Jahleel (42 page)

I needed…I just needed to touch him.

Jahleel began backing out of the kitchen, while nodding his head and repeating, “Okay…okay…okay…okay…okay…” And without sparing me a single glance, he turned and walked away.

Confused, Alina looked between us and stuttered, “W-wha-what’s going on?”

Before anyone could answer, Jahleel stormed back into the kitchen, temples flaming red. “You know what, it’s
not
fuckin’ okay.”

Faster than anyone could react, he slammed his fist into Chad’s face. Chad’s head bobbed back at the unexpected attack.

Alina let out a little scream, while I sat there, unable to move.

Chad moved back a step and wiped his mouth. Staring at the blood smear on his hand, he said, “I’m not gonna fight you, JK.”

At ‘JK’, Jahleel punched him again. “Nah, fight me, Chadrick. C’mon, man. You’re good for it. You got a Red Belt, don’t you? I’m not afraid to lose. I’ll take a beat down and lose like a fuckin’
man
. C’mon. Fuckin’ fight me!”

Chad blinked, that second hit rattled him a bit. Still, he refused to fight. “I won’t. You’re my frien—”

Jahleel moved in and chucked him hard, hissing, “You got no business using that word. You’re no fuckin’
friend
.”

When Chad didn’t react, he began backing out of the kitchen again. But something caught his eye, and his gaze snapped in my direction—well, to my feet, which were covered in red socks.

He froze for a bit and stared at my feet, until he turned suddenly and swept a long muscular arm across the counter. Cake batter, sugar jar, flour jar, all the utensils we’d used clattered, crashed, or splintered to the floor.

Damage done, he stormed out without another word.

Alina bolted after him, calling for him to stop. “JK!”

Inert, speechless, I listened for the sound of the elevator doors. When they finally opened and closed, I looked to a bloody-lipped Chad, who wore a contrite expression.

Then it hit me…”You never told him, did you?”

The expression on Jahleel’s face just now, he couldn’t have known Chad and I were together. He’d avoided looking at me. Glaring only at Chad, accusing him. He’d had no idea his best friend was dating his ex.

Chad’s non-answer to my question verified as much.

“Why?” I demanded. “Why would you hide it—
us
from him?”

“Because I didn’t want to see that look on his face.” Stepping back from me, he raised his eyes to my face. “And I didn’t want to see this look on yours.”

There were no words I could convincingly use to deny still having feelings for Jahleel, and Chad watched me closely as he waited to hear something, even a squeak of denial.

When a few minutes passed and I said nothing, he shoved a hand through his hair, turned and left the kitchen, leaving me alone, heart splattered in my chest like the cake batter on the floor tile.

Hopping off the counter, I scooped up my cellphone, and right there on the screen, was the text message
he
sent a mere second before he caught me with his best friend:

I want it all back…

Chad disappeared into the depths of his house for the rest of the evening. I didn’t know where he was, and I didn’t search for him.

It wasn’t until around midnight, while I was lying in his bed staring off into space, that the bedroom door opened, a flood of light from the hall spilling into the darkness of the room, and Chad’s silhouette filled the door frame.

He moved, walking up to the nightstand to switch on the lamp, and looked down at me in utter bewilderment.

“You’re still here…” he mused.

As he sat down on the edge of the bed, I flipped onto my side. “You want me to leave?”

“No, I…” He stopped, ran a hand down his face. “I thought you’d—”

“Go after him?”

“I’m…it’s just that…he never fights. He’s not a fighter. Walking away with a shrug is more his style. Yeah, back when we just became friends, I taught him how to fight. I trained him. But he still wasn’t the one to push fights. Never. He…he knows I can kill him instantly with my bare hands, yet he punched me, provoked me. Twice.”

Instantly? Bare hands? And why did his voice sound so…scary?

“
Really
? You can do that?”

Chad gave me an odd glance, wary, as though he’d revealed too much. “That’s beside the point.”

On a sigh, I sat up and scooted over to him, wrapping around him, one arm over his shoulder, the other around his torso. I kissed along a Russian inscription on his shoulder blade. “I’m with you, Chad. It doesn’t matter what I feel—felt for him. None of it matters.
You
matter. To me. I want to be with you. I want to be yours. So, I’m
here
.”

Chad said nothing in return. What sucked the most was that he was utterly unreadable. I could never tell which Chad was with me, the suave Chad or the power-holder Chad.

I sprinkled kisses along his shoulder, up the side of his neck, and waited for him to speak to me.

“You never told me what happened with you two,” he said finally.

“You never asked.”

“What happened?”

“Why do you want to know now?”

He turned and faced me full on. “Because I need to know if what he did to you was so bad, you’d never…put yourself in a position like that again.”

He needed assurance I’d never leave him for Jahleel.

“He decidedly cheated. In front of me,” I divulged, ignoring the ginormous pain that jabbed me just by saying those words. “He
chose
her.”

Chad didn’t question who ‘her’ was. Anyone who
knew
Jahleel, knew who I spoke of.

He sighed, and I wasn’t sure if it was a good sigh or a bad one. Was that enough to appease him or not?

Tipping his head to the side, he leaned in and kissed me. I curled my fingers in his hair and pulled him in.

We fell back on the bed in a feverish heap.

The answer came two months later.

Heading back to my hotel from a press conference in Australia, I was starved and knackered. As my team and I stepped inside the lobby, Chad materialized in front of me. Impeccably dressed in a crisp, well-fitted black suit.

Six months ago, I would’ve been surprised to see him here, popping up at a location I gave no hint I’d be at. The first three times he did it, I demanded to know how he knew my schedule and he flat-out refused to tell me, so I stopped asking. The man was simply an enigma.

Amanda leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Honestly, Kia, your boyfriend needs to be illegal. Scratch that. He
is
illegal. Lethally illegal.”

Giggling like a proud girlfriend, I moved towards Chad.

Before I could hug or kiss him, he tersely uttered, “Can we talk? I’m not here for long.”

He flew all the way to Australia to see me, yet he wasn’t here for long? “Uh, okay?”

Pressing a hand to my lower back, he guided me through the lobby, over to the hotel bar.

“Want something to drink?” he asked, once we were seated on two barstools.

“You said you weren’t here for long, no?”

“I’ve got time for a beer.” He turned to the bartender, “Two Coronas.”

We were both fans of the same beer.

“Lemon with that?” the bartender asked.

“Yeah.”

Chad patiently waited for the bartender to serve us, while I studied him. On the norm, it was difficult to tell which Chad was with me, but this time I could.

This was the Chad I didn’t know well. The brusque, intimidating man with power and leadership. The Chad who had a glint of evil in the dark pools of his eyes.

The bartender served us our beers and moved on to the next customer, and before I lifted my beer to my mouth, Chad announced, “I’m ending us.”

As if I’d just been slapped across the face, I froze, staring at him, mouth agape.

I searched his face, eyes, for any kind of emotion whatsoever and found none.

“Why?”

Careful to maintain his hard, invulnerable exterior, he took a long sip of his beer. “I don’t love you. I could. But I won’t allow myself to.”

“Why?” was all I managed again.

A speck of emotion flitted across his face for one brief second. A minute, almost imperceptible crack in his composure. “I can’t do this anymore, Saskia. Being with you and worrying if one day you’ll just leave and go after him. I can’t keep investing my time in a relationship my gut tells me won’t last.”

Setting down my beer on the bar, I leaned forward and took his free hand in mine. “I won’t, Chad. I promised you I wouldn’t.”

He shook his head. “I can’t live with your promise, Saskia, so I won’t make you keep it. I love that you’re a woman of your word, but your promise can’t be the only thing keeping us together. I have no peace of mind in knowing that.”

“But I want
you
,” I tried to assure him. “I’m with
you
.”

Chad’s gaze dropped to my hand holding his, watching them for a beat before he pulled his hand away. “You’re with me, but you’re not mine. You never were. And you won’t ever be. I should’ve known better than to fuck with nature.”

I forced myself to feel some semblance of pain or disappointment from this breakup. Maybe some tears would be convincing. But nothing came. Nothing.

Chad couldn’t leave me. Our relationship was the only thing keeping me from going after Jahleel.

Staying focused on Chad and his promise to be with me had kept me whole on tour. Ever since that night, he was the one person who kept me from going absolute barmy. If he left me, I’d drive myself to ground with the love, the pain, the anger, the obsession of Jahleel Kingston.

I needed Chad to keep me sane and levelled. And no, I wasn’t being selfish. Because no one had even an inkling of how
deep and desperate
my love for Jahleel ran. It terrified the bejesus out of me what I’d do if I couldn’t ever have him.

“Chad, that’s not tru—”

“You repeat his name in your sleep, Saskia,” he told me, voice empty. “You lie in my bed, in my arms, and dream of
him
.”

“So, if this is a problem, why’d you continue with me?”

“It happened for about a month when you returned from your tour. But once we started spending time together, it stopped. Completely. Now…” His voice trailed off, leaving me to fill in the rest.

It started again when I saw him eight weeks ago.

Holding on to myself for support, I clasped my hands around my arms. “That’s not fair, Chad. I can’t control what I do or say while I’m
asleep
.”

“Well, I can control what passes through my ears, and I have to preserve and protect myself from possible heartache in the future. I have to end this, Saskia.”

Although he kept his true emotions under wraps, I knew it had to be hard for any man to sleep next to a woman who’s dreaming of another.

No, I didn’t want him to leave me, but I couldn’t continue being selfish by begging him to stay. So, I accepted with a quiet, “Okay.”

Chad studied me for a minute, searching for who-knows-what. Then he rubbed his palms together and smiled. “Great. Now that that’s out of the way, I need a favour.”

“
Really
?” I stared at him in utter awe. “You flew around the world to break up with me to my face, and in your next breath, you ask me a favour?”

“I only ended our sexual relationship, not our friendship,” he chastised. “You’re one of the strongest, loyal, most down to earth women I’ve ever met, Saskia. Of course, I have to keep your friendship.”

I blew off his compliment by waving my hand. “What’s the favour?”

“You still got security at your place, right?”

“Yeah.”

“How many?”

“Still three.” I picked up my Corona and took a sip. “The two securing the residence and the one who follows me around.”

When he raised a brow, I laughed. “What? You forgot about
The
Bling Ring
? I don’t leave a key under the mat like Paris Hilton. I leave burly human securities who can break your neck with a snap.”

“Perfect,” Chad said, nodding in approval. “I have to do some traveling for a couple of weeks. The only other person I trust isn’t speaking to me at the moment. You’re next in line, so I want you to keep Alina for me until I get back. I can’t leave her alone at the penthouse. She’s already packed and waiting for your call. If she asks to go anywhere than the norm, run it by me first, and always set a security tail on her whenever she leaves the house. She’s disciplined, malleable and smart, so she shouldn’t be much of a problem.”