Jaded Moon (Ransomed Jewels Book 2) (25 page)

Josie sat on a bench in the garden beneath a shade tree and looked out at the flowers that were just beginning to bloom. Ross had been gone more than a month and she thought that by now the emptiness wouldn’t hurt so much. But for some reason she couldn’t explain, she hurt more.

On the outside she was healing every day. It wouldn’t be long and she’d be well enough to go to the orphanage for at least a few hours. She wasn’t sure how much longer it would take to heal on the inside. Or if she ever would.

She tried not to think of the promise she’d stopped him from making the day he left—that it would not be long before he came back to her—because she knew it was a promise he couldn’t keep. He was the Marquess of Rainforth. She was the illegitimate daughter of one of nobility’s mistresses. She could hardly play a role in his life. Not if he wanted his children to be accepted by Society. So she let him go.

The letter she’d written him had been the hardest words she’d ever composed. She’d had to tell him in terms he couldn’t misunderstand that she didn’t want him to come back to Clythebrook Manor. That what they’d shared was over and if he ever returned, she wouldn’t receive him. She’d given him no reason for not wanting to see him again—what reason could she give him that he wouldn’t try to refute. Except that in time, he’d realize she didn’t belong in his life. And he must already because he hadn’t written her in return, not even to tell her he’d received her message and agreed with her decision.

Josie felt another tear fill her eyes. She seemed to do that a lot lately for no expected reason. But then, she’d heard that was common for what she suspected might be wrong with her. She swiped the tear away and when she looked up she saw Lady Clythebrook coming down the path. Josie put a smile on her face and made room on the bench for Lady Clythebrook to sit beside her.

“Are you enjoying the sunshine, Josephine?”

“Yes, it’s a beautiful spring day. Come, sit with me. The flowers are starting to make an appearance.”

Lady Clythebrook sat. “I just received a letter by post from my friend, Lady Sheffield. You remember her. I’m certain I’ve spoken of her before. She’s the Countess of Sheffield and she and I have been friends since we had our come-out together. She’d set her eye on the Earl of Sheffield—who wasn’t an earl yet, but only a viscount—the minute she’d seen him. I, of course, had already decided I wanted Walter. I’m afraid we both behaved scandalously. But that’s another story.”

Josie knew all this, but let Lady Clythebrook relive what to her was a special memory.

“Anyway, she says she penned this letter the minute she returned from the Duchess of Dunsmore’s ball. You’ll never guess who the guest of honor was.”

“Who?” Josie asked, even though she knew.

“The Marquess of Rainforth. She says that everyone in London is vying for his attendance at their balls. She says—well, listen to what she says—‘
You can’t imagine the stir young Rainforth is making, especially after the lavish ceremony Queen Victoria hosted in his honor. The queen has made it impossible for anyone to turn their backs on him and numerous affairs are being hastily planned with Rainforth as their guest of honor. He has taken the ton by storm. He is such a dashing young man and so very handsome—No, Constance. I’m not so old that I cannot take note of a handsome young man. And he makes sure to find time to attend them all, even making an appearance at two or three events in an evening. He’s doing his best to set his foot firmly back into Society and from all signs, even the haughtiest are welcoming him with open arms. Especially anyone with a daughter of marriageable age.

‘You should see the young fillies lined up to demand his attention. It’s scandalous, Constance. Girls are much more brazen than we were in our day. Why, young Miss Hawkins, that’s Baron Hawkins’s second daughter from over by Leicester way, had the temerity to feign a swoon while Rainforth was escorting her in to dinner. Everyone knew she’d done it so he’d be forced to catch her. And, of course, her gown just happened to slide down exceedingly low to expose a great deal of her generous bosoms.

‘Well, this only increased the efforts the other females are being forced to make to attract his attention. A short while later, the Duke of Perringot’s eldest daughter, Lady Margaret, tried to trap Rainforth in a compromising situation in the garden. Luckily for him, his friend Major Bennett and his wife, who was the former Countess of Huntingdon—well, she wasn’t really, but that’s another story—came upon them to act as chaperone before Lady Margaret had time to put her plan into motion.

‘Needless to say, the unmarried lasses are getting more desperate in their attempts to trap him and it won’t be long before he finds himself leg-shackled.’

Lady Clythebrook folded her letter and placed it in her lap. “He’s making quite a sensation in London. Has he written when he plans to return?”

Josie shook her head. “I don’t imagine it will be for quite some time. He needs to be there. I’m sure there are several details to take care of, and it’s important for him to regain his place. Not only for his own sake, but for Charlie’s and the other children he is bound to have once he marries.”

“If you’re up to traveling, we could leave tomorrow and, if we proceed with caution, we can be there within the week. Then you could—”

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Josie said, patting Lady Clythebrook’s hand, “but I have no intention of going to London. I think, though, that tomorrow I will go to the orphanage for a couple of hours. The children have all written their good wishes and I miss them terribly.”

“I know you do. I also know you miss
him
terribly. I only wish there were something I could do.”

“There isn’t,” Josie said, squeezing Lady Clythebrook’s fingers. “We both knew this was how it would be. Lord Rainforth doesn’t belong here. He never did.”

“I think you’re wrong, Josephine. This is exactly where he belongs. We’ll just have to see whether or not he realizes it.”

Lady Clythebrook gave Josie a smile then stood. “Are you ready to go inside?”

“No. I think I’ll stay here a while longer.”

“Very well. Don’t take a chill.”

“I won’t.”

Josie watched Lady Clythebrook make her way back to the house, leaning on the cane she always had with her. When she was out of sight, Josie lifted her face and let the sun bathe her a little while longer, then stood to go back. She’d spent enough time for one day reflecting on things she couldn’t change. She took two steps toward the house and lifted her head. And stopped.

Rainforth was coming toward her, as unbelievably handsome as ever. Her heart began a steady pounding in her chest and she cursed herself for reacting to him.

He didn’t call out a greeting, nor was there a smile on his face as he closed the distance between them. The expression he wore was more serious than she was used to seeing, his steel-gray eyes a deep silver. He had something on his mind, and if his stern countenance was an indication, it was of grave importance. Josie braced herself.

He stopped when he reached her, not a respectable distance away from her, but close enough that she could lift her hand and easily touch his face. Close enough that she could step into his embrace and rest her forehead against his chest. Close enough that she could smell leather and outdoors and the clean smell of the soap he’d washed with. She wadded the material of her skirt in her hands to keep from reaching out to him.

Neither of them spoke, but only studied each other as if something might have changed in the time since he’d left. Then, Josie realized she couldn’t allow herself to go down this path. “I told Banks I wasn’t receiving guests.”

“He told me. I ignored him.”

“I wrote you a letter, Lord Rainforth.”

“I threw it in the fire.”

“Don’t make this more difficult that it is. Please.”

“I wondered,” he said breathing in a deep breath that expanded his chest and flared his nostrils, “if I had exaggerated in my mind how I would feel when I saw you again.”

She swallowed. “Don’t. Please.”

“I hadn’t come close,” he continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “I thought my heart would simply pound inside my chest as if it were running a race while the blood thundered inside my head.”

“Don’t,” she whispered while her heart shattered inside her breast.

“And that happened,” he continued. “I just hadn’t counted on the weakness in my knees when I saw you or the trembling of my hands. Or the ache in my chest because I’d missed you so desperately.”

Josie tried to keep the tears from welling in her eyes. How could she keep from giving in to him when he laid his feelings out before her with such an open admission?

“I’ve missed you, Josie,” he said as he pulled her into his arms and brought his mouth down on hers.

He kissed her long and deep, giving her a taste of the emotion that overpowered them whenever they were close. She tried not to react, but lost the battle when he brought her closer to him. She’d dreamed of this. Dreamed of him holding her in his arms, of his lips pressed to hers, of his body surrounding hers. But she thought she’d only have her memories as comfort. Her heart gave a painful lurch. It would have been so much easier if he hadn’t returned.

She turned her face to the side and stepped out of his embrace. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” she said taking another step away from him. “Lady Clythebrook received a letter just this morning exalting your praises and relating stories of the affect you were having on London Society. I’m glad you were so overwhelmingly accepted. Was it as grand as you thought it would be?”

“Taking my place in Society was necessary for Charlie as well as any other children I might have. Nothing more.”

Josie felt a pang of something that resembled pain.

“Though I don’t understand why you’re surprised to see me back. Surely you knew I was coming.”

There was a frown on his face that Josie couldn’t bring herself to look at for long. “I knew you’d return eventually, but not so soon. Not until everything was settled in London.”

“Other than the business with Sam and McCormick, what other business did you think I had to settle?”

She searched for the right words. “Personal matters. You need to marry. Surely you realize that now more than ever. You need to provide an heir to secure the Rainforth properties, just like you intend for Charlie to inherit St. Stephen’s.”

He nodded but the look of skepticism did not leave his face. “I’m glad you understand how important it is for me to marry. I was afraid it would be difficult for you to give in on this.”

This was it, then. This was where he explained that even though he loved her, it was important that he take a bride from the “right” family. This was where he explained how important it was to marry a woman who already fit in with Society. She braced her shoulders and took a deep breath.

“You could have explained all this in a letter. There was no need to come to see me personally.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Something this important deserved to be said in person.”

She nodded. “And have you decided upon who it is you will marry? In a letter Lady Clythebrook received from Lady Sheffield, she says there is no small number of females ready to become the future Lady Rainforth.”

“Yes. I have the future Lady Rainforth in mind.”

Her heart twisted in her breast. She thought perhaps it had broken, but she would not allow herself to know for sure until she was away from him.

“You would approve of her, Josie.”

“I’m sure I will.”

“She will be the perfect mother for Charlie and the other children I intend to have.”

“I’m glad.”

“Are you?”

“Yes, of course. You deserve the best.”

Oh, she wanted to leave him. She couldn’t bear to hear him speak about children he would have with another woman. She couldn’t bear to think of him planting his seed inside someone else and having a child by someone else and raising a child with someone else when…

“I have decided I would like a large family.
If
my wife has no objections. I was raised alone and was always so envious of my friends with brothers and sisters. Does that sound selfish of me?”

She clenched her fist and pressed it to her breast. Yes, her heart was breaking. If she stayed here much longer she would disgrace herself by bursting into tears.

“No. That doesn’t sound selfish. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve been out longer than I’d intended.”

She turned away from him and took two shaky steps toward the house.

“How soon will you marry me?”

His question stopped her. Josie slowly turned.

“I know the proper way is to go down on one knee before the woman you love and ask her to marry you. It is no more than you deserve and I’ll willingly do it that way if you want me to, but asking you
if
you will marry me demands a yes or no answer. I refuse to take the chance you might choose the wrong answer so I will ask you instead how
soon
you will marry me. That is not nearly so risky.”

He took a step toward her. “How soon will you marry me? Tomorrow? Or will you make me wait a day longer?”