we sat there eating our meals amidst large pockets of silence. I was

starting to think the highlight of the night was learning the true meaning of Shrimp Scampi.

Needing a breather, I excused myself to go the ladies room and lingered in the stall much longer than

normal. My mind drifted again to thoughts of Jake and the disappointed look on his face when I left with

Alistair.

When I exited the stall, I looked at myself in the mirror. I closed my eyes and thought about the way

Jake stared me up and down when he first laid eyes on me dressed liked this. The look in his eyes gave me

chills and I wanted so badly to just walk across the room and kiss him. But what else is new there? Then,

he asked where “we” were going. If I hadn’t gone on this date, would I have spent the evening with him?

The truth was, I would have wanted to spend any amount of time with Jake, even if it were just for an hour

before he had to catch his train. I would have loved to have just sat with him and talked or even studied. I

looked forward to time spent with him more than anything because I never felt more alive. I wanted to be

with him all of the time.

I just wanted…
him
.

I wanted him.

I couldn’t deny my feelings or the fact that I was sure he was going to break my heart, even if he never

so much as touched me. I started to get really emotional all of a sudden, so I concluded that it was the wine

and tried to shake myself from thoughts of him for the moment.

Alistair was going to think I was doing drugs in here if I didn’t hurry up, so I grabbed my bearings and

reentered the dining room.

“Hey, I was about to send search and rescue in for you,” he said smiling.

“Sorry about that.”

Alistair placed a menu in front of me. “How about dessert?”

Why not? It’s the one thing that sounded good all night.

Alistair pointed to the dessert list. “Didn’t you say something earlier about Bananas Foster? They have

that, if you like it.”

Great.

“Actually, I think I’ll have the chocolate cake,” I said, which of course reminded me of Mrs.

Ballsworthy’s cake…which then reminded me of…yeah, this was a hopeless situation.

We placed our dessert order and Alistair excused himself to use the bathroom.

I took my phone out to check facebook, because this date was just too exciting for words, and my heart

dropped. I had missed a text from Jake that came in about an hour ago.

Nina, I was a jerk to you and your little friend.

I’m sorry.

And the Barney joke was stupid.

Actually, you looked stunning.

Stunning.
Stunning.
He thought I looked stunning. This was the first verbal indication that he found me attractive and the butterflies in my stomach were now doing a Greek circle dance.

I read the text as many times as I could before Alistair returned to the table.

I put my phone away when our desserts arrived, and unfortunately, my brain and appetite must have

run away together, because I was now just sitting there…well,
stunned.

Alistair returned and sat down. “Are you feeling okay, Nina?”

“Yeah…I think my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I’ll probably get the cake to go.”

He nodded because his mouth was full of cheesecake. I just wanted to get home as fast as possible in

case Jake hadn’t left. He had said there was a possibility he would be leaving in the morning.

He held the door for me as we left the restaurant. The cold night air hit my face and blew my curls all

over the place.

“What’s so funny?” Alistair asked.

I must have been smiling to myself as we walked, thinking about the text. And even though Alistair was

holding my hand, all I could think about was how much I wanted to sleep next to Jake tonight.

***

Alistair leaned in to kiss me as he left me at the door to the apartment and I kept my mouth closed,

allowing it but not encouraging it to turn into the type of kiss I dreamt of with Jake.

Intentionally not inviting him in, I wished him a good weekend and let him know I’d see him in class

next week. I would have to come up with an excuse as to why I wouldn’t be able to accept another date

with him if he asked.

The apartment was quiet, and all of the doors to the bedrooms were closed. My pulse raced as I

approached Jake’s room and knocked.

“Jake?”

Nothing.

I knocked again.

He was gone.

I felt a mixture of sadness, frustration, longing and relief, only because I was pretty sure I would have

said or done something stupid tonight if he were here…like maybe jumped his bones.

Loneliness set in as I walked back to my room and kicked off Tarah’s heels. I pulled the dress over my

head, put on a long white t-shirt and brushed my hair back into a ponytail.

The water must have run for minutes on end in the bathroom as I washed the makeup off my face, lost

in thought, without paying attention to the time.

I had really come to hate the weekends, when Jake was away. Even though we weren’t together as a

couple, I missed him and felt safe when he was around.

As I tried to fall asleep, the restlessness was overwhelming. I could not stop thinking about him and

replaying the entire night in my head.

Insomnia was winning out, so I got up and made myself some tea instead of rolling around aimlessly in

bed.

As I sat up sipping my chamomile and watching late night television in the living room, it dawned on

me that Christmas and the end of the semester would be here before I knew it. That meant the tutoring

sessions would end. Getting an A on the next exam suddenly seemed less important than getting to spend

even more time with Jake, even though the thought of another “excursion” terrified me.

I shut off the television and started back toward my room when I impulsively passed it, heading over to

Jake’s instead. I opened the door and immediately jumped.

He was there. He was sleeping!

No way.

I approached the bed slowly to get a closer look and jumped again when I realized it was just a ton of

bunched up blankets made to look like a body. And there was a baseball cap on the pillow.

What the heck?

I pulled back the covers. Underneath was an origami bat. I opened it:

Looking for someone?

I covered my face in a mix of embarrassment and disbelief that he somehow knew I was going to sneak

into his room tonight. Determined to hide the fact that I took the bait, or in this case—the bat—I carefully

folded it back together and placed it under the covers but not before I buried my face in his pillow, relishing

the musky scent. The cigarette smell was almost completely gone, making me wonder if he was trying to

quit.

Before I left, I noticed something else: three more bats crumbled in the wastebasket. I picked them out

and saw that he had started to write something on each one before scrunching it up and tossing it out. It was

as if he was struggling to find the right words and gave up.

The first one just said:
Hope your date was great…

The second one:
How does Ass Hair compare…

The third:
You looked…

Wow…okay. I didn’t realize that he actually thought so deeply about what to write on these things. This

discovery both flattered and confused me. How he finally came to the conclusion that the best course of

action would be to trick me into thinking he was sleeping was beyond me.

Back in my own bed, I stared at the ceiling and concluded that tonight proved Jake knew he had an

effect on me. I just couldn’t figure out what effect I really had on him and whether he thought about me the

same way.

The same word replayed in my head until I eventually fell asleep:
stunning.

CHAPTER 11

I had received two more A’s on the subsequent exams in November and now held a B average in math

overall. Jake was happy for me but somewhat bummed each time, because apparently he was really looking

forward to his next planned fear-facing exercise that kept getting put off by my stellar grades. Who knew

this would become a problem?

With each A, I baked Jake something special to thank him for helping me. He didn’t seem to enjoy the

banana bread as much as the Bananas Foster but still ate the entire loaf in one sitting with his eyes closed.

The second time, I made him a chocolate banana cream pie and his response to that was nothing short of

orgasmic. Seriously, he was mumbling things I couldn’t even understand. It was truly entertaining to watch.

During Thanksgiving break, I had bragged to my parents about my nerdy roommate who was helping

me get through math, and they said they couldn’t wait to meet him and thank him. I would deal with

picking my mother’s jaw up off of the ground when the time came.

***

There was only one exam left before the end of the semester. A couple of weeks prior, Jake and I were

busy studying in his room early one Thursday night, and as usual, he was keeping things strictly business.

But that was the night that everything changed between us.

At one point, in preparation for a math problem, he went into his drawer and grabbed something,

throwing it front of me. It was a pair of dice.

He looked at me intently then pointed to them. “You’re going to tell me how many different outcomes

are possible. Then we’re going to have you figure out how many ways you can get a sum of five.”

Looking down at the dice, something came over me as an old memory of playing Yahtzee with my

brother Jimmy came to mind. The object of that game had been to score the most points by rolling five dice

to make certain combinations. Even though it was based on pure luck, Jimmy would always beat me. I

could hear my brother’s voice, clear as day,
“Yahtzee!”
And that’s what did it.
Yahtzee.
That was the word that made me burst into tears for literally the first time in years. Looking down at the dice, I cried while Jake watched, horrified.