Jaded Tides (The Razor's Adventures Pirate Tales) (22 page)

I do understand that we can’t save them all, simply by the evidence that so many of these girls are currently under the employ of brothels and inns. They are treated as no more than slaves for the amusement of men, plied with alcohol and coin. Francis has proven a disappointment to me beyond measure. I should have known something was amiss by the way in which she did not turn away from the lifeless body of the man I killed aboard the Belle, but rather stared at it as if committing it to memory and neither winced nor gasped at the sight of my deed.

No sheltered and treasured young woman could have possibly looked upon such a horrid thing and not, at the very least, shielded her eyes. I have so much to learn. However, I can’t help but feel losing Francis to that life would be a terrible tragedy– one I would consider my own failure. I pray the girl comes to her senses under Valentina’s watchful eye and that someday, she will wake up warm and safe in her bed back in Virginia, remembering this only as a bad dream.

Although this night has been filled with my husband’s lust and my fears of being discovered, at the time of this writing, I am conflicted. I’m lost somewhere between complete bliss and despair. It’s a place I’ve never been and a place I care never to be again. I miss the sound of my cousins’ voices. I miss their laughter, their banter, and their faces. Every night I pray for the strength to return to them, as well as the strength to relinquish control to my husband and Captain. I must learn to control my urges, or he will surely grow weary of me.

Love isn’t everything. Love is the only thing. However, contrary to poems and plays, love is not infinite.

“Love is not infinite,”
I continued, reading aloud.
“As much as it is bewitching to believe that someone will love you forever, in spite of yourself, being someone worthy of such of a love is impossible and as unreachable as the moon and stars. My greatest fear is that if I do find myself no longer loved, it will be by my own design.”

There was no joy now; only the emptiness of fear and my stifled tears. My dry eyes stared into the night sky past an open window through which I was physically unable to fly into the night and keep going until I truly could reach the moon and stars.

“Is that true?” I heard Kenny’s voice in the dim light speak to me.

“Is what true?” I answered, startled from my pondering.

“That no one can ever really love anyone forever?”

As I lay there, realizing I’d poured my deepest thoughts into the ears of a boy who’d never in his short life known what love is, I tried to think of anything I could say to withdraw the words from him. Before I could speak, he did.

“I still love me mum. She was no good. She left me with the drunkard whores she lived with and run off with some pirate, but I love ‘er still. She’s a drunk and a whore, too, but she was still me mum for a while, an I believe she loved me in ‘er own way.”

“You’re right, of course,” I whispered.

“They’ll find yer cousins. Cap’n will do anythin’ fer ye. You’re a troublesome alley cat, but I ain’t n’er seen no man , pirate nor priest, pray over a woman the way he prayed over ye and tend to ye like he did. Yer lyin’ there goin’ on about the moon and stars when ye got the whole world, and yer too stubborn to see it.”

The door blew open, scaring the hell out of me. Rasmus stood there, soaked with sweat and splattered blood. His chest was heaving from the flight to reach me. I sat up on my elbows and shouted to him, “What? What is it?”

“They’re aboard the
Grand Fortune.
Lilly pointed out a few men in the Gull who she claimed were rattling on about seeing some new girls near the dock, chatting with some of the crewmen from the
Fortune
only hours before she headed out. The good news is, the
Fortune
was headed for Tortuga. The bad news is, she’s probably already there.”

“Whose blood is that?”

“Those fellas didn’t like James and me asking questions. Sadly for them, James truly is a beast with a sword.”

“What are you planning to do? You have to get them back, Razz. You simply have to! Be my heart and my strength.”

“I have Green preparing to sail within the hour.” He rushed to my bed and took my hands in his and kissed them hard. “I swear to you, I’ll bring them back, and when I do, I’m taking you all away from here for good.”

“Taking us away? But where?”

“You once asked me to take you to England.”

“Rasmus, no. You can’t go back there,” I pleaded.

“I can go anywhere I want, and no King or Royal Navy will stop me. Now, I have to go.”

“What about Woodley?”

“I believe there’s a very good chance the
Tainted Rose
is either in Tortuga or somewhere close. Either way, let me do what needs to be done.”

“Please, come back to me, Rasmus. I can’t live without you.”

His worried gaze glowed in the candlelight, and the lines of his weathered soul showed clearly in the thin shadows around his bright blue eyes. He kissed my hands again and then sat down on the bed next to me, pulling me softly into his arms. “I’ll return to you, little Razor,” he whispered, pressing his lips tightly to mine. “Death will be the only thing that will ever separate us, and I’m too stubborn to die.”

“I’ll be here, awaiting your return.”

“See that you are.”

A moment later, he was gone.

My life was, again, an open wound. My remedy was gone, and along with him, the very air from my lungs. Of course I knew I had to fight my way back from this, but tonight, pressed into this bed of sorrow, staring out a window into the world I only yesterday believed was ours for the taking, I might as well have been dead. Remembering what I’d read in Barclay’s log about the
Grand Fortune
and her captain, Neville Turnbull, gave no comfort. Wealthy beyond imagination, ruthless and hardened by years at sea, the man left a trail of ships at the bottom of the sea simply for his own amusement. Suddenly, I pitied the man his ignorance of the wrath about to befall him. 

I pushed myself up and blew out the candle. Something came over me, and every pain or ache faded like the last ribbon of smoke in the darkness. I believed with every beat of my heart that Rasmus knew what he was doing. My solace came also in knowing the
Jade
was, as of yet, unknown throughout the Caribbean, and Razz could easily slip into Tortuga as no more than a simple trading vessel. He knew it, and I could see it all as if I was standing at his side. Had my ravaged body allowed me the ease to leap into the air with joy, I believed I could, in fact, fly out the window. 

Although I’d been jaded by the tides which had carried me back to this place, my exhaustion from my sleepless night of worry pulled me back into my pillow. Kenny was right. I did have the whole world in Rasmus, and now, I could sleep peacefully having handed my shield and sword over to him to carry for us both. At last, I succumbed to my weighted brow and the rum I’d sipped on for hours. I was no longer dreading my recovery, but rather welcomed it as a test of my worth. I’d not lay here in self-pity and pine away the days for the man I love. I’d embrace the pain and find peace in knowing I’d survive to welcome him and my dear cousins home. 

I fell asleep and dreamed of Uncle William handing me his old cavalier, and I remembered why we left Charles Towne. That precious existence I longed for and longed to provide for others drove me onward, despite all the struggle and horrors I’d endured; at last to be accepted as a woman pirate in a world of men. To hoist a sail or raise my sword in battle, to continue my quest and not have to conceal my true self was no longer beyond my reach or the reach of others like me. I was whole, and my heart was bursting.

I knew what love was now. I loved my cousins so much that I’d killed for them to preserve our lives and happiness. I loved my husband, and regardless of my faults and failures, he loved me, too, and found me worthy of his faith. I would never fail him again.

I had to go on. There was no way I wouldn’t see this through, because there was no way Rasmus could lose. I held on to what got me into this in the first place and what my true motivation was for bringing us into this world. Through everything I’d suffered and been through, I knew of only one other thing that was worth fighting, killing, or dying for, and it always would be my true quest…freedom.

About the Author

P.S. (Peggy) has always had a love of books and writing. She also paints and draws and although writing takes up the majority of her free time by choice, she loves spending time with her friends and family.

Her first novel “Fireflies” was published in March of 2013 with GMTA Publishing and her second, “Hope From the Ocean” was published in March of 2014, also with GMTA.

Peggy’s goal is to become a full time writer and spend the remainder of her days creating worlds, characters and stories that will carry on long after she’s written her last word.

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